by S. J. Bishop
Karen joined me out on the deck, and for a moment said nothing. Then she took a deep breath and said, “Okay. Tell me what’s going on.”
Karen and I didn’t usually get personal with each other. But this was business. I needed to make sure my personal feelings weren’t getting in the way of a business decision. So I told her the whole thing: Ryan, Doug, sleeping with Ryan, and his business proposition…
I expected Karen to agree with me and suggest that it was in my best interest to stay away from Ryan.
“Actually, I think it’s a great idea.”
My jaw dropped.
“Listen, I can’t say this enough: Miami is a tough market. Going into business with Ryan sounds like a no brainer. We now have access to a Miami real estate insider, football money, and people who can set us up in South Beach… Courtney, depending on how many investors we can get, we might not even need the bank loan.”
“Karen, did you not hear what I’ve been telling you about Ryan?”
Karen shook her head sharply. “You know my thoughts on how you’ve dealt with the whole ‘Ryan’ situation. You know Mom and Dad’s thoughts. You’ve always followed your own advice regarding Ryan. That’s fine! That’s your life. But this is a family business. And Ryan is bringing good business. Let him.”
As if waiting for his cue, Ryan Mcloughlin strode through the double doors and onto The Mangroves’ back deck.
20
Ryan
There was nobody on The Mangroves’ deck except for Courtney and her sister. Courtney was dressed for a run in a pair of black shorts and a bright pink tank top, her long blond hair tied back into a pony-tail. It threw me right back to high school, when I used to watch Courtney at track practice. I wanted to haul her into a broom closet and fuck her against a wall.
Cool down, Mac. I needed charm.
I swooped in and kissed Karen on the cheek, squeezing her hand warmly. I did the same for Courtney and couldn’t miss the way she inhaled when I leaned close, as if smelling me. And yah, I did the same. She smelled like shampoo, sunscreen, and sweat. Remember, Mac, this is about business.
I walked in expecting to have to pitch the shit out to them, but apparently, Courtney had already relayed my offer to Karen, and all Karen wanted were the specifics. In full lawyer mode, Karen sorted folders and wrote notes with different colored pens. She took down phone numbers so she could check in with the people I’d already contacted.
She wanted to know how many people I could bring to the table, and I had to answer her honestly. “I’ve got a plan A and a plan B.” Plan A was to get my teammates involved. I wasn’t close with too many of them, but since they were all getting married and reproducing, they might go for a family-friendly joint. Plan B was to get Law’s teammates involved. I’d rather work with the men I knew than the men Law knew, and Karen seemed to agree. Courtney just sat there and watched the whole thing.
“Well,” said Karen, satisfied with the information I’d provided. “Let’s get this set up then. When are you slated to play the Dolphins?”
“October 27th.”
“So, let’s plan for a dinner that Saturday before the game,” said Karen. “Bring your teammates and their wives; we’ll feed them, pitch them the plan, and see if they’re interested.”
“Done,” I said. I shot a glance at Courtney, who was worrying at her lip with her teeth.
“Then so am I.” Karen stood. “I’m going to go to the kitchen and see what I can get them to pack me up for the road.”
“You’re not staying?” Courtney asked, frowning. Karen shook her head. “No, I have a client scheduled for noon. I have to get back to West Palm.” She reached down and squeezed her sister’s hand. “I’ll call tonight.”
“Later,” said Courtney, her eyes tracking her sister as she wandered off.
“You okay?” I asked Courtney. She looked a bit frazzled and out of sorts. Not the confident Courtney who had taken me to bed last week, or the cute, date-night Courtney who’d been out with Doug the night before.
“Just a bit overwhelmed,” she answered. “If I’m being honest, I thought you came back home and were going to breeze out again. I’m not sure how I feel now that my sister has just decided we’re going to be going into business with you. It’s going to take a while to process.”
I felt like I owed her an explanation. “Listen,” I said. “I didn’t come around to fuck things up for you. I don’t screw around with money. But if I’m being honest, I’m interested in getting to know you again. Really getting to know you. I’ve been thinking about you nonstop, and I’ve been kicking myself over what a giant jerk I was in high school.”
Courtney’s smile was small and a bit sad. “Ryan, it’s been ten years since high school. Kind of late for you to be realizing all of this.”
“Late,” I agreed. “But not too late, I hope.”
Courtney’s smile faded, and she seemed to be considering. She opened her mouth, and I was afraid she was going to confirm that it was, indeed, too late. So I interrupted. “Listen, Court.” I reached out and took her hand. “I’m not even suggesting we ‘get back together.’ This isn’t high school, I get that. We don’t know each other anymore. But I’d be lying if I said that spending the other night with you wasn’t in some way impacting this decision. I want to get to know you again. I’ll sign whatever contracts Karen wants to draw up.”
Thoughts of us together ran through my head, and I knew they were running through Courtney’s because her gaze turned intent, hot. Fuck.
I cleared my suddenly blocked throat. “When I left you, I was young and arrogant and certain that the world was full of Courtney Harts. Baby, I’ve been out with a lot of women...”
Courtney rolled her eyes and looked uncomfortable.
“…which is how I can say with certainty that there is no one out there like you. There is no one as effortlessly sexy, or together, or confident…”
Courtney’s eyes started to water, and she took her hand away from mine and looked off, trying to control her emotions. I felt like crying myself. Get it together, Mac!
I took a deep breath. “My brother has a boat, and I’d love it if you went out with me.”
Courtney didn’t say anything, but she nodded.
“Tomorrow?”
“Doug’s still in town tomorrow.”
“The day after?”
She nodded and then stood. “I have to go…”
I stood too. Maybe it was hearing Doug’s name on her lips, but I couldn’t let her leave without reminding her of what we still had. So I reached out, took her hand, and drew her close. She resisted a moment but then melted into me. My mouth came down atop hers, and her lips trembled beneath mine. Her fingers wound their way into my hair, and it took all my effort not to let my hands roam, to keep them on her waist. But I put everything into that fucking kiss: it was hot and desperate, wet and deep with desire.
I was instantly hard, and I couldn’t help but tilt my hips toward her. She seemed to welcome it, to arch into me. And we stayed there for minutes, just kissing.
Her withdrawal was gradual; she put distance between our bodies and gently pulled back. It took all my effort to let her go, not to cage her to me. She looked up at me, need smoldering in those beautiful, sea-blue eyes.
“I have to go,” she said.
“I’ll pick you up in two days, on your dock at noon,” I told her.
She nodded, shot me a look full of longing and confusion, and went back inside.
I collapsed into a seat at the table, winded. I needed to cool myself down. Blood was throbbing hotly through me, centering itself in my cock – which was currently demanding that I chase after Courtney and find that broom closet.
“You again!”
I looked over my shoulder just in time to see Lea Hart bounding up the steps and onto the deck. Oh, fuck. How much had she seen?
“Hey,” I said to her, waving at her to join me. The picture that Gabe had showed us of our mother as a young girl poppe
d back into my head. Fuck, but this kid did look a lot like that photo. Lea skipped over to the table and beamed at me, resting her forearms on the back of a chair and leaning over. “Hey, back,” she said.
“That’s a pretty dress,” I told her. She was wearing a spaghetti strap sundress with purple flowers on it. “Where are you going looking so fancy?”
“Anna’s birthday party,” said the girl. “It starts in an hour. Momma’s going to drive me.”
“That’s nice of her,” I said, the question forming before I could stop it. “How old is Anna?”
“Anna’s turning 10,” said Lea. “Double digits. It’s a big deal – at least, that’s what my mom said.”
“It is a big deal,” I agreed. Don’t do it, Mac. “How old are you?”
“I’m 10,” said Lea.
Cold gripped my gut. Don’t do it, Mac.
“And when is your birthday?”
“I’m eleven on February the fourth.” Lea held up her two pointer fingers. “Eleven is a lucky number.”
I couldn’t respond to her. I just stared. It was as if someone had kicked me in my solar plexus; the air was just gone.
Lea looked at me warily and then nodded. “Well, I gotta go. See you later.”
I couldn’t speak. I could only watch as my daughter ran off to find her mother.
21
Courtney
“You look pretty, Momma,” said Lea, entering my room and throwing herself onto my bed. I was wearing little black dress tonight, high necked, but figure hugging. “Are you seeing Ryan?”
I stared over my shoulder at my daughter. “I’m going out with Doug.”
Lea frowned. “Oh. I’d hoped you’re going out with Ryan.”
My heart caught in my chest. “Why did you hope that?”
Lea shrugged. “He was your high school boyfriend, right? The one who wrote the notes in your yearbooks?”
“Yes, baby.”
“Do you like him?”
How did I answer that? Did I like Ryan? My heart beat hard at the sight of him; my body reacted instantly when he was near. Since sleeping with him the other week, I was needy and aching, and I felt desperate. Beneath all of these feelings, I was scared, and I was still hurt.
“I do like him,” I said. “Do you?”
“He helped me draw a picture,” Lea shrugged. “He seemed nice.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Do you like Doug?” she asked.
“Of course I like Doug.”
“Who do you like better, Doug or Ryan?”
“Lea, what kind of question is that?” I asked her sharply.
“Do you think Ryan might take me out for ice cream?”
My heart began hammering. That girl was too astute by half. “I suppose he might if you ask him to,” I said. I couldn’t see Ryan being mean to a child.
“Maybe I will.” Lea got up. “I’m going to go over to Aunt Addie’s house.”
“Be safe,” I called after her. Addie, who lived only a block away, would text when Lea arrived.
22
Ryan
“You seem distracted, Super Bowl, you okay?” asked Elise, running her neatly manicured nails down my back. I did my best not to flinch away – Elise’s presumption knew no bounds. Technically, I guess, that was my fault. I’d agreed to go out with her and her gang of high school friends. Technically, too, if it weren’t for Courtney, I might have even enjoyed Elise’s attention, followed her back to her place, and let her ride me until neither of us could stand.
“Fine,” I said, the words coming out sharp and sulky. Elise removed her hand, looking mildly annoyed.
“Ryan, check out this Cruiser.” My brother placed his hand on my shoulder, his touch reminding me that I was in public and could take my black mood home if I so chose. To be honest, my mood was the reason I’d left the house, and I was pretty ticked at Gabe for following me out. He’d said he needed a night away from home, but I think he’d come out to keep me from doing anything stupid. I hadn’t told him what was wrong, but Gabe knew rage when he saw it, and I was in a flat, black rage.
I let Gabe draw me away from The Point’s crowded patio bar and toward the railing, where all the yachts were lined up in their stalls. I stared at them, blindly.
“You want to tell me what’s going on?” asked Gabe, his voice low.
Then I heard it. Her laugh. I hadn’t heard it since I’d been back home, but it was loud and delighted and clear as a bell. I whipped around, and there she was. Her back was to me, but I recognized the guy: Doug. Courtney was dressed up and dining out at The Point with Doug. Rage swept back in. I didn’t think. I handed my glass to Gabe and strode out toward them.
I didn’t get far. Gabe wrapped two hands around my forearm and swung me back around.
“Stop. Ryan. Stop and listen,” Gabe’s voice was low and urgent. I sucked in a deep breath and tried to calm my racing pulse, tried to beat down the anger that threatened to erupt.
“She lied to me, Gabe!” I hissed, allowing my brother to draw me back toward the railing, away from the crowd. “She lied to me. She told me that little girl was nine. She’s ten, Gabe!”
“Oh shit,” Gabe swore, but he didn’t release my arm. “Ryan…” He stopped; he didn’t know what to say.
“That’s ten years I’ve missed out of that kid’s life. Ten years where I might have helped her, provided for her, gotten to know her. Ten years!”
“We shouldn’t do this here, Ryan,” said Gabe. “Let’s get back home and talk about it.”
“I don’t want to talk about it. I want to destroy something. How could she?!”
Gabe couldn’t answer. We stood there quietly while I tried to master my anger. I wanted to walk over and smash Doug’s face in. He was out on a date with the mother of my child. He’d been there for Courtney and Lea when I hadn’t been. Breathe.
Finally, when I felt my pulse begin to steady, Gabe spoke again. “What do you want, Ryan?”
“Excuse me?”
“What do you want?” asked Gabe. “Not right now. But in your life? You had ten years to come back here, to see Courtney, to check in with your old friends – but you never did. And the minute you come back, you can’t seem to stay away. Now, you’re going into business with your ex – who may have lied to you for ten years. What do you want? Do you want Courtney? Do you want Lea?”
“Of course I fucking want Lea!” I growled.
“Why is that ‘of course’? You’ve never even had a serious girlfriend post-high school, and you’re all of a sudden gung ho for a daughter?”
If Gabe didn’t watch it, he was going to get his face bashed in.
“You can’t go over there and yell at Courtney. Not if you want her, too. You’ve got to talk to her when you’re calmer.”
I heard his words. They even made sense. But I wasn’t in any sort of mood to think rationally. “You know what,” I said. “Fuck her.”
I turned and strode back to the bar.
23
Courtney
What did one wear to spend an afternoon on a boat with an ex-boyfriend? I suppose that depended on what I wanted from Ryan – and I just wasn’t sure. Part of me desperately wanted to break out my flirty, low-cut sundress. Part of me wanted to throw on a sweatshirt and sneakers and do my best to keep him at bay.
I sighed, staring at myself in my bedroom’s full-length mirror: light makeup, hair down, jean shorts, red-t-shirt, and red espadrilles. I’d never been more confused in my life.
My evening with Doug had clearly been a date. He’d been warm, friendly, and touchy: a hand on the shoulder, a light caress across the table. After dinner, we’d walked the beach, and he’d held my hand. At my door, he’d held me close, kissed my cheek, and told me that he’d be back in town next week, and could he take me out then?
I should have said no – but I’d had a demon riding me. As we’d left the restaurant, I’d seen Ryan sitting at the bar with Elise Lashinsky, who’d been all but draped over his shoulder, and
while he hadn’t been touching her, he’d been watching her with a cat-and-cream expression on his face: like he was just waiting for the right moment to lap her up. The image had upset me deeply. So when Doug had asked if I wanted to go out next weekend, I’d said yes. Yes. Because I couldn’t depend on Ryan. I wouldn’t depend on Ryan.
But that didn’t mean I was going to cancel our date either.
Ryan arrived as promised, driving up The Mangroves’ dock in his brother’s boat: an old cruiser that Gabe had probably purchased used. Behind the wheel, Ryan looked delicious in khaki shorts that revealed tanned, muscular legs and a sleeveless, mint-green t-shirt that displayed his massive tattooed shoulders and rippling arms.
He wore mirrored aviator sunglasses so I couldn’t see his expression. But his smile was shallow.
Ryan gestured at me to climb aboard, but he said nothing as he steered the boat out toward the intercostal waterway. Something was wrong. Had he taken Elise home last night and now he didn’t know how to fess up to it?
“Do you own a boat?” I asked, needing some sort of conversation. This silence felt ominous.
“Wouldn’t waste my money on it,” he said. “If I want to go out, I rent.”
“It’s a nice day to be out on the water,” I tried again.
“Sure is,” said Ryan. I sighed. I’d forgotten these moods. Ryan, in high school, had never known how to deal with emotion. We’d fought a few times, and they were terrible fights in which Ryan would brood obnoxiously, unload, and then take a week or more to apologize. Something was wrong, and he wasn’t going to be the first to talk about it.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. We’d picked up speed once we’d turned onto the waterway and were zooming south. The sound of the engine swallowed my question, and I had to wait until we turned off of the waterway and out toward some of the barrier islands. Then I tried again, “Is everything okay?”
