Cindy's Doctor Charming

by Teresa Southwick

  “You wouldn’t punish him for the sins of the parents, would you? Keep him from seeing the baby?”

  “Never,” Cindy vowed. “My baby deserves to know his father. Having both of us in his life is the best thing for him.”

  And the worst thing for her because it would hurt every time she saw him and was reminded that she was in love all by herself.

  “Thank you, Cindy. You’re a better mother to your son than I ever was to mine.” She sighed again. “I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to.”

  “You’re right.” A determined look slid into the older woman’s eyes. It was the same expression Nathan had worn when asking for Cindy’s phone number. Shirley nodded resolutely, then stood. “I’ve taken up enough of your time.”

  Cindy stood and followed her to the front door. “You don’t have to go.”

  “I have a lot to think about.” She leaned over and pulled Cindy into a quick, hard hug. “You’re a remarkable woman, Cindy Elliott. Honest and straightforward. My grandson is a lucky little guy to have you for his mother.”

  Shirley left before Cindy’s tears started up again.

  Sniffling, she leaned back against the door. “Damn hormones.”

  It was his day off, but Nathan didn’t know what to do with himself. He paced his house until he wanted to put his fist through a wall. Every square inch of the five thousand plus square feet reminded him of Cindy. In fact, everything and nothing reminded him that she’d turned him down. The feelings running through him were strangely like the abandonment he’d experienced when he’d been dumped at boarding school.

  Finally, he decided to channel his energy in a more productive way and drove to Mercy Medical Center. He took the elevator to the second floor and walked into the NICU. Annie was standing by the nurse’s station writing in a chart. She glanced up at him, then did a double take and frowned.

  After handing the chart to the charge nurse, she walked over to him and slid her hands into the pockets of her white lab coat. “It’s not like you to read our schedule wrong.”

  “Meaning?”

  “You’re off today.”

  “I just wanted to check in on the thirty-two weeker we got yesterday.”

  Annie stared at him. “Buffy?”

  “Please tell me that’s not her legal name.”

  “No. That would be Alexandria Michelle Morrison. I named her Buffy—as in the vampire slayer.” She tipped her head to the side. “The blank expression on your face suggests that you have no idea what I’m talking about.”

  “I don’t.”

  “It’s a TV show, a cultural phenomenon. The chick can kick some serious vampire ass.”

  “I’ll take your word for it.” He glanced over to where the tiny baby was sleeping. “How’s Buffy doing?”

  “Kicking some serious preemie problems,” she said with a grin. “She’s one tough little chick. Her oxygen saturation is good and the blood chemistries are within normal range. Holding her own and all signs are positive.”

  “Good.” He looked around and noted the unit was unusually quiet. “Do you need any help?”

  “You’re kidding, right?”

  “No.” Nathan just wanted to do something, anything to keep himself from thinking about Cindy.

  He’d made her a good proposition, but the cost of her counteroffer was too high. They got along great. Why mess that up by putting a label on it? That all made sense in his head, but it didn’t stop him from missing her smile. The need to be with her never went away. Every night for the last week he’d left work and turned toward her house before he remembered she didn’t want to see him.

  “So you don’t trust me to do my job?” Annie asked.

  “Of course I do.”

  “This unscheduled drop-in says something different. It’s going to start rumors about the stability of our medical practice.”

  “That’s ridiculous. You’re the best neonatologist I know. Besides me, of course.”

  “Of course.” Her voice dripped sarcasm before she turned serious. “Then I don’t get it, Nathan. Surely you have something better to do than hang around the hospital.”

  “Not really.” He folded his arms over his chest.

  “What’s Cindy doing? Working today?”

  He barely suppressed the wince from hearing her name out loud. “No idea.”

  “You two are having a baby.” She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “Don’t you have stuff to do to get ready?”

  “There was one thing I wanted to do, but she blew me off.”

  Annie’s gaze narrowed. “I could use a cup of coffee. And I strongly suggest that you join me.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s suddenly clear to me why you came to help me out.”

  “Enlighten me.”

  “You’re feeling an overwhelming urge to unburden yourself. And I’m willing to listen.” She nodded emphatically. “You know the drill.”

  “Doctor’s dining room,” he said with a sigh.

  Annie looked over at the charge nurse, pointed to the door and mouthed the word coffee. The nurse gave her a thumbs-up and a goodbye wave. He fell into step beside her and they rode the elevator down to the hospital’s first floor. After walking past the lobby and outpatient registration desk, they turned left and opened the door to the dining room. He was relieved to see it was empty.

  “You pour the coffee. I’ll get the carbs.” She grabbed a couple small plates and put a token slice of cantaloupe beside cookies, coffee cake and muffins.

  Nathan wondered how she could put away that much food and still stay so petite. That was simpler than trying to figure out why he felt so screwed up.

  Annie picked a table by the window and sat. “I love the cookies. Want one?”

  Nathan set two cups of coffee on the pristine white tablecloth, then took the chair across from her. Food was the last thing he wanted. “I’d rather chew off my arm.”

  “That response to a simple and courteous question contains a disproportionate level of hostility. Want to tell me what’s going on with you?” She held up a hand. “And before you try to say no and brush me off, let me remind you—this is me. You can run, but you can’t hide.”

  Her directness was one of the things he liked best about her. So he’d see that and raise her. “I found out that I’m having a son.”

  “Oh, wow.” A soft expression turned Annie’s blue eyes tender. “A little Nathan.”

  “Yeah.” He grinned and for just a moment all the other complicated crap was pushed to the background.

  “Someone to carry on your name.”

  And just like that it all came rushing back. “Maybe.”

  “What maybe? There’s no question that Cindy is having your baby. The right of succession has been secured. No?”

  “I asked her to marry me.”

  Annie stared at him, the coffee cup frozen in midair halfway to her mouth. She set it down. “So that’s what you wanted to do to get ready for the baby. And she blew you off.”

  “Pretty much.” It was actually a relief to get that off his chest. Maybe confession really was good for the soul.

  “So what did you do wrong?” His partner narrowed her gaze on him.

  And just like that confession didn’t feel quite so self-righteous or satisfying. “Why would you automatically assume it’s my fault that she said no?”

  “This is me. I know you—the good, bad and ugly. It’s not a newsflash that you’re not the brightest bulb in the social chandelier. After all, you didn’t recognize Cindy when you talked to her outside the hospital. As the story goes, you hit on her. Why is it a stretch to ask how you messed up proposing to her?”

  “What’s to mess up? I asked her. She seemed excited.”

  “And then?”

  He shifted on the padded chair. “I pointed out all the reasons that it made good sense.”

  “Be still my heart,” she said, fluttering her hand over
her chest.

  “What? She said, ‘thank you, no.’ I’m the wronged party here. It’s not rocket science.”

  “You’re right,” she agreed. “Love is a lot more complicated.”

  “Love has nothing to do with it.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong. Love has everything to do with it.”

  Nathan refused to confirm that her words eerily echoed what Cindy had said. “In case you forgot, I’m the guy who doesn’t believe in love.”

  “That’s a bunch of crap. And you’ve got it bad.” Pity flickered in her eyes. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be here on your day off. And the NICU staff wouldn’t be wondering what’s up with you.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with me.”

  “Nothing that can’t be explained by the fact that you’re in love with the mother of your child.” When he opened his mouth to protest, she held up her hand. “Save your breath. I’ve heard it all before. I’ll grant you that love is something you can’t see or touch. It can’t be explained by facts, experiments or data from trial studies. It just is. Loving and being loved in return is a miracle and can bring great joy if you’re smart enough to hang on.”

  “Hang on to what? You just said it’s not tangible.”

  “Not in your world.” She patted his arm sympathetically. “Your childhood wasn’t about emotional growth. It was more like guerrilla warfare. Duck and run.”

  “A parent’s responsibility is to raise their child to function independently.”

  “And yours accomplished that. But the way they did was more like teaching a baby to swim by dropping them in the deep end of the pool and walking away. It’s no thanks to them that you turned out as well as you did.”

  “That’s a compliment, right?”

  “Yeah.” She picked up a cookie and broke it in half. “The fact that you’re a man of science and preaching that there’s no rational way to explain love is just your way of being afraid.”

  “As you so eloquently pointed out, I’m not the brightest bulb in the social chandelier, but I’d have to guess that’s not a compliment.”

  “I’m your friend. I tell the truth. What you take away from it is up to you. But I’m fairly sure that you’re afraid to admit you’re in love because when it didn’t work out for your parents, you were the one who got hammered. Your reaction to that pain stimuli is avoidance of the offending behavior.”

  That wasn’t news. She’d told him this on numerous occasions, but it always bounced off before. Not this time. Maybe because he was ready to listen and learn. Maybe Cindy had made the difference, laid the groundwork.

  “How did you know Ryan was the one?” he asked, wondering about her husband.

  “That’s easy.” Oddly, her eyes filled with tears. “The sex was better than good. The chemistry unquestionable. I knew it—we—were becoming significant, so in the interest of full disclosure before we got to the point of no return, I told him that I couldn’t have a baby.”

  “What did he say?”

  “That children were very essential to him and he wanted to be a father. My heart just stopped because I figured it was over. That had happened to me before.” She brushed at moisture on her cheek. “Then he said that DNA wasn’t the most important part of parenting and there were an awful lot of kids in the world who needed good homes. But there was only one of me and he wasn’t willing to let me go. He couldn’t imagine his life without me in it.”

  “And that’s when you passed the point of no return?”

  “Oh, yeah. I was already in love with him, so that just put the icing on the cake.” She turned serious. “I want you to be happy, Nathan. Break the pattern. Take a chance.”

  He wasn’t sure he could do that. She’d zeroed in on his core belief. It wasn’t called core for nothing. His deepest truth was that loving someone destroyed everything.

  He didn’t know if it was possible to break that pattern.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Nathan got out of the shower, dried off and dressed. He had another day off and nothing to do with himself. Going to the hospital was out of the question. Annie would have him in for a psych eval. Which probably wasn’t such a bad idea.

  He couldn’t stop thinking about Cindy. He wanted to be with her, know how she was feeling, that she was okay. She was sexy and sunny and funny and sweet. There’d been a black hole in his life since she’d refused his proposal.

  But love?

  Maybe he was crazy. He still wanted to marry her—even more than when he’d asked. Not seeing her was driving him nuts. What confused him most was that it wasn’t all about the baby. And then he smelled bacon, which convinced him beyond a shadow of a doubt that insanity had set in because no one ever cooked bacon in his house.

  He followed his nose to the kitchen, where he found Shirley standing at the stove, a fork in her hand in front of a pan sizzling with frying bacon.

  “What are you doing?”

  She glanced over her shoulder and smiled. “What does it look like I’m doing?”

  “That’s a trick question, right?”

  “How can it be a trick?” Shirley’s smile didn’t falter.

  “If I say it looks like you’re cooking, you’ll say I’m crazy, need my eyes examined, or both.” He pointed at her. “Or living in an alternate reality. You’re wearing an apron. It has sunflowers on it.”

  “Well, good morning to you, too. Can’t a mother cook breakfast for her son?”

  Not in his universe.

  “I’m not aware of any laws against it. But this is you we’re talking about.” He walked around the kitchen island and studied her carefully. “Are you all right?”

  “Fine.” The smile disappeared but not the cheerfulness.

  That was oddly disconcerting. She removed the bacon from the frying pan and placed them on a plate with paper towels, then blotted the crispy strips.

  “Would you like hash browns with your breakfast? Or toast? I can do either. Or both.”

  Frowning, he moved closer and touched the back of his hand to her forehead, checking for fever. “Are you sure you’re not delirious?”

  “Don’t be silly.” The Stepford smile was back. “How do you like your eggs? One or two? Or an omelet with vegetables? That would be healthy.”

  “Stop it,” he demanded. “Shirley Steele has never been the domestic type. Who are you and what have you done with her?” Then something else occurred to him. “Or you want something.”

  “I do. But it’s not what you think,” she added quickly.

  “How do you know what I’m thinking?”

  She sighed. “I was sort of hoping this was one of those show-don’t-tell moments. But before your head explodes, I guess I better explain.”

  “I’d appreciate that.” He thought about moving a safe distance away but figured holding his own wasn’t really a problem.

  “I had an epiphany, Nathan.”

  That’s when he did take a step back, then stared at her. “Now I’m really weirded out. And more than a little afraid. Strangely, that wasn’t particularly reassuring.”

  “Maybe you need coffee.” The sunshiny expression disappeared, replaced by exasperation that was more Shirley-like.

  For some reason he found that comforting. “That would be good.”

  She poured him some, then looked a little sad. “I don’t even know what you take in your coffee. What kind of mother am I?”

  “Black is fine.” He took the mug she handed him, uneasy now with the way she was acting. “What’s going on with you?”

  “I need to apologize to you, Nathan.”

  “Why? Did you burn down the guest house? Paint the walls black?” He smiled at his attempt to cut the tension, but she didn’t return it.

  “I was a terrible mother. Correction: I still am. I’m self-absorbed and selfish. When your father cheated on me— and make no mistake, it was me he left, not you—I was so completely devastated that I simply couldn’t think about anything else. Not even you, I’m ashamed to adm
it.”

  “It’s okay. I turned out all right.”

  “No. I mean, yes, you’re fantastic, but what I did is not okay.” She met his gaze, her own filled with remorse. “You should have been my primary concern and I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you. And boarding school.” She shook her head. “Ironically that decision was made based on what I thought you needed. I wasn’t a positive force in your life under the best circumstances, but when your father left, I just fell apart. I truly believed you’d be better off away from me. What I didn’t see until recently was that your world fell apart, too. And you had no one.”

  For a nanosecond he was that lonely boy again, removed from everything familiar and dropped into an environment so foreign it might as well have been the moon. He didn’t know anyone and no one knew him. That was probably the worst. He’d been bewildered and unhappy, but no one had noticed.

  Until now. Why?

  “That was quite a speech,” he said.

  “Not a speech. It’s from the heart, although I wouldn’t blame you for thinking I don’t have one.” She shrugged. “I’m trying to undo the harm your father and I did to you. He’s no longer here, so it’s up to me.”

  His father had died ten years ago. Because the man was a nonpresence in his life, it hadn’t left much of an impact. This unexpected change in his mother made him sad for the first time. There was no way to know what a relationship with his father might have been like.

  “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.”

  “I can’t help it.” She poured herself a mug of coffee and wrapped her hands around it without drinking. “If you were fine, you’d be able to admit that you’re in love with Cindy Elliott.”

  “That subject is off limits.” Just hearing her name felt like a punch to the gut.

  “Love is real, Nathan. If it weren’t, your father’s rejection wouldn’t have hurt me so deeply that I had to hide from life. From you.” Her voice caught, but she swallowed hard and continued. “Love exists. It isn’t always reciprocated, but it’s as real as the heart pumping blood through your body right now.”