Why Now?

by Carey Heywood

  But, Jake . . .

  With Jake, I have no idea how my life would be. If he stays like he said he might, I don’t know what he’d do for a living. Would he be dependent on me? Would he move into Reilly’s and my apartment? I don’t know. What I do know is that when he kissed me it didn’t leave me wanting like Heath’s kiss had. No, Jake’s kiss lit me like a match and set the tinder within me ablaze. That was not a kiss; it was an inferno.

  Do I risk my heart to a guy that might be able to make my heart beat faster but also break it into a million pieces?

  Or, do I take the safe route with a guy I’m sure could never hurt me?

  “Are you serious about moving back, Jake?” Reilly asks, but I’m busy ignoring her.

  “Jake,” she snaps, and I reply, “hold on.”

  She pushes in next to me. We’re standing in her bedroom at her window. It’s the best view from their apartment into the parking lot where Heath and Kacey are currently talking. I’m not thrilled with how close they’re standing. It should be me she’s pressed up against, not him.

  “She looks upset,” Reilly mumbles.

  Shit. She does. Taking a step back, I start to move away from the window.

  “You can’t go out there,” Reilly says, reaching out to grab my arm and tug me back toward the window. “What are you going to do, go all caveman and drag her away from him by her hair?”

  That actually isn’t a bad idea.

  When I don’t reply, she smacks my arm.

  “Fine, I won’t go out there,” I promise, rubbing my arm.

  “Good, the only way she’ll break off the engagement is if it’s her own decision. If you try and force her, you’ll only piss her off and make her want to marry Heath even more.”

  She’s right, and it pisses me off.

  Not only that, I can hear Erik in my head. He wasn’t wrong when he called me out on using the house as an excuse to stay here. He knew the real reason I was putting off going back to the rig was Kacey.

  Holding back her curtain, Reilly motions for me to come back to the window. Unable to stop myself, I do.

  In the past ten years, there have been many things that have happened that were outside of my control. Still, I had a plan and was, for the most part, able to stick to it.

  Now I have no idea what I’m doing. It wouldn’t make sense to stop working on the rig now.

  I need at least one more year of the money that I make on it. The thought of Kacey marrying anyone but me is what made me say it. Now, can I figure out a way to make it happen without screwing all my plans up?

  Heath lowers his head and kisses her while I, like a masochist, watch.

  At least their kiss is brief. Seeing it reinforces the fact that I need to make staying here happen. Kacey Albright is not going to marry Heath Mackey, not if I can help it.

  She steps out of his arms and back far enough from his car to allow him to open his door and slide in. He rolls down his window and reaches for her hand then he kisses her knuckles. She starts to walk back toward the apartment but turns to say something I cannot hear. Whatever it was makes him smile at her.

  She turns away and keeps walking back to the apartment. He watches her go, and when she reaches the door, his eyes move to Reilly’s window and he lifts his chin.

  Reilly lets go of her side of the curtain and takes a step back. “I think he saw us.”

  I stand there, watching his car back out and then drive away. “He did.”

  She goes back into her living room, but I stay in her room so I can gather my thoughts. I have to figure out a way to convince Kacey to give me a shot.

  She’s now quietly talking in the living room with Reilly. Time to make my move.

  “Kacey.”

  She’s standing close to the entryway of their kitchen; her back is to me but she turns when I call her name.

  Her hair is pulled up in a messy twist at the top of her head with a few strands that have fallen free and rest against the back of her neck.

  The way her head is turned only shows off how long her neck is. My lips hunger to taste her skin there. Soon, I will.

  Other than meeting my gaze, she doesn’t answer.

  “Will you go somewhere with me today, just the two of us?”

  “I don’t,” she hesitates, then says, “I have to . . .”

  Her voice trails off and she looks away.

  “Killer,” I murmur and she looks back at me, indecision written all over her face. “Please.”

  “Weren’t you just telling me you have nothing to do today?” Reilly interjects.

  Kacey turns to her. “I was not.”

  Reilly looks past her to me. “She was.”

  She inhales, then asks, “Where?”

  Pushing off from the doorjamb I make my way over to her, not stopping until I’m so close I can feel the heat of her skin and smell her hair. “It’s a surprise. I’ll be back in twenty.” I glance over to Reilly. “Can I borrow your car?”

  She grins. “Sure thing.”

  At that, I look down at Kacey. There’s no way she can deny the effect I have on her. Even now, just standing near her, she’s leaned in closer to me. Her light brown eyes have softened; her lips are parted.

  Her body knows, it’s up to me to convince the rest of her.

  Unable to stop myself, I dip my head and brush my lips across hers. If things go well, I’ll be doing a whole lot more before the day is over.

  “I’ll be back in twenty,” I repeat after lifting my head.

  She doesn’t move as I cross the room and open their door.

  Before I close it, I add, “You better be here. If you’re not, I’ll find you.”

  Her shiver is the last thing I see as I close the door. Using Sydney’s car, I drive to a convenience store to pick up everything I’ll need. Then, I head back to the diner to drop her car off.

  Sydney greets me as I walk in.

  “Can you take five?” I ask, and she nods before motioning for me to follow her to the hall where the bathrooms are.

  “What’s up, Jake?” She asks once we’re there.

  Taking her hand, I press her keys into them. “Thanks again for letting me crash at your place last night and for lending me your car. Giving me Jimmy’s name was a big help too. I’ve hired him.”

  She drops her keys into the pocket of her apron before putting her hand on her hip. “That’s all good, Jake but nothing you couldn’t have told me out there.” She tips her head in the direction of the tables in the diner.

  “Alright, you got me. I wanted you to know people think something happened between us last night.”

  Her mouth tightens and she nods. “Right.”

  “Look, I told both Heath and Kacey that all I did was sleep on your couch.”

  Her eyes narrow. “Mackey and Kacey thought something happened?”

  This is typical small town bullshit. Still, Sydney looks more ticked than I expected.

  “They did, but neither of them does now. Either way, I wanted you to know in case you hear anything.”

  She nods slowly, her jaw tense and her eyes still narrowed. “I doubt anyone would be stupid enough to say that shit to my face, but I appreciate you letting me know.”

  Trying to lighten the mood I say, “Come on Sydney, there are worse guys people could have said you hooked up with. I’m not that awful, am I?”

  There’s a beat before she replies, “No, you’re not awful. Thing is, this isn’t the first time I’ve heard shit like this. Some girls can be friends with guys and no one says a peep. Me? For some fucked up reason it’s assumed I sleep with every guy I know.”

  “Sydney,” I start but she cuts me off.

  “Don’t. I’m used to it. Like I said, thanks for the heads up.”

  Before I leave, I order some food to go. I try a couple more times to make her smile but I fail. It’s not cool that by doing me a favor she opened herself up to gossip.

  Putting an end to shit like that will be high on my priority list on
ce I figure out how to swing moving home.

  Once my order is ready, I grab it and my bags from earlier and walk back to Reilly and Kacey’s place. Relief hits me when I see both of their cars in the lot.

  Kacey not leaving to try and avoid me means my day is looking up.

  Reilly opens the door after I knock. “What do you have planned?”

  I answer with a question of my own once my eyes sweep the room and I realize Kacey isn’t in it. “Where’s Kacey?”

  Reilly tilts her head toward Kacey’s bedroom door. “She likes to be alone when she freaks out.”

  I frown. “She’s freaking out?”

  Reilly smirks. “She’s only been dreaming of going out on a date with you for years, and yes she might try and play it off like she’s cool, but trust me she’s freaking out. And, because of that, don’t rush her with anything. Remember what I said earlier.”

  “I’m not going to rush her.” She continues to smirk at me so I lift my hands. “I promise.”

  She laughs and picks up a set of keys from the table next to the door. “Fill her up before you return her.”

  “Will do. Can I ask another favor?”

  She purses her lips before replying, “What now?”

  She listens carefully while I explain my plan, her eyes widening before she replies, “I can do that. Oh, Jake. She’s going to love it.”

  “I hope so.”

  Taking her keys, I grab the bags I had set next to their door. By the time I have them loaded into the truck, Kacey is walking over.

  She’s wearing a blue dress with a ribbon that ties behind her neck instead of straps. It’s loose, but doesn’t hide her shape, and while it’s not short, it still shows off her legs.

  It’s going to take willpower not to touch her on the drive.

  “Are you going to tell me where you’re taking me yet?”

  “Nope.” I grin. “It’s my secret.”

  Reilly comes running out a minute later with a cloth grocery bag. “Here’s what you asked for.”

  Taking the bag from her, I toss it onto the floorboard of the backseat before Kacey has a chance to see what’s inside it.

  Then, after giving her a wink, I tell Reilly, “Thanks.”

  She punches my shoulder and walks away, shouting, “have fun,” over her shoulder.

  “Why won’t you tell me where we’re going?” Kacey presses.

  She’s nervous, her hands clasped in front of her, her fingers curling and fidgeting. When she walked out, she went straight to the passenger side. There’s something wrong with her being uncomfortable and there being a car between us.

  Moving around the hood, I close the distance between us and take both of her hands in mine. Leaning forward, I press my lips to the top of her head. “Relax, Killer, you’ll like it.”

  Earlier, I noticed the scent of her hair and I notice it again now. It’s fresh and citrusy with a hint of something tropical. Reaching behind her, I open her door and step away from her so she can climb in. Closing her door, I stand there and watch her settle herself. She’s still nervous but trying not to show it. Her hands are daintily resting one on top of the other on her lap, but the way her knee bounces gives her away.

  It’s an effort, but I move away and back to the driver’s side before she catches me staring.

  My hand hesitates on the door handle. This is the point of no return. If today goes well, my entire life is going to change. The only thing that’s stopping me is the fear that even after I put everything on the line for her, she’ll still pick Heath. It would serve me right for taking this long to finally figure out she’s what I want. Not wanting to make her wait any longer, I open my door and climb in.

  The legroom of Reilly’s Jeep Cherokee is much better than Sydney’s Beetle. The radio is preset to some top 40 station so I start to change it but stop, wondering what music Kacey likes.

  “You pick,” I say, motioning to the radio.

  I’ve known her forever but I don’t know things like this.

  “You sure?” She asks, her hand raised.

  “Go for it,” I reply and start to drive.

  Her choice surprises me. The station is one I listen to when I’m in town. It’s a mix of old school rock, alternative, and some folk music.

  A song by Mumford and Sons is playing. “I like this song.”

  She turns her face to look out her window but not before I catch the smile my words brought. I’m going to have to do something to conquer how shy she can be around me. She needs to feel comfortable around me if this will ever work.

  “Want to play a game while we drive?” I ask.

  She shivers in her seat and I reach for the AC control. “Are you cold?”

  She shakes her head, “No, I’m not. I just got the chills, though. I guess someone walked over my grave.”

  We’re stopped at a red light so I turn to look at her. “Your grave?”

  She laughs. “Have you ever heard that expression? It’s like for chills or goose bumps that you can’t explain. My mom used to say it all the time. And, yes, I’ll play. Who goes first?”

  “I’ll go. What’s your favorite song?” I ask.

  The light turns green and I go, smiling to myself as she mumbles, “How can you pick one song. That’s impossible, there’s no way I can pick just one.”

  It only took one question to annoy her shyness away. After much debating, with herself, she finally settles on, “Mr. Brightside by the Killers.”

  “Why?”

  “Is that another question? I thought it was my turn to ask one.”

  Keeping my eyes on the road I say, “It’s not another question. I promise I’ll explain my answers as well.”

  She shifts in her seat. “I’m not sure why it’s my favorite, there’s not one thing in particular. Maybe it’s everything, the beat that tricks you into thinking it’s a happy song when truly it’s so sad how you feel so bad for him because you want him to get the girl and it kills you for him when he sees her with someone else. It sounds happy and upbeat but it’s so much more than that. There are sad songs that force their sadness down your throat but this one sneaks it in. That sounds silly.”

  “No,” I stop her. “That makes perfect sense.”

  She exhales in a whoosh and smiles at me. There’s no shortage of pretty girls on the planet but there’s something special about Kacey that takes her from being a pretty girl to one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.

  She doesn’t try. No, I don’t know, she might try because I think she’s wearing makeup but she never looks like she’s wearing makeup. There’s something effortless about her. Without even trying, she can bring me to my knees with a smile.

  “Okay, my turn,” she says before asking, “how did you working on an oilrig happen?”

  “Well, after Gramps died, I found out their money situation was bad, real bad. Reilly was set to start school, the bank was threatening to foreclose on the house, but it was more. After I hurt my knee, it took three operations to make it so I could live my life without limping or pain the rest of my days. I had no clue how much debt they were racking up to pay for all my medical bills and my tuition. Gramps had social security but they were maxing out credit cards left and right to pay for everything.”

  “I was barely out of college and the only things that were available to me, job wise, were unpaid internships. I needed a job that would pay like crazy and one where I could start right away. It was luck that got me that job. A guy I knew was a marine biology major and got shit faced one night talking about the company I ended up working for.”

  “His thesis has something to do with the marine life that grows around the support posts that anchor the rigs to the ocean floor. Entire ecosystems form there like coral reefs but different. It was offhand that he mentioned how much the guys that work there get paid. Not that many people want to live miles away from civilization. The hours and the fact that the work can be dangerous makes the pay amazing. I’ve been plugging everything towa
rds their debt ever since.”

  Her hand is pressed to her chest. “Reilly doesn’t know how bad it was, does she?”

  I shake my head. “I know she’s your best friend but I’d like to keep it that way. She needs to be worrying about getting on her feet, nothing else.”

  “I get what you’re saying, but you should tell her. She’s making decent money and since we share it’s not like our rent is astronomical. She’d want to help.”

  “Once the repairs are done on the house I’ll think about it. It’s pointless until then. If I can sell the house for at least enough to cover what’s left on the mortgage it will be a nonissue since that’s all that’s left.”

  “It’s amazing what you’ve been able to do. Not many people would sacrifice what they wanted the way you have.”

  “Please don’t put me on a pedestal. Alright, my turn. Did you always want to do eye stuff? I’m not even sure what to call it.”

  She laughs, and I notice that before her body was facing straight ahead but now she’s angled herself toward me.

  “It wasn’t something I grew up dreaming about being. I guess it’s similar to what happened to you on the rig. I needed a job and I didn’t need any extra schooling to do this. In my office, we’re assigned to assist different doctors. Part of the reason I haven’t thought about leaving is because Dr. Colver is amazing. Sometimes it gets old working out of two different offices, though. It’d be nice if he only treated people in town; that’s the only thing I don’t like about my job.”

  We keep playing, each taking turns until it dawns on her where we’re going.

  She presses her hand to my arm, “Are you taking me to the beach?”

  I answer her with a grin.

  “But I don’t have my suit or sunblock. Or, I’m an idiot. Maybe you didn’t want to swim. Please ignore me.”

  I can’t help it, I laugh. “I had Reilly grab your beach stuff. It’s all in that bag she gave me.”

  She bounces in her seat and says, “Since it’s been so warm I keep promising myself that I’ll go, but then get caught up with other stuff. Thank you, I’ve only been out once so far this year and, well, thank you.”

  When she’s excited, she tends to talk with her hands. Reaching out, I grab the one closest to me and don’t let go.