by Ambria Davis
“Man, it’s not even like that,” I said, lying through my damn teeth. “I was out of the country on business, and I told you that already. I don’t know why you can’t believe me when I say that.”
“Tae, please, I know when you’re lying, and you’re doing it right now. If you was out of the country on business, like you said, then why didn’t you call me?” she asked, pausing for me to answer. When I didn’t say anything as fast as she wanted me to, she continued. “That’s what I thought. You got me bent, twisted, and mistaken for the next bitch. I will not let you play me. I’m a bitch who don’t need a man for anything. Hell, I don’t even put up with the nigga who gave birth to me, and we share the same fucking blood. So, you can miss me with all of that shit you’re spitting out of your mouth right now, li’l daddy. Like I said before, I’m done with you, so you can stop calling me and start calling your next bitch as much as you be calling and stalking me,” she said, loud enough for the people who were in earshot to hear.
“Can you please lower your voice? You’re starting to draw attention to us,” I said calmly.
“Can you kiss my ass where the sun don’t shine and get the fuck up out of my face?”
I was surprised to hear her talking like that to me, but then again, I wasn’t surprised. I knew sooner or later that she was going to begin getting tired of me not being there all of the time and basically not answering her phone calls, but I didn’t know that it was going to start sooner rather than later. I looked her in the eyes to try to explain it to her, but I didn’t. What I saw was nothing but sadness and hurt, and I was deeply hurt to know that I was the cause of all of that, and there was nothing that I could do to fix it.
“Brinay, I’m really sor—”
“You’re what, Dontie? You’re sorry? Is that what you was going to say?” she asked with glassy eyes. “Oh, you’re sorry, all right. A sorry excuse for a man. I can’t believe after all of these years, I let a man like you come in and hurt me. Oh, don’t worry about it anymore, because we’re going to be fine without you,” she said, letting the tears that were threatening to fall run freely.
“Baby, don’t cry. What can I do to make it up to you?” I asked, trying to step closer to her.
“Don’t come near me, Tae. What you can and will do is leave me the hell alone, because I’m over you. There’s no need for you to call or text me anymore.”
“Baby, you don’t mean that,” I said just as my phone began to ring. I looked at it and noticed that it was Sky calling me.
“What that? Ya bitch calling you, huh?” she asked with her hands on her hips. I didn’t answer her, because I knew that if I lied to her, I would only be hurting her more.
“Know what, Tae? Fuck you!” and with that, she hopped in the car and rolled out.
I stood there feeling helpless and lost as I watched her car disappear from the mall’s parking lot. On one hand, I wanted to go after her, and on another hand, I knew that I couldn’t. My mind was telling me that it was time for me to let her go, but my heart was saying something much different. I didn’t know how everything was going to play out, but I was going to let her cool off for a minute; then I was going to try to win my girl back, because I don’t know if I could live without her in my life.
* * *
“You ain’t hear me calling your phone, Tae?” a voice asked from behind me. I turned to find Sky standing there with one hand full of bags, and the other hand on her hip.
“Nah, I ain’t hear ya,” I said, walking off toward the car.
“Don’t give me that attitude, Dontie, because I’ve just about had it with you this morning,” she said as she stomped behind me.
“Skylar, ya better quit while you’re ahead,” I said just as we arrived at the car. We were walking so fast, I’m sure the people who saw us thought that we were crazy or something.
“I don’t have to do anything I don’t want to,” she said, putting her bags in the trunk. “You’re the one with the jacked up attitude, not me.”
“Sky, if you don’t get your stupid, ignorant, irrelevant, dumb ass in this car, you’re going to make me do something that I will not regret.”
“Look, like I said earlier, I don’t know what or who done pissed you off, but I’ma need you to get it together before you make me do something I’m going to regret!”
I didn’t pay that ho no mind, because I knew if we kept going back and forth, I was going to hurt her ass, and I wasn’t going to think twice about it. I simply got in the car and waited for her. When she did get situated, I started the car and drove off. I was driving so fast that I flew through two traffic lights.
“Could you kill us any faster? Damn!” she yelled.
“I wish I could kill your ass instead,” I mumbled under my breath.
“Tae, on the real, you need to slow down before we be wrapped around a damn pole somewhere,” she said. I knew that we were almost home, and I didn’t want to hear her mouth anymore, so I slowed down. “Thank you.”
The next five minutes it took to get to the house was spent in complete silence. She was trapped in her thoughts over there, and I was over here lost in mine. There’s been a lot of tension between us lately, and I was starting to think that we were never supposed to get married in the first place. There ain’t no way we’ve been together for over two-and-something years without any problems, and now that we’ve signed papers on each other, now, all these problems come. Something was up. I already knew what my problem was, I just had to find out what hers was.
Pulling into the driveway, I parked in front of the door so that she could get out.
“You’re not coming in the house?” she asked once she noticed that I hadn’t cut the engine off and didn’t move from my seat.
“Nah, I’m bouta go out for a minute,” I replied, never looking at her. I kept my eyes focused on my phone in my hand.
“You do know that it’s after two, and the dinner at my father’s house starts at seven this evening, right?”
“Yeah, I know. I’m just going out for a few. I’ll be back in time,” I said. From the corner of my eyes, I watched her mouth open, then close back immediately. I really hoped that she was not about to start bitching again.
“Okay,” she said, shocking me. I just knew for a fact that she was going to start yapping her mouth off, but she didn’t. She simply got out of the car, then walked to the back of the trunk to get her things. Once she had everything, she closed the trunk and made her way inside.
Once I saw that the door was open and she had started walking inside of the house, I pulled off. I needed to ease my mind and smoke a blunt bad. I was all fucked up, and the only one who’d be able to help me out wasn’t talking to me. I promise that I was going to find out wherever she was staying before she left and make things right again. Brinay was going to forgive me, and I was going to make sure that she did, even if I had to get on my knees and beg her. I was going to get my girl back, and that was that.
Chapter Twelve
Brinay
When I left the mall, I didn’t know where I was headed. All I knew was that I had to get the hell away from that place fast. I was so nervous, mad, and pissed off that I hadn’t noticed that I was speeding until Kourtney said something.
“Can you please slow down, Nay, before we end up in an accident!” she screamed, holding on tightly to her seat belt as if it wasn’t gripping her tight enough.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know where my mind was,” I said, taking my foot off the pedal and reducing my speed. I can’t believe that I let Dontie and his drama, or whatever you want to call it, get me worked up again.
“It’s cool,” she replied; then she changed her tone. “Are you okay, Nay?”
“Yes, I’m fine now,” I replied, not believing myself. I was still shaking, and my eyes were still watery. I don’t know why I just insisted on letting this man move me to places emotionally that I’ve never been to before. It’s like he’s breaking down all of the walls and barriers that I’ve place
d up, and I can’t control my own feelings anymore.
“No, you’re not. I can still see that you’re shaking, and the tears in your eyes that are threatening to fall are visible. You don’t have to play or pretend with me. I’m your friend. You can always talk to me, Brinay. I promised I would never judge you on anything . . . no matter how horrific or terrible it is,” she said, easing my nervousness a bit. “I told you that no matter what happens, I will always, and I do mean always, be there for you.”
“I just don’t know what to do,” I said, shaking my head. “On one hand, I want this man to stay as far away from me as possible, but on the other hand, all I want is to love him, hold him, and feel him. Hell, I’d do anything just to be near him. I love him, and I know you can see that. I think I love him even more, now that we’re going to have a baby together. Yeah, I know that’s stupid of me to say that, but I can’t help it, Kourtney.”
“You’re not stupid, Nay. It’s called life. Everybody goes through that. You can’t help who you love, and I’m not going to try to judge you on the situation that you’re in, because like I said, everyone goes through that, some more than others. I do want you to think about this some more and understand what you do before you do it. I don’t want you to be unhappy, but I also don’t want you to settle for less than you’re worth. So if you want, Dontie, then go ahead and see how things go.”
“But the fact that I think—no—I know that he has another girl somewhere out there isn’t really sitting well with me. I don’t do that. I’m not other woman material. I don’t play second to nobody. My mother did that, and that’s how I got here. I’m not trying to go down that same path in life. You don’t know the things I’ve been through with being my father’s bastard/outside child. Like my sister and her mother treated me so bad and called me all kinds of names. They looked down on me, causing everybody else in the family to look down on me. I’m not about to let my child go through or be subject to the same thing I’ve been through. That ain’t going to happen. I’d die or do hard time before I let anyone do anything like that to one of mine,” I said, letting a lonely tear roll down my face as I sat there and confessed my fears to my best friend.
The pain of knowing that my child could possibly go through the same thing that I’ve gone through in life was unbearable, and it made me not want to have a child at all. Knowing that someone, someone who’s supposed to show love to and for you, could cause you so much hurt and pain is crazy. I made a vow to never let that happen, and I won’t, not as long as I’m alive and kicking.
“That won’t happen, not while you’re alive, or while I am,” she finally said after a moment of silence. “We’re going to be here, and I’m pretty sure that Dontie won’t allow anyone to harm his child either.”
“No, he’s not,” I said. “I’ve decided not to tell him about the baby, Kourt.”
“Why not?” she asked in disbelief.
“Because I’ve decided not to,” I simply replied.
“Are you sure that’s what you want to do?”
“I’m positive. I don’t have time for Dontie to be back and forth in my child’s life like he’s doing me. So to prevent him from hurting my baby, I’ve decided not to tell him at all.”
“Okay,” was all she said. I could see it in her eyes that she wanted to say something else, but she didn’t. “Where are we going?” she asked, changing the subject.
“I want to make a stop before we head back to the hotel,” I said, pulling into a grocery store. “You don’t even have to come. I’ll be in and out in a minute,” I said, getting out. I didn’t even cut the car off, because I was only going to be in there for a minute, two tops.
I hurried into the grocery store, trying to find what I was looking for. When I spotted the sign that said floral department, I speed walked in that direction. I carefully skimmed through the section, looking for what I’d come in here for. Once I had what I needed, I headed to the checkout counter. On my way to the front of the store, I bumped into this fine dude.
“Umm, excuse me, I’m sorry,” I said apologizing because it was totally my fault.
“No, ma, I’m truly sorry. I’m sure that it was my fault,” he replied.
“No, it was mine. I was so busy trying to get out of here that I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going,” I said sadly.
“And where are you going in such a hurry, ma’am?” he asked, obviously flirting.
“Look, I know what you’re trying to do, but you can cut it out,” I said, stopping him before he could fully start.
“Oh yeah, and what is that?”
“You’re trying to flirt with me, but I can guarantee you that you don’t want me,” I said, being honest.
“And why is that?” he asked, rubbing his chin.
“Because you don’t.”
“Why don’t you tell me why, and I’ll choose if I want you or not,” he said with a small smile on his face.
“Okay,” I said, giving in. “You’re not going to want me because I’m pregnant, and since I’ve just met you, of course, we know that the baby ain’t yours,” I said. I stood there for a few seconds before I walked off. I knew that would do it just as soon as I said the word pregnant. Ain’t no man want to take care of a child, especially one that ain’t his.
“Wait wait wait, hold on, ma,” he said, running to catch up with me. I looked back at him and kept on walking. I ain’t had time for this nigga. I had just made it to the register and placed my flowers on the counter when he caught up to me. “Why you giving me a hard time, ma?”
“Look, I already told you that you ain’t goin’ to want me, so why is ya bothering me?” I asked, turning back to him.
“You didn’t give me a chance to answer you,” he said. Had I not been mad with Dontie, I probably would’ve given the man a chance.
“I didn’t have to. Your silence said it all for you,” I replied.
“It wasn’t that I was silent. I was just trying to see if you was playing with me or not. It doesn’t bother me that you’re pregnant. Hell, I’m not one of those niggas out in the streets. I can hold my own, and even though I know your baby ain’t mine, if we were to develop something, I want you to know that I’ll be there for both of y’all,” he said.
I looked at him like he was losing his damn mind. I don’t know what he was thinking, but I wasn’t moved by this none whatsoever.
“Look, I don’t have time for this,” I said, turning back to the cashier, who’d just finished ringing up my flowers. I look at the total, grabbed my card, and handed it to her. She swiped it, then handed me a receipt and a pen. I signed it, grabbed my copy and my things, and proceeded out the door. I didn’t know what dude was up to, but I really wasn’t in the mood for whatever it was he was trying to do. I had other things to be doing, and playing with him wasn’t one of them.
“Look, can you just give me your phone number and let me take you out sometime? I promise that if you don’t like me after that, I’ll leave you alone and never bother you again,” he said from behind me. I stopped, contemplating his offer. One date couldn’t hurt me, and like he said, if I ain’t like it, then I’d never have to worry about him again.
“Okay,” I said, turning to him. “Give me your phone.”
“Okay,” he said, smiling and handing me the phone. I programmed my number in and handed it back to him, then headed to the car. “Hey, wait! You never told me what your name was.”
“I know. My name is Brinay,” I told him. “I saved my number under Nay.”
“That’s a pretty name, ma,” he replied, “My name is Alonzo, but you can either call me Lonzo or Zo for short.”
“All right, Lonzo. I’ll see you later. I have to go,” I said walking off.
“All right, see you later,” he said as he backpedaled into the store.
I smiled the rest of the way to the car, thinking about what had just gone down. I couldn’t believe I just picked up some random dude in a grocery store, and pregnant at that.
> I’m a bad girl, I thought as I opened the door and got in the car.
“Damn, I thought you said that you was going to be a minute,” Kourtney said, biting into my ass. I know she was mad, but I didn’t intend to stay in the store that long.
“I wasn’t gone that long,” I said, trying to save face.
“The hell not. You were damn near gone a whole half an hour. You know we on daylight saving time. It’s about to get dark.”
“I know,” I said, backing out of the parking space.
“So where are we about to go?” she asked, looking at the flowers that I had sitting next to me. “Who are the flowers for?”
“We’re going back to the hotel, and the flowers are for my mother’s grave. I’ll just have to drop them off there tomorrow, because I won’t have enough time to drop them off today.”
“Yeah, you know we still have to fix our hair, and you still need to at least take a catnap. I don’t want you stressing my baby out,” she said, reaching over and rubbing my stomach.
“Oh, trust, a nap is the first thing that I’ll be doing once I walk into that hotel room,” I said, yawning. “I’ll do everything else once I get up. Besides, the little party or whatever they want to call it doesn’t start until seven, which means that we’ll be rolling there at least about 8:30, nine o’clock.”
“As always, we gotta make an entrance,” she said, cracking up.
“And you know this,” I said cosigning, “I can’t wait to see the look on everyone’s faces when I roll up in there. I know they ain’t expecting me to come, so it’s going to be one interesting night. I only hope that nothing too serious pops off.”
“Me too.”
