by S. J. Bishop
“Kiersten,” he corrected. “We broke up two months ago. So I doubt she’ll care all that much if I’m not hanging around Houston.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“I’m not,” said Doug, and he smiled at me – that warm, considering smile he used to give me when we were dating. My heart leaped slightly. Was he serious? Was he hinting that he wanted to get back together?
I changed the subject and told Doug all about the business and the struggles to get a bank loan. Doug had some business working with banks, and so he began giving me some suggestions for how to go about getting them on my side.
As he talked, I tried to calm myself down. Maybe I was reading him wrong. Though Doug and I had dated for three years, I’d never felt about Doug the way I felt about Ryan. Ryan had been a fireworks kind of love. Doug had been a slow burning friendship. I’d been attracted to him. We’d had great sex. He was good with Lea. But when he’d broken up with me, I hadn’t mourned overly much, especially when we’d continued to be friends.
I’d slept with him once or twice over the years, but it had never much impacted our ability to maintain our friendship. He’d been dating that other woman for two years now. Honestly, as he’d just turned thirty, I’d expected him to propose to her.
“…what do you think of that idea?” Doug smiled at me, expectantly. What had he just asked?
“Sorry,” I said. “I was thinking about how I was going to approach my sister with the idea of multiple bank loans. What did you say?”
“I said: your Panthers are playing at home tonight. I saw the lights on the marquee as I crossed the bridge. Want to grab dinner, go to the game, and then get ice cream? Lea loves watching football, doesn’t she?”
“She does.” That was my fault. It had been on a lot when she was little. Whenever Ryan had a game – whether he was playing for the Spartans or the Patriots, we’d been watching. “That sounds like a great idea!” And it did. Only I wasn’t as enthusiastic as I’d been when Doug and I had last spoken. Knowing Doug had a girlfriend had made my friendship with him easy. Now that Doug was single, staying in Orlando, and looking at me with such expectation, I was nervous. Because getting involved with Doug wouldn’t be a casual thing. And I wasn’t sure how badly I wanted to get serious with Doug again.
16
Ryan
In the end, I didn’t get back to Serenity until Wednesday morning. Coach called a last-minute practice session to get a few new pick-ups up to speed on some of the plays before pre-season started. I had to take the red eye into Boston and stay for a few days.
As I drove back into Serenity that morning, my phone buzzed. Elise Lashinsky had been trying to text me on and off since we’d reconnected at the funeral. Apparently, she was the head coach of the Serenity High School cheerleaders. “Are you still in town?” she asked sweetly. “The new head coach wants you to be the guest of honor at the home opener against Vero Beach tonight!”
I wanted to say no; I wanted to go over to The Mangroves and talk to Courtney, to see her kid again in person. But when I mentioned it to Gabe and Ellie, they expressed interest in attending the game. It was a family-friendly event, and it would be nice to bring Katie out of the house.
So I agreed. Maybe I could even get Courtney to go to the game with me.
I called, hoping she’d pick up, and when she didn’t, I left a message. “Hi, Court. It’s Ryan. I’m back in town and hoping you have time to get together again. I’d like to take you out to dinner – no strings. We didn’t get to do a lot of catching up last time we, ah, met.”
I hung up, cursing my own awkwardness. What the hell had happened to being smooth? As early as two weeks ago, I had been pretty damn good at this.
“Woohoo!” said Gabe, his eyes scanning the massive crowd before us. “I think the whole town is here tonight.” My brother was alight with excitement. Poor bastard. He needed to get out more.
“If you think this is fun, you and Ellie should come see a Pats game.”
Gabe blinked at me.
“What?” I asked.
“You’ve been playing seven years with the Patriots. That’s the first time you’ve ever invited me to a game.”
Shit. Really? I cleared my throat. “That’s… Well… We play the Dolphins the fourth week in October. I can…ah…I can get you tickets to the game, if you can get someone to watch Katie. Or you can bring her… I mean…”
Gabe put his hand on my arm. “We’ll figure it out. I’m sure we’d both love to go.” But he was quiet next to me. Shit. Was I really that terrible of a brother? Apparently.
Shaken, I followed Gabe as he went in search of the food vendor. There were a few clubs doing bake sales and two food trucks with long lines.
“Hey,” said Gabe, staring past my shoulder. “Isn’t that Courtney?”
I turned, automatically scanning the crowd for Courtney’s lithe figure and bright blond hair. There she was. She was laughing, her face beautiful and alight with something that had set her off. And there was a guy with her.
I recognized him. He’d been in some of the photos at Courtney’s house. The guy with the pale brown hair. He was about as tall as my brother, lean and attractive. Jealousy swept through me so fiercely I nearly vibrated with it.
“Whoa, if looks could kill,” murmured Gabe. “If I didn’t know any better, brother, I’d say you were still hung up on Courtney Hart.”
“Gabe,” I warned.
“Those two look friendly, don’t they? Who do you think he is?” Gabe pressed, oblivious.
“Gabe.”
“Who’s the kid?”
“Her daughter.”
“Your daughter?”
Gabe’s choked response shook me out of my rage. I took my eyes off of Courtney and stared at him. “I said, ‘her daughter.’”
“So you did,” said Gabe, but he was frowning, staring at Lea who was bouncing as she waited in the baked good line. “Ryan, have you ever seen a picture of Mom when she was a little girl?”
“Gabe, I don’t think I can handle what you’re about to tell me,” I said, but Gabe had his phone out and was pulling up Facebook.
“How old is Courtney’s daughter? Shit,” Gabe mumbled, his finger scrolling through photos. “Look.”
“Where the fuck did you find that?” I asked, staring at a grayscale photo of a young girl. She had big, brown eyes, an oval face, and a dimpled chin. It looked a helluva lot like Courtney’s daughter.
“Mom’s Facebook page,” said Gabe. “Shit, Ryan.”
“Stop, Gabe. For all we know, she could be that guy’s daughter,” I said, pointing at the man now wrapping an arm around Courtney’s shoulder. I felt slightly ill.
“Do you know how old Courtney’s daughter is?”
“She said nine.”
“You don’t believe her.”
“If she’s lying…” My stomach churned. I felt angry and jealous and hurt.
“Hey, where are you going?” Gabe called as I stomped off. I was beyond answering him.
17
Courtney
“What are you going to get, Momma?” asked Lea, but I couldn’t answer: Ryan was striding across the blacktop, his eyes trained on me.
Part of me went into anxiety overdrive: tight chest, light sweat, and short breaths. I’d seen Ryan’s message, but I’d been out with Doug and hadn’t been able to check it. Why was he still in Serenity?
Anxious as I was, I was also relieved. At least Ryan would provide a good distraction. Doug had become friendlier and touchier as the night had worn on. I was either going to have to start relaxing into his embraces or have a serious talk with him. And I wasn’t sure which one I wanted to do yet.
“Hey,” I called as Ryan neared. Doug looked over to where I was waving and blinked. “Court, who’s that?”
Doug knew about Ryan in the abstract, though I hadn’t spoken much about my high school ex. I didn’t have time to answer Doug because Ryan was upon us, his smile a bit forced.
“
Hey, Courtney.” Instead of stopping, Ryan leaned forward, crowding me where I stood by Doug, and kissed my cheek. That close, he was warm and big, and he smelled fantastic.
Ryan stepped back. “Did you get my message?”
“I haven’t had a chance to check it,” I said. “Doug, this is Ryan Mcloughlin, a friend of mine from high school.” I knew the intro would piss Ryan off, and I just couldn’t help myself.
“Ryan, this is Doug…” I paused, trying to figure out how to sum up Doug in my life. “We’ve known each other since college. Doug lives in Houston, but he visits us here a lot. Right, Lea?”
Lea was staring up at Ryan with sharp interest. She took ahold of Doug’s hand in a nervous gesture and nodded, but she looked unsure.
“You and Courtney used to date in high school, right?” said Doug, his voice sharp. Oh shit. I took a look at Doug and saw that my usually composed friend, my calm and pleasant ex-lover, looked close to erupting. Maybe I’d told him more about Ryan than I remembered.
Ryan looked surprised by Doug’s animosity, and then annoyed. “Yah,” he said, coolly. “We did.” Then he flicked his gaze toward me, dismissing Doug. “I was hoping I could talk to you a sec.” His eyes landed on Lea, who was watching the whole thing with fascination.
“We’re a bit busy,” said Doug tersely. “And whatever you have to say can’t be that important because you’ve had – what? Eleven years to say it? I’m sure it can wait until after the game.”
I was momentarily mute and stared at Doug with a surprise that was mingled with dread. Shit. Shit. Where had this come from?
Anger flashed across Ryan’s handsome face. His lips curled into a dismissive sneer. “Listen…Doug?” he infused the syllable with a wealth of disdain. “I’m not really sure what role you play in Courtney’s life – but I’m going to guess it’s not that big since just the other night…”
“Can we not do this here,” I cut in, heat surging up into my cheeks. I looked at Doug, pleading with him. “Doug, can you get Lea the brownie? Lea, save me a bite?”
Lea’s eyes were only for Ryan, but she nodded, indicating that she’d heard me.
“I’ll be right back.” I squeezed Doug’s hand, hoping that would placate him, but Doug wasn’t taking his eyes off Ryan. I walked over toward the parking lot, hoping Ryan would follow. He did, but only after one more second of staring down Doug.
Away from an audience, I whirled on Ryan. “What the fuck was that about?”
Ryan’s face was set and unreadable, but he kept glancing back at Doug.
“Ryan!?”
He took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. “Who is he?”
“He’s a friend,” I said. “We were together in college. When he’s in town, he takes Lea and I out to dinner.” I hoped Ryan would draw the necessary conclusions about Doug and Lea.
He seemed to because he frowned and changed the subject. “Did you talk to your sister yet about plans for The Mangroves?”
I don’t know what I had been expecting him to say, but that wasn’t it. I blinked at him and said slowly, “Karen came down over the weekend, and we discussed them. Yes.”
“Did she convince you that you needed investors?”
I nodded. Karen had talked at me for hours, showing me stats and graphs and then giving me a list of West Palm elite she thought might be interested in financing us. “Why?” I asked.
“Because I’m interested. I’ve been looking for over a year for a business to invest in. I’ve found dozens of opportunities that I’m interested in, but I can’t get anyone to back me. I flew down to Miami last week to check out the scene there, since you said that was where you were trying to open.”
I stared at him. He hadn’t gone back to Boston? He’d gone to Miami?
“I have a friend there who’s very connected to the local scene down there. He took me around, showed me the area, and I met with people who convinced me that investing in a restaurant like The Mangroves would be a solid business decision. I’m really interested, Courtney, and I think I can bring more investors to the table.”
As he spoke, he kept looking over his shoulder and staring at Doug. I cleared my throat, my mind working overtime, trying to process all he was offering. It was generous, and it was exciting, but there was no way I could work that closely with Ryan. There was too much history between us, too much that hadn’t been resolved. “Ryan, I really appreciate your offer, but I’m not sure…”
“Strictly business,” said Ryan. “I think you should hear my offer. If you’re working with your sister, invite her along, too. Karen’s no fan of mine. If I can convince her, you might consider working with me.” The look he gave me was deadly serious.
I closed my eyes. This was terrible. I had no defenses against Ryan. Even standing this close to him, I wanted to reach up, bury my hands in his hair, and press my body against his. I didn’t feel like this with Doug, and no good could come of a romantic entanglement with Ryan. But why did I have to let my feelings for him ruin my chances in expanding my restaurant? Maybe he was right. If he could convince Karen…
“Okay,” I said. “Let’s meet on Saturday. I’ll call Karen, and she’ll come down. We can do an early brunch at The Mangroves.”
“Excellent,” said Ryan. “You enjoy your night with… Doug.” His lips curled over the name. As I turned to leave, he reached down and grabbed my hand, spinning me back around. He leaned down, crowding me until my heart started hammering in a fight-or-flight response. “But I hope…” his voice was dark and sensual, tying me in knots, “…that you’ll be thinking of me.”
He turned and walked off.
18
Ryan
Katie was restless, and I couldn’t sleep either, so I sent Ellie and Gabe back to bed, put Katie against my shoulder, and wandered the house. That seemed to calm her.
As we walked, my mind whirled: Obviously, Doug was Lea’s father. Courtney had insinuated as much: that he visited frequently, that he took Lea out, and that he was buying her food at the game. What a close call! I mean, if Lea had been mine, that would have really fucked up my life. There would have been child support payments, I’d have had to come back to Serenity regularly, and I’d have to start putting money away for her future – Courtney might even sue me for back-dated child support…
So why did I feel like someone had kicked me in the gut? I felt winded and wounded and super fucking depressed. What the hell was wrong with me? Did I want Lea to be mine? The idea had originally sent me into a blind panic. But more than panicked, I’d been upset. Upset that I had a daughter and that I’d missed the first ten years of her life. More than that, I was upset because I’d always assumed that when I’d left Courtney, she had gone on living her life. But if Lea was mine, then I’d left Courtney with a child to take care of, one that Courtney had raised by herself. That must have been hell.
“Did I dodge a bullet or what?” I murmured to Katie, trying to convince myself to feel relief. Lea wasn’t mine. She was Doug’s. And for some reason, that made me even angrier. I wanted to punch that smug motherfucker right in his pretty-boy face. After we’d broken up, Courtney hadn’t pined for me. I’d had to go out and get a goddamn compass over her name to remind me – every time I thought about calling her – that I was moving forward, not backward.
But not even anger could overcome the strange melancholy that swamped me. Rage for Doug faded as quickly as it had appeared, and I realized I wasn’t angry at Doug. I was pissed at myself. Seeing Courtney with Doug and Lea had given me a sharp-ass glance of what my life might have been – of what I’d given up.
I’d had a shit-ton of hot and empty sex with a shit-ton of women. Had it been fun? Oh, yah – I’d had tons of fun. But Gabe had been spot on – I was lonely. What did I have in my life? I had money I didn’t know what to do with and a career that was winding down.
In the wake of that hot night with Courtney, a pretty big part of me actually wanted to be Lea’s father: to have justification for
re-entering the life of the one woman I’d never been able to truly get over.
To be honest, that’s what I was doing with this business venture. There were tons of places I might put my money, places less risky than opening a restaurant, but I didn’t care. I’d told Courtney no strings – but that was a big fucking lie. I wanted back in her life.
19
Courtney
Ever since Ryan had come back into town, I was having a terrible time sleeping. That morning, unable to quiet my mind, I’d left breakfast on the table for Lea and had taken a run down to the restaurant. I was sitting in the deck of The Mangroves as the sun rose.
In high school, I’d imagined my life differently. My parents had never asked us to help with the restaurant, so I hadn’t seen myself going into the family business. In fact, I hadn’t really seen myself anywhere. At eighteen, I was so in love with Ryan that I’d never seen too far beyond my moments with him. College was for finding yourself, and I was sure I’d figure it out when I got to FSU.
But then, Lea had happened.
It was my parents who’d suggested moving to Texas and getting a fresh start there. And when I’d finished at Rice, they’d volunteered to pay for business school, to front me the money to buy and then run the restaurant. I owed my mother and father a lot. Lea lived a good life in Serenity. But now that she was older, I could work a bit more, and I thought about things like expanding the restaurant. Like having a personal life… no. Not going to go there. I turned my mind to other things.
My sister arrived at eight, looking immaculate despite the fact that she’d probably had to leave West Palm at six in the morning. Karen was only eighteen months older than I was, but you’d never guess we were sisters. Where I was tall and lean, Karen was shorter and more full-figured; I was blonde, Karen was brunette; where I joked, Karen was serious; where I flirted, she was watchful.
