Jake Mitchell

by Jennifer Foor

  “Yeah, but it changes nothing. Lots of people have things in common.”

  “Jake.” Her fingers traced over my lips. She remembered how much that made me crazy. “I’m too confused to make a choice, but I know I can’t stay with your brother. You’re right. When we go home things will change. It won’t just be us, but I know myself enough to not deny what I’m feeling being here with you.”

  I swallowed my pride, cupping her face and said what I needed to. “I agree with what you’re saying, but it’s not going to work out. This ends here, Reese. You and I will never be together. Even if I could have you, I wouldn’t allow it. He’s my brother. Nothing will ever change that, not even you.”

  For the first time in hours I separated us and walked across the room, leaving her alone. I could hear her crying. I knew I’d crushed her heart. It was the only way I could make things right. Yeah, she needed to make a decision about Jax, but I wouldn’t be the reason. I wasn’t going to be the person she ran to when they were done. I’d caused enough grief. My love for her wasn’t going to disappear, but my hope of us ever being a couple was diminished. We were doomed from the start.

  It was never going to happen, so all I could do was put a wall up and push her away.

  Chapter 13

  Reese

  I sat there on the very rug we’d made love on and watched him stand with his back to me, staring out the glass windows as if he hadn’t broken my heart. I knew I couldn’t expect him to understand. Most of what I was saying was hard for me to fathom. How could he accept that I could feel something deeply for both of them?

  When he refused me I knew I couldn’t push the issue. He was right about a lot of things. At the end of the day his family meant everything. The only thing I could do to make things better was to remove myself from the equation altogether. I couldn’t be the reason for the two men most important to me to hate each other. That would be the nail in my coffin.

  While he remained standing at the window, I gathered my clothes and headed up the stairs. I knew he’d hear the bedroom door closing, but I doubted he’d come after me. He’d said those things to hurt me; to push me away. I wasn’t a fool. In some ways I was angry at him, but I knew his brave face wasn’t without much pain. I felt terrible, but didn’t know a way for any of it to work out.

  It stopped snowing around noon. I stayed in bed, watching the snow drip from the roof out the window. There wasn’t any sign of movement from downstairs, and I was too afraid of what I’d find if I opened the door. We needed to stay away from each other. It was necessary to distance ourselves until the ride home, and even then I didn’t know if I could look at him without losing it.

  Nightfall came and I remained locked in the bedroom. I’d gathered extra blankets and stayed bundled up to keep from freezing. Jake never came and checked on me. A part of me worried about what I’d done to him. I needed to know he could recover from this and go on with his life. He had a huge game coming up that could determine his immediate future. His head had to be on straight.

  The sound of a motor caught my attention. I sat up in bed and ran toward the window. A truck, equipped with a plow attached to the front made it’s way up the steep path. Male voices were noticeable and I heard the front door open and close. Then the group stood in front of the headlights. My heart dropped when I saw them both standing there together, along with their dad. I covered my mouth and sank to the floor, feeling like my world was spinning out of control. What had I done?

  Someone calling my name caught my attention. I stood up and ran into the bathroom, trying desperately to wipe my eyes with toilet paper to hide hours of crying. I knew who it was looking for me, and the idea of facing him was making me get dizzy. I feared that he’d know the truth the moment he saw my face.

  Reluctantly I unlocked the door. Jax stood there with a huge smile on his face. “I told you I’d find a way to get to you, baby. Come here. Everything’s alright now.” He pulled me against his chest and I couldn’t help from crying. Tears fell down my face as I prepared for the inevitable. “Don’t cry. I know it must have been scary, especially when the power went out. Jake said you locked yourself in your room all day. It’s a good thing I brought burgers and fries.”

  I wasn’t listening to him, not really. All I heard out of the conversation was that Jake had told his brother I’d been locked away all day. Had he really made up an excuse to keep what happened a secret? Why would he do that? Was it because of his father or something else? I had to know, but didn’t have a way to ask. “I just want to go home.” It wasn’t a lie. I needed a hot shower and some time to think. Being in the same house as the both of them was undeniably difficult. I felt ill over my actions, and needed reprieve. “Dad’s going to let me take his truck back. He’s going to ride with Jake. We can go as soon as you want. I know it sucks not having power.”

  When I pulled away to gather up my things he leaned forward and planted a kiss on my lips; the same lips that had been all over his brother. If I’d eaten at all the bile would have been coming up. I couldn’t live with this guilt.

  I pulled away quickly, pretending to be consumed with getting out of there. “I just have one bag. Can you fetch my toothbrush in the bathroom?”

  Jax helped me get my things together and led me down the stairs, where I found Jake and his dad sitting on the sofa. I tried my best not to make eye contact with Jake. I could feel his stare as I came down the steps and made it to the front door.

  “I got what I came for. We’re out of here. I need to be rested before practice tomorrow.” Jax looked at his brother. “Thanks for keeping my girl safe, bro. I owe you one.”

  Could this get any worse? I wanted to be someone else, anyone else but the bimbo that had made such a mess of things. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him looking at me, tearing a hole into my very core. I swore I wasn’t going to regret being with Jake. I told myself that it was what I wanted, yet I couldn’t explain the rush of irrevocable guilt I carried from it. That was the reason I couldn’t look at him. There wasn’t any way I’d let him see me so unsure. He’d read me like no other could. He’d know I was having doubts, and he’d never forgive himself.

  “It’s no problem. I’m just glad you got here when you did. I was starting to wonder if we’d ever be able to get home.”

  Walking past the threshold was like leaving behind a piece of my heart. There were so many reasons I needed to break down, but I knew for the next few hours it would be impossible to explain. I’d have to hold it all in until I was alone, so that I wouldn’t burden anyone else with the disaster I’d made of my life, and my future. Not only was I about to lose one, but I was sure the other wanted nothing to do with me.

  Except for holding my hand, Jax let me rest on the way home. I pretended to be asleep so he wouldn’t question me about my time at the cabin. I couldn’t bear to fabricate any kind of story, not when it was all so fresh in my head. Each time I closed my eyes I pictured the way Jake held me, and made love to me. I imagined being in his arms and accepting his tender kisses. When he’d rejected me I finally knew what it felt like to feel completely alone. It tore me apart to know he was in the cabin with me all afternoon, refusing to communicate.

  Unspoken words and broken promises were going to end my relationship with Jax. I couldn’t be near him without comparing him to his brother. My love for him was blinded by the power of what I’d shared with Jake. How I was ever going to recover from this was beyond me. The most rational decision I could make would be to leave town, and let them get on with their lives together, in one piece. Just because I’d messed up didn’t mean I had to destroy them too.

  I stared out the window at the snow the entire ride. The food Jax had brought got cold. I never took it out of the bag, because I couldn’t stand to look at it much less eat it.

  Finally, after traveling through the nasty road conditions, we pulled up at the campus. I lifted my head and tried my best to appear as if I’d just woken up. Every part of my body had been touched,
kissed and licked by Jake. I felt filthy sitting in the truck with his twin brother and pretending that nothing was wrong.

  “Was he mean to you?” He asked.

  I shrugged and looked down at my hands. “It was fine. He stayed busy,” I lied.

  “I hate that you spent the whole weekend locked in a bedroom with no power.”

  “Speaking of which,” I was taking advantage of his comment. “I really want to get a hot shower and lay in my warm bed. If it’s alright with you, I’m just going to go inside by myself.”

  Jax put his hand on my thigh. I swallowed hard and looked up into his eyes, the ones I could tell apart from his brother’s. “I should get going too. We didn’t think it would take so long to get that road cleared. It was a good thing my dad keeps that plow for the farm. Jake would have been in deep shit if he didn’t get to practice.”

  “Thanks for coming to get me, Jax.”

  “I’d do anything for you, baby. You know that. I love you.”

  His words were like a thousands knives driving into my heart. I sucked in my bottom lip to hide the trembling. “I love you too. I’ll call you later.”

  I got out of his vehicle as fast as my body would allow. I knew he was watching me walk inside, so I stayed at a slow pace, even when I felt like running. Once I heard his truck pull away I fell to the ground inside of the doorway. This was the worst pain I’d ever experienced. It was worse than losing someone to a death, because the reminder of them was still going to exist. I’d have to see them and be reminded of the mess I’d made. Day after day I’d have to fight to live my life knowing I’d ruined my life.

  I couldn’t see a resolution, and in that moment I didn’t know if one even existed.

  Chapter 14

  Jake

  “I know that look, Jake. Boy, I better be mistaken.”

  I tipped my hat down and covered my face with my hands. “Dad, not now. I don’t need to hear it. I’m tired, and I just want to get out of here.”

  “God damn it. This can’t be happening again.”

  I looked up at my dad, curious to what he meant. “Again?”

  “Yeah, again. History repeats itself, son.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If he thought for a second he knew what happened here he was mistaken. It wasn’t about the sex. I gave her everything. It was never about intimacy.

  “You know damn well what I’m talking about. Don’t play dumb with me. When that girl came down those steps I watched you. I saw how she couldn’t look over here. What happened here, Jake? What did you do?”

  “It ain’t like that. Just leave it alone. Nothing happened, dad, and nothing’s going to happen.” I was getting pissed. This wasn’t the time to rehash my time with Reese. What hurt the most was seeing the disappointment in my father’s eyes.

  “Jake, I told you the story about Uncle Colt and Aunt Van. She was my girlfriend. They slept together while I was in the hospital. They fell in love with each other, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. Just tell me that’s not what happened here. Tell me you didn’t sleep with that girl.”

  I didn’t look up at him.

  “He’s your fucking brother! How could you let pussy come between you? What the hell is wrong with you?”

  My dad was standing over me, waiting for me to respond. I stood up and looked him in the eyes. “What do you want me to say? I loved her first. This ain’t like what happened to you. I’m not saying anything else. It’s not your concern. I assure you that there’s nothing to worry about. I have no plans of stealing her away from him.”

  My dad looked away. I half expected him to shove me down and beat the shit out of me. I certainly deserved it. “Was it worth it?”

  “I can’t answer that.”

  “You can’t, or you won’t?”

  “Both.” When I saw my dad look at me again I could tell he was upset, more hurt than angry. “The less you know the better. Now can we please get out of here?”

  It took a while for my dad to speak to me again. We’d been driving for quite some time. He refused to sit passenger with my known maneuvering on the icy roads, so I’d given over my keys. The radio was off, and I didn’t dare reach over to turn it on. My dad had this weird way of handling emotions. He’d keep it bottled up and then explode, much like Jax. I knew it was best to keep our conversation at bay until he could understand that some things were left buried. “Are you going to tell mom?”

  “I can’t hurt her like that.”

  “I’ll talk to Jax after the game. He’ll need to be focused.”

  “What does Reese say? Do you two just think you can ride off into the sunset together?”

  “Come on, seriously? I never said what happened between us, and I’m not going to. There’s nothing between Reese and I. It was over before it even started. I know Jax deserves to know the truth, so I’m telling you that I’ll come clean if that’s what you expect me to do.”

  He beat on the dash. “You can’t tell him, Jake. Whatever happened, he can’t find out. I won’t let a piece of ass destroy this family.”

  I turned my whole body in his direction. “Don’t talk about her like that.” My father was one man I’d always been afraid of, but he’d said the wrong thing. I wasn’t going to let him treat her like shit. “It’s not her fault. None of it is. I fucked up, okay? I told her how I felt. Things were said, and now she’s all confused.” I was making it seem as if the conversation was all that took place. Hopefully he’d leave it alone.

  “I don’t want to hear anymore about it. I won’t be an accomplice to your crime of passion.” His sarcasm allowed me to see that he was trying to calm down. In many ways I could see how he and my brother were similar, while I seemed to share the compassionate side of my mother. I cared about people too much, and it got me into trouble, because I let those emotions dictate my actions. “Trust me, my own personal jail is rough enough.”

  “Living with your own choices is a part of life. You’re going to make mistakes. I just really wish you would have avoided this one.”

  “She loves Jax, dad. Just drop it already. I’m not interested in ruining my brother’s future. I’d never do that.”

  “I’ll drop it if you promise me that it’s done. Assure me that I don’t have to worry about you messing around with that girl.”

  “Yeah.”

  Even though I knew I could sleep at home, I wanted to get to the dorm. Jax would probably stay over at Reese’s so I’d be able to be alone and begin to clear my head. I dropped my dad off at the farm, heeding another warning before driving away. I wasn’t in the mood to thank him for coming all the way to the mountains to get us. I knew he’d wasted a whole day doing it, but honestly wasn’t thrilled that they’d showed up when they did. There were things left unsaid with Reese, and the more I thought about them let me know I shouldn’t have left things the way I had.

  When I got to my room at the dorms my brother was sitting on his bed. He had headphones on his ears and was watching a video with his phone. Whatever it was had him cracking up.

  I put on a brave face and sat my bag down on my bed. He loosened one of the speakers to be able to hear me. “What took you so long, dickhead?”

  “We had to close the place up, and then I dropped off dad. Why? Did you miss me?”

  “Fuck no! I miss my girl, though. I was hoping she’d be up for some late night booty, but she won’t even answer the phone. I bet she’s pissed that she ruined her whole weekend.”

  “She’ll get over it, I’m sure.”

  “You ready for practice tomorrow?” He asked.

  “Yeah, I guess. Are we running new strategies?”

  Jax sat up and tilted his body in my direction. “I think we should stick with what we do best. I think tomorrow I’m going to focus on Ralph and Pax. Their running game needs work, dude. I can’t always throw passes to you. They need to contribute.”

  I plopped down on my bed and attached my cell phone to charge. “Hey, we got this handled
. It’s just another game, bro.” For some reason it was easy talking to Jax about football. Even though I didn’t feel the best, I knew I could get through the night with no problem.

  We talked for an hour before playing a video game that occupied our time. Eventually Jax got tired and quit. He climbed into bed and called Reese.

  I turned on my phone to see if I had missed calls, while listening to him chat.

  “Hey, baby. How are you feeling?”

  “Did the shower help?”

  “Yeah, I get it. Okay, I hope you feel better. I’ll check on you in the morning. I love you too.”

  I closed my eyes to prevent him being able to tell that it affected me. She told me she was going to end things, yet clearly had just told him she loved him. I felt betrayed.

  My brother started to snore a little while later. I crossed my arms and put them behind my head, unable to close my eyes and rest. I knew I had a hard day ahead of me, but couldn’t relax. There was too much going through my mind.

  My phone vibrating caught my attention. I retrieved it from the nightstand to find a message from Reese.

  Are you awake? – R

  Maybe – J

  Where is Jax? – R

  He’s sleeping. – J

  How do I know this isn’t Jax playing a game with me. He likes to take your phone and mess around. – R

  It’s Jake. I promise. When you woke up this morning you felt full for some reason. – J

  OMG! Erase that. – R

  What? You didn’t like breakfast? Did I serve it better than Jax – J