Sydney Harbor Hospital: Zoe's Baby

by Alison Roberts

  The elevator had stopped again. They got out and both walked in the same direction, towards the emergency department.

  ‘I’m happy to be back at my job. Six months’ maternity leave was enough.’

  Teo shook his head. ‘I don’t think you’ve had maternity leave,’ he said quietly. ‘Maybe that’s the problem.’

  ‘What?’ He thought she still had a problem? That made her feel…small in some way. Undesirable.

  ‘You had sick leave,’ he said carefully. ‘Maybe maternity leave is exactly what you need now.’

  Zoe’s breath left her in an incredulous huff. Being told she still had a problem stung. She wanted to tell him to butt out. That it wasn’t any of his business.

  But she’d made it his business, hadn’t she? The moment she’d shoved Emma into his arms in the waiting room that day. When she’d agreed to go to his family gathering in case there was a secret of some kind that Samoans instinctively knew when it came to caring for and loving babies.

  She couldn’t say anything in the end so she just glared at Teo instead.

  He simply smiled. ‘Alisi was practically in tears at the airport yesterday, begging me to persuade you to come and visit.’

  Zoe believed him. It had been the main topic of conversation on the shopping trip and she’d already had a text message from Alisi when she’d got home, to say that people were expecting her. Looking forward to meeting Teo’s friend Zoe and her baby. Had it been at Teo’s instigation?

  ‘You’re a lot better now,’ Teo continued. ‘If you had some real time with your baby, you might find the bond is a lot stronger than you think. That’s what I meant.’ His tone was gentle now. ‘I think you’re capable of being a fantastic mother but I think you’re trying too hard at the moment. To be the best at everything. A few days in the sun with Alisi and you could really relax. You might even find that it’s all a lot easier than you think.’

  With a curl to his smile that made it almost a wink, Teo turned away, heading for the staff locker rooms. ‘Think about it,’ he called over his shoulder. ‘There’re some cheap flights going at the moment. I’ve just booked a few for myself.’

  Zoe was left staring after him.

  He made it sound so easy. As if there were no problems, only solutions.

  And maybe he was right.

  Things had changed for her since the barbecue. That was when the new feelings had begun to filter though into the numb place that was her soul.

  Unbidden, an image of a tropical island came to mind. White sand beaches and palm trees. The sound of singing and laughter. A glorious sunset with the silhouette of two people walking hand-in-hand on the beach.

  Lovers.

  She and Teo?

  This yearning was a new feeling, too. Powerful. Disturbing.

  Think about it? Dream about it, more likely.

  And Zoe knew she was going to find it impossible not to.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  IT WAS coincidence that both Teo and Zoe ended up on the island at the same time.

  Or was it?

  Zoe had known that he visited regularly to help out at the hospital. She had known that he’d taken advantage of those cheap flights and they were only available for narrow windows of time. She hadn’t asked him if he’d be there when she’d impulsively booked tickets of her own the next day. How could she have, when she hadn’t even seen him? She hadn’t been at work and she’d been far too busy, anyway, organising a passport for Emma and getting packed. It seemed a huge effort to go to for just a few days away but Zoe had checked in with John to ask if he thought it was a good idea.

  John had been enthusiastic. John was a friend of Teo’s. Alisi was Teo’s favourite cousin. There was no way he couldn’t have known that Zoe was here in his homeland. If he’d wanted to avoid her, he could have done so very easily.

  But here he was, walking towards where she was sitting under the shade of a palm tree on the beach. A good percentage of the village seemed to be accompanying him. Everybody aged under ten, anyway. He was wearing his board shorts and nothing else but that gorgeous smile of his.

  Zoe’s breath caught in her throat and her heart rate picked up with a thump. The fantasy of being on a tropical island with this man had been just that. A fantasy.

  Until now.

  ‘Hey… Talofa, Zoe. The kids told me I’d find you down here somewhere.’

  The children were all staring at her with big brown eyes and wide, triumphant smiles.

  Even a simple greeting failed Zoe. She could only nod and smile back. She was basking in Teo’s gaze. What did he see? One of her own new sarongs—a lovely dark green one with huge, white frangipani flowers on it. Bare, sandy feet. Skin that had taken on a hint of a tan but not without paying the price of far too many new freckles. Hair that was wildly curly thanks to sea salt and soft breezes. A hibiscus flower tucked behind her ear.

  Teo was grinning broadly now. Leaning down towards her. His hand brushed her hair and Zoe could swear her heart actually stopped beating.

  ‘Didn’t anybody tell you which ear to put this in? The left side says you’re married.’ He pulled the stalk of the flower from her hair. ‘The right side says you’re single.’ He threaded the stalk into the curls over her right ear. ‘Available, even,’ he added in a wicked murmur.

  Zoe’s mouth had gone very, very dry.

  Was she available? For Teo?

  Oh…yes…

  Did he want her?

  She had absolutely no idea. He was here, on the island, where he must have known he could find her, but there didn’t seem to be any intimate message hidden in his gaze right now. He was relaxed and friendly and so…solid. So…Teo. A human rock. Just being close to him made Zoe feel safe. As if she could take on the world and succeed.

  ‘It’s great you could get here,’ he said. ‘Do you like it?’

  ‘I love it.’

  Simple words that didn’t begin to say how much these few days had given her. A new way of life. A new family.

  Paradise.

  Maybe the words hadn’t said that much but something in her face or tone must have told Teo much more. His smile softened.

  ‘I knew you would.’

  The children had got over that shyness that Zoe always seemed to instil for a minute or two. Now she was one of them again and their attention was on Teo. They were talking. Clamouring. Tugging at Teo’s hands and legs.

  ‘We’re going for a swim,’ he said. ‘Want to join us?’

  The thought of shedding her sarong to reveal her bikini made Zoe feel as shy as the children had been a moment ago. She ducked her head.

  ‘I should get back to the village. Emma’s probably awake again by now.’

  ‘From what I saw, a fight will probably break out amongst the woman over who gets the privilege of looking after her this time.’

  It was true. Zoe almost had to beg to get a turn with her daughter. Except for night-time, when they lay cuddled together on their soft mat to sleep.

  ‘Alisi said you were staying in the fale. She did tell you that you were welcome to use my house, didn’t she?’ Teo was being swept away by a small sea of children. ‘It has walls, you know.’

  Zoe smiled. ‘I’m right at home in the fale, thanks. I like being with everybody else.’

  At home in the traditional, thatched roof dwelling that Alisi shared with her husband and children and extended family.

  At home on this beautiful island.

  At home. At peace.

  ‘Come swimming with us,’ Teo called.

  She wanted to. She even got to her feet but something was holding her back. Had Teo expected her to stay alone in the house he had here, tucked amongst the tropical forest on a private beach? To be
there, alone, when he came to visit?

  Hope was the most delicious sensation. Exciting.

  Dangerous because it could be trampled on and broken.

  Zoe shook her head. ‘I need to go and help with the umu,’ she called back. ‘They must have forgotten to tell me it’s for your “welcome home” party.’

  The village feast wasn’t a ‘welcome home’ party for him. Preparations had begun well before Teo had arrived and no one had been expecting him today. Why would they, when one of his routine visits to help out at the hospital was only a week or two away? Not that they weren’t used to him juggling tickets at the last minute when roster changes or something cropped up.

  The impetus for this trip had sneaked up on him rather more slowly than the kind of things that usually prompted travel rearrangements. The excited text from Alisi the very day after he’d suggested that Zoe visit the islands had been more than satisfying. Zoe would love this place and a holiday, even if it was apparently only for a few days, would do both her and Emma the world of good.

  It had been a couple of days later, when he’d known they’d arrived safely, that Teo had found himself becoming more and more distracted from his work. Thinking, way too often, about the Zoe he’d seen that day on the beach in Coogee. Imagining her with the backdrop of his beloved homeland. Walking barefoot on a white, sandy beach. Watching one of the sunsets that had to be the greatest show on earth.

  Alone.

  If he hadn’t given in to the impulse to check the ‘grab-a-seat’ website the next day, only to find a ridiculously cheap airfare available, he probably wouldn’t have even considered the extravagance of popping over for a weekend.

  He wouldn’t be here now, with the smell of slow-roasting pig on its spit, watching Zoe learn how to wrap food in plaited coconut fronds and banana leaves before it went on the umu. The stone oven was good and ready now. He’d helped to prepare the glowing hot lava rocks before he’d gone down to the beach to find Zoe.

  Now he was having a beer with the men of the village, trying not to make it obvious that his attention was firmly caught by how Zoe seemed to fit in so well with this part of his life. With his people. She stood out, of course, with her pale skin and flame-touched hair, just like Emma did where she was sitting in a group of babies being watched over by the grandmothers. But even alone on the beach, in that lavalava that deepened the colour of her eyes to something he might find amongst the tropical greenery around them, Zoe had looked as if she belonged here.

  He watched her helping the other women prepare the food. Then she went off arm in arm with Alisi and the two young women came back laughing, their arms laden with flowers they would use to make necklaces and crowns for this evening, and it was then that Teo realised he was seeing yet another side to this extraordinary woman.

  Happy Zoe.

  Absolutely, irresistibly gorgeous, desirable Zoe.

  It became increasingly difficult not to set the old women’s tongues wagging because Teo found himself drawn closer and closer to Zoe when the celebrations began. Finally, he gave in. With his plate laden with the wonderful roast pig and seafood, he went to sit beside her on a fallen log to eat, just outside the main group of people gathered around the bonfire.

  Teo had been glancing at her plate often enough to notice how little she’d eaten.

  ‘You don’t like the food?’

  ‘I do. It’s delicious.’

  ‘But you’re not eating much.’

  ‘I’m too…happy to feel hungry.’ The statement sounded weird as soon as she uttered it but Teo merely tilted his head in acknowledgment.

  ‘Contentment can be like that.’

  What would he say if he knew that part of her contentment right now was due to the fact that he was here? Sitting beside her. Close enough for her to feel the warmth and strength of the hard muscles of his thigh through the thin cotton of her sarong.

  ‘You’re very lucky,’ she told Teo. ‘To have this place to call home. To have family that seems unlimited.’ She couldn’t help sounding wistful.

  Teo gave her a searching glance as he swallowed his food. ‘What’s the story with your family, Zoe? I know you said you didn’t have any but I got the impression that you said that only because you didn’t want to talk about it.’

  Zoe could feel herself blushing. ‘You see too much,’ she murmured. ‘It doesn’t leave me anywhere to hide.’

  ‘Why would you want to?’

  She couldn’t look away from him. Why? Because she didn’t want to stop feeling this happy. This safe. What would happen if she told him the truth?

  But he’d given her so much already. He deserved the truth. His gentle smile told her that she didn’t have to hide. That he didn’t want her to.

  ‘My mother had several miscarriages before she had me,’ Zoe said quietly. ‘And then, when I was born, she…didn’t want me.’

  Teo sucked in a breath. ‘Did she have postnatal depression?’

  ‘It probably started with that but she went on to have full-blown psychotic episodes. She was in and out of a psychiatric hospital and on drugs for what seemed like my whole life. My father blamed me. My birth, anyway. My grandmother did most of the bringing up but she died when I was seventeen.’

  ‘How is your mother now?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Zoe was ashamed to admit it. ‘I left home when I was eighteen and I haven’t had any contact with them since.’

  ‘So they don’t know about Emma?’

  ‘I don’t know. I wrote to them.’

  ‘Are you going to call them?’

  ‘I wasn’t planning to.’

  Teo turned his attention back to his meal, eating in silence for a minute or two, looking around at the crowd of people they were amongst. People who all seemed to be related in some way. Teo might not have his own parents any longer or any brothers or sisters but there were countless aunts and uncles and cousins and nephews and nieces. Real or honorary, it didn’t matter.

  ‘Family’s family,’ he said finally. Quietly.

  And then he was silent again.

  Zoe picked at her food, her appetite truly gone now. Teo thought less of her for abandoning her family but she still hadn’t told him the worst of it.

  ‘I’m scared,’ she whispered.

  He stopped eating. Zoe was staring down at her plate but she knew his attention was completely on her.

  ‘What are you scared of?’ he asked softly.

  ‘Being…being the same as my mother.’ There, it was out. The thing that terrified her the most about everything that had happened since she’d become pregnant. Longer, even. Maybe ever since she’d been old enough to know that her mother was different. Brittle and sad.

  ‘Zoe?’ Teo’s voice broke into the darkening swirl of her thoughts. She looked up.

  ‘You’re not your mother,’ he said softly. ‘You’re you. I understand now why you’re so hard on yourself and I can see why it was almost inevitable that becoming a mother was going to be tough, but you’re going to be fine. You’re clever and talented and beautiful and Emma is going to grow up being very proud of who her mother is.’

  His hand brushed her arm, tracing it with the backs of his fingers until he reached her hand lying beside her plate on her lap. It felt tiny and fragile as he curled his fingers around it and squeezed gently.

  ‘You don’t have to have the perfect house and an amazing job and pretend to be happy if you’re not.’ Teo’s voice was just a whisper now. ‘You just have to be you and Emma will love you, I promise.’

  With another squeeze he let go of her hand. Zoe blinked tears from her eyes and sat very still for a long moment, trying to catch every word he’d spoken as it floated around her. They were precious, those words, and she wanted to keep every one of them.

 
; She could hear the smile in Teo’s voice now. ‘How ’bout we go and get some of my Aunty Moana’s banana pancakes? Don’t tell anybody but they’re what I really come home for, every time.’

  She’d told him the worst about herself. Zoe would never forget James’s horror at discovering she had a mad mother. Even if everything else had been perfect about their relationship, which it hadn’t, that revelation would have been more than enough to have him running for the hills. But Teo had simply listened and accepted it and suggested they have dessert, as though…as though it didn’t even matter.

  It was bewildering. But wonderful.

  Zoe let herself get drawn back into the group and found she was hungry after all. She finished her meal and then the sweet treats and then went with Alisi and the other mothers to settle the younger children in the fale. As she tucked a sleepy Emma under the handmade quilt, Zoe could hear the sound of drumming start up. By the time she went back, a group of young men was crouched close to the dying fire, intent on their music.

  It was Alisi’s husband, Rangi, who started the fire dancing. Traditional grass skirts were produced from somewhere for the men to put on and Teo was one of them. Holding sticks that were flaming at one end, he joined others to dance in front of the glowing embers of the fire to the intense tribal rhythms of the drums.

  There were several men dancing but Zoe couldn’t take her eyes off Teo. He’d stripped off his T-shirt and put the grass skirt over his shorts and the image was timeless. Primitive. Erotic. The grace of his movements. The thrill of the streaks of fire against the dark night sky. The sheer, raw masculinity of it all.

  The party finished with the dancing.

  Or maybe it hadn’t.

  Back in his T-shirt and shorts, Teo came to where Zoe and Alisi were sitting.

  ‘Tired?’

  Zoe shook her head. How could she be tired when she’d never felt this…alive? The drumming was still there. Coursing through her veins.

  ‘Come for a walk? There’s something I’d like you to see.’ He held out his hand.