Husbandry

by Allie Ritch

  “Mom.”

  “Chuck, Chad, Charles—how will I know what to call him?”

  “Mom, you don’t—”

  “I suppose I should be glad he doesn’t want to be called Chip. Or Chaz. I never cared for that nickname.”

  She was driving me crazy. If I didn’t get this out soon, I’d lose my nerve.

  “Mom, each of my husbands only goes by one name. There are three of them: Chuck, Charles, and Chad. You’ve spoken to them on the phone.”

  Dead silence greeted me from the other end of the line.

  “You still there? Mom? Listen, I know this is a shock, but you’ll love the three of them. They’re all wonderful and have their own personalities, though they’ve all got the same DNA.”

  I picked up speed, telling her all about Genetic Harmony when she remained unresponsive. When she still didn’t answer, I was worried we’d been disconnected.

  The sound of her voice made me jump, though she wasn’t loud. “Your father and I will be there this weekend.”

  “What? Wait. This isn’t the best time for—”

  “Make up the guest room for us. We’ll arrive Friday evening.” She barreled over me like I hadn’t even spoken.

  I sighed. “Don’t you want to talk about this?”

  “Friday.” Her word was final. She punctuated it by hanging up.

  I wasn’t sure whether that had gone better or worse than I’d anticipated. It certainly couldn’t be good. Setting the phone back in its charger, I closed my eyes for a moment to compose myself.

  I jumped when the phone immediately rang again and hurried to pick it up.

  “You called back,” I said in relief. “I’m glad. If we just talk about this—”

  “Fila?” The masculine voice was one I hadn’t expected to hear speaking to me again so soon.

  “Chad.” My tongue was suddenly tied, reducing me to single syllables. “Hi.”

  His voice was clipped and—I realized belatedly—worried. “I’ve been trying to reach you, but the phone has been busy. Why don’t you check your damn messages?”

  “I did! I checked the home messages from work. There was nothing new.”

  “Your work messages,” he retorted. “I tried to catch you at the office. I’m at the hospital. Chuck had an accident. They called me when they couldn’t reach you or Charles.”

  My stomach felt like it plummeted to my feet. “What kind of accident? Is he all right?”

  “He was repairing the flashing on the roof. On the way down the ladder, his foot slipped on the rung and he fell. One of the neighbors saw it happen and called an ambulance. No broken bones, but he’s bruised pretty badly, and he has a concussion.”

  Images of my husband lying broken in the yard had my breath clogging in my throat. He could have been killed. One slip and I could have lost him. I would still have had Chad and Charles, but my life would never have been the same. A piece would have always been missing. Like a slap in the face, it came to me that I’d feel the same if something happened to any one of them.

  “Which hospital?” I asked, overcoming my paralysis. “Where are you?”

  He gave me his location and Chuck’s room number.

  “Okay. I’m on my way. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I hung up and ran for the door.

  Then I cursed when I remembered I didn’t have the car. I needed to call a cab.

  Chapter Five

  The hospital had multiple entrances, and I wasn’t sure which one was closest to where I needed to go. I had the cab driver drop me off at the central door and paid him quickly before I rushed inside. A blast of cold air washed over me, tainted with a chemical smell.

  “Fila.” A woman walking toward me called my name.

  I was so focused on getting to Chuck that I almost didn’t recognize my neighbor, Ginger Hutchinson. She worked as a nurse here, though only part-time now that she was getting older.

  The small, auburn-haired woman clasped my hands and spoke to me with her usual calm, authoritative tone. “Chuck is going to make a full recovery. Nothing life threatening. I was just up on his floor to check his status.”

  Although Chad had already relayed this prognosis, I felt like I could breathe for the first time since I’d heard Chuck was hurt. Ginger wasn’t the type to sugarcoat things. If he’d been in serious danger, she would have told me. Then I noticed she wasn’t wearing her nurse’s uniform—something I’d always seen her leave and come home in when she was working.

  My brain finally came back online. “You’re the neighbor who found him. You saw him fall.”

  She nodded. “He took quite a tumble off the ladder. I called an ambulance to be safe, though he made a fuss about it once he realized what was happening.”

  “Thank you.” I pulled her into a quick hug, unable to express how grateful I was. “I’m so glad you were the one who was there. You knew exactly what to do.”

  “Go on.” Ginger looked a bit embarrassed by the praise. “I know you’re anxious to see him. Go to the third floor and take a left. The room numbers are marked. Chuck already has company up there. His…brother?”

  Her hesitation was clear, as was the gleam of curiosity in her eyes. I was already so worried about Chuck that I didn’t have much room for dread. My coworker, Liz, now knew the truth, so why not come clean to my neighbor? As a nurse, Ginger had probably seen it all.

  “His genetic likeness,” I corrected her. “My other husband, Chad. I’m not sure if you’ve met all three of them yet. There are Chuck, Chad, and Charles.”

  She stared at me, unblinking. “You have three husbands?”

  “Yes.”

  A tense moment passed before she blew out a loud breath. “Oh, thank goodness. I thought I was losing my mind.”

  “I’m sorry?” I was sure I must have missed something because she sounded happy.

  “Well, I don’t mean to sound like I’m spying on you, but I like to people watch. On my days off, I see all the comings and goings on the block while I sit at my front window or work in the garden. So I notice things. Like your husband having facial hair, and then shaving it, and then having it reappear again. His hair length changes too. He leaves in a suit, and five minutes later I see him working in the yard in jeans. I was starting to worry I was going senile.”

  “Sounds to me like you’re still as sharp as they come.” I’d had no idea she’d been paying such close attention. It was easy to see how she’d be confused.

  “I can’t tell you how relieved I am.” She appeared to conduct some sort of internal dialogue before she returned a decisive nod. “It all makes sense now. Go on. You’d best go see to your husbands. Please give me a call later and let me know how Chuck is doing. You know I’m right next door if you need any help.”

  “You’re an angel.” I couldn’t believe my good fortune in having someone like her for a neighbor.

  She waved away the praise before she headed toward the exit.

  Despite her reassurances, I was nervous when I arrived at Chuck’s hospital room. I braced myself for the sight of him looking pale and miserable in bed, tubes running in and out of his arm and white gauze wrapped around his head. Instead, he sat on the edge of the narrow bed without a bandage in sight, and he wasn’t even wearing a hospital gown. He had his jeans on, and his shirt, socks, and shoes rested beside him. Chad stood nearby, filling out something on a clipboard.

  “Are you all right?” I walked straight to Chuck and took his face between my hands.

  He looked tired and vaguely irritated, but otherwise unharmed.

  “I’m fine.” His movements were stiff as he pulled me into a hug. “Sorry to worry you. The ambulance and emergency room were overkill. I could have just gone to my regular doctor and had him check me for broken bones. You’d think I was dying the way everyone overreacted.”

  “I already told him I’d give him my kidney,” Chad said.

  “Your kidney?” I yanked back to stare at Chuck again. “He said you were only bruised! You’ve g
ot internal damages?”

  “Of course not.” He shot his spitting image a glare. “Chad is just trying to make me laugh again, which hurts, by the way. Besides, they could clone me a new organ if I needed one. I wouldn’t have to accept a used one.”

  “Now who’s the comedian?” Chad returned a small grin, though I could see the lines of strain on his face.

  “How bad is he really?” In my hurry to get up here, I hadn’t asked Ginger for details, and Chad had only given me a quick rundown over the phone.

  “I’m sitting right here,” Chuck protested.

  We both ignored him.

  Chad finished the paperwork and tossed the clipboard on the foot of the hospital bed. “He has contusions on his arms and back from where he scrabbled at the rungs and flopped on the ground. Based on the sore spot on the side of his head, he probably clocked himself on the ladder before he touched down. The fact that he didn’t fall from the very top and that he landed on soft grass probably saved him from a broken bone or spinal injury. He was very lucky.”

  “That’s what Ginger Hutchinson told me. I saw her on my way in.”

  “She was great,” Chad announced. “She said he never lost consciousness, though he wasn’t really alert when she asked him questions.”

  “That’s because I’d just had my brain rattled,” Chuck grumbled. “I would have been fine if she’d given me a minute.”

  “Are you in a lot of pain?” I could tell he was irritable, which wasn’t like him. “Does your head hurt?”

  “It aches, but my body is worse. I feel like I got tackled by a linebacker twice my size.”

  Afraid to touch him somewhere sore, I stroked one of his curls. “You never played football, honey.”

  When your creator was Genetic Harmony Inc., you missed out on a lot of things in life. He and my other two husbands had joined the world shortly after I’d finished the last personality test. They’d been aged like fine wine to my life stage—maybe a year or two younger—and had been loaded with all the knowledge and emotional development they needed, but no firsthand experience. They’d skipped the awkward and sometimes painful trials of high school, which meant they hadn’t enjoyed sports or dances or any of the great stuff, either.

  “I could have made the team if I’d had the chance.” Chuck picked up his T-shirt and pulled it over his head with a groan. “I would have played better than that joke they call our home team.”

  Ignoring this remark, I fixed my entire attention on his movements. “What are you doing? You should be lying down. Why are you getting dressed?”

  It was Chad who answered me. “They’re sending him home.”

  “Already?”

  He knelt down to help Chuck pull on his socks and shoes. “It’s not like he just got here. The ambulance brought him in hours ago.”

  Although his tone remained neutral, I sensed the reprimand. They’d needed me, and I hadn’t been there. The first call from the hospital must have come into my office while I was away from my desk or busy checking my home messages, and then I’d been on the phone with my mom once I got home.

  “Big waste of time.” Chuck made the announcement before I could decide whether or not to defend myself. “I only saw the doctor for ten minutes. The rest of the time, we sat around waiting. There was some nasty highway accident, so they had bigger problems. I told them I could see my regular doctor.”

  “Are you sure he shouldn’t stay overnight?” Since I knew Chuck’s answer, I addressed my other husband. “We should at least get him some painkillers.”

  I noted every wince, added to the fact that Chuck allowed Chad to help him dress.

  My uninjured hubby didn’t appear worried, though. “The doctor gave me instructions. Once we get him home, we’ll give him an ice pack for his head and cold compresses on the bruises. That’s about the best we can do for the pain. No anti-inflammatory drugs or aspirin products—they’ll only screw up his healing and put him in danger if he has any internal bleeding. He’s supposed to get lots of rest. If he falls asleep, we’ll wake him every hour and make sure he can answer questions. We’ll watch him closely and race back here if he has any change in symptoms.”

  “He can hear you, you know.” Now dressed, Chuck got to his feet. He didn’t wobble, but I’d never seen him so stiff. “Let’s go home.”

  Chad and I flanked him in case he needed help. Just then a nurse came through the door with Charles right on her heels. I wasn’t surprised my executive husband had checked his messages at work, but I was shocked he’d taken off early to come here.

  Charles stopped and studied the patient. “Well, Chuck, you couldn’t have done too much damage if you’re already on your feet. Chad tells me you tried to fly.”

  “I managed to levitate,” Chuck retorted. “Then gravity kicked in. Look, I’m fine. You’re fine. We’re all fine. Can we please go now?”

  Charles shot me a questioning look, so I gave him a quick summary of the diagnosis. He hid it well, but I could see his relief.

  Chad handed the paperwork he’d finished to the nurse, which was when I noticed her curious stare.

  “Wow.” She glanced from one of my men to another. “Identical triplets?”

  I took Chuck’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze before drawing her attention. “Bioengineered. I used Genetic Harmony Inc.” And after this, the company should give me a referral fee. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, my husbands and I would like to go home.”

  It was hard to say who was the most surprised. Charles cocked one eyebrow at me, while Chuck tightened his fingers around mine. Of course, that might have been because he was in pain. The nurse certainly looked shocked and perhaps a bit jealous. As for Chad? The man who could speak eloquently in three languages and quote the most beautiful poetry from memory appeared well and truly speechless.

  With a satisfied grin, I helped my poor, bruised husband walk out.

  * * * *

  “Does this mean you and Chad have made up?”

  Charles asked me the question on the way home. He drove me in one car, while my other husbands were in the second vehicle, probably pulling into our driveway as we spoke. I’d wanted to stay with Chuck, but he’d had a hard time finding a comfortable position. Chad had still been adjusting the seat for him when he’d told me to go ahead. Charles and I had stopped to buy a bunch of ice packs.

  Since I was on a roll today, I told the truth. “Not yet. I’m still in the process of making things right. You might be interested to know my coworker, our neighbor, and the hospital staff now know I’m in a polygamous marriage. Oh, and my parents have been informed too. They’re coming to visit this weekend.”

  From the passenger seat, I had a clear view of his expression. It was the first time I’d ever seen Charles look nervous.

  “This weekend? Your parents are coming this weekend?”

  “They’ll arrive Friday evening. I’ve already been ordered to make up the spare bedroom for them.”

  His jaw ticked. “I can probably clear my schedule and get home on time Friday. Saturday is a different matter. I’m scheduled to play golf with one of the company’s big distributors in the morning, and it would look bad if I backed out. I really wish you’d discussed this with me first.”

  “Hey, it wasn’t even discussed with me first. I’m the one who should be worried here.”

  He took his eyes off the road long enough to glance my way. His expression softened. “Does that mean your parents didn’t take the news well?”

  “Who can tell?” Other than shock, my mother hadn’t given much of a reaction. “I sent my mom our original wedding photos without any cropping and called her when I got home from work. After I explained everything, she announced she and my dad were coming to visit and hung up on me.”

  He reached over to open my hand and lace his fingers with mine. I hadn’t realized I’d made a fist.

  “Stop worrying. Today is Wednesday. That gives her a couple of days to get used to the idea before she and your father mee
t us. We’ll work on them once they get here. Chuck, Chad, and I can be charming when we want to be, and we’ll be on our best behavior. I’m sure we can win them over.”

  I hoped so.

  A few minutes later, we arrived at the house. Chuck was already parked in front of the television in the family room, so I hurried to get the ice packs chilling in the freezer. In the meantime, Chad must have given him the bag of frozen peas he was holding to his head.

  “Everything under control here?” Charles asked.

  Other than watching Chuck in case he fell asleep, I knew there wasn’t much else we could do for him. “It looks like it. Why?”

  “If you don’t need me, I’ll head back to the office.”

  Irritation flared. It had been a hell of an afternoon—heading into early evening now—and we had an injured man on our hands. I wanted Charles here with us, not back at the office.

  My expression must have said as much.

  “Fila.” He spoke my name in the same tone you’d use to reason with a petulant child. “We already talked about this. I took off early to get to the hospital today, and I promised I’d cut back on my hours next week. Now I need to get some things rolling if I’m going to be home on time Friday night.”

  I blew out a weary sigh. Though I wasn’t happy about it, I knew he was working this hard for all our sakes. And there really wasn’t anything for him to do here right now.

  Since I didn’t need another husband mad at me, I walked over to wrap my arms around him and gave him a kiss good-bye. As usual, he took control of the caress, but he kept it light, filled with love and comfort as well as hunger. Then he patted Chuck’s shoulder and shot Chad an acknowledging nod before he left.

  Once he was gone, I plopped down next to Chuck on the sofa. He was so bruised I was afraid to touch him, so I finally settled for resting my hand on his thigh. His profile was partially obscured by the bag of peas.

  “Well, honey,” I told him, “the next time you get tackled by a linebacker, you’d better wear a helmet.”

  Chuck grumbled something and sank deeper into the cushions.