Summer Breeze Kisses

by Addison Moore

  “No.” A rife panic sets in, and suddenly it’s as if my feet were to the flames. I’ve had Lex in my life for less than five minutes, and already she’s anxious to slip away. I can’t lose her twice. I couldn’t bear the torment. I almost didn’t survive the first time. I sure as hell won’t the second. “I’ll go somewhere else. You keep your job at The Sloppy Pelican.” I wince because I just so happened to rig it that I can’t be anywhere else. “Or you can simply go back to giving me the cold shoulder. But what I’m really hoping for is that we can have a sit-down. It doesn’t have to be now. I just—I need—”

  “Closure.” She gives a curt nod as if demanding that I agree with her.

  “No, I don’t need or want anything to do with that word. I need you. I need you back, Lex. I need things the way they were between us.” I’m pleading like a pussy, and I don’t really give a crap. “I need you, Lex. We’re good together. We fit. I get you, and you get me. The reason neither of us had a relationship in the last six years is because there’s nobody else out there for us. It’s you and me, ride or die. And I don’t want to ride or die without you.” My hand glides over her hair, and I memorize the soft silk of her waves, too afraid she’ll keep them away from me forever.

  Lex steps back, peeling my limbs off her one by one. Her features turn to stone, that lively affect of hers all but a memory. “We’re not together.” She looks right past me as she says it. “This was a fluke, and it won’t happen again. There will be no personal conversations, no dates, no rolling around the sheets, and for God’s sake, no relationship.” She says that last part as if she were incredulous at the thought.

  “Funny, you weren’t so repulsed by me last night.” Our eyes lock in a standoff. The gloves are off, and I’m ready to go twelve rounds. Hell, I want to. “You love me, Lex. You’re too afraid of losing control to give us another try. Let me in, Lex. Give us another chance.”

  “You’re the one who loses control!” She drills her finger over my chest. “That’s your role in this disaster, remember?”

  I close my eyes because it’s too hard to fight her on it. “Lex, as much as I don’t want to drag the past into this”—rage rockets through me, and I thunder at the top of my lungs—“that’s not what happened!”

  She takes a quick breath. Her face grows pale, and for a second I want nothing more than to rewind the last ten seconds.

  Lex takes a step in, her eyes seething with a newfound hatred for me. “Don’t you ever raise your voice to me again.”

  “I raised my voice because I’m flat out frustrated that I can’t make you see the truth.”

  Her shoulders sag, her entire person wilts into me a moment. For a brief second, gone is the ice queen that erects herself like some automatic response to rejection, pain, and hurt.

  “I know,” she whispers. Her hand rises to my face, and for a moment I’m convinced she’s going to slap me, but instead, she pats my lips as if she were blind and needed to feel them in an effort to get to know them better. But my heart shatters to dust because deep down I know it’s her way of saying goodbye to them. “I’m so very sorry about Emilia. Be sure to tell Teagan I’ll help plan her party.” A lonely tear rolls down her face, and it knifes me to see it. “Don’t you ever speak to me again.”

  She snatches her purse off the sofa and bolts out the door. No shoes, no pants, no underwear—I’m pretty certain. Nope. Lex Maxfield cannot get away from me fast enough.

  Lex doesn’t want me to speak to her ever again.

  It’s going to be a long, lonely, awful, hellish life without her.

  And in no way will I ever accept it.

  Belle of the Bar

  Lex

  Six Years Earlier…

  It’s been one year. A little over one year to be exact. We actually celebrated our one year anniversary like a bunch of sappy hippies last Halloween. We were so ecstatic you would have thought someone inflated us with helium the way we were floating around Hollow Brook like a couple of mismatched balloons—dancing, exchanging I love yous as if every day were Valentine’s Day. We were kissing—outright diving our tongues down one another’s throats in public as if we were trying to give all of society the middle finger. We didn’t care who watched The Ax and Lex Show. We were on all the time, twenty-four seven and didn’t give a flying rip who tuned in or tuned out. I had finally done the impossible. I relinquished—gave my heart away, lost control. Two things I vowed I would never do again after my mother took off in that rumbling station wagon that roared up to our driveway. My mother, the flake, took off with some high school sweetheart so the two of them could shoot up coke for the rest of their days. She chose a mountain of white powder and cheap motel sex over my siblings and me. If she wasn’t going to step up and be the woman God intended her to be, I sure as heck was. In fact, I was fast becoming an expert. I took Aunt Priscilla’s younger two under my wing after she died in that horrible car wreck. Rush and Sunday need me. Nolan is grown, but he needs a mother figure to act as the familial glue even if he’s too stubborn to admit it. This is precisely why falling in love with Axel Collins or anyone else was a risk I never should have taken. Someone needs to have their head about them. And for God’s sake, nobody is ever allowed to run out on me again.

  “New York?” I can barely get the words out of my throat.

  Here we are, in the middle of Founder’s Square where we shared our first kiss all those dizzying months ago. Only now the night is replaced with the cold harsh glare of a winter sun, snow reflecting its rays mercilessly.

  “Yes, it’s for a spring admit.” He swallows hard as he wraps his arms around me just a little bit tighter. He can feel the urge to bolt building in me, I can tell. “NYU has a great law school. It was my first choice. Don’t worry about it. It’s just a silly admissions letter. I should never have brought it up. I’m happy at Whitney Briggs. I’m happy with you.” He presses a kiss over my lips that quickly grows cold in the frigid air.

  My body solidifies. I can’t breathe. I can’t push the words that are dying to stream from me past that Manhattan-sized lump in my throat.

  “You should go.” I shrug, trying not to acknowledge the pain those words caused as they shred their way past my vocal cords. “It’s not every day your number one pick invites you to participate as a spring admit. Finals are over. I’ll help you pack.” I bite the air with my words. That furious venom that lives inside me percolates to the surface—a parting gift from my mother.

  “Hey”—fear takes over his features, and I hate that I’ve done this to him—“I’m not going anywhere. I’ve already got my classes set for spring right here. I get it. A long distance relationship would suck. And the only thing I need to suck is you.” He offers up that sheepish grin that has the power to charm me, and I almost want to laugh at what a fool I’ve been. Who the heck did I think I was diluting myself into thinking that this person, this entity that lives outside of my airspace could be controlled and kept under the lid of my universe? People leave—mothers, fathers, boyfriends, and it was all too painful to deal with. No way in hell am I ever falling on a sword for an outsider ever again. Serena, Marlin—they’re not only blood, they’re my charges. I don’t care how much older Marlin is. He’s mine.

  I glare at Axel Collins, and those eyes I’ve let him hypnotize me with because I can never safely say the same about him.

  “Go to New York or I will never speak to you again.” I don’t dare tell him that it will be the same case if he stays. “In no way do I want to be that person who you will point an accusing finger at for the rest of your miserable life because I made you stay,” I spit the words out like venom.

  The entire purpose of this conversation and any other interaction we might have from this moment on will be just that—an effort to make him loathe me. It will be easier that way for both him and me. Leaving someone you love is hard on the heart and just as hard on the mind. People turn off their emotions real quick once they despise someone. I wish I could hate my mother. I’ve n
urtured that love for her for far too long. I’ve hurt my heart, damaged it beyond repair. My mind is a maze of madness, of head games and defense mechanisms that I utilize just to keep breathing each day.

  “Lex.” Axel tips his head back, his eyes opened to the sky as if pleading for help from an outside source. “Why are you taking this so hard? I’m going to let them know I’m not coming. It was stupid of me to mention it.”

  “Please go.” My voice cracks. For a second I contemplate tricking him into believing I’m fine with a long distance relationship—drop him off at the airport and forget him. But I know Axel. He’d be on the next flight home if he thought something were amiss. No, this needed to end, and it needed to end now.

  “I’m breaking up with you.” I slap my palms over his chest and take a step back. “If you don’t have the backbone to do what’s right in your life, then you’re not the man for me.”

  Axel lunges forward and wraps his arms around me like a vise. His eyes are glassy and his jaw set tight as we stare one another down sternly. Axel and I have been a fragile flower since the beginning, each petal encased in snow. But the thaw was coming. Eventually, the seasons change, and spring is inevitable. We weren’t strong enough to survive the sun and her heated affection. She had already killed us by merely exposing our faults with her light.

  I knew, I knew in the deepest part of who I was that this was too good to be true. Axel and I were doomed from the start. This entire last year has felt as if I were running haphazard on a tight rope, no net. I’ve spent each day secretly dreading the fall. Sometimes it’s easier just to jump, get it over with, and that’s what I was doing. Jumping.

  I take a breath and harden my resolve. “You didn’t think I was serious with you, did you?” I turn and walk briskly to the student parking lot. Axel doesn’t follow.

  I was serious with him. Far too serious for my own good.

  Present Day

  Lex

  I growl like a madwoman at the bevy of protesters lining my front driveway as I barrel my way into the house.

  Raven comes storming out of the kitchen clad in her uniform of old ratty sweats, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s with a spoon spiked through it as if it were a requirement.

  “You.” I needle her with all of my discontent.

  “You!” Raven jumps back, and that waterfall of inky dark hair spills over her shoulders. “You’re half-dressed! You’re wearing someone else’s clothes! You have no shoes on.” She stretches the words out with a newfound disdain as her eyes rise to my middle. “And my God, you have a bush!”

  I glance down at my newly exposed crotch and let out a howl of a scream. “This day just keeps getting worse and worse!” All sorts of gagging noises sputter up my throat as I dash into my bedroom and strip off all evidence of last night’s romp and stomp.

  Raven blinks to life beside me, snickering and tittering while pointing at my girl parts.

  “Boy, you must have really put on a show last night.” Then just as quick as her junior high glee showed up on the scene, it disappears as she gasps hard and slaps her hand over her face. “Your brother!”

  “That’s right, my brother,” I roar over her face. “How could you? Isn’t there some kind of a girl code you sorority girls pledge into for life? How is it that you practically cheerlead me into my ex’s bed and then you turn around and sic the Jepson PD on me who also happens to be the very last person on the planet who wants to see evidence of my sexuality? You sent him straight to ground zero!” I bellow over her until she shrinks into a semi-fetal position with her arms curled over her head.

  “I’m such an idiot. I swear on all that is good, I wasn’t in my right mind.” She bolts to the other side of the bed for protection—a wise move on her part. “But he flashed that badge! And he was dressed head to foot in that official uniform. God knows I’ve been fifty shades afraid of blue after you had Low thrown in the pokey. All that boy had to do was look at me and I spilled every answer at his feet. Honey—I answered questions he didn’t even ask.”

  “Crap,” I moan as I sit on the bed, naked and dejected after a night that my mind is desperate to replay, but I won’t let it.

  “Excuse me, but did I just hear you say the C word?” She slides in about an arm’s length away. “I know for a fact that goes against Lex code.” She slips in closer and butts her shoulder to mine playfully. “How about I make us some tea and cue up an entire montage of rom-coms to erase all memories of your big bro showing up on the scene? I’ll even help you get some clothes on.” She hops up and pulls a chenille robe out of the closet and wraps me in it before pulling back the covers and helping me crawl into bed.

  Raven disappears into the kitchen, and in less than ten minutes she’s back with a steaming cup of tea for the both of us, my grandmother’s china, peach and white flowers on a powder blue setting. It’s my favorite set, and I never use them, but rather than unleash my porcelain-based fury upon her, I sit up in bed and peaceably take the precious cup.

  “Don’t you worry about a thing.” She turns on the television and crawls in next to me, mounding the pillows behind us into a slouched hillside. “We’ll hang out right here, comfy cozy.” She sits so close to me our elbows touch. “After my sorority sisters would partake in the walk of shame”—she bats her lashes up at me, and I glower at her for even suggesting it—“not that what you just went through, naked, barefoot, and pantiless would qualify. Anyhow, most of them came back just the way they left, albeit a little more disheveled. But you—you’re a bona fide runaway—a sexual escapee. Heck, I don’t even know how to classify that crotch-bearing event. By the way”—she gives a sly wink—“nice move bringing back the seventies vibe.” She glances briefly to my lap. “I’m with you all the way. I hate shaving. Face it, those ingrown hairs itch like hell, and don’t you even try to tell me that curse word was not warranted. In fact, I think we should keep the momentum going. I’ll send an all pubes APB out to my old sorority sisters and we’ll get this hairy ball back in motion. Why should we have to shave for the man? You’re onto something, Lex. Girl power all the way with that one.” She offers up a knuckle bump, and I woefully accept. “You know, I think it’s time.” Those sad puppy dog eyes of hers sag as she gives a slow nod.

  “For Matthew McConaughey?”

  “For you to spill a few emotions all over the place. I get it. You keep a short list of friends, but Low and I care about you. We want to know what makes you tick.”

  “Low isn’t here.” I turn the volume up on the television set, a cooking show—my people, my world. I wish Raven would morph into a bird like she’s supposed to so I can sit here all day and watch bacon melt in a pan instead of slicing open my body like a piñata and entertaining her with the deformed rocks that fall out.

  Raven snatches the remote off the comforter, and within five hot seconds we’re in rom-com hell.

  “I’ll fill her in on all the dirty deets. Now, what’s with the no cursing rule? Let’s start there.”

  “My mother cursed like a trucker.” I lean my head back and end up thumping it against the headboard. So much for pillow mountain. That’s what I get for trusting someone else to do something for me. Today is all about the hard lessons. I don’t see why I should catch a break anytime soon. “She left my family when I was just a kid. I caught her as she was taking off in the middle of the night, suitcase in hand. There was a beat-up car idling for her in the driveway. She said, ‘Take care of everyone for me, baby. You’re my special Lexy girl. I will always love you.’” A single tear singes my cheek as it burns its way down. “I never wanted to hear that name again. I never wanted to see her face. I made sure the first wish came true. She made sure the next one did.”

  A hard sniffle comes from her as Raven lands her tea down on the nightstand. “My God, girl, you’re not made of ice. You’re made of glass.” She wraps both arms around me. “With a mother like that, it’s a wonder you survived. It’s not a big leap to figure out why you’re so cranky and nasty.” Her te
ars warm my neck as they trickle to my chest, and I pull back staring at her in wonder.

  “Are you crying for me?”

  “Of course, I’m crying for you. Who else would I be boo-hooing for? You’re a badass, Lex! Pardon not my French. But you are. Look at all you’ve managed to accomplish without your mother to guide you.”

  I give a hard sniff toward the television with its ridiculous meet-cute and sappy one-liners. “If this were the seventeenth century, I’d be a spinster.”

  “Yeah, so?” She shakes out that dark mane, and for a moment I’m paranoid she’s about to shed all over my newly washed sheets. “And you probably wouldn’t have Strudel. You’d have like fifteen cats.”

  “I loathe the litter box.” I glare over at Strudel sitting like a king in the corner as if it were all his fault. “And my hovel of a home would be infested with fleas.”

  “And ticks. You’d get Key Lime disease and never want to leave your house again.”

  A horrible sadness encapsulates us both as we sag deeper into a newly invented depression.

  A thump comes from the living room followed by a cheery voice. “Where the hell you girls at?” It’s Low, and I sag with a sigh of relief once her perky face fills the doorway. I’ve never been so thankful not to see my brother. One break-in worthy encounter is enough for the day—for a lifetime.

  I frown over at Low. “I came this close to accosting you with a bottle of hairspray. If you were an intruder, you’d be blind by now.”

  Raven roars with a laugh while patting a spot on the other side of me for her bestie. “And I would have sat on your face until the cops arrived—that is, if you actually had a pair, were over six feet, and had demanding blue eyes. Otherwise, I would have maced the heck out of you. Lex here was about to go easy on you.”