Why Now?

by Carey Heywood

  That leaves Jake and Heath.

  Clearing my throat, I say, “Never have I ever had a one night stand.”

  Everyone, save for myself, takes a drink. Jake’s annoyed look is back as he watches Reilly drink. Then he looks at me and his expression turns . . . curious.

  He looks back at Reilly. “I’m not sure if I want to know, but was the guy anyone I’d know?”

  She shakes her head. “It was during college and it was me who decided it’d only be one night, not him.”

  She covers her mouth to smother a giggle and lifts her pinkie up as explanation.

  “Reilly, too much information,” Jake grumbles while Heath bursts out laughing.

  Reilly goes on, “Then I probably shouldn’t tell you that if it’s looking like sex is on the menu I always make them order a hand job first to be safe.”

  “Reilly, I do not need to know that!” Jake snaps making all of us laugh.

  “Whatever, it’s common sense,” she replies. “So, what about the two of you? Would Kacey or I know any of your hookups?”

  Jake looks relieved that Reilly is no longer sharing. “You knew the few girls I dated in high school. Once I got to college I was focused on football until my knee went, so if I hooked up with anyone it was only a one night thing.”

  “What about now,” she presses. “With living on the rig it has to be hard to date.”

  He snorts. “Date? It’s impossible. The first couple of years I’d hook up here and there when I was off the rig.”

  For some reason, her eyes land on me before looking back at him. “But not recently?”

  He shrugs. “I’ve been in a committed relationship,” I stop breathing, “with my hand the last couple of years.”

  Air reenters my system and I start cough choking while Reilly mutters, “And you said I told you too much information. Seriously, Jake, gross.”

  He just smiles and I take a sip of my beer to wet my throat.

  Reilly looks at Heath, “Well?”

  “In college there were a few,” he replies noncommittally.

  “And after college?” Reilly asks.

  He shrugs, looking down. “Yes.”

  Her eyes light up. “When you moved back? Is it someone we know?”

  He avoids her question. “Who’s next?”

  Reilly leans back in her seat, “I am.”

  She doesn’t say anything else right away, though. Instead, her gaze slowly moves from Jake, to Heath, to me, back to Jake, and then skipping Heath, back to me. The look in her eyes can only be described as up to no good.

  “Never have I ever made out with Jake Whitmore.”

  No. Oh God. She didn’t.

  Both Heath and Jake stare at her in confusion while my cheeks burn and I look away. The weight of her gaze stays pinned to me.

  Shame washes over me as I slowly lift my glass and drink.

  Jake is the first to break the silence. “We’ve never made out.”

  Reilly suppresses a grin while Heath stares at me before saying, “Ace, why did you drink?”

  My hands start shaking so I quickly set my drink down and keep my eyes on my lap. “Do I have to talk about it?”

  Jake stands; I can sense his shadow fall over me from across the table. “Yes, you do.”

  “God,” I moan, lifting my hands to my face. “It’s so embarrassing.”

  “Kacey,” he warns.

  Avoiding his eyes, I look up enough so that his legs are in my view and hug myself. “It was years ago. You were so drunk you didn’t even know. I . . . I . . . God, I’m so sorry Jake. I had wanted to kiss you for so long and you were right there so I did it, and then you started kissing me back so I thought you were into it and kept going, but then you passed out mid kiss. I . . . I . . . took advantage of you by kissing you when I knew you were that drunk. I’m so sorry, Jake.”

  Finally, I brave looking up at him, my eyes wet with tears I say, “It was wrong of me to do that. Please believe how sorry I am.”

  He doesn’t look pissed, like I expect. If anything, he looks confused and then he says, “But the girl I kissed had blonde hair.”

  Covering my face with one hand, I point the other towards Reilly. “Your sister thought I would look good blonde and talked me into dyeing it. It looked awful so I went back to the salon and had them try to match my natural hair color and dye it back.”

  “I thought it looked cute blonde,” Reilly grumbles making me drop my hand from my eyes to glare at her.

  “It was so pale it matched the color of my skin,” I argue.

  “You were . . .” Jake starts but doesn’t finish.

  I’ve thought of that girl and our kiss for the last four years. Over and over I kicked myself for getting as drunk as I did and not finding out her name or how to get a hold of her before I passed out.

  When I woke, a part of me thought that she was a dream. Her lingering scent on my clothes made me sure she was real. She was the reason I stopped drinking as much as I did when I was off the rig.

  That way, if I ever saw her again I’d be sober. The only thing I remembered about her, other than her scent, was her long blonde hair. What are the odds Kacey had blonde hair when she said we kissed?

  Could she truly be my mystery girl?

  There’s only one way to find out. Sparing Heath an apologetic glance, my hand shoots out to grab Kacey by the back of her neck and pull her face towards mine. In a flash, with the coffee table between us, my mouth covers hers.

  She lets out a startled squeak and I take the opportunity to slide my tongue into her mouth. If Reilly or Heath reacts, I don’t know.

  There is nothing but her lips, her tongue, and her taste. Registering her hands coming to press against my chest, it’s not lost on me that she’s only bracing herself with them, not pushing me away.

  Deepening the kiss, I tightly grip her waist. She is right there with me and I’m lost to her.

  Memories, dreams, and all those feelings of longing I had for a girl who slipped through my fingers assail me. It was her, Kacey was my mystery girl.

  Breaking away, I stare down at her trying to steady my breath. Her eyes flutter open and the shock in them is evident, as is the longing. Longing so clear it’s a miracle I don’t pull her across this table and into her room right now.

  “What the fuck?” Heath growls and Kacey’s eyes grow wide, the longing vanishing and something else replacing it.

  Stupidly, I let her go and watch as she struggles to steady herself. In vain, my hands reach back out for her but she’s already sunk back down onto the sofa.

  She raises the fingers on her left hand to her lips, pink and swollen from my kiss.

  Heath’s ring pulses with accusation.

  What the fuck did I just do?

  “Fuck” I clip and head for the door.

  I need to get out of here and go someplace where I can clear my head and think straight.

  Heath follows me but he isn’t moving as fast as I am. By the time I’m in their parking lot he’s standing in their doorway.

  It doesn’t stop him from yelling, “Why the fuck did you kiss her?”

  Turning, I meet his glare head on. “I had to know. And fuck, it was her. This whole fucking time it was her.”

  All signs of anger flee from his face and shock replaces it. “Are you sure?”

  Heath and Erik are the only people I’ve told about the girl I kissed that night. They both know I tried in vain to find out who she was because, even though I was drunk off my ass, I felt something special when we kissed.

  For the first time since my grandparents died, I considered starting something with someone.

  Resigned I sigh, “It was her.”

  His eyes close.

  Turning away, I keep moving.

  “Where are you going?” He calls after me, but I don’t stop to answer him since I have no idea.

  This changes everything.

  Fuck.

  Pulling my phone from my pocket, I call the rig. We migh
t not be able to get a cell phone signal out there but there’s still the landline. We single guys use it infrequently so anyone with wives or kids can call home. It’s late so I’m hoping the phone is free.

  “Hello?”

  It’s Andrews, a floorhand. “Hey man, it’s Whitmore. Is Sonderveik around? I need to talk to him.”

  I wait while he gets him.

  “Jake?” Erik answers, out of breath.

  “That girl, the one I kissed that night but never knew who she was, it was Kacey,” I blurt.

  “This is good, no?”

  “It’s complicated.” I keep walking, anywhere, nowhere. “She’s engaged.”

  “That does not sound complicated, my friend.”

  “It’s kind of like a green card wedding type thing. They aren’t a couple,” I argue.

  He pauses, probably considering everything I’ve said, before he replies, “You are angry it’s her or are you angry she is engaged?”

  As usual, he hit the nail on the head. “The timing is all wrong.”

  “I disagree. You sell the house and the timing is good.”

  “I work on a rig in the middle of the ocean. That’s not changing.”

  “Why?”

  Shit. He has a point.

  “She’s still engaged,” I argue.

  “Engaged is not married,” he replies.

  A car alarm starts to go off down the street.

  “Where are you?” Erik asks.

  “Walking around trying to clear my head.”

  “It working?”

  No, if anything I’m more confused than I was when I walked out of their apartment.

  “I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later. Shit happened with the house so I need to stay in town longer to deal with it.”

  He laughs.

  “What?” I snap. “I’m staying for the house.”

  “Of course you are,” he mutters before hanging up.

  Lowering my phone, I glare at it before I flip it shut. Why couldn’t I have found this out years ago? Hell, months ago would have been better than now.

  Now that she’s engaged to one of my best friends.

  Halfway to nowhere, I point my shoes in the direction of Lola’s figuring a cup of coffee wouldn’t hurt to clear my thoughts.

  Mrs. Fairlane isn’t there but Sydney is. Her eyes meet mine the second I walk through the door.

  “You okay, Jake?” She asks.

  “Nope,” I reply and settle myself on a stool at the bar. “Could I get a cup of coffee?”

  “I heard about what happened at your grandparent’s place. I’m so sorry.”

  Her thinking that’s what has me down is a good thing, so I go with it and nod.

  The mug I get today is from Lincoln, New Hampshire. It has a picture of a moose on it and says things I moose do.

  Funny.

  Holding it in my hands, but not lifting it from the counter I look blankly down at it. The warmth slowly seeps from the mug and into my palms.

  Here I am holding a mug of coffee when not fifteen minutes ago my hands were on Kacey. That kiss made one thing for sure; I’ll never be able to look at her again without remembering what she tastes like.

  My life is seriously screwed.

  I was a dick for leaving the way I did. Who knows what she’s thinking or what Heath is saying to her right now.

  My only excuse was the shock of it was overwhelming. What I need is to let the dust settle so I can decide what to do.

  What the hell am I going to do?

  If I make a play for her I could destroy my friendship with Heath. If I don’t, I could regret it for the rest of my life.

  What’s more important, my heart, or my loyalty to a friend?

  There’s a decent chance she wants nothing to do with me. In the past, I would have been certain all I had to do was crook my finger and she’d come. Things have changed; she’s not the same girl with a crush that she used to be.

  One thing I know for sure is she didn’t push me away, and she sure as fuck kissed me back.

  Sydney moves away to tend to other customers leaving me with my thoughts.

  Unfortunately, I’m not left alone with them for long. My phone starts buzzing. Releasing the mug, I reach for my phone.

  Reilly calling.

  Not ready to talk to anyone, I set it on the counter. It shifts slightly as it continues to vibrate under my watchful gaze.

  When it finally stops, I drink my coffee. Before long, it buzzes again, this time with a text.

  -Jake, where’d you go?

  Not wanting her to worry I text back.

  -Lola’s.

  Her response is immediate.

  -On my way.

  Hurriedly I text back.

  -Don’t.

  There’s no reply. Damnit. She better be walking.

  I send another text.

  -Don’t drive.

  This one gets a reply.

  -Walking.

  Setting my phone down, I glance around the diner to see how busy it is. Luckily, there aren’t that many people here. The dinner crowd has come and gone already.

  Picking up my coffee, I catch Sydney’s eye. “Reilly is coming. I’m going to move to a booth.”

  “Sounds good, hon,” she replies before moving into the backroom.

  “Hon?” Someone asks from behind me, and I turn to see Heath standing there.

  “You messing around with Sydney, too?” He asks.

  Fuck.

  “Don’t be an asshole, Heath. You know Sydney’s just being friendly.”

  “Was it just being friendly to kiss my fiancée, Jake?” He clips.

  At his words, heads turn in our direction.

  “Let’s not do this in here,” I say, setting my coffee on the counter.

  His brows shoot up. “You want to take this outside?”

  His tone is more incredulous than menacing.

  It takes effort not to roll my eyes. “I don’t want to fight you; I just don’t want everyone in the diner to hear our conversation.”

  He blinks. “Oh. Okay.”

  Sydney is walking in from the backroom. I wave at her to get her attention.

  “I’m going to talk to Heath outside. I’ll be back,” I say gesturing to my phone and my coffee on the counter.

  “I thought you said Reilly was coming,” she questions.

  “Long story,” I grumbled moving outside.

  Heath’s back is to me, his eyes focused on the closed dry cleaners next to the diner.

  When he doesn’t say anything, I decide I might as well get it out there. “I’m not sorry I kissed her.”

  He rolls his shoulders before turning to face me. “I figured as much considering how long it took you to stop kissing her.”

  My eyes close. He has every single right to be pissed at me.

  Opening my eyes I reply, “I had to know for sure if it was her.”

  He takes a step towards me. “Even though she’s engaged to me?”

  “You’re not even in love with her!” I shout, making him flinch.

  “What? And now you are?” He argues.

  I move past him and sit down against the wall of the dry cleaners, my legs cocked in front of me.

  “Don’t act like I’ve never talked to you about the girl I kissed.”

  “Your mystery girl,” he sneers, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

  “I never knew she was Kacey,” I argue.

  “You should know I kind of fucking hate you right now,” he spits, coming to sit next to me.

  “I have no idea what to do.”

  He scoffs, “You have no idea? What about me? What am I going to tell my mom?”

  Fuck.

  “We don’t know what Kacey is going to do—“

  He cuts me off. “Don’t be an idiot. It’s always been you for her. I was stupid for thinking I had a shot.”

  “You’re saying that like it’s inevitable.”

  He gives me a look.

  “What are you
weirdos doing out here?” Reilly asks, walking up.

  Heath hooks his thumb in my direction. “He wanted to take it outside.”

  She crouches in front of us grabbing my chin and inspecting my face before doing the same to Heath. “You guys didn’t fight did you?”

  “Nope; we’re currently feeling sorry for ourselves,” Heath replies.

  “Oh God. I walked all this way for your pity party?” Her eyes move to me. “Get up, you’re treating me to a crème pie.”

  Heath and I both get up and follow her into the diner. I grab my phone and my coffee before we all slide into a booth. Reilly and me on one side, Heath on the other.

  Sydney walks over to check on us. “Hey guys, everything okay?”

  Her eyes move back and forth between Heath and me. Shit. Did she hear what went down before we went outside?

  “Everything is good.”

  Her look is skeptical but she lets it go.

  “How’ve you been?” Reilly asks her, moving her attention from Heath and me being idiots.

  Sydney shrugs, leaning her hand on the back of Heath’s booth. “Back again. Sometimes I feel like a yo-yo. It seems like I always end up back here no matter how hard I try to stay away.”

  “So, I take it San Fran was a bust?” Reilly frowns.

  Sydney nods. “A gigantic I’m-swearing-off-men-forever bust.”

  Heath glances up at her but she keeps her eyes on Reilly, so he looks at me instead. I lift my shoulders because it doesn’t seem like we’re invited to this conversation.

  “I’m with you. There was this guy who I thought liked me but turns out it was all a lie. Swearing off men sounds like a smart idea,” Reilly agrees.

  At this, I cough and lift my hand, “Thought I should remind you two that we’re sitting here.”

  Reilly rolls her eyes. “You don’t count. And sorry, Heath, but you never did it for me.”

  My eyes widen. “Christ, Reilly, it wasn’t an offer.”

  Sydney laughs and shakes her head. “Can I get you guys anything to eat?”

  “I’ll take a slice of crème pie,” requests Reilly.

  “Can I have a warm up?” I ask, lifting my moose mug.

  Her eyes land on Heath.

  “Coffee sounds good,” he answers.

  Once Sydney walks away, I look at Reilly. “Where’s Kacey?”

  She sets her elbows on the table and rests her chin on her hands. “Heath pretty much followed you out the door when you took off. I tried talking to her but she just kept saying ‘Oh my God’ over and over again. I even shook her.” She blanches when she sees my face go stormy and quickly adds, “Not hard or anything. I just wanted her to stop saying ‘Oh my God’ like a broken record. And it worked. She yelled at me for calling her out during never have I ever, but you needed to know, Jake. Honest to God, if I knew you were hung up on the girl who kissed you, I would have told you ages ago.”