“Thank you for not throwing me out,” Ryan said with a hint of relief in his voice once I sat down on the couch on the opposite side of him. “I know you hate it when people drop by unannounced, but I felt I had no other choice. Hell, if you worked at an office I probably would’ve accosted you there. I know I probably should have come when Mason was at school, but I honestly thought this was my best bet to get you to talk to me. You can be so damn stubborn sometimes.”
“I’m sorry that I reacted so badly to finding out that two of my friends had been keeping a secret from me for the last fourteen years and that I thought that the boy I gave my virginity to was also a virgin, not some man whore at the ripe old age of fifteen,” I replied back with every bit of sarcasm I could muster. “I understand you’re a man and for you, if the situation were reversed it wouldn’t matter, but I can’t get over the fact that I feel as if you’ve lied to me all these years. It wasn’t like our relationship was purely physical. We talked all the time, got to know each other before we even started to go out. It kills me to know that what I thought was something special between us wasn’t.” My voice cracked on the last word, and I turned my head so that he couldn’t see the tears building. I hated anyone seeing me cry, and I was about to let loose a stream of tears over the loss of something that I once held precious only to find out it was a lie.
Moving to sit on the couch beside me, Ryan murmured softly taking my hand in his, “Hey, I don’t think you’re a hypocrite. I’m sorry I hurt you, not telling you about Dawn and me. I truly thought she’d told you. I figured she told you when she found out about us. I never meant to hurt you. You have to know that.” Ryan blinked rapidly, his eyes wet. “You’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had, and I’ve loved you for so long that it kills me to know that you feel like I’ve betrayed you. Will you please forgive me? I’ll do anything. Anything at all.”
I knew he was telling me the truth and that it deeply hurt him to know that he’d hurt me, but could I forgive him? I wasn’t sure I could get over what I’d found out, but Ryan didn’t deserve to be thrown out of my life. Until that day happened, I would have to work a little harder to not let their lie build a bigger wedge between us.
“I’m not going to keep you out of my life, but it’s going to take some time for me to get over this. I want to be your friend, to be able to talk to you, and hang out. You’re going to have to give me some time to let this go. Can you accept that?” I asked looking into his kind eyes that only a few moments ago were so sad but were now shining with hope.
“I can do whatever you want. I promise. Thank you for finally talking to me,” Ryan replied with a hitch in his voice, he crushed me to him in a big bear hug.
Loosening his grip, Ryan held me in his arms. “The other day, I called Dawn and told her you knew the truth and called her out on taking you out and getting you smashed. In all honesty, I don’t think she was even a bit sorry. She was a huge bitch on the phone and ended up going off on me about how it was my job to tell you about her and I having sex.” Giving me a squeeze, he continued. “I tried to reason with her that after we broke up that even though we saw each other and talked some, we didn’t really hang out or anything until you separated from Decker. Once I realized nothing was going to come from me talking to her, I got off the phone with her. Shit, Alex, I really am sorry. If I’d known that you thought I was a virgin, or that you didn’t know about Dawn and me, I would have told you a long time ago.”
Nodding against his chest, I fought not to cry. “I believe you, and she should’ve told me. It wasn’t until she went off to college that she started to tell me her sex stories, but I knew that she’d had sex with two guys back in high school and she never told me. I don’t know why she didn’t.” I shrugged. “Well, maybe one of the guys because he was a huge prick, and she probably knew that I’d have asked her what the fuck she was thinking even though I did know that she liked him. The other guy was a guy we barely knew. Maybe she was embarrassed.” I shrugged in his hold. “I don’t know, but I should’ve learned my lesson then that she wasn’t a good friend. From now on, I don’t plan on having her in my life. She hasn’t called or texted once since that night. Hell, she barely spoke to me the next morning when she drove me home.”
“She was probably jealous you had sex with a movie star. Who knows what was going through her head.”
“All I know is that I can’t trust her, and she doesn’t have my best interest at heart.”
“Sadly, I think you’re right,” Ryan said from the top of my head.
Pulling away, I looked up at him giving him a small but sad smile. It was rare that we ever fought, and this had been the longest we’d gone in the last two years without talking to each other.
“Thank you for coming over here and making me talk to you.”
“Anytime. Now that we’re talking when were you thinking of going to see Taylor? I’d like to go with you to help you out on the trip?”Ryan smiled, eyes glowing.
I hated telling him that we went without him, but I had no other choice. I couldn’t take another break from work.
“Mason and I already went,” I informed him. “I’m sorry. I know you wanted to go, but I needed to get away and spend some time with Taylor.”
“I understand. I do,” Ryan said nodding his head. “Did you set another date for when you’ll go visit her or when they’re coming here?” He asked as the light in his eyes died a little.
“No,” I pouted.
“When you have an idea let me know. I want to come with you and Mason. I hate to think of you both alone driving. What if you had car trouble or got the attention of some crazy person?”
“I highly doubt we’d find a crazy person on the road who’s going to try to do anything to us or follow us.” I laughed. The tension from earlier gone. “I know Taylor wouldn’t mind if you came to visit her. She always likes seeing you although I should probably warn you that she’s not too happy with you right now.” I felt like I should feel bad that Taylor was now mad at him, but I wasn’t. Ryan deserved it.
He pursed his lips. “I imagine so. Maybe the next time you talk to her, you can let Taylor know we talked and you’re going to try to forgive me one of these days, hopefully in the not too distant future.” Ryan stood, a hand held out to help bring me to my feet and led me to the front door before giving me a small smile.
He looked both happy and sad at the same time or maybe I was reflecting what I was feeling in that moment. I was happy to have my friend back, but we weren’t the same Ryan and Alex anymore, and we might never be, making me mourn our friendship even as he stood in front of me.
“Good night, Alex. The next time I call or text, you better answer,” he said playfully, but there was still a hint of sadness in his eyes.
“I will. I promise. Good night, Ryan,” I said as I started to close the door. I watched as he made his way down the sidewalk to his truck before he turned around and took a step toward me.
“Sorry.” It was the only word he spoke, but his eyes flashed with a thousand words that he wanted to say, and I forgave him just a little more.
It was a start.
5
Booty Call
My phone pinged with an incoming text.
Matthew: I want to come visit you this week.
Was I ready for a visit from him?
I needed to start living my life and stop being afraid.
Alex: Okay. Mason will be here all except for when he’s at school. It’s too early for me to introduce you to him. I hope you understand.
Matthew: I understand. Remember I have two kids of my own.
Matthew: So, your cool with me coming? I can stay at Colt’s house and see you during the day. Maybe I can come over when Mason’s asleep if you’re comfortable with that?
Alex: I think I can make that work. What day are you thinking?
Matthew: Wednesday?
Alex: Are you staying the weekend? Is Colt coming with you?
Matthew: If it’s
okay with you, I’d like to stay the weekend. Will you have Mason this weekend?
Alex: No, he’ll be at his dad’s Friday night through Sunday morning.
Matthew: It’s just me coming but Colt said I can stay at his house anytime I want.
Alex: I need to get done with this project if you want to see me while you’re here. Can I talk to you tonight?
Matthew: No problem. I’ll text you my itinerary once I book my flight.
To say I was shocked that Matt was coming to visit me was an understatement. Hell, after that night, I never thought I’d hear from him again. He’s a hot Hollywood actor that could get any girl he wanted. What could he possibly want from me? Not that I thought I was ugly, but no one would mistake me for a Hollywood actress or Victoria Secret’s model. I’m short or what I considered short at five foot, four inches and I rarely wore makeup or fixed my hair beyond throwing it up in a ponytail. I dressed for comfort in either sweats or yoga pants.
Of course, when Matt saw me I was dressed up with my makeup and hair done, looking better than I had in years. I couldn’t remember the last time I wore anything but my standard attire. He saw me at my best. Even when I woke up the morning after, I undoubtedly looked better than I had in the last year or more. What would he think when he saw me again? I didn’t want to be fake with him by wearing clothes I wouldn’t normally wear. I wanted to be myself, but maybe a little better version of me.
What would he think of my house? I was sure he lived in a mansion. Anything would be compared to my little ranch house. It was three tiny bedrooms with one being used as my home office. I didn’t have super nice furniture, but it wasn’t horrible either. Mostly because I didn’t have the money after the divorce to buy all new stuff and I had a six-year-old son. There was no point unless I wanted to stress over Mason and his every action on any nice furniture. Our house was cozy. We were happy with what we had and that was all that mattered.
Was he expecting sex? I wasn’t sure I was ready to have sex with him or anyone for that matter. It was different when I had been too drunk to know better. What I really needed to do was call Taylor and see what she had to say. Hopefully she could stop all the thoughts and self-doubt swirling in my head.
Heading to my desk, I grabbed my phone before I started to look over my notes for the account I was working on. I only hoped that I would be done before Matthew got here. Four days didn’t give me a lot of time, and if I didn’t get done then he’d have to understand that I had a job that needed to get done.
Once I had a couple of hours of work under my belt and I was on auto-pilot with what I was doing, I called Taylor.
“Hey,” Taylor answered brightly. It hadn’t been long since we’d last talked on the phone. Maybe a few days, but it had been close to a month since my visit after the whole Ryan and Dawn debacle. Ryan and I were talking again, but things still weren’t back to normal with us. They were close, but I knew when he looked at me, Ryan could see the hurt still in my eyes just as I saw the sadness in his over hurting me. Taylor, of course, knew that I couldn’t or wouldn’t stay mad at Ryan for long, and supported my decision to have him in my life even though I wasn’t totally over him lying to me.
“Hey, I miss you,” I answered back. It was a pretty standard greeting for the both of us now that she lived hundreds of miles away instead of the two that had separated us when she lived in Fairlane.
“I miss you too, but we’ll see each other soon. Christmas isn’t that far away, and by then I’m sure you’ll be sick and tired of the cold and happy to spend the holiday on the beach.”
“I love the beach. You know I do, but I’d never visit the beach again if it meant you lived here. I’d move there if I could, but you know that Decker will never agree to let me leave Fairlane, let alone leave the state with Mason. I don’t have the money to fight him and he knows it.”
Taylor sighed on the other end of the line. “I know. I wish I could tell you that this case Jack is working on is going to be over soon, but from what he can tell me, it’s going to be a very long case. Once it’s over though, we’re moving back even if we have to move in with you.”
We both laughed knowing that I would eagerly open my home to them anytime.
“Anything new going on?” She asked as I heard her shuffling around what sounded like some sort of store. She was probably grocery shopping while Ben was at school. I knew that if I had the choice, I’d always choose to go alone instead of with Mason tagging along asking if we were done yet.
Exhaling a deep breath, I told her what had been on my mind since my text with Matt. “He wants to come here on Wednesday and stay the weekend. I’m pretty sure he’s going to want sex. Right?”
“Probably,” she chuckled. “I mean if you hadn’t already had sex then I’d say he’d want it, but not expect it. Now, I’m sure he’s going to want to and expect some nookie. It’s a pretty long-distance booty call, so he must like you. What are your conversations like?”
“I don’t know. Normal, I guess,” I answered and then laughed. I hadn’t really thought about it. I assumed that once the allure of a small-town girl was gone, he’d stop texting and calling me. I had nothing to offer him from sixteen hundred miles away and I knew that he had no problem getting women. It wouldn’t be long until he gave up.
“Normal? Define normal?” Taylor asked before excusing herself to someone else.
“I don’t know,” I glanced up at the ceiling as if it could give me all the answers. “When we talk on the phone, it’s pretty short. Just random stuff like how our day was, or what did you do. Now that I think about it, it’s pretty generic. I don’t talk about Mason, but he talks about his two kids. How he doesn’t see them very often since he’s gone for work so much, but when he’s in town, he has them every other weekend. Sometimes I feel like he only talks about his kids because he wants me to talk about Mason. He mentioned may be coming when Mason’s asleep, but I don’t know. It makes me uncomfortable. Am I crazy?”
“No, you have to do what feels right for you and Mason. Neither one of us knows what it’s like dating with children. This is your first time attempting dating or whatever you’re doing,” she added with a laugh. “I don’t envy you. No matter how many times I complain about Jack, I don’t want to think about having to date now that I’m in my thirties with kids. I still can’t believe I let Jack convince me to get pregnant again,” Taylor cried out and quickly softened her voice. “Especially when we’re so far away from friends and family and he’s gone all the time working on this case.” I could hear the sadness in her voice from thousands of miles away. Maybe I should text Jack and tell him that he needed to do something special for her this weekend.
“I know and I’m sorry. I hate how much you’re alone. I shouldn’t be calling and laying all this on you. You should be the one telling me all your pregnancy woes and complaining about Jack.”
Taylor scoffed. “Don’t think like that. I want you to tell me your problems no matter what’s going on with me. What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t at least listen and try to help? That’s what friends are for, anyway. I know you’d do the exact same thing for me and it keeps my mind off my own problems.”
I would do the same for her no matter the circumstance.
“So, what do you think I should do then?”
“Do what feels right. How much of your life have you told him?”
“Not much. He knows I have a son named Mason, and that I’ve been divorced for a year,” I answered back. Pushing away from my desk, I gave up on my work for the time being.
I heard her hum into the phone, unsure if it was for me or something else. “Does he know that you hadn’t had sex in a few years? That you don’t do one-night stands?”
“I’m pretty sure that it didn’t come up in conversation that night and I sure as hell haven’t told him since. That would be so embarrassing,” I cried out. “I did tell him I don’t have one-night stands.”
“It’s not embarrassing. Plenty of people
have bad marriages and don’t have sex. He’s divorced so I’m sure he understands more than you give him credit for.”
“I doubt he’s ever gone very long without sex. You’ve seen him. Even if he wasn’t as good looking as he is I’m sure he still wouldn’t have a problem using his movie star status.”
“I’m sure not. I think the only way to make it so you’re comfortable while he’s there is to tell him more about yourself and that you might not be ready to have sex again when you’re not drunk.”
“He’ll be on the next flight out,” I added with a bitter laugh.
“If he is then that’s on him. He’s not worth your time. You deserve happiness and maybe this guy is it and maybe he’s not but have some fun and give him a chance.” Her next words were spoken softly. “Whatever you do don’t have sex with him again if you’re not ready. If you don’t want to explain to him right away, then see how the day goes and how he treats you and then if you’re still not feeling it you should probably tell him what’s going on if you want to see him again.”
“You give good advice. There’s a good possibility, I might be calling or texting you a lot when he’s here for more of it.” I laughed for a moment, but it quickly turned into sadness as how much I missed Taylor sank in. “Thank you. You’ve pulled me from the ledge and now I’m ready to walk the tight rope.”
Taylor laughed her tinkly little laugh making me smile. It didn’t matter what kind of mood I was in, anytime I heard her laugh it brought a smile to my face. “Don’t be so dramatic. You’ve got this and remember to have fun. Don’t let all the shit Decker put in your head ruin any more of your life.”
“You’re right as always. Maybe I’ll even buy some sexy lingerie just in case.” In all actuality, I needed some new bras and underwear that weren’t all cotton and boring. I had a feeling that if I started to wear underwear that was a little sexier, even if it was underneath yoga pants and a t-shirt, it would make me feel better about myself. I needed to get rid of what Decker had ingrained in me during our marriage.
With Love, Alex: Fairlane Series #0.5 Page 5
