The Mediterranean Rebel’s Bride

by Lucy Gordon

  He then tried to carry them all out of the shop-which was mistake since neither his ribs nor his shoulder were ready.

  ‘We need to call a taxi from the nearest firm,’ she said.

  ‘Nonsense. I’ll be all right in a minute. We just have to pick one up outside.’

  Polly didn’t waste time answering this. Instead she turned to an assistant and tried to request him to telephone for a taxi. After some confusion he understood.

  ‘Why didn’t you help?’ she asked Ruggiero.

  ‘Because I was having too much fun watching you.’ He added provocatively, ‘You must allow me a few innocent pleasures.’

  ‘I’ve just remembered I forgot to bring your pills with me,’ she observed casually.

  His horrified stare was very satisfying. He wasn’t the only one who enjoyed innocent pleasures.

  When the taxi drew up at the villa Hope came flying out, eager to see them, but even more eager to tell her news.

  ‘Carlo and Della are here,’ she said, bursting with excitement. ‘Della was a little tired, so they came home early.’

  Polly recognised Carlo from his picture in the paper. He was a big man with gentle manners that charmed her. He shook Polly’s hand warmly.

  ‘I’ve wanted to meet you ever since I heard what you did for this one,’ he said, inclining his head to his twin. ‘Not that I can see why anyone should bother to save his miserable life-’

  ‘Get lost,’ Ruggiero said amiably.

  ‘I didn’t save his life,’ Polly hastened to disclaim.

  ‘The way I heard it you tore onto the track and bore him off to safety. Anyway, I’m grateful. I’ve kind of got used to having him around, and he has his uses.’

  Ruggiero grinned, evidently accepting this manner of talking as normal. Carlo brought forward his wife, his arm protectively about her. She was an elegant woman, with such a slight build that she almost seemed to vanish against him. It was clear that she was several years older than her husband, and her frailty showed in her face, but her eyes were bright and sparkling with life, and she hugged Polly with delight.

  ‘As soon as I heard about you and Matti I made Carlo bring me home,’ she said. ‘We don’t often have a sensation like this.’

  ‘Careful, cara,’ Carlo said, still with his arm around her.

  ‘I’m all right-stop fussing,’ she chided him in an under-voice, but she smiled as she spoke, and he didn’t remove his arm.

  It was pleasant to watch this pair of lovers. The bond between them was shining, complete, and Carlo’s care of his wife seemed to bring him a quiet joy that Polly found moving. Glancing at Ruggiero, she found that his eyes, too, were fixed on them, and there was a sadness in his face that was at variance with his earlier cheerful demeanour.

  Then, as if his mind was wide open to her, she saw that he thought this was how it might have been between himself and Sapphire if she’d reached out to him in her illness. Instead she’d waited until she was dead before letting him know, so that she didn’t have to be bothered with him. Put like that it was cruel, brutal. But it was the truth, and her heart ached for what it did to him.

  Then he caught her eye, and the grin was swiftly back in place.

  ‘A great couple, my brother and his wife,’ he said. ‘You’ll like them.’

  But just as she could read his mind, he could read hers, and he hastened to say, ‘It’s all right. I told you-it’s in the past. Where’s my son?’

  Toni was there with Matti in his arms, pointing to Ruggiero and saying, ‘Poppa.’ He came to stand a few inches away from Ruggiero, and stood surveying his son, while his son surveyed his own son cautiously. Matti regarded them both with aplomb.

  Finally he delivered his opinion, turning and putting an arm about his grandfather’s neck, and closing his eyes.

  ‘Now I know where I stand,’ Ruggiero said comically. ‘My son is bored by me.’

  ‘Try a toy,’ Polly suggested, and nudged Matti with the teddy until he opened his eyes. ‘Here.’

  She put it into his hands. He dropped it on the floor.

  ‘Careful-it’s so lovely,’ she said, lifting the bear and offering it again.

  He tossed it back onto the floor.

  ‘Let’s see if I do any better,’ Ruggiero said, turning to the bags that contained the toys.

  Toni set Matti down on the floor and watched as one toy after another was displayed to him. He immediately chose the trolley, causing Ruggiero to cast a look of triumph at Polly, and began staggering across the floor with it. At the fourth step he sat down and gave a yell of annoyance, then immediately got to his feet again and staggered forward some more. This time he managed five steps before sitting down, and everyone applauded.

  ‘Un miracolo,’ Toni said in delight. ‘What a child!’

  Suddenly there was a glad cry, and someone shouted, ‘Look who’s here.’

  The next moment Luke and Minnie came into the room.

  Hope ran towards them, arms outstretched. ‘You made it!’ she cried.

  ‘It’s only a hundred and fifty miles to Rome,’ Luke said. ‘Nothing to a brilliant driver.’

  ‘So you think you’re a brilliant driver?’ his mother challenged him.

  ‘No, I meant her,’ Luke said, indicating his wife. ‘She’s a much better driver than I am-as she’d be the first to tell you.’

  Next to arrive were Primo and Olympia, eager to join the throng of admirers. Polly gathered her things and prepared to go upstairs, but Hope detained her.

  ‘Now you’ll wear some of your new clothes,’ she said. ‘You haven’t worn them since I bought them for you.’

  ‘But that’s because they’re so fine,’ Polly protested. ‘And I’ve been working.’

  ‘Yes, and jeans and sweater were all right for that, but this is different. Now, please go and put on one of the dresses I bought you-the green one, I think.’

  Polly hurried upstairs to put on the dress-which, she had to admit, suited her. Hope had an unerring eye for colour and fashion, and the green silk was quietly elegant in a way that suited Polly’s gentle looks.

  She was glad of it when she returned downstairs and saw that she could hold her own with the prosperous, well-dressed Rinuccis. Even so, she was glad to stay in the background, simply keeping a careful eye on Matti, who was centre-stage, charming everyone, especially Carlo and Della, who hadn’t met him before.

  A pleasant feeling was beginning to steal over her. This was a family as she had always dreamed of families. With such people there could be no loneliness such as there was in her own life. Matti would be safe and happy with them.

  At last they all sat down to eat supper at the big table, and she felt the magic circle enclosing her too. Ruggiero caught her eye across the table, grinned, and embarked on the story of the toyshop. She joined in, making animal noises where necessary, to everyone’s delight. In the exchange of witticisms that followed Ruggiero reminded her that she’d once threatened to knock him into the middle of next week.

  At this the whole family roared their laughing approval, and Polly was sure she heard some applause. Hope even grasped her hand, saying, ‘That settles it. You must marry him and keep him in order.’

  Perhaps Polly had drunk a little more wine than usual, or she might not have dared to laugh and say, in a teasing voice, ‘I’m not sure I want a man I have to keep in order. It might be boring.’

  ‘Or it might not,’ Ruggiero murmured over the rim of his glass. ‘Think of the fights we’d have.’

  ‘Non-stop,’ she agreed. ‘You risking your neck with some tomfool nonsense, me trying to prevent you, you growling, “Stop making a fuss, woman.”’

  ‘Then you hitting me over the head-’

  ‘You make it sound irresistible.’

  Everyone laughed again, and the joke was allowed to die. But something had changed. Whether by chance or design Hope had mentioned marriage between them, and that word would lodge in everyone’s brain. As, perhaps, she had meant it to.

/>   After supper Polly glanced at the clock. It was Matti’s bedtime, but nobody wanted to let him go and she relented.

  He was giving a performance-going through his new toys, dealing with the ‘difficult’ ones with a skill that had Ruggiero grinning as triumphantly as though he’d achieved a personal success-as, in a sense, he had.

  Matti was at ease with the shapes, pushing one then another into the right holes to loud applause. Ruggiero was looking pleased with himself, and with his son.

  He’s cracked it, Polly thought. It was going to be so difficult, but then suddenly he found the way to get on Matti’s wavelength. Or Matti found the way. Make his father proud of him, that’s the secret, and he got there at once. The others all adore him. He really doesn’t need me now, and soon it’ll be time for me to go.

  She felt a pang of dismay, and not only at the thought of leaving Ruggiero. She loved Matti too, but now he was dismissing her as no longer needed. Perhaps he’d inherited that iron-willed trait from his mother? she thought sadly.

  In this mood, she was totally unprepared for what happened next.

  Matti was playing with the trolley, pushing it back and forth until suddenly it went over onto its side. He made a grab at it, tried to haul it upright, and failed. A little choke of distress burst from him.

  ‘Never mind,’ Ruggiero said. ‘I’ll do it.’

  But Matti didn’t seem to hear him. It was as though the tectonic plates of his world had shifted. A minor hiccup that he’d laughed off hours earlier was now a major disaster. His choke turned into a wail, growing louder and louder until it became a scream that went on and on in pitiful agony.

  ‘He’s over-tired,’ Polly said. ‘He doesn’t normally stay up this late.’

  She had to raise her voice to be heard above the child.

  ‘Shall I try putting him to bed?’ Ruggiero asked.

  But when he reached out Matti fended him off.

  ‘Mummy!’ he screamed. ‘Mummy!’

  ‘It’s you he wants,’ Ruggiero said.

  ‘No, not me,’ Polly said sadly. ‘I’m not his mother. Freda was, and she’s the one he’s crying for.’

  She dropped down to one knee, trying to take Matti in her arms, but he lashed out, arms flailing in all directions, until one of them caught her a stinging slap across the face, which made him howl louder.

  ‘Mummy-Mummy-MUMMEEEE-’

  ‘Doesn’t it help that he knows you?’ Ruggiero asked desperately. ‘He must be close to you, too.’

  ‘Yes, but he wants his mother, nobody else.’

  By now Matti had lain down on the floor, pounding the hard tiles and shrieking, ‘Mummy! Mu-mmy! MUMMEEEE-’

  Polly raised him, going to the sofa and sitting down with him on her lap. She was ready to dodge another blow, but there was none this time, and the little boy simply collapsed against her, sobbing in helpless despair.

  Polly rocked back and forth, shattered by the suddenness of his collapse, and frightened by what she felt happening deep inside herself. The child’s grief seemed to reach into her, awakening her own, tearing her apart. At last something broke in her, and she too began to weep. She tried to keep control, but the tears streamed down her face, mingling with Matti’s tears.

  ‘I’m sorry, darling,’ she choked. ‘I’m so sorry. I know I’m not the one you want. I know-I know-’

  ‘Mummy,’ he wailed softly, his face buried against her.

  ‘I wish I could have kept her alive for you-I did all I could-I did try-but I couldn’t-I couldn’t-’

  She gave up and dropped her head, so that her cheek rested against his hair while anguish welled up inside her and overflowed. At this moment she no longer remembered the self-centred predator who’d used her beauty without scruple. She saw Freda as she’d been in the last months her beauty gone, her life slipping away, her eyes filled with fear-and she was consumed by love and pity.

  The family exchanged appalled looks, and the women began to move closer to where they could reach out and offer comfort. But Ruggiero stopped them with a gesture, and it was he who went to Polly and dropped down on one knee beside her, resting a hand on her arm. He didn’t speak, but he stayed like that while she tried vainly to control the violence of her feelings.

  ‘Polly,’ he said gently. ‘Look at me.’

  She shook her head. She didn’t want anyone to see her face.

  ‘All right,’ he said. ‘But let’s take him to bed.’

  She nodded, unable to speak.

  ‘Come on,’ he said, urging her to her feet.

  The others stood back as she rose with Matti in her arms and left the room, guided by Ruggiero. Hope gave him a nod of approval as he passed.

  When they reached her room he opened the door, standing back while she carried the child in.

  ‘I’m all right,’ she choked, sitting down on the bed.

  He took a paper handkerchief from a box and used it to dab her face. She pulled herself together by force.

  ‘You’re still crying,’ he said.

  ‘No, I’m not,’ she gasped, through a new bout of sobs.

  He didn’t answer, but sat beside her, his arms about the woman and child, listening to their mingled weeping, saying nothing, waiting until they were ready, however long it might take.

  CHAPTER NINE

  AT LAST Polly’s shoulders stopped shaking and she managed to grow calmer.

  ‘I’m all right now,’ she said.

  He didn’t believe for a moment that she was all right. She was pretending because she refused to think of herself. He wondered just how often she did think of herself.

  But all he said was, ‘Let’s put him to bed.’

  She looked down at where Matti lay in her arms, calmer, but still weeping quietly, and kissed him.

  ‘Come along, darling.’

  ‘Where do you keep his night things?’ Ruggiero asked.

  ‘In that drawer.’

  He drew out some clothes and watched while she undressed Matti and changed him.

  ‘Why don’t you help me put on his night suit?’ she said.

  But he shook his head.

  ‘He doesn’t want a stranger right now. You’re all he has to cling to.’

  He pulled back the covers for her as she laid Matti into the cot. He was asleep almost at once.

  ‘And now he’s as good as gold,’ Ruggiero mused, looking down at him.

  ‘He’s always as good as gold,’ Polly said quickly. ‘That wasn’t a tantrum. He was confused and miserable because he’s missing his mother, and he screamed at the world because that’s all a toddler knows how to do.’

  ‘Not just a toddler,’ Ruggiero said. ‘Isn’t that what I’ve been doing-screaming at the world? Only I don’t have his excuse. I told you, I don’t like the sight of myself right now.’

  He touched the tiny hand lying outside the cover.

  ‘Maybe he and I can help each other,’ he murmured. ‘We seem to speak the same language after all.’

  ‘I should have seen it coming,’ Polly said regretfully. ‘So much has happened to the poor little mite-’

  ‘But what about you?’ he asked, looking at her.

  ‘I’m all right,’ she repeated, but already the tears were sliding down her cheeks again. ‘I don’t know why-just-suddenly-’

  ‘It was bound to happen. You’ve had to be strong for a long time, but nobody can be strong for ever.’

  ‘I’m a nurse. Being strong is-is-what I do.’

  ‘Even a nurse is human.’

  ‘I’m used to looking after sick people,’ she whispered. ‘But when it’s someone of your own, for months-I did want to help her-but it was beyond anything I could do. I watched, and tried to make it a little easier for her, but I never did any real good. I couldn’t-I couldn’t-’

  It was happening again. As one wave retreated another engulfed her. She began to pace up and down, weeping, not looking where she was going until she found herself facing the wall and laid her head against it, una
ble to do anything else.

  He was behind her at once, taking gentle hold of her, turning her to face him and putting his arms about her.

  ‘Let it go,’ he said. ‘Don’t fight it.’

  She made a vague gesture, almost as if to draw back, but he tightened his arms and then it seemed natural to let her head fall on his shoulder and give way to the grief she’d barely known that she felt.

  She felt him drawing her towards the bed, sitting her down and sitting beside her. She seemed to have no energy left, and no hope-nothing but the misery that had consumed her without warning. She sobbed violently, no longer trying to master it.

  Polly sensed that he’d turned his head to lay his cheek against her hair. But he made no other movement until the storm had quietened.

  ‘I want you to tell me everything,’ he said gently.

  ‘But I already have. We’ve talked so much about her.’

  ‘No, we’ve talked about me,’ he said heavily. ‘And Sapphire-what she was like, what she did to me. But you haven’t told me what it was like for you.’

  ‘That doesn’t matter,’ she said wildly.

  ‘Do you really believe that? That your suffering doesn’t matter? That you don’t matter? Because that’s not how I see it. You’ve got to tell someone or go crazy-and who should you tell but me, Polly?’

  She made an incoherent noise.

  ‘It works both ways,’ he urged. ‘We each know something nobody else knows, and that can’t be brushed aside. Don’t hide things any more. Tell me what happened at the end. How did it all come about? How did you find the strength to cope? And don’t try to put me off by saying you’re a nurse, because that’s an excuse, not an answer.’

  His insight surprised her.

  But something held her silent. This was new territory. To be approached with caution, even a little fear. But his eyes were kind, as though he understood everything that was going through her mind.

  ‘Go on,’ he said.

  Polly took a shaky breath.

  ‘She was living in Yorkshire, in what George grandly called Ranley Manor, while I lived in south London, near the hospital where I worked. One evening she turned up at my door, holding Matti. George had thrown her out and I was the only close relative she had. That night she only told me that Matti wasn’t George’s child. The rest came later. At first we were quite happy. She was a good cook, and I ate better than I’d done for ages. Then she told me that she was “a little worried” about a symptom. I knew the truth straight away. I rushed her to the doctor but she’d already delayed too long. We explained that she needed treatment, but not how bad things were. She couldn’t have borne to know the worst just then.