Charlie's Whiskey

by Harlow Brown

  Charlie.

  She nodded and smiled, no questions asked.

  All she said was “Maybe one day we can swap stories.”

  “I will if you will, but tonight isn't that night. Tonight is about getting you out of your head for a while.” I could tell that made her uncomfortable, but she needed to know that if I was going to be around, then she would come first. “Let's ride back. We’ve been gone for hours now. The sun’s coming up soon.”

  “I need to text Jazz.” She stopped what she started. “Whiskey, when we get back can we finish our earlier discussion?”

  “Oh shit! I got sidetracked. Look, just think about this on the ride home. You know Briar isn't going to have you going to PCB alone, right?”

  “Damn it, yes. I hate this… and Hensley.”

  “Well, I'm not working, and I'm free. I've already rearranged his face for you and made no qualms about it. I would be more than happy and willing to go to the beach with you. I'd like to see you play. If you have half the passion and energy on the field as you do for a Braves game, then it's sure to be a hell of a time.”

  “I… I, uh… I don't know what to say.”

  “Just think about it, but you owe it to yourself and your girls to be there mentally and physically. I can deliver you physically, and hopefully give you mental serenity so you can focus on the game because I swear to you, as sure as I'm standing here, that I won't let him hurt you.”

  BOTH OF US were so lost in our thoughts on the ride home that we pulled into the driveway and didn't immediately notice the envelope taped to the window of her Mustang. I nudged her with my elbow and cocked my head to the car. Once she saw it, she froze.

  “You want me to get it? I’ll take care of it and you can go to bed.”

  “Nah, thanks. Just give me a minute, and then we can go in. Please don't leave me. I think he’s probably still watching.”

  “That was a given, babes. I won't leave you unless you are safe from him, or you just get sick of me.”

  She dismounted with grace, and I watched her as she walked over to the car and grabbed the envelope. She brought it to me to read, although I never asked.

  Charlie,

  I owe you money for the tires. Here is a check. I'm sorry I lost my shit and fucked with your baby. I know what that car means to you. Do you see what losing you has done to me? Seeing you tonight with Billy Badass put things in perspective. You don't know what you got till it's gone, right? Those were the truest lyrics that ever came from the eighties. It's just too bad that it took Cinderella to get me to see it. I see it now, Char. I'm sorry. Come home to me. Give us another chance. I love you.

  As I finished the letter, I heard her ripping something. When I looked up, I realized it was the check. All I could do was stare at her.

  “Quit looking at me like I have two heads. I don't need or want his money.”

  “That was a check for a new set of those expensive-ass tires you run on that thing!”

  “I got it, trust me. If I buy them, then I'm not tied to him. That's what he wants. Can you go with me, after we sleep a while, and get some tires? Please.”

  “Sure.”

  What else was I going to say? She was trusting me a little more. “I'm exhausted. Let's go in and put this shittastic day to rest, shall we?”

  “Shittastic?”

  She just grinned. “You'll get used to it.”

  Jazz and Briar were still sleeping, thankfully. Charlie put her newest letter on the bar with the rest of them, then turned to me and said, “Whiskey, thank you so much. I needed that.”

  “Listen, babes, any time you need to escape reality, I will gladly drive you to a clear head. Seriously, any time, day or night.” I damn well meant it too. I'd take her anywhere she wanted to go.

  “Whiskey?”

  “Yes, Charlie”

  “I haven't slept alone since everything went down. If I take the futon, would you crash in here tonight? I just know he’s still out there, close, and I’d feel better if you were with me.”

  What the actual fuck just happened? She just asked me to share a room with her. No idea why, but whatever the case may be, I’m taking it.

  “Anything you need, babes. You get ready for bed and I'll be in shortly. I have to get my bag from the truck.”

  “I feel silly and chickenshit for asking, but I'll never sleep if I don't.”

  I spun around and looked right into those silver and blue discs of hers. “Don't you dare talk about yourself like that. You aren't chickenshit. You are strong. How you handled Hensley before our ride proves it, as if the bullet you gave him didn't. That took a strong, resilient person. You took off your goddamned shirt and threw your battered body in his face, and you still held it together. You fucking owned that moment like a boss, so don't degrade yourself again.”

  “Yeah, not again. I get it,” she said as she turned away.

  “Fuck! Look, I’m sorry, but you’re so hard on yourself. You will never heal on the inside if you keep feeding yourself shit like that. Hear these words, please. I will say them once, and I mean them, but I can't make you believe them. Only you can do that. You are better than he is, you are worth way more than he has led you to believe, and you are the most beautiful creature on this planet. You, Charlie, can be so much. The world is your bitch, not the other way around.”

  Her eyes were different then, not silver and not her usual blue. Through the tears welling in them, I saw that they were a marbled blend of both. What emotion could cause that?

  “Thank you.”

  “I'll be back in a few. You go on and get ready for bed, okay?”

  I had to take a breather. Her eyes were so intense, so urgent, yet guarded; they had me under one of her spells again. Hell, she didn't even know how she affected me. That look almost gave me the impression that she wanted some connection, or that she was starting to trust me. Whatever the fuck it was, I had to see it again.

  I made my way to the truck, got my bag, and brought it back in the house. Once I was done brushing my teeth, I changed into my gym shorts. I preferred the nude, but I knew Charlie wouldn’t deal with that well. I opened the door as I simultaneously knocked softly with one knuckle, totally expecting her to be dressed, and caught her in her shorty shorts and pulling her tank down over her breasts. I missed the full sight but managed to see the underside of them and her flat, defined little tummy. She had the faintest six-pack. There she was, all dressed for bed, looking like a wet dream, and she honestly had no fucking clue what she was doing to me. Her only flaws were the bruises and scars. I could look past those; hell, I did look past them. They were only on her temporarily, after all.

  Jerking my head away and trying to shut the door, I stuttered, “S-sorry. Shit, I thought you'd be dressed by now.”

  “Get in here. You'll wake them up.” She finished pulling down her tank top. “It's okay. Jesus, you act like you haven't seen it before.”

  “What?” I obviously missed something, and damn if it didn't sound hot.

  “Earlier, outside with Hensley? When I lost my shit and tore off my top, remember?”

  The look on her face seemed to say, ‘Where the fuck were you when I was lost in my psycho outbreak?’

  “Trust me, Charlie, I might have seen it but I damn sure didn't think of it in a sexual way. I remember the incident, yes. I remember holding you after he left. But I have no visual memory of you half dressed. I was too caught up in the moment with you.”

  “Oh. Well, when you put it like that, I feel a little embarrassed.” She started shying away a little.

  I moved to stand in front of her. “Why are you embarrassed?”

  “You don't want to know. It's nothing. Just go to bed.”

  “Nope, tell me.” I stood there, impatiently waiting.

  A shameful look crossed her face as her eyes avoided mine and her facial muscles collapsed, her body sagging a little. “Now you’ve seen what he ruined. You saw my marks. You saw the hot fucking mess that is me. It's disgust
ing, and I only have me to blame.” She hung her head.

  With two fingers, I lifted her chin back up, only to see tears. I searched her eyes and softly spoke, “You are partially right. You are hot. Seeing you right now is testing my restraint. You are so beautiful, Charlie. And your marks? They’re only temporary. They will fade. You can't blame yourself for his actions.”

  Her tears flowed over, and all I could do was watch helplessly. “Damn it, Charlie, this isn't supposed to happen.”

  She cocked her head and said through her tears, “What isn't?”

  “Nothing. It's nothing. Let's just g—”

  “Bullshit.”

  I'll be damned if she wasn't pushing her finger in my chest, calling me out. “You want me to be honest, but you’re going to puss out and hide shit from me? Not cool, Whiskey. Not cool.”

  “I'm not supposed to get emotionally attached. I'm meant to help you move and hang with my boy Briar. But fuck, with you, Charlie, it's impossible. I know I'm going to get in over my head.”

  “You’re getting attached?” she asked, surprise in her voice.

  “You wanted the truth. Can you handle knowing that you’re gorgeous, strong, spunky? I feel the need to protect you with everything I have, including my life. The thought of anyone else doing it pisses me off. I told Briar that there was something about you that I couldn't put a finger on, that made me want to be here with you. There. How is that for truth?”

  “Oh.” She removed her finger from my pec. “I don't know what to say.”

  “There's nothing to say.”

  “Look, let's call it a day and start over in a few hours, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  She didn't buy it. She put her hands on her hips and said, "You feeling awkward, biker boy? How’s this for awkward? I'm the girl who is a fucking mess, physically and emotionally. Out of nowhere the epitome of sex on legs walks up on the porch and starts talking to me, pulling me from a sick and demented place in my head. All I could do was stare at him. At the end of the day, when so much shit went down, all I could think about was how I didn’t want anyone else but him with me, trying to figure this shit out. I just met you too, remember? It’s equally as awkward for me, Whiskey, if not more so. I'm telling you right now that if you’re staying here and we’re going to be hanging out, do not shut me out. I need to feel needed by more than my girls, okay? You got it?"

  What in the blue bloody fuck just happened?

  “Yeah, I think so. You didn't leave much room for misinterpretation, babes.” I paused and thought of what she said, "Sex on legs, huh? That's a new one.”

  She grinned at me. “Shut up. You know you look good, so stop it. It's awkward enough that I've said it out loud after knowing you for all of a day. I'm going to bed.”

  “Good night, babes.” I stopped myself and then asked, “Is that why you didn't deliver another nut shot when I called you ‘babes’?”

  “I didn’t do it because I didn't get the vibe that you were just trying to get me into bed. I felt like there could be a real friendship and that you didn't want just to bump uglies.”

  I couldn't help the belly laugh that came out. “I’ve heard lots of shit, but bumping uglies is a whole new term, one I doubt could ever apply to you. Remember that.”

  “Thank you, Whiskey. Good night.”

  “Night, babes.” I watched her climb her perfect little body into bed and waited for her to fall asleep. Once I heard her breaths even out, I looked back at her lying there like a sleeping angel. I wondered how in the hell one little woman could have me so messed up on the inside. I whispered aloud, “It's got to be those damned magic eyes.”

  I WOKE UP feeling like I had been put through the ringer. Still tired, sore, and just as completely mind-fucked as I was the night before, I rolled out of bed to an empty room, Whiskey nowhere to be found.

  I wandered into the front room to find him dressed and ready for the day. "What time is it?"

  "Noon. I couldn't bring myself to wake you after the night you had."

  "Thanks. I guess I needed some rest. So, you still plan on going with me today?"

  "Unless you plan on walking everywhere, then yeah. I figured we could call a wrecker to haul it to wherever, then grab lunch and discuss Panama City. Briar asked me about it this morning, along with interrogating me about last night. He said he heard the commotion but Jazz made him chill out." He stood and made his way to the kitchen. "You want coffee?"

  "I'll get it. Thanks, though." I walked up beside him. "I'm just a tad picky. I like it a certain color."

  "A certain color? Really? That's a thing?"

  "Yes, smartass, it's a thing. There is no right amount of creamer. I just add till it's the right shade of blonde," I said as I stirred in said creamer. "See, perfect! Now I can function."

  "Are you this finicky with food too?"

  "Yeah, why do you ask?"

  "I told you we could grab lunch, but it may prove to be tougher than I thought." He cracked a smile at me as our eyes connected. "You this picky about everything in your life?"

  My smile faded and I averted my eyes, hanging my head.

  Whiskey lifted my chin again. "I told you I don't like talking to your head."

  "Old habits die hard, right?" Our eyes locked again. That time, I felt a spark in my chest. It was impossible not to feel all squishy and warm and fuzzy, yet I couldn’t fathom how it was supposed to be in a normal relationship. I doubt I'd find out either. Hensley was right about one thing; no one would want me. I was damaged goods. God, I hated him. I wanted retaliation, to settle the score. I wanted his blood.

  "Babes, what is it?"

  "What are you talking about?" I tried to play it cool and act like nothing was wrong.

  "Don't play dumb. Your eyes gave it away. They were just as silver as nickels. Start talking."

  "Fucking eyes!" I huffed. "I was thinking about Hensley and how I want his blood. I want to hurt him, to make him feel a bit of what he forced me to feel. Then I want him dead… at my hands. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth."

  "Make you a deal?"

  "Maybe. What are you scheming?"

  "You take me to PCB and let things settle down here, and we can brainstorm on your plan. It should help you feel better."

  "I don't think you understand me, biker boy. I will get even with him, come hell or high water. It won't be soon, obviously, but you hide and fucking watch. I'm going to get mine."

  "Okay, Okay, calm down. Can I at least offer you some advice?"

  "I might not take it."

  "From experience, babes, please cool off first. You can't undo something once it’s done. If you are serious about it, then take the time to plan it out."

  "From experience?" I asked.

  "I have a dark and dirty past, one I'm not proud of. I wish I could bleach it from my memory, so just trust me. If you knew about things in my past, you’d run away from me."

  "Everyone has a past, Whiskey. I'm not overly proud of mine. If people knew the things I did to make him happy they would shun me for sure. Some things are unforgivable. So you see, I'm not going to judge you on your past. Mine is dirty too."

  "That, uh…. Shit, Charlie, I don't have any words."

  "Well, listen to me carefully. Yes, you are coming with me to PCB. I feel safe when you’re with me. I'm astonishingly comfortable with you. This might be good for both of us."

  "How do you mean?"

  "Whiskey, it seems we’re both damaged. We both could use a friend to vent to. No one understands dark sinister secrets like someone who has them too."

  "I never really thought of it like that. I guess you’re right. It makes good sense." He chuckled.

  I decided right then that it was a new day and I was going to take a chance and let someone else into my circle of people. Briar and Jazz needed their space, and having someone I could talk to about things I couldn’t bring up to my best friends would surely help.

  Hell’s bells, I might even get to have fu
n and hang out like normal buddies do.

  "Whiskey, I'm going way out of my comfort zone here. Jazz and Briar are the only people I’ve let in my life, other than Hensley and my girls, and there are still things they don't even know. I'm trusting you because I feel like you’re an excellent guy who did bad shit, but all in all a decent human being. I'm taking some of my dad's advice right now."

  "What's that, babes?" He shifted in a way that made his arm muscles flex, and damnation if it didn't give me chills.

  "If you are going to be a bear, be a grizzly bear."

  He smiled and started laughing. "Did you all have dumb sayings or just you and your dad?"

  "I learned from the best. We always kept Momma on her toes and in stitches." I took a moment to reminisce and said, "God, I miss them."

  "I can't imagine what you went through that night, only to endure Hensley later."

  "Whiskey, I'm diving into this, whatever this is, headfirst. Hopefully we can brighten each other. I'm trusting you with, for lack of better words, me. All of me. It's hard to earn my trust, and I'm giving it to you. Don't fuck me over, please. I couldn't handle it. It would break me past the point of fixing. I just need someone to talk to. I'm tired of being alone in my head with thoughts and memories that I can't share or talk about because Jazz won't understand."

  He didn't even let me finish my thought before he embraced me in the most all-encompassing tender hug and whispered, "As long as I'm here, babes, you won't ever be alone. Count on that."

  I wrapped my arms around him. "Thank you."

  As I stood there in the comfort of his arms, I felt his hand go up my neck, as if he were going to caress my head and hold it to his chest. Reflexes took effect and I jerked away and backed up, memories of Hensley holding my head and forcing himself on me, or in me, were coming at me so fast I didn't have time to realize it was Whiskey trying to reassure me that he wouldn't let me down. Terrified was an understatement. The look he gave me told me so many things about him, but I couldn't stop the actions that immediately followed.