Falling For Darkness

by E. M. Moore

  For me, they did.

  Chapter Eleven

  Deciding to wear my dark hair down for tonight’s dinner, I ran a brush through it one more time before checking my reflection in the mirror. In some ways, I was the same girl the Ravanas brought to this world. Most days I even had the same dark smudges under my eyes from lack of sleep though the causes were vastly different. In the human world, I let my past plague me. A life so riddled in nightmares and stuck in one time frame that not even my conscious knowingly moved in the present. It walked beside me like a distant friend while I motioned my way through life. In this world, it was the here and now and the soon-to-be that made me wake to bloodshot eyes and skin too pale to mask. Truth be told, I’d rather let the future keep me up at night than drown myself in memories. There wasn’t anything anyone could do about history. It was already done and over with. Decisions were made. Feelings were felt. ‘What if’ was a joke. A senseless thought that killed you little by little from the inside out. The future, though. You had control over that, and you even had control over how you handled what was about to happen—and that was a blessing.

  Lex, T.J., and Samuel would be picking me up in just a few minutes. We’d been invited to a private dinner at the Ravanas’ second home, the one near The Fort grounds. The one where in Stephan’s upstairs bedroom I lost my virginity no less than forty-eight hours ago. Not that I was counting, or anticipating, or thinking about any of that. Right? Right. I breathed out, trying to hold all the emotions in.

  In some ways, I was different. Fearlessly different. I was the girl I could just barely see through the haze of loneliness back in Calcutta walking down the street with a boy and laughing. Or looking over at her mom and hiding her eye roll. I was the girl I wished I could be. I was the girl who didn’t let her past steer her present. Go me. Some days I felt unstoppable.

  Other days? Well, at least these past few days were a whirlwind of nothing. I trained with the help of the princes, kept in contact with Lex and T.J., but the rest of it, though empty, was somehow filled with an urgent foreboding. I had no idea it would take Matthews this long to sort through Soren’s past. If I had, I would’ve told myself to relax earlier. It was impossible now. And on top of that, Gregor had now included me in this dinner the guys suspected would dissolve into planning and strategizing Dumont’s demise. Apparently, Gregor was just as restless as I was on the topic.

  I smoothed down the black top I paired with dark wash jeans. I figured the black made me look like a guardian, but the jeans went for a subtle, laid-back look, yet posh style all at the same time. Really, I had no idea if I pulled it off, but it was what I was going for. The guys weren’t all that much help in deciding what I should wear. All I knew was a fancy dress wasn’t called for in this occasion. Thankfully. I was almost at my quota for fancy dresses for the year.

  Grabbing a light sweater off my bed, I left my room, locked it, and went straight for the back entrance. A few guards milled around in the common area looking every bit as bored as I was. Shannon, Liv, and Evan invited me—and the princes—over to Evan’s room to play video games with them tonight. At first, we’d agreed, but when the dinner came up, we had to tell them we couldn’t make it. Shannon and Liv took it pretty well, it was Evan who looked like someone had kicked his puppy. Connor sure had endeared himself to him. Good thing too because there was a time when Nicolai wanted to kick his ass. Then again, was there anyone who Nicolai didn’t want to beat the hell out of? I already wasn’t looking forward to another rendition of Nicolai hates T.J. and vice versa. Though I was partial to one in particular, T.J. wasn’t a bad guy. No matter how many times I tried to explain that to Nic though, he never got it. More like, would never listen to me, so some time in the past two days, I just gave up.

  The first step out the back entrance was a chilly one. The wind whipped through my hair and I sighed, trying to gain back control over it. So much for trying to brush it before I left. By the time I got to the house, it would probably be a rats’ nest. A car at the end of the parking lot let out a short beep and I looked over. The interior light came on and Lex waved at me from the driver’s seat. I jogged over to it and pulled the back door open. “Hey.” T.J. smiled at me from the other side of the car while Samuel sat right in front of me. He nearly grunted at my greeting, but both Lex and T.J. gave me a ‘hi’ back.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. I sat back to fish it out, then read the message on the screen from Stephan. Are you almost here? I can’t wait to see you.

  My heart warmed. He sent me sweet messages all the time now, never failing to bring a smile to my face. I wrote back, Leaving now. See you soon!

  Noticing that T.J.’s body was twisted toward mine, I put my phone away. I would hate to have him read over my texts and figure out anything he shouldn’t. “Ready for tonight?” I asked him casually, drawing his attention away.

  He shrugged. “Same old stuff for me.”

  “Anyone know what this is about?” Lex asked from the front seat. She put the car in reverse and backed up.

  I sat back and locked my seatbelt into place before wrapping my arms around myself. Being in the car with a Ravana was one thing, but I was still a little unsure when it was others driving. I would say I was ninety-percent healed from my passenger phobia, but I still had my moments.

  “I thought you’d know,” Samuel said, deadpan. “You being so close to the Ravanas and all.”

  I tried to look around the seat to capture Samuel’s face, but I could only see the hard line of his jaw. Someone wasn’t very happy about tonight.

  Not wanting to betray the princes’ confidence, I kept my mouth shut on the answer. They really hadn’t been that much of a help anyway, only saying that they were sure the dinner would lead into some sort of talk about the future. Why I was going to be there, I wasn’t sure. I probably wouldn’t even be involved in this if Soren hadn’t asked to talk to me instead of anyone else—a thought that still kept me up at night. What made me so special to him? I couldn’t put my finger on it, and it frustrated me to no end.

  Lex sighed. “I wasn’t privy to any of the inner workings of the Ravana household. They kept me in he loop, but not that much in the loop.”

  Lex eyed Samuel up and down, then finally shrugged. Samuel was almost impossible to get a read on. Most of the time, I thought he hated me. There were only a few times in which I thought it was possible he actually really did like the guard I was becoming.

  My phone buzzed again. I tried to ignore it because T.J. was giving me the side eye, but it buzzed two times in a row so I picked it up again. This time the texts were from Connor. The first one read, Princess… And the second, I can’t wait to get my hands on you again.

  My goodness. I needed my own personal fan to blow on my face at all times. Especially when I was in front of other people. What were they trying to do? Kill me.

  I shook my head and put my phone away. T.J., not even bothering to mask that he was paying attention to me said, “Everything okay?”

  “Oh yeah. Everything’s fine.”

  I took a deep, leveling breath and spent the rest of the car ride staring out the window. The day was turning into dusk and with it, orange and pink wisps of clouds highlighted the sky. Before long, Lex turned into the Ravana driveway. I let myself out of the car and then waited for the rest of them so we could walk up as a group. Before we even made it to the stairs, Isabelle opened the door, a radiant smile gracing her face. She beckoned us in and I greeted Connor, Christian, and Stephan awkwardly as if we hadn’t just been texting or seeing one another on a regular basis. “Gregor and Nicolai will be down soon.” She caught my eye and there was a slight falter to her picture perfect exterior.

  My alarm bells immediately started going off.

  Isabelle led us all into the living room and sat us down like the great hostess she was. The servants brought in a tray of wine glasses sloshing with red liquid for the vampires while Lex, T.J., and myself were given a choice of drink. I declined, my eyes wan
dering toward the stairs. Christian sat next to me, careful to keep his wine glass in his other hand. When Isabelle drew her company into conversation, he turned to me and said, “They’re fighting. Nic told him today he wants to help Lex with the mission. Father didn’t take it very well.”

  I cringed. Not surprising, but it was disappointing. I knew how much Nicolai struggled with his duties here and not feeling like he was actually doing anything. “Do you think he’ll come around?” I asked.

  Christian shrugged and took a skip. “They are both very stubborn. I’m not sure who will win this one.”

  “A Ravana? Stubborn?” I asked, jabbing my elbow into his side.

  The corner of his mouth tipped up. “I’m as shocked as you are.”

  Stephan came over to sit on the arm of the sofa next to me while Connor resigned himself to sitting in the nearest chair. “How long do you think they’ll be?”

  As if on cue, a door upstairs slammed. “Isn’t that what Christian is for?”

  Footsteps thundered away, but one, deep growl stopped them. “Nicolai…”

  Everyone fell silent around me. T.J. and Lex looked embarrassed, staring off at some of the adornments in the room while Samuel looked toward the stairs, which was exactly where I was looking. My fingers clenched at my sides. I wanted to go to Nic, but I was trapped. Not only by keeping quiet, but also because Nic and Gregor’s relationship was their own. Me intervening wouldn’t do any good, it would probably only make it worse. I would just have to contend myself to asking him about it later, with less eyes around us and hopefully heaps more calm.

  Whatever was being said upstairs now, I couldn’t hear. Samuel still gazed that way and Isabelle looked particularly preoccupied so whatever was happening was just too low for regular old human hearing. The audibly inclined vampires’ faces were impassive, however, so instead of trying to figure it out now, I asked Lex if she’d heard anything from Matthews yet. She looked relieved to have the attention brought on anything else. She smiled. “Not yet. He thinks he’s onto something, but he’s not exactly sure. Matthews is like that. He doesn’t like to get your hopes up just to dash them, but I hope we hear something very soon.”

  “Me too,” I admitted. We shared a similar pained glance and then I smiled at her.

  “Soren’s been asking about you again,” T.J. said.

  “Yeah?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

  “I think he’s got a thing for you.”

  I laughed hard. “He tried to take me out twice. I highly doubt that.”

  He half shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s that hard to catch thing.”

  Christian froze beside me. At first, I thought it was because of the steer in the conversation, but finally, upstairs, footsteps started to descend the steps. Gregor was the first to emerge. He smiled happily at his guests, apologized briefly for not being down sooner, but all in all, he played it cool. If no one had heard the outburst or if Christian hadn’t told me what was going on, I never would’ve known something was amiss upstairs. When Samuel and Gregor shook hands, Samuel gave him a hard, concentrated look that was much deeper, went much further than normal as if he was trying to convey something to the ruler of The Council without words.

  A few seconds later, Nicolai followed. He went straight to kiss his mother on the cheek then briefly welcomed Lex, skipped completely over Samuel and T.J. and made his way over to me. Though his cocky smile was on his face, it was laced with something underneath. Something that looked far too much like sorrow for my taste. I gave him a small grin and he lifted his shoulders slightly as if to tell me that he’d tried.

  Within moments, the housekeeping staff called us to the main dining room. Instead of the cereal bowl place settings I last saw on this table, it was something far more appropriate for the elegantly designed furnishings. Their best china was laid out with more utensils than I knew what to do with. I was seated in the middle of the table in between Samuel and Connor, looking around like the little kid at the big kid table. Straightening my shoulders, I did my best to make it seem like I didn’t feel that way.

  Isabelle migrated the first half of the meal with pleasantries. However, as soon as dessert was served, the atmosphere changed abruptly after Gregor cleared his throat. All eyes at the table moved toward him. Nic sat back, throwing his napkin onto the table and looked genuinely disinterested. He’d been avoiding my eye all dinner and I couldn’t figure out if he was just upset his father wouldn’t let him do what he wanted to or if there was something else going on too.

  Gregor clasped his hands in front of him. “I’m so thankful all of you could come tonight. As much as I would love to pretend that this was just a few friends getting together to talk about what we all have going on in our lives, I also know that all of you here are just as worried about the future of our little world as I am. In thinking this, I thought we could have a roundtable discussion about our next steps. Feel free to throw out any ideas or problems that you might see. I’d like us to keep it civil,” he said, eyeing Nic, “but other than that, please feel free to say whatever comes to your mind.”

  He looked around the room and instead of cowering under his gaze as I might’ve done before. I gave him a small smile. This was another great step. Not only was Lex—a guard—in charge of this mission, she, T.J., and even myself were a part of this conversation about where to take everything. Either Gregor was desperate, or he was trying to bring us all together. He was most likely both, but knowing him myself, this was his ultimate mission, bringing the two species together to live and work in peace without threat or favoritism.

  Lex immediately spoke up. “As we sit here, Matthews is looking into Soren’s past. When he gathers all the information he can, it will be given to Stuart who will use it any way she can to try to get a location for Dumont out of Soren. I still have eyes and ears on the ground, but, as you know, we have very few available guards. With the security we need at The Fort, along with the regular clan security, there are too few to really make a difference in scouting out Dumont feet-on-the-ground.”

  Gregor ran a hand over his chin. “Do you think more guards would make a difference?”

  “Definitely,” Lex said, leaning closer. “Not only for the reasons I just said, but we’re also going to need more as soon as we do gather the information we need. I’d like to move out ASAP when we get a location, but as it stands, I’d have to bring people in just to send them out again. Or try to scrape people together by taking them off their other assignments. More guards would be ideal.”

  Samuel eyed me, the thin slits almost accusing. He knew what I was thinking because I never had a problem telling them what I thought before. They had guards available that they weren’t willing to use. Sure, using the trainees was a bit of a risk, but when there was no other option available… I lifted my eyebrows to stare at him. I’d tell them what I thought if need be, but for some reason, it felt like Samuel was about to do the very same thing.

  He nodded once and turned his full attention to Gregor. “If Lex feels she needs more guards, perhaps we can pull from some of the trainees.”

  “I thought you were opposed to this,” Isabelle said, her brows furrowing.

  “I was, but a few of them reacted exceptionally well to the advance on The Fort. I wouldn’t want to send them out alone, but if they had proper supervision, and because of these circumstances, I’m willing to change my opinion. At the very least, they could be charged with protection of The Fort so more experienced guards could be used out in the field.”

  “I like it,” I said, not able to stop myself.

  Connor rolled his eyes. “I’m so surprised.”

  I gave him a quick smile then addressed Samuel. “What if you chose the guards to use for the different tasks? No one knows them better than you. You could work with Lex on how many guards she needs and then place them by skill into the varying roles. I agree that most any trainee could be charged with security at The Fort. The risk is lower there, and with the knowledge we’ve
learned and trained for, it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  I looked around the table and saw several frowns. Most notably Stephan, who didn’t look happy with this line of talk. Not because it wasn’t sound, but because of what it meant. The other was Isabelle. She looked at me almost fondly as I spoke and then down at her unfinished cheesecake when I was done.

  “Would that give you the bodies you need, Lex?” Gregor asked.

  “I believe it would. In working with Samuel, we could make sure the appropriate personnel were used for the tasks we need to cover.”

  “Perhaps you could have the trainees volunteer for the different positions, too,” T.J. offered. “Obviously you’d have to weed out those who volunteered for the high-risk roles to appropriate trainees, but that would give you an idea of who is willing to do what. You don’t want to force someone to raid Dumont’s hiding place if their heart isn’t in it.”

  Samuel nodded slowly. “With classes starting tomorrow, I could do that first thing as long as Lex could give me a roundabout idea of what she needs. So far we have security at The Fort, high-risk scenarios… Is there anything else?”

  The cheesecake sat untouched on most of our plates as we continued to make plans for another hour. The princes had been right on point. The dinner was more of a tactical meeting rather than a friendly get-together, and I wondered why Gregor hadn’t just called it that from the beginning. When everything was all wrapped up, I excused myself to use the bathroom. I freshened up in the mirror, looking deep into my eyes and thinking about everything that had transpired this evening. I knew exactly what I would volunteer for.