“We met Colton Patrick and Matt Ryan last night at Flux.” My words came out in an excited rush.
“No, shit,” He exclaimed, his eyes bright.
“No, shit. I couldn’t believe it either. I thought I was in a dream.”
“Do you often dream about Hollywood movie stars?” he asked with a laugh.
“No, but it seemed impossible. They came and sat down at our booth because there were none open and then they talked to us. Have you ever seen Colton Patrick out and about town?”
“Can’t say that I have, but you never know. I’ve heard he comes back to visit his family multiple times a year. Did you get any juicy details?”
“Nope, but we did go back to his house once the club closed,” I answered with a nervous smile.
“You went back to his house?” Ryan asked rubbing his chin.
Letting out a deep breath, I answered, “More than that.”
“Damn it, Alex, what happened? Are you okay?” he asked, forehead creased.
“I’m okay. I was just stupid and drank way too much. I don’t even know how many drinks I had. You know I don’t drink much. Let’s just say it loosened my inhibitions a little too much.”
“Yeah, I know exactly what too much alcohol will do to your inhibitions. That’s how I got you to go to third base with me when we were at that party.” He fumed and abruptly stood to take his plate to the kitchen.
“Please, don’t remind me. God, I was such a prude back then. I don’t know how you put up with me. Hell, maybe I’m still a prude.” How embarrassing. I couldn’t believe he had brought that up.
“I loved you is why I put up with you and trust me, you were no hardship. In fact, you were probably the easiest girlfriend I’ve ever had with the exception that my mom hated you and didn’t want us together. I swear I was grounded more that summer than I ever was before or after that.”
“I never understood why she hated me so much.” I mumbled to myself. It had been obvious from the moment I met her that Ryan’s mom hated me, and I had never at that point done anything to make her feel that way.
“I think at first she saw how much I liked you and was more interested than I had ever shown in a girl. Plus, you were driving, and I couldn’t yet. There were plenty of bad things for us to do in that car of yours. Then I think she knew how I felt about you. She knew before I did. She was just a mom looking out for her boy. You’d do the same thing with Mason.”
“Hell, yes I will. He’s never dating as far as I’m concerned.”
Ryan laughed throwing an arm around my shoulders. “Keep telling yourself that. Do I want to know what happened at Colton Patrick’s place last night?”
“Probably not. You’ll be disappointed in me, and I don’t want that.” I frowned up at him, but I what I really wanted to do was pout.
“Just tell me,” he huffed.
“I got plastered and had horrible sex with Matt Ryan.” I pulled out from under his arm and started rinsing his plate in the sink. My plate was still in the living room since I’d barely taken a bite of my food.
“You’re not the first person in the world to have a one-night stand. Honestly, it’s about time. You’re thirty years old and need to start living.”
“Are you shitting me? Having a one-night stand is not getting out and living. It’s not something I ever wanted to do. I’m not happy about it.”
Seriously! I could not believe him. How? I whipped around to look at him smiling back at me.
“You said that so I won’t feel bad?”
“You’re too hard on yourself. You can’t punish yourself forever because you married an asshole,” Ryan said before he started laughing so hard he bent over with a hand to his stomach. I had no idea what he could possibly think was funny. While he laughed, I went back into the living room and finished up my Chinese, rolling my eyes at him.
“You’re starting to piss me off. Why the hell are you laughing? Because I was stupid and married Decker?” I asked irritated and ready to leave if he didn’t start talking.
“Bad sex with Matt Ryan?” He half asked, half stated with a laugh still in his voice.
“From what I remember and that’s probably a good thing,” I answered with an irritated sigh. “It was jackrabbit sex.” I scrunched up my nose from the thought of it. “That’s not the way to impress a girl. Although he wasn’t half bad with his mouth.”
“TMI! TMI!” Ryan cried out, covering his ears with his hands. “I do not need to know that much about your sex life. Feel free to never tell me anything else about it ever again.”
“Are you shitting me? After all the times, I’ve heard about your one-night stands, I can’t tell you about my horrible sex experience. I barely told you anything, and you’re freaking out. Do you know how long it’s been since I had sex?”
“I thought you were a virgin,” he answered back with a small smile.
“Wow,” I laughed. “You really don’t want to hear about it. So, I guess you’re pretending Mason came from immaculate conception and nothing ever happened between us. If you’re going to be like that, then I don’t want to hear about you and any more of your women.”
“I’m sorry I’m being a hypocrite, but it’s weird hearing about you with another man. Not that I want you with me. Don’t misunderstand me. I guess I never thought about it until now how it might make you feel to hear about me with other women. If you want me to stop, then I will.”
“Honestly, it’s never bothered me. I mean I don’t want so many details that it makes me feel as if I was right there. If I ever have sex again, I know not to tell you about it.” I wanted to laugh, but I could tell that he was serious.
“It’s weird. It’s kind of like you’re my sister.”
“Oh my, please stop talking. You didn’t feel that way when we were together did you?” On the inside, I was cringing. I couldn’t stop thinking he felt like what we had together when we were teenagers was incest. I was horrified by the thought.
“God, no,” he cried, eyes wide. “I’m sorry I said anything,” Ryan cringed. “I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just weird let’s leave it at that.”
“Forgotten. Now that that part’s out of the way, I want to talk to you about something else.”
“Please,” Ryan begged.
“I was talking to Taylor about last night before I called you. The thing is I felt like Dawn was encouraging me to drink and spend time with Matt last night. She knew that I hadn’t been out in forever. If I was in her position I would’ve been looking out for her, not pushing her into doing something that she might regret in the morning. Plus, she’s known me for a long time, and she knows that I would never have sex with a guy I’d just met. I’m not saying one-night stands or the people that have them are bad, they’re just not for me. I’m not equipped that way. For me, I need to have feelings for the guy.” I looked over at Ryan to see him with a sympathetic and knowing smile on his face.
“I know you do and there’s nothing wrong with that. I also know that you don’t judge like that. Don’t worry. Where are you going with this, anyway? Are you mad at her for not looking out for you?”
“Kind of. I mean I know I would’ve been looking out for her and I know that you wouldn’t have let me get so drunk that I’d do something I’d regret. You know that we’ve never been as close as we were in high school before she found out about us-” I looked away. “What if she’s not over that? Before I met you, she was kind of obsessed with you, and then one day she stopped talking about you and didn’t want to hang out with you anymore.” Looking back over at him, I frowned. “It was pretty weird. I know you two don’t speak anymore and only see each other every once in a while, at my house. Do you have any insight?”
Clearing his throat, Ryan looked uncomfortable as he eyed me from his side of the couch. “Do you remember when you and Dawn spent the night at my house? She was in my room, and you and Ollie were out on the pullout couch?”
Yes, I remembered that night, and I didn’t l
ike where this was going. Instead of answering, I could only nod my head as I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around my legs. We’d all been drinking that night and were pretty smashed. I’d spent the night fighting off the unwanted advances of his friend.
“Okay, so that night Dawn and I had sex. Afterward she started saying how we were boyfriend and girlfriend and pretty much started planning out the rest of our lives together. This is going to make me sound like an asshole, but I told her I didn’t want that and that I liked someone else. But I never told her who I wanted,” he said quickly.
Resting my head on my knees, I looked away from Ryan before he could see the tears that were about to start down my cheeks. This explained a lot with how Dawn acted after that night and after she found out about Ryan and me. That wasn’t why I was upset though. It was because I felt like I had been living a lie for the last fourteen years. I thought they were my friends, and they’d both kept this from me. Would I ever be able to trust or forgive either of them again? I already knew after last night, Dawn was out of the picture especially with this new insight. The real question was Ryan?
“I need to go. I’ll… talk to you later,” I stood up and slipped on my flip-flops.
“Wait,” Ryan called out in shock as I made my way to the door. “Are you upset? Please, turn around and let me look at you.”
Turning around quickly, I hastily wiped away the tears that had fallen and were making their way rapidly down my cheeks. “Am I upset? Are you kidding me? Yeah, I’m fucking upset! I just found out that two of my friends have been lying to me since we were in high school and one of those is my best friend. I won’t even get into the fact that I thought I was your first. Did you think you were my first?” I questioned, my voice high and piercing.
“I know I was your first,” Ryan answered quietly.
“Really? Because up until today, I knew that I was your first!”
“I never told you that you were my first,” he tried to explain.
“No, you were a fucking fifteen-year-old boy. I didn’t think you had sex with my then best friend only a couple of months before me. Tell me, how many people were before me?”
My idea of Ryan and I had been a lie. It felt like everything else was a lie too. I didn’t know how to feel about that except betrayed.
“Alex, I’m sorry. I don’t know how many. It was so long ago. A few at least,” he licked his lips, his eyes darted away.
“A few? Wow. I can say that I’ve had sex with a few people and I’m thirty-fucking-years-old. You were already ahead of my game at fifteen. I’m going to leave before I blow a gasket and say something that I’ll regret.”
Shakily, I opened the door before looking back at Ryan. Tears shone in his eyes, but in that moment, I didn’t care. I couldn’t. My world had been rocked upside down, and I didn’t know which way was up. I was sick to my stomach from what I had learned of my once boyfriend turned best friend.
“You were my first,” Ryan called from the doorway just before I was getting into my car.
“No, I wasn’t,” I whispered to myself.
“Even at fifteen, I knew I loved you and that I always would. You were my first love. Please come back so we can talk about this.” Desperation dripped from his words, but I was just as desperate to get home and crawl into bed and not come out until Mason was home and all was right in my world, as he was to talk.
“Goodbye, Ryan.”
I wasn’t sure if I said those words out loud or only in my head as I got in my car and drove away not knowing if I’d ever come back.
4
Sorry
“Alex, please call me back. You can’t ignore me forever.” Ryan left his fourth voice mail of the day. From the sound of his voice, I could tell he was sorry, but the problem was I wasn’t ready to talk to him. I knew it was probably silly that I was upset that he wasn’t a virgin when we’d had sex all those years ago, but I couldn’t help how I felt. Taylor had told me that my feelings were valid both when I had talked to her on the phone the next day and when Mason and I went to visit her and her family in Florida the next weekend.
Actually, I was pretty confident I could ignore him forever. It had already been two weeks, and we still hadn’t spoken about the bombshell he let loose the last time I saw him. Strangely, I hadn’t heard from Dawn meaning that either Ryan had talked to her, or she’d exacted her revenge and was done with me. I wanted to believe it was the former rather than the latter because that meant she’d been holding a grudge against me for all those years about my short-lived romance with Ryan. And if she could hold a grudge for that long, our entire friendship for all these years could have quite possibly been fake on her part.
Although truth be told, I wasn’t regretting my night out now. Matt had been messaging me every couple of days and had even called twice. It was nice to have someone to talk to at night now that Ryan and Dawn were out of the picture, and it wasn’t possible for me to speak with Taylor that often on the phone especially when her family was home. It was different during the day when Jack was at work and Ben was off to school, but during the day, I had to work, so we didn’t get to talk all that often especially now that she was so far away. It had been great seeing her for the weekend, but it wasn’t the same as when she lived in Fairlane.
The doorbell rang, pulling me from my thoughts.
Who the hell could be at my door?
Everyone knew that I didn’t like unexpected visitors since my ex-husband, Decker was typically the one ringing my doorbell when he was drunk and either being an asshole or begging me to come back to him. If it were him, then it might be the former if he remembered his last visit. It didn’t really inspire me to want to answer the door, but I knew I had to especially when I heard Mason’s little feet running down the hall wondering who was at the door.
“Do you want me to get it?” Mason asked as he rounded the corner and came into the living room catching me half-sitting and half-standing unsure of what to do.
“That would be great,” I answered him. His sweet face lit up at the idea of doing something so grown up as answering the door.
“Mom, its Uncle Ryan!” Mason yelled from the door even though I was only a couple of feet behind him and could see Ryan standing on the other side.
“Hey, buddy.” Ryan greeted him as he walked inside taking me in as I stepped up behind my son, wrapping my arms around his shoulders.
“You missed dinner.” Mason pouted as he looked up at Ryan assuming he’d been invited. “It’s time for me to get ready for bed.”
“Sorry to miss dinner, buddy, but I need to talk to your mom for a few minutes. Do you think you could be a big boy and go get ready for bed, and your mom will be in to tuck you in, in just a little bit?” Ryan smiled down at Mason, ruffling his hair.
Ryan had always been great with Mason treating him better than his own father had. Being the best uncle he could be to my son.
“I’m a big boy,” Mason replied, his shoulders squared and if he could I bet his little chest would have puffed out.
It brought a smile to my face until he ran from the room headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and Ryan turned to me; his blue eyes intense.
“I figured this was the only way I could get you to stop ignoring my texts and phone calls,” he said from his spot when I continued to stare at him. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for this or if I ever would be, but I had to deal with it now that he was in my living room and Mason was in the other room.
“Please,” Ryan pleaded as he took a step toward me. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I thought… I assumed you knew. I mean what did you think I was doing with her the night you all stayed?”
“I don’t know what I thought, okay? I was naïve, and the thought had never crossed my mind. I mean, maybe, I thought you guys messed around, but that’s the extent to what my young mind thought could be happening between you two. You were so young, and I was so stupid.” I whispered as tears filled my eyes. “Ryan, I’m not re
ady for this. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready, but I don’t want Mason to see me crying or to think you’re the cause of my tears. I need you to leave. Please,” I begged, curling my arms around myself.
Looking up at him through my wet lashes, I could see his eyes were glassy and eager for us to try to resolve this, but also resolute in the knowledge that we didn’t have the time.
“Can I stay and wait until Mason goes to bed then we’ll talk some more? I miss you,” he hung his head. “You’re my best friend, and I hate knowing that I’m the one causing you pain. Let me stay, and we’ll talk. Please.”
He was desperate, and I knew that if I didn’t talk to him tonight, then he’d continue to show up night after night until I gave in.
“Fine,” I huffed placing my hands on my hips. “But I’m not going to rush Mason’s bedtime routine because you’re here.”
“I wouldn’t ask you to,” he replied a small smile tipping his lips. It only furthered to piss me off. He was acting as if all was forgiven when I was nowhere near close to being over this. I didn’t bother saying anything else as I made my way down the hall. First by the bathroom to see water all over the sink and counter, but no Mason and then to his bedroom where he was sitting on his bed patiently waiting in his pajamas with a book beside him. I wasn’t going to say anything about his shirt being on backward since he’d gotten himself ready for bed and looked tired. Instead, I lifted the blankets for him to scoot under and then tucked him in nice and tight before I laid down next to him. Mason might have been six, but he loved to listen to me read and he was beyond listening to me read him little boy books as he liked to call them, so I’d been reading him Harry Potter.
Tonight, I read until he fell asleep and then continued to stay in his room taking my time making sure he was tucked in and the blankets were up to his chin and his hair out of his eyes before I made my way back to Ryan.
Stopping off in the kitchen to stall a little longer, I refilled my ice water. I was surprised that I hadn’t heard the TV on, but as I made my way into the living room, Ryan was sitting on the edge of one of the two chairs that flanked the couch with his knees bouncing up and down and his hands clasped together.
With Love, Alex: Fairlane Series #0.5 Page 4
