With Every Heartbeat

by Linda Kage

  I tipped my head to the side, more curious than anything. I probably should’ve been mad to learn she thought so little of us. I should’ve felt hurt and incredulous. Well, okay, I was incredulous. And mad and hurt. I couldn’t believe she’d always been this way. I guess I’d just been too stupid and naive and gullible to see it. And okay, maybe I was angrier than I thought, because knowing she’d done the same exact thing to Zoey flamed the fire.

  “So, Zoey and I are just puppets to you? And I was like your...arm candy?”

  “Arm candy?” She brightened and then laughed. “Yeah, I like that term.”

  “Well, I don’t. You can go now. I think I’ve heard enough.”

  Grabbing her arm, I dragged her a little more roughly than I should’ve toward the door. As I pulled it open, she began to resist.

  “Hey, I’m not—”

  “I don’t care. Your gullible, naive creation just grew a mind of his own. Get. Out.” As soon as she stumbled into the hall, I slammed the door. She started to pound, but a minute later, I heard Ten’s muffled voice. Seconds after that, she was gone. And my roommate returned.

  “So.” He glanced around the room as if looking for broken furniture. “What’d she have to say?”

  I slumped onto the sofa and picked up my pizza, but I couldn’t eat it. “Quite a bit.”

  “Lots of begging and forgiving, huh?” Ten snorted and shook his head. “Figures.”

  “No, actually. She never said sorry. She never begged. She just snapped her fingers and then told me to come to heel and return to being her gullible, naive lapdog.”

  Ten paused, scrunched his eyebrows together. “Come again?”

  I gave him the basic rundown of everything she’d said, to which he hissed, “That fucking bitch.” When he turned toward the door as if to leave, I caught his arm. “What’re you doing?”

  “I’m going to go find her and punch her in the fucking lady parts. That’s what I’m going to do. How dare she? How—?”

  I sniffed and shook my head. “Wasn’t like she lied, though. I was her—”

  “Oh, don’t you even,” Ten warned, pointing a finger at me. “Don’t let her lies get to you. You’re a good person, Hamilton. You have a gentle, caring heart, and ugly, vile people like her will always try to take advantage of that. But I said it once before, and I’m going to say it again. The world needs more people like you. So don’t even think about turning hard because of this, or I’ll never forgive you.”

  “So what do you expect me to do? Just keep being a weak, stupid—”

  “You’re not weak. And you’re sure as hell not stupid. It takes more guts than I’ll ever have to open up to people the way you’re willing to.”

  I tossed my piece of pizza back into the box and buried my face into my hands, aching to hurt something as violence brewed inside me. “I was such a fool,” I admitted, my voice muffled in my hands.

  “Well, now you’re wiser. Never trust cruel, heartless bitches. Life lessons learned. Let it teach you, but don’t let it tear down who you are at the core.”

  I started to nod, before I shook my head and frowned at him. “Wait. That doesn’t sound like anything you’d ever say.”

  “I know,” he grumbled and rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing but fucking talk shows on when I’m home between classes and football practice. And all they talk about are feelings. Man, we’re seriously going to have to get cable before my balls turn into ovaries.”

  I laughed, and it felt good to smile and think about something other than feelings. But Ten just scowled. “I’m not kidding. I’m learning way more than I want to about all that touchy-feely shit. It’s not cool.”

  Picking up my pizza again, I took a bite and relaxed for the first time all day. I was still ticked at myself for letting Cora treat me the way she had, but as Ten had said: lesson learned. No woman was going to get that far under my defenses again.

  Until the very next one did. Until Zoey did.

  Reese didn’t make it to art class on Monday. She texted Caroline, telling her Mason’s chicken pox was taking a toll on him. But two seats—not just one—remained open between Caroline and me that hour.

  Every time the door opened, admitting a late student, my chest wrenched, thinking Zoey would enter.

  She never did.

  Ten slept the entire hour, which left only Caroline and me. She kept shooting me worried glances. I wondered if she knew. She and Zoey had grown close; but would Zoey confide something like this in her? I’d had to talk to Pick about it. Maybe Zoey had needed to talk to someone too, like Caroline.

  Maybe Caroline would know what I should say to Zoey when I finally saw her.

  Class let out early, thank God, and the two of us gravitated toward each other. I opened my mouth to ask when she’d last talked to Zoey, but she patted my arm and sent me a sympathetic smile, waylaying my question.

  “I heard about you and Cora.”

  I jolted, not expecting or wanting to hear sympathy about Cora. I hadn’t even thought about Cora today. I’d been too busy wound up about my upcoming talk with Zoey.

  Gritting my teeth, I nodded and sent Caroline a stiff smile, even as my gaze strayed to Zoey’s empty seat. God, I hated knowing I’d scared her away from art class.

  “And don’t worry. If you think Zoey knew anything about it, I can assure you, she was just as surprised and upset by Cora’s faithlessness as you were.”

  I glanced at her, and suddenly I knew; Zoey hadn’t told her about us. A sigh escaped my lungs, but I nodded. “I know she didn’t.”

  Caroline opened her mouth again, but something a girl from across the room said caught our attention and stopped her from speaking.

  “...Kavanagh didn’t even look like the kind of teacher a student would want to fuck.”

  “Excuse me?” Caroline spun toward the group of girls talking together as they gathered their things.

  As she marched toward them, a yawning, stretching Ten appeared at my side. “Where’s she going, looking all pissed like that? I didn’t talk in my sleep, did I?”

  I shook my head. “She just heard someone bad-mouthing Aspen.”

  “Fuck.” He swiveled her way. “Should we stop her?”

  I glanced at him, shaking my head in confusion. “Stop her from doing what?”

  He lifted his hands. “I don’t know. She’s a Gamble. A pissed-off Gamble. They lose their shit when they’re pissed.”

  “Oh, crap.” He was right.

  But Caroline had already reached her target. She paused in front of the four girls and slapped her hands to her hips as she focused on one short redhead. “What did you just say about Dr. Kavanagh?”

  “Umm...” The girl who’d been talking blinked at her as if she couldn’t believe she’d been interrupted. “That’s really none of your business. This is a private conversation.”

  “Private?” Caroline lifted an eyebrow. “Yeah, it was so private I could hear it in this public classroom from twenty feet away while you bashed a respected professor from this university.”

  The gossipmonger snorted and rolled her eyes. “She’s not a professor here anymore. I heard she got fired for sleeping with a student.”

  “Oh really? You heard?” Caroline glanced back at us and I could see she was about to blow.

  Tensing, I wondered if she lost her temper the same way her brother did. I turned to Ten. He shared a worried look with me.

  Caroline snickered at the girl. “Well, I heard you fucked that guy right there last night.” She motioned blindly toward Ten. “And you liked it up the ass best.”

  The girl’s eyes widened with horror as she glanced at Ten.

  Next to me, he slipped into character without pause. Grinning, he blew the girl a kiss. “Hey, baby.” He notched his voice seductively low. “Hope your tushy isn’t too sore this morning. You liked it rougher than I was used to giving it, so I got a little carried away.”

  “Oh my God,” the girl cried, backing away from him and trying t
o crowd into her friends, but her friends suddenly didn’t want anything to do with her. She shook her head frantically. “No. I...I don’t even know that guy.” Gaping at Caroline, she shook her head. “You’re lying.”

  Caroline widened her eyes as if she’d just realized she’d made a mistake. Then she covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh, but that’s what I heard. And since I heard it, it has to be true, right?”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about Dr. Kavanagh, bitch.” Caroline moved right up into the girl’s face. “Spreading lies about a person is called defamation, and it’s illegal. But what’s more important is that it really sucks when it’s someone else spreading it around about you, doesn’t it? So maybe from here on out, you should watch your fucking mouth whenever you start spewing trash about someone else you don’t even know, like my sister, Dr. Kavanagh. Because that trash might not be the truth.”

  Notching her chin high, she turned her back on the girl and stormed proudly from the room.

  “That...” Ten pointed after Caroline with his jaw fallen open. “Holy shit, Ham. That was so fucking awesome.” He turned to look at me, his eyes glassy with shock and admiration. “She’s totally fucking awesome.” When he started to trail after her as if in a daze, I caught his arm.

  “Whoa. Where do you think you’re going?”

  “To kiss the fucking shit out of her. I have to.”

  “What about Noel?” I reminded him with an arch of my eyebrows.

  He immediately blinked his gaze clear. Then, ripping his arm from my hold, he scowled at me. “Fuck you, man. Couldn’t you have let me daydream for half a fucking second before going and saying his name?” With a sniff, he stormed away, but at least he took off toward the opposite door Caroline had used.

  I blew out a breath and glanced at Zoey’s empty seat. I wished she’d been here to see Caroline. She would’ve been so proud and amused. And she probably could’ve cooled Ten down better than I had.

  Unable to help myself, I pulled up my phone and found her number. I knew I should wait until we were face to face, but I couldn’t handle this a second longer. I needed some kind of contact with her.

  So I typed in a simple, Are you okay?

  Almost immediately, she answered. Are YOU?

  Relieved she’d responded, that she wasn’t avoiding me completely, my shoulders loosened. I left class and made my way outside into the cooling late September day. I wished she had answered my question instead of posing another, but right now, I’d take what I could get. She was at least talking to me.

  No, I typed. I’m absolutely freaking out. Too much is happening all at once and I can’t keep up. Most of all, I want to talk to you. In person.

  I gnawed on my lip after sending that off, but instead of responding to it, she asked, Did I miss anything in art class?

  Gritting my teeth, I lifted my face from the phone’s screen to calm myself, but when I did, I caught sight of Zoey up ahead, entering the library. Hurrying after her, I typed as I went. Yeah. Caroline overheard some girl gossiping about Aspen. She completely put her in her place. But now Ten’s more in love with her than ever.

  I darted into the library and caught sight of her ahead, pausing to read my text. A smile lit up her face. I was actually asking if we had a new assignment, but WOW. I wish I could’ve seen that.

  I wish you could’ve too. It was epic. Caroline was so cool and controlled through the whole thing. Are you in the library? I’m coming to talk to you face to face.

  In front of me, she faltered as she read that. Then she zipped her head up and glanced around frantically before darting around a corner to evade me.

  My heart tore open, knowing she didn’t want to see me. I blew out a breath, but kept on with my path. She could take any route she wanted; I knew where she’d end up. So I beat her there, to the same spot where she’d cried over her badly graded writing assignment.

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I propped my back against the wall and waited. Two minutes later, she careened around the corner, not watching where she was going because she was too busy glancing behind her, making sure I wasn’t dogging her heels.

  When she finally faced forward and caught sight of me, her eyes went round as she skidded to a stop.

  “I guess this means you’re pretty mad at me, huh?” I said, gritting my teeth when my voice broke. “Leaving before I wake up, skipping classes we share, eluding me when I follow you into the library. I messed up big time. Didn’t I?”

  Her face fell. “No,” she whispered as she pressed her hand to her chest and shook her head vigorously. “No, you didn’t. Not at all. I...I just didn’t know what to say to you. I don’t know how to apologize enough to—”

  “Apologize?” I stepped away from the wall, because now that I was seeing her, I had to be closer. I don’t think I could ever get close enough to satisfy the urges raging inside me. “What do you have to apologize about?”

  She lifted her gaze. Her eyes were so green and scared; my fingers rose to touch her cheek but she flinched, so I dropped them back to my side, ashamed that I’d scared her.

  “I took advantage of you,” she whispered as if confessing a horrible sin. “You were drunk.”

  An incredulous laugh left my lungs. Then it was my turn to shake my head. “If anything, I took advantage of you. I was the aggressor. I was the one with the experience. I knew where everything was heading.”

  “But I...I wanted...I wanted it.”

  When she bowed her head in shame, I moved in closer and lightly slid my hand down her arm. “I wanted it too.”

  She looked up, her eyes hopeful. I probably would’ve kissed her then—my body was churning with arousal, being this close to her—but she took a step back and drew in a sharp breath. “Cora would kill me if she knew.”

  Cora’s opinion wasn’t high on my priority list, but after her reaction to learning that I’d been with someone else, yeah, she probably would lose it if she found out that the someone else I’d been with was Zoey. She would not make things pleasant for Zoey. So, I nodded. “Yeah. She came to see me last night.”

  Horror dawned in her eyes. She sank even further away from me. “So...she told you?”

  I snorted and rolled my eyes. “Oh, she told me plenty.”

  “Are you getting back together with her?”

  The anxiety on her face, telling me she not only thought that was a possibility but a very likely one, shocked me. Why in the world would she believe I’d ever have anything to do with Cora again?

  “No!” I think the force behind my answer startled her. She pulled back and blinked before shaking her head as if confused.

  “I don’t...” She really was confused...which confounded me. Finally, she frowned. “What exactly did she tell you?”

  I squinted as I watched her, wondering what she thought I’d been told. But then I shook my head. “Oh, just that you and I were more like sheep to her than people. Easily manipulated and controlled.” I shrugged. “Stuff like that.”

  “Wait. What? But I thought...She told me she was going over there to get you back.”

  “Yeah.” I nodded. “She tried.”

  Her mouth fell open. “By comparing you to sheep?”

  “You too. That’s why she said she chose me as a boyfriend. Because I reminded her of you. She said we were both gullible and naive and would do whatever she wanted.”

  Zoey’s eyes widened in disbelief. “She said that? In order to try to win you back?”

  I nodded and lifted my eyebrows. “Basically, yeah.”

  “Oh my good Lord.” Zoey ran her hands through hair and turned away before coming back to me. “I thought she was going to tell you—” She cut herself off abruptly and looked up into my eyes. “She wasn’t like this when I knew her a year ago. She wasn’t even like this through all our emails. She was—”

  “Oh, trust me. I believe you. She wasn’t like this when I started dating her, either. The girl’s a freaking soc
iopath. As long as you give her what she wants, she’s going to be all nice and caring. But the minute you cross her...” I shook my head and laughed softly. “She didn’t bring you here because she likes you, Zoey. I don’t think she’s capable of liking anyone.” I moved in even closer to her. “She brought you here for a reason, because she wants something from you.”

  Zoey’s eyes were big and lost as she whispered, “I know.”

  I took her hands, worried for her. “Don’t give it to her. Don’t give in and let her have her way.”

  She opened her mouth as if she was going to disagree with me. But then she closed her eyes and shook her head. “It’s not that simple.”

  I don’t know what had her so conflicted but I hated seeing her this way. I let go of one of her hands to skim the backs of my fingers down her cheek. I wanted to keep arguing with her, begging her to get away from Cora while she still could, but there were other bigger things to discuss. “You never answered my question.”

  She leaned her cheek into my fingers and her lashes fluttered before she pulled away. “What question?”

  “Are you okay?”

  Her chin trembled, and I swear she was a microsecond from crying, but then she pulled her shoulders up tight and blurted out a small laugh. “I don’t...” Her gaze strayed away from me. “I’m about like you, I guess. Sorta freaking out about everything.”

  “Feeling guilty?” I asked.

  She closed her eyes and nodded.

  “Sore?”

  Cheeks flushing, she glanced up at me. I couldn’t help it, I smiled.

  She groaned. “Quinn.” Then she buried her face in her hands.

  The need to pull her close and kiss her hair and hug her against me rose so strong in me, I actually fisted my hands to keep from reaching for her. “I don’t know what to do here, Zoey,” I finally admitted, ducking my face to talk closer into her ear. “I know the timing was all wrong. Two hours after breaking up with one girl is not—”

  When she made a sound of desperation, I shut up about that part.