The Remedy Files: Illusion

by Lauren Eckhardt

  Twelve years ago was the start to Gavin and I, and it’s how we’ve been every single day since.

  CHAPTER 8

  It wasn’t long after I found the first object in the Annual Dig before my shovel connected with another. Luckily I was able to give a quick speech on it and leave while the majority of the class was still enthralled in their own hunts. Since it would be a key time to sneak out of Impetus with most of Impetus at work or school, I decided to bypass a shower and go see Gavin right away.

  Walking as fast as I could but still trying to keep it casual so I wouldn’t stand out, I trekked across the community to get to the area in the thickets that I was used to. I kept my hand on my pocket as furtively as possible to keep the treasure I found safe.

  “Where are you sneaking off to this time?”

  I stop in my tracks. I’ve been busted. Someone has seen me go in and out of Impetus.

  Turning around, I see Caroline pop her head up from the bench she was laying on. I should have known she’d be hanging out here. She was the second one to finish at the Dig and she’s obsessed with the Park. Well, mostly she’s obsessed with the Events & Announcements Stage that sits just a few feet from the bench she’s on. She always aims to be the center of attention so what better place to be that in except the location the whole community goes to for announcements and special events.

  “That’s a question, Caroline.” I narrow my eyes at her, attempting to look as threatening as possible.

  “Ha, like you’re going to report me.” She sneers as she’s examining her fingernails, picking away at small little pieces of skin. “You’re always running off on your own. It’s kind of weird.”

  “It looks like you’re sitting out here by yourself so I’m not sure what the difference is.”

  “I’ll have people here looking for me as soon as they’re done with the Dig. No one will look for you. No one really cares where you’re at. Just like the Unpaired.”

  I know she’s trying to make a point that I should be prepared to be casted into one of the Unpaired since the Ceremony is only a couple of days away. In fact, it will be held right in front of us on the Stage. It’s Caroline’s way of saying that she’s better than me and will have multiple pairing opportunities when it comes to the Board deciding her future. But for me, there’s no one.

  “I’m not stupid, I know what you’re trying to suggest, Caroline. But for no one caring about where I’m at, you sure do seem to take notice when I’m not around.”

  Before she can get another word out, I turn around and continue on my walk. Except this time I take a slight detour as though I’m heading to the Clinic. I don’t think she’d follow me to find out where I do go, but I want to be careful.

  As I walk past the Unpaired housing, I think about whether or not this is where I’ll be by next week. They’re only slightly smaller than the Paired housing units so not much of a difference except that there are a few more of them. For whatever reason, it looks like the sunlight doesn’t hit these in the same way it shines on the Paired housing. I’m sure it’s just a mental illusion with how the Unpaired are viewed compared to the Paired; but even for somebody like me who sees the groups as equal, I can’t refrain from distinguishing the overcast sky on this side as well.

  Once I arrive at the Clinic, I stroll to the back side. I peak my head around the corner to confirm that no one is following me. As I suspected, no one is. I’m sure Caroline resumed reclining on the bench after I left, waiting for all her followers to come find her.

  I casually walk around the entire back end of the Clinic and to the other side near the front door. I cross the road, trying to make it seem like I’m observing all the gardens, and at the same time, keeping my eyes open for any movement or noises suggesting anyone else is around.

  When I can tell that I’m in the clear, I locate the concealed exit and push through the thickets. Once on the other side, I reach my hand in my pocket to make sure the object from the Dig is still there. I pull it out, the figure staring back at me as though it knows it’s been chasing me in my dreams for most of my life. I wrap my fingers around it, pick up a large stick with my other hand and walk to the special spot Gavin and I have claimed to be ours.

  When I arrive, his back is turned to me and he seems to be digging in the ground as usual. It’s like he’s always on his own archeological dig.

  “I have a gift for you.”

  Gavin turns around with dirt lining his nose and forehead. “Evie…” he smiles, wiping the dirt from his forehead with the back of his hand. “I wasn’t expecting you so early.”

  “Our annual Dig was today so we only had to stay until everyone found an object and described what they found.”

  “Oh, that was your last one ever, right?”

  I nodded. “No more digs. It’s kind of strange to think about when you put it that way.” I’m sure I’ll be going to the Community Museum a lot when I enter into adulthood in some effort to stay on top of what all the other Levels continue to discover.

  “So what did you find?”

  “Happy early birthday, Gavin.” I extend my arm and slowly open my hand to reveal his present. His birthday falls on the same day as mine and unfortunately I will be at the Futures Ceremony and won’t be able to see him.

  He chuckles and reaches out to grab the item. “And how did you describe this to your class?”

  I sit down next to him on the ground and watch as he runs his finger up and down the grooves in the top of the object.

  “Well.. I didn’t actually show it to the class. I kept digging afterwards and found something else and showed them that instead. It was a glass piece to an old vase. Nothing special.”

  Gavin’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it as he decides to take a different approach to the conversation. He knows me well enough to know I wouldn’t have typically done something so risky within the community walls unless I felt it was important. I’ve only done that one other time with a book that I knew Ms. Kay wouldn’t let me keep.

  Gavin examines the artifact in his hands and asks, “What made this one so special?”

  “I’ve had dreams about something that looks very similar to this.”

  He looks up at me. “Really? You’ve been having dreams?”

  “Yep, for several years now.” I pull a leaf off the tree, rolling the stem of it between my fingers.

  “Why haven’t you’ve ever told me about that?”

  “Believe it or not, I don’t tell you everything.” I also didn’t want him to know I only started having them the day I met him. It was too strange.

  Gavin rolls his eyes. I can tell he wants to ask me more about the dreams, but instead I see his mind shift as he says, “Well, if you had to guess what it is, what would you think?”

  I let the leaf drop from my hands and take the figure back from him. “It seems to be a replica of a machine that existed long ago. Based off of the chimney-looking area on the top, it looks like smoke could come out of it when it runs. I’m assuming it was used as a way to smooth out ground so maybe used in construction of homes or buildings.”

  Gavin nods. “I can see why you would have thought that.”

  I mock him by rolling my eyes like he always does to me and then say, “Okay, all-knowing one. What is it?”

  Gavin chuckles, knowing that as usual, he’s won the knowledge contest. “This is called a train. It actually ran on metal tracks that would lead from one town to another so that they could transport people or things between each place. You see this little hinge on the back of it? This was so additional carts could be hooked up to it allowing it to carry even more people or things at a time.”

  I inspect the train in my hand carefully. Train. So this is what has been in my dreams.

  “Gavin, how would I have seen one of these before? It’s been in my dreams for years chasing me down. Either it or someone on it is always trying to kill me. I never knew what it was but now I’m finding out one actually used to e
xist. Why would I have known this without ever seeing it before?”

  Gavin grabs the train from my hand, stands up quickly, and stuffs it in his pocket. “I don’t know, Evie. Like you’ve already said, you don’t share everything with me. I didn’t even know you’ve been having dreams. You probably read it in one of the books you found before. Come on, let’s go for a walk and try to find some new things.”

  I obey and follow Gavin. But no, I would have remembered it if it was in a book. I have studied every single one that I’ve ever been able to get my hands on. I know them all inside and out. I’ve never seen a train before.

  After a few minutes of silence, Gavin stops and reaches up to a tree to try to pull a vine down. As he’s wrestling with it in his hands, he gently says, “I really did like the birthday gift. Thank you, Evie. It was a nice surprise.”

  I nod, still wrapped up in the idea of the train.

  “So speaking of birthdays…. Your big one is coming up.”

  Eighteen. Suddenly the train leaves my mind in a flash. The Futures Ceremony is in a few days.

  “What does your community do to celebrate your birthday this year, Gavin?” Impetus stops celebrating birthdays after 18. Once we graduate Level 17, we are considered as officially entering adulthood and then we are Paired or Unpaired and that with whatever role we are assigned are all that matter for the rest of our lives.

  “We eat a special treat to celebrate and typically they would light 23 candles to honor the age.” There’s a slightly faraway look to his eyes.

  “Your community celebrates like people in The Before would?” I’ve read about old celebrations that The Before used to have. It’s one of the few historical books that Impetus allows us to read since it talks about how worthless those celebrations were and all the negative consequences that have come out of them over time. Some of those celebrations are what led to the events in the destruction of The Before.

  Gavin pulls off one of the vines and hands it to me. “Stop avoiding the topic. Have you given much thought to the Ceremony yet?”

  A sigh escapes my lips as I take the vine in my hands. I have been trying not to think about it but it has been an inevitable topic- especially over the past month as more conversations in my Level seem to be focused on it. Soon, we will be told what our futures are. If we are a part of a Pairing, we get to partake in the future of Impetus by giving birth so many people consider it an honor. Most of my female classmates have always talked about how they know that’s the future they want. They also then get to spend their time participating in the community co-op with cooking, sewing, and any other skill that contributes to our collective needs or in one of the more professional roles, as determined by the Community Board.

  Although I have known all my life that this time was coming, I was not yet keen on the idea. I am content with my current life and frankly view the Pairings as a meaningless act. As I have watched the girls in previous years be matched to a male, I have detested the idea of the mandatory pairings even more so. I enjoy my job and my current role but right now it’s only acceptable as a student. No one talks about “seeking” out those sorts of positions- the ones that are considered supportive and not vital to Impetus. Although respected, they tend to be deemed as unfortunate because it means you were not a match with anyone else.

  “I just don’t understand the pairing.”

  “What about it don’t you understand?” Gavin asks.

  “I have a hard time with the fact that the Community Board decides which male and female are fit for having children and which ones are unfit for that role and need to work taking care of Impetus for the rest of their lives instead. Shouldn’t that be an individual’s decision?”

  A smirk spreads across Gavin’s face but he remains silent.

  “Gavin, what happens in your community? Were you given an actual job?” Suddenly, a thought I’ve never had before crosses my mind, “Do you have a pairing?”

  Instead of answering, Gavin continues walking so I follow, my steps perfectly matching his. “You’ve never asked so many questions about my community before, Evie. Why today?”

  “I don’t know. I never thought much about it before, I suppose. And you’ve always been good at avoiding them anytime I do try to ask.”

  “Would it change how you view me if I told you more about my community? Or what if I told you I had a pairing?”

  I try to imagine Gavin in the context of spending time with another woman that he goes home to talk with, another woman that he tells everything to. I don’t want to picture it. I can’t believe I never thought of this before. He’s been an adult for years. I’ve been so stupid to not realize this earlier.

  When I don’t answer immediately, Gavin asks, “What do you want, Evangeline?”

  I don’t like how he uses my full name sometimes. He came up with the nickname and it’s grown on me. “It doesn’t matter what I want. Even if I knew the answer, Impetus decides everything.”

  “No.” Gavin stops walking, turns to me, and puts his hands on both sides of my face. “No, they don’t have to decide everything. What do you want?”

  I look into Gavin’s eyes and the growing intensity behind them. “It doesn’t work that way, Gavin. Not in my world.”

  “Just stop and think if it did work that way. What do you want? It’s an easy question. Just think about it. What have your dreams shown you?” Emphasizing each word, he asks again, “What do you want?”

  I pull away from his hands. I knew he would bring up the dreams. “No, that’s stupid. It doesn’t matter. I don’t have control over it.”

  “What if you do?” He argues back. “What if you do, then what?”

  “What are you talking about? I don’t understand why you want to play all these hypothetical games all the time. It’s not reality so why even debate it. Everything for you sure seems to have worked out just fine, though, huh? Tell your pairing hello for me.” Dropping the vine, I turn on my heel and run through the trees all the way back to Impetus, not stopping until I get to the thickets where I pause to catch my breath.

  I hate that Gavin challenges me on the way my community works. It works. The system works. I have to think of it as “my community” because days like today, he makes it clear that he only sits on the outside. He has his own life, and I have mine. It’s a reminder that it’s a place where Gavin obviously doesn’t belong.

  However, in my world that has been stretched outside further than just Impetus ever since I met him, he does belong. Throughout the years, Gavin has grown to be a very important part of my life, and I don’t like to think of it without him.

  CHAPTER 9

  I near the thickets to the community entrance and slow my steps to be able to slide in undetected. As I crawl through, I hear voices. Stopping, I hold on to the branches so they won’t move, and listen intently to the conversation. There are two male voices that I have never heard before. I try peering through the bushes but can’t identify any faces.

  “Did he see you?” asks one.

  A much deeper voice replies, “No, he had his back turned to me. It’s definitely him, though. That’s not the first time I saw him in that same place. It’s too close. It has to be him.”

  “Did you see anyone else? He can’t be doing this all on his own. Do you really think he would try to come back?” the voice sounded strained. “We can’t have that. If someone saw him… There would be consequences.”

  “Sir, if it’s with your permission, I can take care of him. No one would have to know.”

  What does that mean? Take care of him? I’ve heard that line in old movies that the Community will play during its Quarterly Evening Under the Lightstones event over the years. Ones that show how bad The Before actually was as captured in films they used as entertainment. When that line was used, it was never used for good.

  “I thought you already did.” The other man snaps. “Apparently you didn’t get it right the first time.”

  There is hasty silence. The stillness
goes on for way too long. Suddenly, it is interrupted by the beeping of my wrist monitor. I clasp it quickly with my right hand, trying to cover the sound. A large tin door slams with force. Silence again except for the beeping of my monitor. I don’t want to move in case someone sees me but I don’t have much of a choice. I need to get to a Remedy Cube. Besides, with my monitor beeping, it won’t take long for someone to hear me and find me hiding in the shrubbery.

  I keep low to the ground, moving the branches to take a better look. No one is around. I think I’m okay. I sprint out to the other side of the gardens, staying as far away from touching the steel frame of the building as I can. As I cross the road to the Clinic, I glance behind me. The door I heard had to come from one of the steel buildings. Someone went in there, which means that people do actually use those. But who? And what do they do? And why doesn’t anyone ever talk about them? I need to ask Gavin. Maybe he’ll know. He’s not going to like hearing that I was so close to getting caught, though. That was a risky move on my behalf.

  There’s no line at one of the Remedy Cubes outside the Clinic so I quickly swipe my monitor as two pills come rolling down the chute. They easily slide down my throat and within seconds, the beeping stops. Since it’s still too early for my work shift, I decide to go down to the Courtyards that surround the Lightstones to see if Jacqueline was hanging out after the Dig.

  Who were those men? They sounded older, as though they could be Officials. We’ve heard everyone on the Community Board speak throughout time, though, and those voices were too different. I’ve never seen anyone who wasn’t tending the garden be so close to either of those buildings. I’ll need to be more careful as I come in and out through Impetus.

  I walk back past the Unpaired Housing and once again think of Ms. Kay. She has now lived in both the Paired and the Unpaired sides; she has seen both aspects of how the ceremony choices could go. Which housing would I end up in? Which one did I want to live in? If I couldn’t determine what I wanted, how could Impetus make the decision so easily for me?