The Weight of Rain

by Mariah Dietz

  In a hurried rush I realize there’s no kickstand and set my bike down, rush over, and take the bike from him. Mercedes is trying to conceal her cries, which are muffled in the crook of her arm, making that maternal itch become more prominent. I take a second to scan over her body, searching for blood or gashes before kneeling beside her and running a hand down her back.

  “Mercedes, I need to know where it hurts, monkey.” King’s voice is steady, but his eyes reveal he’s shaken as they continuously move over her, wide with concern.

  “Everywhere.” Her reply makes him move forward.

  “I need you to roll over for me.”

  Slowly, Mercedes shifts onto her back, her sweatshirt rising, exposing her stomach up past her belly button and revealing the area is clear of any abrasions. King reaches forward and slowly peels her arm back, exposing blood that’s smeared around her chin and neck.

  “Alright, Mercedes, you know the drill. I need you to tell me if anything hurts worse than a bruise.”

  I consider this analogy for a second, thinking back to how painful some of the bruises I’ve endured have been. A bone bruise is easily at the top of my worst pain experiences, but then again, unless you’re raised with horses, your chances of ever having been kicked by one are rare.

  “I don’t know. I hurt everywhere.” Both of her hands move up and down, emphasizing her point. King seems relieved by the fact, however, and reaches forward to inspect where the blood is coming from.

  “Looks like you’re going to match Lo,” he says, moving her chin slightly to examine a gash along her jaw. The comment makes my breath stall and my hand travel up to feel where the skin is grooved with a scar I got from climbing a fence when I was twelve.

  King gets to his feet and easily lifts Mercedes, cradling her in his arms. “Can you stay here with the bikes? I’ll get her in the house and be right back.”

  “Yeah, go. I’ll bring them back up.”

  “No, just stay put. It’s going to get dark and it’s slick out. Summer can help get her changed.”

  Against my better judgment, I nod.

  Where I grew up, you can see a few miles in all directions. Sure, there are hills and vegetation and such, so you can’t actually see a person a mile away, but you can still see what’s going on around you. But here in the woods, it’s like being in a jungle. I’m surrounded by thick greenery that is so beautiful, yet so intimidating, holding the slight threat of so many possible creatures and predators. I wish I had at least thought to bring my cell phone with me. I may not get reception wherever I currently am, but at least it would offer me a little bit of light. I look up at the darkened branches, searching the sky for an idea of what time it might be, and idly wonder how things are going with Mercedes.

  I move back to the path and find a long feather. My fingers brush the fine barbs lining the right side which are nearly completely matted with mud. Some separate into new clumps, while others remain sticking out at flawed angles from the weight of the rain and dirt. It never ceases to amaze me how beautiful such a tiny detail is.

  This feather is now useless and undoubtedly flawed, but the quill is sharp, ending in a fine point that I run across the ground, which is soft from all of the rain we’ve been having. It leaves a vague line that I appreciate. I like that I’m making such a slight indent, one you have to search for. I lean closer, my knees growing damp with the residual wetness that moss always seems to hold, and I draw.

  I NOTICE the cast of the bright yellow lights before I register the rumble of the truck’s engine. My fingers slowly release the tight pressure around the feather and I straighten, brushing my free hand that has become stiff from being cold and supporting my weight, and take a step back.

  The passenger door opens first, followed by the driver’s side. Parker and King head over to me, their profiles darkened by the light of the cab.

  “Were you writing an SOS in the dirt?” Parker’s tone is light, teasing. I feel that uncomfortable energy creeping through me, filling me with doubt. I never question that art is a profession, a necessity, a legitimately respected craft. I do, however, doubt that I’m deserving of those things. Even with the awards and recognition I’ve earned over the years, these familiar insecurities still crawl through me. I know I’m good. I just don’t know that I’m good enough.

  His comment has my nerves and thoughts stumbling, delaying me from taking the few steps to distort the image with a couple of carefully placed prints of my ballet flats.

  “Wh … How … Shit, you’re good!” Parker rattles. His shoulder brushes against mine as he stares down at the image. “She drew Mercedes, dude. Check this out.”

  King carefully steps up to the image, coming to the top of her head where her hair is blowing in an invisible breeze. His gaze remains down as he steps around the drawing to my other side. Without saying anything, he pulls out his phone and holds it forward, taking a series of photographs.

  “It doesn’t capture it. I need Summer,” he says, frustration deepening his voice.

  “It’s too faint. She wouldn’t be able to get anything much better,” I assure him. He looks over at me, his eyes intense with focus. “I thought you didn’t know anything about photography?”

  “Just random bits from a high school elective, which believe me, isn’t saying much.”

  “You’re like the musicians that play all instruments,” Parker says, pulling out his phone and capturing a few images as well.

  “Hardly.” My eyebrows jog up and down a single time with the thought. “There are so many different types of art; it would blow your mind to see them all. Just the different kinds of painting and drawing techniques can fill several books.”

  “Feathers are covered in parasites and bacteria. I thought being a farm kid, you’d know that.” My attention flickers to King; his is on my hands.

  “Parasites?”

  “Viruses too.”

  Talk about the tempting fruit. It slips from my fingers before I consciously think of releasing it. It falls gracelessly to my feet where the already muddied barbs become covered with a new coat.

  “It’s the lice and mites you really have to worry about.” King tilts his head, giving me a clearer view of his raised eyebrows that are assuming I’ve already contracted one or both and is telling me it was my own fault.

  “It’s obviously been out here a while. Bugs like that have to feed off of something,” I counter.

  “Parasites you mean.” His eyes follow me.

  “Whatever.”

  His eyebrows go up even higher, bemused by my disgust that I’m trying to mask with ambivalence.

  “You go to school for art though, right?” Parker’s question punctuates the silent exchange of threats and dares that King and I are locked in. I wonder if he just knows King well enough to ignore his behavior. I give King one last hard look and nod absently while voicing a confirmation to Parker, and then turn to the abandoned bikes. My footfalls echo in the silence of their thoughts and undoubted revenge King is masterminding.

  “How’s Mercedes?” I lift the bike I had been using and wheel it toward where the guys are standing, Parker with his phone still out and King staring at the picture I drew. I’m tempted to cross over it. Though I received the accolades I had been searching for, I now question the sincerity.

  “I sent this shit to Kash. He’s going to freak out,” Parker says, still staring at his phone.

  “He’s already seen her work. He knows how good she is.” King’s statement makes it impossible for me to look over at him.

  “Yeah, but this is in the dirt! Who can make a freaking picture with dirt and a feather!”

  “We should probably go check to see how Mercedes is doing,” I say, wheeling the bike so close to the picture, the tire creates a ridge around the top of her head.

  If I look back, I’m fairly certain King would be staring at me, but I don’t. I push the bike to the tailgate and lean it against my waist as I open the latch.

  “Here, muscles,
I’ve got it,” Parker says with a teasing grin. He takes the bike and hoists it into the bed of the truck before hopping inside. I don’t watch as he readjusts it, but rather I go in search of another bike.

  King meets me by the hood of the truck, guiding a bike with each hand. I step closer, my hands extended to receive one of them. We do a strange dance, him reluctant for me to help, me refusing to stand here and do nothing. The pedal from Mercedes’ bike bites low into my shin as I make a move to take it, ultimately stalling me, and making the entire process even more awkward.

  “How’s Mercedes?” I ask once more as Parker cinches a rope around the bikes.

  “She’s fine. Just that gash on her jaw. She’ll likely have some bruising tomorrow, but nothing serious.” I blink several times in an attempt to pull my stare from King. When he talks, his lips go slightly higher on one side, just like when he smiles. Most of the time, it’s hardly noticeable, and at others, impossible. I find it entrancing.

  “I’m glad. That fall looked painful.”

  “It’s the nature of the beast,” King replies, pulling on the knot Parker just secured.

  “Is that where you got all of your scars from?”

  King shifts his gaze to me, tilting his head. “What scars?” He can hardly keep the smirk off his face.

  I should consider my next words, but I’m so concerned his smirk is to disguise offense from my loosely posed question that I don’t. “The ones on your hands and arm.”

  “Oh, I thought you were talking about the ones on my chest and back, or the one on my thigh.”

  My face heats, and my jaw drops open slightly.

  “You walking around the house in your skivvies?” Parker asks, hopping out of the truck.

  “Just on the days he runs out of flannel.” My tone is dry, attempting to create a warning.

  “I’m pretty sure you’ve seen all of my—”

  “I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t remember what you wore yesterday considering how well-acquainted you and Kash are with the washing machine.”

  “Says the twenty-two-year-old that doesn’t know how to cook anything besides boxed dinners,” King says pointedly.

  “Seriously. I can’t believe you were able to finish all of that laundry! Where did it all go?” Once again, Parker’s question leaves my mind reeling.

  I can tell by the brightness shining in King’s eyes that he’s finding Parker’s addition to be intrusive. He wants to make a dig back at me, but Parker’s already talking about something else, his voice loud but his words inaudible. My thoughts are in a darkened bedroom, tracing over a map of both faint and distinct scars. They aren’t ugly, not in the slightest. In fact, they’re beautiful. A network showcasing dedication, endurance, commitment, and perseverance. “Where do you think it went, shithead?”

  Parker barks out a laugh, returning a handful of expletives that don’t reach me as I focus on a tire track from one of our bikes that the truck missed. Moving to the passenger side door, Parker releases another loud laugh that finally focuses my thoughts. By the competitive yet friendly way his eyes are turned up, I can tell King delivered a few more verbal punches. Parker unlatches the back door of the truck, and without instruction, I climb in.

  The reason for the familiarly darkened skies begins to descend as the doors are shut. Rain splatters across the windshield and over the roof in a harmonious melody that encourages me to nestle farther into the seat and close my eyes for a nap.

  “Good timing,” Parker says as he cranes his neck to the side, attempting to look up into the patches of darkness. King puts the truck into gear without comment. Extending an arm behind him, he grips the passenger headrest, invading my space, followed by his even more invasive gaze. His eyes move from mine to the back window before moving his foot so that we’re reversing.

  I hadn’t considered how we’d get out of here, yet backing up the entire way still comes as a surprise. I feel like I should offer to help, or turn and look as well so that I’m not so close to him, but I keep my composure and remain facing forward for the short distance back to the house.

  While they unload the bikes, I head inside and immediately move to the bathroom where I lather and rinse my hands three separate times, careful to clean under each of my nails and scrubbing the sections of my skin that never return to their naturally pale tone.

  “Let me see.” I avoid Summer’s gaze and move closer to where Mercedes is lying on the couch with a small piece of gauze pressed against her jaw while watching something on TV.

  “It’s not so bad.” Her eyes are still rimmed with red, and her voice is shaky. I’m not certain if she’s just recovered from crying or if she’s working to hold it in.

  “Let’s go to the bathroom where it’s brighter.”

  She doesn’t argue, confirming it’s the latter. I push the door closed, allowing only a small gap for her privacy. She sits on the closed toilet seat and peels the cover back to reveal her wound. It’s swollen and already bruising. The gash is fairly long but not deep. With any luck, it will only leave a tiny scar if any.

  “Did you guys clean it?”

  Mercedes nods and a small tear falls down her cheek. “Summer got a wet rag.”

  “Okay, that’s good. Let me see if there’s something else. If we can get this really clean and put a little medicine on it, you won’t even know it happened in a couple of weeks.” Her tears increase with my assurance.

  My knees hit the tile floor and instantly plea for me to sit back on my heels, but I ignore the protests and lean closer to Mercedes, my hands resting on her thighs. “I promise I’ll be really careful and gentle. You’ll barely feel anything.” There’s still dirt and moss and twig debris on her clothes and in her hair, catching my attention for brief seconds before I focus on her face.

  “You aren’t upset because it hurts, are you?” My voice is soft. Although I’ve broken many of Mercedes’ barriers, she still has many more that prevent us from discussing a multitude of things I don’t think either of us knows how to breach.

  “They’re going to tease me.” With her words, I realize it’s a multitude of things that will inflict physical pain on me to possibly hear one day.

  A chill runs down my arms still resting on her legs, and I blink back tears I want to share with her. “If someone says something to you about this, Mercedes, they’re going to rack up some serious points against karma, and let me tell you, karma returns with interest.”

  She doesn’t respond, making me feel like my small bit of advice is neither helpful nor assuring. “People can be really mean. I wish I could tell you that they’ll stop, or that you won’t have to deal with this in a few more years, but unfortunately, you’ll have to deal with bullies forever. You can’t stop them or control what they say or do; you can only control what you do. Don’t give them the satisfaction of letting their words hurt you. If they want to say something rude and mean, let their souls be scarred with that hatred. Let them drown in their own unhappiness. You’re better than that. Don’t even look their way. Don’t allow their words to carry weight or merit. I know it’s hard, I do, but you do it a couple of times, and they’ll stop because without your reaction feeding them, that darkness that they’ve created—it starts to drown them.”

  Her green eyes are wide, heavy with tears, making my own itch with the return of moisture. “Did someone tease you?”

  The desire to look away and keep my pride intact is my initial reaction. Ugly memories and taunts dance through my head before my eyes return to hers and I nod.

  “How could anyone tease you?”

  “I wonder that very thought a thousand times a day about you,” I say before pressing my lips together, watching as her fears become sympathy.

  “Let’s clean you up and we’ll make a kick-ass bandage for you to cover it with.”

  One edge of her lips quirks up, making her look more like King than ever before, and I turn to the medicine cabinet, which is well stocked with multiple sources of disinfectants and bandages
.

  “What are you making?” Mercedes asks again, this time more insistent, her patience worn.

  I look over to where she’s sitting on the couch again, seeing her eyes are vibrant and challenging. Involuntarily, I smile. Her eyes stretch with a growing frustration in return. “Watch your show. I’m almost done.”

  The front door opens as I’m capping my marker, but I don’t turn. For several weeks instinct had me turning each and every time it opened when I first started, concerned about who was coming, but now it’s become the norm to hear it open and close throughout the day as people come for food, supplies, to chat, or whatever else. I thought they were checking in on me since they can do most of this in the shop. Recently, I’ve realized that sometimes they leave the shop in order to think. I can turn away from my drawings—flip on the TV, go into the kitchen—but when they’re in the shop, they’re immersed in their world.

  “Don’t tell me you got road rash on your beautiful face!”

  My eyes snap up.

  “Isabelle!” Mercedes cries.

  She’s beautiful, and I’m nearly positive she isn’t a fellow rider. She carries herself with a gracefulness that almost makes her appear like she’s dancing. Her jeans are tight, too tight to ride a bike, and her shirt is a designer blouse that would likely tear if she stretched to reach the handlebars. Isabelle walks over to the couch where Mercedes is now standing with a giant grin, and hugs her.

  “What are you doing back?” Mercedes asks.

  “I’m just up for a long weekend to visit.” She releases Mercedes and drops her hands to her thighs, rubbing the pads of her fingers across the material as though she’s nervous. “Where is everyone?”

  “The new shop.”

  “It’s finished?”

  Mercedes nods proudly, a smile spread across her face.

  The front door opens again, and almost as if called, the three traipse back into the house with Summer in the lead. She smiles, but it isn’t sincere. However, it still seems far more welcoming than the ones she greets me with.