The Christmas Secret

by Donna VanLiere

  I knew she’d ask that. I didn’t dare tell her they’d be alone for more than an hour. “Renee, from Patterson’s. Remember her?”

  “I don’t think so,” she said. “How’s everything else? Has Brad been calling?”

  “Of course,” I said. I really couldn’t bring myself to talk. “Mom, can I call you back later because Zach and Haley should be running in any minute?”

  “Okay,” she said. “Hey,” she added before hanging up, “I was thinking of coming a couple of days before Christmas if that works with you and the kids.” I glanced at my kitchen and knew it looked like the rest of my house. It was not welcoming for guests. “Richard will be traveling but he could meet me there the day before Christmas if that’s all right.”

  It wasn’t but I was stuck. “Sure,” I said.

  “I’ll bring a big turkey and make those cookies the kids like.” She was quiet on the other end. “Christine, your voice really doesn’t sound like you.”

  I laughed, trying to take her mind off it. “I assure you it’s my voice, Mom. Maybe your ears are the problem.”

  “Okay,” she said. “Love you.”

  “Faster, faster, faster,” I heard Zach yell on the front porch. The key rattled in the door and I walked to it, turning the knob. “You can open your eyes now,” Zach said, tumbling onto the floor. Haley took her hands from her eyes. “She was actually standing on her porch this time,” he said.

  “Mrs. Meredith?” I asked, taking his coat from him.

  “The Bat Lady,” Haley said, throwing her coat on the floor. “That was the closest ever.”

  “We could have been gone like that,” Zach said, crashing his hands together and making the sound of an explosion.

  “All right,” I said. “Come into the kitchen. I want to give you your dinner before I leave for work.”

  “Not again,” Zach said, heaving his backpack onto the sofa. “Who’s watching us tonight?”

  “Renee will be here again but she won’t be here until five thirty. Look at the microwave. See, it says four o’clock. That means she’ll be here in one hour and thirty minutes. Wash your hands. You can eat and start your homework and by then she’ll be here. Okay?”

  I reached for two plates and filled them with noodles and stroganoff. “Okay, let’s go over the rules again for being alone.” We went through the list of do’s-and-don’ts. “And I’ll call a lot to make sure you’re okay.” I watched them eat at the table covered with unopened bills and the newspaper classifieds with apartments circled that I couldn’t afford, and knew that moving, mothering, and just making a way was my life for the next dozen years. All part of the muck and marvel, I thought, kissing the top of their heads. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay and be with them in a way you want rainy days and warm blankets. They finished their dinner, I repeated the rules, kissed them again, and locked the door behind me.

  It took a lot of strength to open the sliding glass door. The lock always stuck except on that afternoon. Haley turned it and slid open the door. Snow hung on the branches of the trees that lined the back of the duplexes and thin sheets of ice spotted the deck’s surface. The argument sprouted up as they always did; one of the kids making an exaggerated effort to prove they’re right. “Come back in!” Zach shouted from the door. “It’s freezing in here now.”

  “No,” Haley said, climbing up the deck railing. Her pink and purple princess nightgown wrapped around her knees in the breeze and she folded her arms to keep warm. “You said I can’t fly.”

  “You can’t!” Zach said, yelling through the small opening he’d left in the nearly closed door. “Only bugs and birds fly.”

  “I can fly,” Haley said, swinging her leg to the top railing. “Last night I was flying over these trees. If I had wings I’d fly to the top of that high, high one.”

  “Wings are fake and people can’t fly. You dreamed you were flying. Mom always tells you that.” He opened the door a few inches wide. “Get down before we get in trouble.”

  She opened her arms and the wind took her breath. She took a small step forward and her foot slipped on the icy railing plunging her forward. Her shriek was piercing but short and then she was quiet. Zach shoved the door open and ran onto the deck, screaming her name. He ran down the steps. Her face was in the snow and one leg was bent beneath her. “Mom!” Zach yelled, touching his sister’s back. “Haley! Mom!”

  “Watch out, Zachary,” the voice said. A hand pulled his shoulder back and he stepped aside. She knelt down in the snow and Zach screamed at the sight of her.

  The clock ticked too slowly that afternoon and I dreaded every second of it. I was never good at confrontation and still had no idea what I would say to TS. Kiss any beautiful girls lately? Have you ever been to Ashton Gardens . . . I hear it’s a great place to make out. At every thought I came up with nothing.

  “So,” Betty said, sidling up to me at five o’clock. “Tonight’s the night.”

  “Not really,” I said, refilling the saltshakers at my tables. “I saw him kissing another woman today.”

  She slapped her forehead in disgust. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “I’m not that funny,” I said, wiping excess salt from the shaker before moving to the next table.

  Lori and Ann were the night waitresses and I could see them eavesdropping. “What are you going to tell him?” Lori asked, looking up from her own salt and pepper work.

  “I’m going to tell him I have two children and that will end it once and for all. It always does.”

  “I’d rip him a new one if I were you,” Lori said.

  Betty squeezed my shoulders from behind. “There are other fish in the sea.”

  “That’s what they say,” I said. “Sure is a stupid saying.”

  She laughed. “There are other handsome young men who would be delighted to know you and your children, too.” She gave me another squeeze for good measure.

  “Thanks,” I said. “Doesn’t help right now but maybe tomorrow.”

  “Yes,” she said. “My words of wisdom get richer with each new day.”

  My phone buzzed in my apron pocket and I checked to see who was calling. I didn’t recognize the number so slipped it back into my apron. Within seconds voice mail buzzed and I thought perhaps it was someone calling me back about an apartment. Two of my tables filled and I decided to check the message later. I filled eight water glasses and my phone rang again; it was the same number from before. What if I missed a place to live because I couldn’t take the call? I couldn’t risk that and stepped into the kitchen to answer the phone.

  “Christine?” I didn’t recognize the voice. “This is Dolly Meredith from next door.” I groaned, wondering what sort of noise the kids had been making to warrant this call.

  “Hi,” I said, realizing she said her first name was Dolly. Of all the names to attach to this woman!

  “I don’t want to alarm you but I have taken Haley to the hospital.”

  Panic throbbed in my chest and I backed into the walk-in cooler where it was quieter. “What happened?” My mind raced in a thousand different directions.

  “She jumped off the deck railing and struck her head on the ground.” My ears suddenly became hot and my hands turned cold. “She lost consciousness but regained it just over a minute later. She seems fine but as a nurse I knew that because she lost consciousness she needed to get checked out as a precaution.”

  I was breathing a little easier but was still scared out of my wits. Did she just say she was a nurse? “Is she okay? Is she scared?” I asked.

  “Well, I would say this is just one big adventure for her,” Mrs. Meredith said.

  “Hi, Mom!” Haley yelled in the background.

  I heard her voice and smiled. “I’m coming right over,” I said. “I can be there in about ten minutes.” I found Betty in her office and told her what happened.

  “Go,” she said, waving me away.

  Haley and Zach were listening to each other’s hearts with a stethosco
pe when I found them sitting in a patient room in the ER. “What is going on in here?” I asked, pushing the curtain aside.

  “Mom!” Zach said. “My heart beats faster than Haley’s. That means I’m a faster runner, right?”

  I hugged Haley to me and she squirmed from my arms so she could press the stethoscope to my chest. “Thank you, Mrs. Meredith,” I said.

  “Call me Dolly, Christine,” she said, getting up from her seat. I never would have pictured her as a Dolly.

  “I really need to know what happened,” I said, holding Haley’s face so she would look at me. A huge bump the size of a goose egg protruded from the side of her head.

  “I told her not to but she tried to fly off the deck,” Zach said. “She went straight down like a rock and banged her head on the ground.”

  Dolly smiled. “I think that’s pretty much what happened,” she said. “Within a minute or so she opened her eyes.”

  I kept holding Haley while she fumbled with the stethoscope. “I don’t know what they would have done if you hadn’t been home,” I said to Dolly.

  “I try to keep my eye on them,” she said. “Especially if I can see they’re home alone. I watch them get off the bus and there’s been a few times I’ve tiptoed over to your place to make sure they’ve locked the door. You never know with sitters.”

  I looked at her, stunned. I had read her wrong from day one and felt so ashamed. “I try not to leave them alone,” I said. “It’s just that my job . . .”

  “I know,” she said, smiling. “I’ve seen your”—she mouthed the next words—“ex-husband from time to time. I don’t think I care for him very much.”

  I laughed. “That makes two of us,” I said. “I didn’t know you were a nurse.”

  “I retired three years ago,” she said. “I did it for twenty-eight years. I was going to retire earlier but when I lost my husband I thought it would help occupy my mind and it did. I worked two more years after he died and moved into the duplex. It’s a nice, quiet place to live.”

  “I know my kids don’t make it so quiet,” I said. “And I’m sorry.”

  “Well, sometimes it’s just too quiet at my place,” she said, pulling Haley’s hair back in her hand and playing with it. “And they’re not so loud. It’s just us bats have such good ears.”

  Zach and Haley snapped their heads to look up at her. “I am soooo sorry,” I said.

  She laughed, squeezing Zach’s face between her palms. “They’re just kids with wonderful imaginations,” she said. “I know I’m not really a bat. Am I?”

  Zach’s eyes bulged and he shook his head. I laughed out loud. “Well, we won’t be bothering you much longer. We’ve been given our walking papers.”

  “What do you mean? Did Ed kick you out?”

  “I haven’t been able to keep up with the rent and although I’ve paid some money each month I haven’t been able to pay the full amount for the last four months. I’m twelve-hundred dollars behind and I’ll never catch up now.”

  The sound of a growl came from her throat. “I can’t believe he did that. You won’t find a cheaper place.”

  “I know,” I said. “But I’m trying.”

  Jason pulled the front door of Betty’s open and stepped inside, looking around. He stood at the counter and watched the waitresses hustle from the kitchen to the waitress station and then to their tables. The sound of metal landing on the floor echoed from the kitchen and Jason saw Spence, an afternoon cook, nursing a burnt hand. Jason strained to see to the back of the kitchen and then glanced over the dining room again. He spun around when he heard the ice dispenser and Spence collecting ice in a towel. “Excuse me,” Jason said. Spence looked over his shoulder. “I’m here to see Rosemary.”

  “She’s not here,” Spence said. “She worked this morning.”

  Jason leaned onto the counter to hear him better. “Is she coming back?”

  Spence pushed the ice into his hand and gave Jason a look that said he was stupid. “Her work’s done.”

  Jason walked through the dining room and peered around the back wall into Betty’s office. It was empty. He pushed open the back door before Lori could rip him a new one.

  It was after nine o’clock when we got home. As Dolly assumed, Haley was fine but the doctor said she did the right thing in bringing her in for evaluation. “No more flying off the railing,” he said, lifting Haley off the exam table.

  We piled into my bed together and I wrapped my arms around both of them. In the back of my mind I thought about the hospital bill. I had dropped our insurance coverage less than a year ago because I couldn’t afford it on my own. The thought of that bill made me nauseous. “I’m too squished,” Zach said.

  “I need to squish you,” I said. “What in the world are you trying to do to your mother? What would I do if something happened to you?” I squeezed them hard and they both made choking noises.

  “Come on, Mom,” Zach said.

  I raised up on my arm and leaned over Zach to kiss him and then Haley. “Can I fly tonight?” she asked, looking sheepish at me.

  “You can fly all over the world tonight,” I said. “But in the morning you keep your feet on the ground. Promise?”

  “Promise,” she said, hugging my neck.

  We all slept like babies.

  . . .

  We were slammed at Betty’s the next morning. A crowd pressed itself up against the counter and baker’s racks, waiting for seats. Gloria and Miriam sat at their table before the busboy had the chance to clean it. Gloria was drumming her fingers on the table watching me as I walked to them with their tea and coffee. “So,” she said. “You have a lot of explaining to do.”

  I set her coffee down in front of her. “About what?” I couldn’t imagine what I had done.

  “We felt awful about that terrible debacle in Ashton Gardens and we came to see how things went with TS last night and discovered you weren’t here.” I nodded. “Betty said you were in the hospital with your little girl, a child we didn’t even know existed. So, first things first. How is your little lamb?”

  “She’s okay. She tried to fly off the deck railing and knocked herself out.”

  “I keep telling Gloria the same thing will happen to her,” Miriam said.

  Gloria shushed her. “Have you heard of Glory’s Place?” she asked.

  “Yes! My kids went there for the first time this week.”

  “I’m Glory,” Gloria said. “You didn’t know that because we didn’t know you had children, and I didn’t get the chance to ask you on the first day we met because Miriam made me stop asking you questions.”

  “I knew it’d come back to me eventually,” Miriam said, sorting the mail.

  Gloria leaned onto the table. “The only way a spot could have been made for you is if it came through me or Heddy but I don’t recall your name.”

  “Angela Eisley?”

  “That’s it!” she said. “You’re Angela?”

  “It’s my first name. Patricia Addison knew me by that name the first time we met.”

  She slapped the table. “Well, all of this could have been avoided had I known about your children. Again, all Miriam’s fault but we’ll try to make up for it.” Miriam sighed and ripped open an envelope. “Will your children be at the center tonight?” I nodded. “Then I’ll meet them.”

  “No, you won’t,” Miriam said. “You’re doing that dinner with Ned and his wife about donations.”

  Gloria nodded, remembering. “Are you working tomorrow?”

  “Yes.”

  “Who’s watching the kids? The center closes at six on Saturdays.”

  “Uh . . .”

  “Miriam and I will watch them. We owe it to you.”

  “You and who?” Miriam asked, looking up over a letter.

  “You don’t owe me anything, Gloria. Please don’t feel bad about the greenhouse. I’ll find a sitter.”

  “Well, you could keep looking,” Gloria said. “Just wandering around in circles until you get
fallen arches or you could use us.” I laughed and she smiled. “At some point you come to the conclusion that we’re all here to help each other.” She poured cream into her coffee and looked at me. “Miriam and I will be at the center tomorrow afternoon,” Gloria said. “We’ll take them home from there.”

  Miriam cleared her throat and pretended to read a letter. “TS just walked in,” she whispered.

  My heart sped; I didn’t want to face him. “Just get it over with,” Gloria said, winking at me.

  I grabbed two empty cups at the waitress station. “Hi,” he said. He was cautious today for some reason. Feeling guilty I assumed. “I came last night but they said you weren’t working.” I ignored him and carried the cups and a pot of coffee to my customers at table three.

  Another table of two sat down behind me and I turned to greet them. “Do you have any menus?” the woman asked. “We’re in a bit of a hurry.” I stepped to the counter and reached for a couple of menus, handing them to the couple. I walked toward the waitress station.

  “Wait!” TS said, following me through the waiting crowd. “Can we do coffee some other time?”

  He seemed sincere enough but then again so did Brad at the beginning. “I can’t do that,” I said. “It’d get really crowded with your girlfriend.”

  . . .

  Tamara pushed open the office door at Wilson’s and stepped inside, waiting for Jason to get off the phone. “Can I help you?” he said.

  “I was checking on an application I filled out a few weeks ago.”

  Her arms were like coat hangers holding up an oversized jacket. She wrapped them around her and quickly pushed back a strand of hair behind her ear. Jason knew Marshall would never be interested in someone like her. “It’s on file, I’m sure,” he said. “But we’re not hiring right now.”

  She walked back to the door and turned to look at him. “You don’t need any seasonal help at all?”

  “We have everybody we need,” he said. “If something changes we’ll call you.”

  She reached for the handle and pulled the door toward her. “But how could you call me? You don’t know my name.”