How to Catch a (Rock) Star: A Story of Sex, Love and Rock 'n' Roll

by Gabrielle Aquilina

  ‘I’m real proud of you, Lil. I know it can’t have been an easy decision but you can do this.’

  Lillie closed her eyes.

  ‘It’ll be a great distraction from Jed, just don’t go getting bigger than us, hey?’

  ‘I highly doubt that’s going to happen,’ Lillie replied. ‘I’m not exactly exciting to watch onstage.’

  ‘Maybe not yet but you are beautiful to listen to. You don’t need to jump around the stage like Juliette Lewis doing crazy shit,’ he laughed and so did Lillie.

  ‘Anyway, I called ‘cos I want you to do something for me. Two things actually.’ ‘Really? Like what?’

  ‘First, put some damn weight on. Kate says you’ve lost way too much. Go to the grocery store and buy all the candy and cakes and ice cream they have, take a photo and send it to me. I want to see your kitchen covered in sugary snacks.’

  ‘Okay, I will. What’s the second thing?’

  ‘After you’ve eaten so much you have to vom, I want you to book a hair appointment and get rid of that God awful blonde shit.’

  ‘How do you – oh, Kate.’ She couldn’t believe Kate would have sent a photo of her new hair. When had she even taken one?

  ‘Babe, it sucks all the hotness right out of you. ‘Course, maybe that’s what you were trying to do –’

  ‘Okay, the blonde is gone. Monday, I’ll get it fixed. Do you want a photo of that too?’

  ‘Yes, I do. And if you could make it a naked –’

  ‘Johnny!’ Lillie exclaimed.

  ‘Can’t blame a guy for trying,’ Johnny laughed and Lillie smiled. ‘So, photo of fatty and sugary snacks and then a nudie shot of you with normal hair, okay?’

  ‘Yeah, right!’ Lillie giggled. ‘One of food, one of hair. Head hair,’ she clarified. Johnny laughed loudly.

  ‘That’s the spirit! I’ll call you Monday. You take care. And eat!’

  ‘I will, I promise. You take care too, say hi to everyone,’ Lillie felt the best she had in months. ‘And thank you, Johnny.’

  ‘Thanks for what? We’re buddies, Lil. Always, okay?’

  ‘Okay,’ Lillie said, a smile on her face that she couldn’t seem to get rid of.

  ‘Okay. Love you babe, speak to you on Monday.’

  ‘Monday. Love you too, Johnny.’ The dial tone sounded in Lillie’s ear and she hung up too. She stood for a while, still smiling. It felt strange, her face muscles hurt a bit.

  While she was still feeling good from Johnny’s phone call, she decided to start on Johnny’s first request. She grabbed her coat, purse and keys and walked down to the corner shop.

  Fifteen minutes later, she was back inside, kettle on and muffins in the toaster. Two cups of tea, a buttered muffin and half a packet of Cadbury’s dark chocolate fingers later, she was laid out on the sofa, feeling sick but oddly happy.

  She had booked a hair appointment for Monday and had sent a photo of all her purchases to Johnny. He’d texted her back, telling her to send him a photo of a toilet full of vomit. She’d grimaced and told him that was gross and she wasn’t doing that, besides, if he wanted her to put on weight, she would need to keep all the food down. He’d replied that that was true and asked for a photo of her food packed belly instead. She’d relented and sent him one, telling him that was the closest to a naked photo of her that he was ever going to get.

  Lillie woke up much later to a dark and cold apartment, her limbs stiff and cramped. The good feeling from her conversation with Johnny was still hanging on, so she decided to check her emails whilst she felt vaguely positive. She made a cup of tea whilst the computer was booting up and grabbed the rest of the chocolate fingers.

  The familiar hopeful feeling coiled in her stomach as she opened her inbox. She scanned her new emails; nothing from him. The disappointment was as strong as ever. She shoved another biscuit in her mouth and took a big sip of hot tea. Ooh, there was one from the record company.

  She sat back in her chair, staring at the screen in disbelief. Shit, they were going to be in the UK next week and they wanted to set up a meeting for Friday. Could she bring some songs with her? No. She could not. Were they serious? She didn’t have any songs. Well, she did but they were ones she had written with - well anyway, they weren’t suitable.

  Fuck. She had been feeling so good. Had thought that she could do it, sign the contract, start working, get on with her life. She willed herself to focus. Painstakingly typed out the words, letter by letter, asking where, when and what time on Friday. She moved the cursor onto the send button. Paused for one very long minute before taking a deep breath and clicking send. Message sent.

  Oh my God, she thought. I’ve really done it. Her heart was out of control. If she didn’t watch it, she was going to have a heart attack very soon; she didn’t think her heart could cope with all the rapid thudding it had been doing in the last few months. She sat and stared at the ‘message sent’ on the screen until the screensaver floated up and took it away.

  Abruptly, she scraped her chair back, ran to the toilet and threw up. Well, she thought to herself, I guess Johnny can have his vomit photo after all.

  CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

  Jed looked around his parents’ Florida condo. It was too white, too spacious but the sunshine and heat almost fooled him into forgetting it was Christmas. He should have been spending it with Lillie and his family. It was snowing in New York. Perfect Christmas card weather.

  At least he wasn’t anywhere near anything that could remind him of Lillie.

  Who was he kidding? He couldn’t stop thinking about her, had thought about her every minute of every day they had been apart. Everything reminded him of her.

  He’d lost count of the times he’d run after some girl with hair like Lillie’s only to find it wasn’t her. Of course, it wasn’t her. He’d packed her off to England. Sent Johnny to do his dirty work. God, he was a coward. And a shit friend. Johnny had been there for him, defending him to Chris and Eddie, making sure he turned up for gigs, covering him when he forgot songs. And he’d repaid him by punching him. Christ, he needed to sort himself out.

  He was supposed to be taking time out to start writing new material for an album the label were expecting the band to record in the Spring. The two songs he had managed to write so far had been shit. All broken hearts and accusations. Way too Taylor Swift for a rock band. He didn’t even know if this was what he wanted anymore. It all seemed so pointless now.

  God but he missed her. Her bad jokes, the way she poked the very tip of her tongue out when she was concentrating, the delicate bloom of pink in her cheeks when she blushed.

  He wanted to be at his parents’ house with her, drinking eggnog and eating Christmas cookies. He could have taken her sledging and ice skating on the lake. He could have been doing a lot of things with her if he hadn’t been such a massive jerk.

  If he had only told her about Sarah when they were lying on that hotel bed talking about her ex-boyfriend but he had freaked out instead. Holding back the one thing that would hurt the most if she found out from someone else.

  He rolled his neck, satisfying cracks reverberating around the sparsely furnished room. Thank God for his parents’ well stocked bar. He picked out a bottle of Grey Goose vodka. He grabbed a heavy bottomed tumbler and filled it with vodka. He thought about sitting out on the balcony and enjoying the heat of the sun on his face. Downing the vodka, he decided to draw the curtains instead. He knew he was being melodramatic but he didn’t feel like he deserved the happy glow of the Florida sunshine. He wanted his surroundings to reflect his mood. Dark, gloomy, hopeless.

  He poured another glass and slumped onto the brilliant white sofa, picking up his phone. No messages. No missed calls. Why hadn’t she tried to call him?

  He took a big gulp of his drink. Oh yes, she hadn’t called because he had been such a complete and utter asshole. He’d lied to her and th
en tried to turn it around so that she was the one in the wrong.

  He didn’t deserve someone like Lillie. Or, more to the point, she didn’t deserve a total jerk like him.

  CHAPTER THIRTY SEVEN

  The past week had gone far too quickly. Lillie looked at herself in the mirror. The hair was much better, back to her normal colour, sweeping fringe cut in, although it was shorter than it had been in years, just touching her shoulders. Her skin looked better too, thanks to the seaside walks she had started taking every day.

  Talking to Johnny daily had helped as well. He always made her laugh and she found herself looking forward to his calls. She had a lot to thank him for. Between him and Kate, they had pulled her away from the edge and made her push forward with her life.

  She took a deep breath, swiped on rose-tinted lip balm and smiled at her reflection. Okay, here we go.

  Grabbing her keys and bag, she left the apartment, with plenty of time to spare before her meeting at The Grand. She wanted to settle in and have a stiff drink to calm her nerves before they arrived. She sat in one of the cosy, dark blue armchairs with a rum and ginger beer and crossed her legs, trying to remember all the advice Johnny had given her. Her phone beeped through a message and she dug it out of her bag. Johnny. She smiled and opened the message.

  ‘Hold out for more babe! Call me if you need to. Kate sends her love with mine. xxxoooxxx’

  She sent a quick one back, thanking him and assuring him that she would negotiate. Heart fluttering, she saw the two execs walk in. They spotted her and nodded hello, making their way over.

  She stood up to greet them, smoothing her new dark red velvet minidress down over her legs. Formalities over, the two men soon got down to business. Lillie barely remembered any of the negotiations and fought the urge to call Johnny at least five times but finally, it was over and she was a signed solo artist. Solo being the operative word. There was nobody to celebrate with. She politely declined the offer of drinks and made her excuses as soon as she thought it was acceptable. She drove home in a daze, the fact that she had committed to three albums rolling around her head. Three albums of songs that she was supposed to write.

  Once inside the flat, she called Johnny.

  ‘So, how’d it go, babe?’ Johnny’s voice was excited.

  ‘Umm, yeah, good I think,’ Lillie said.

  ‘Three albums?’

  ‘Yep. Three albums of my own songs.’ Lillie paused. ‘How am I supposed to write songs, I can write lyrics but I only know about five chords on the guitar!’

  ‘No sweat. We’ll do it together.’

  ‘Right and how is that going to work?’ Lillie said, flicking on the TV.

  ‘Well, I’ve got a bit of time off until we start back in the studio, so I was thinking I might come over to England for a while. You know, hang with my favourite new solo artist maybe -’

  Lillie cut him off with a scream.

  ‘Oh my God!! When?’

  ‘Damn, Lillie! That was my ear.’

  ‘Sorry, sorry. When are you coming over? Oh my God, I can’t wait to see you!’

  ‘Actually, I was thinking that maybe we could ring in the New Year together, I booked a flight for a –’

  ‘Oh my God! Johnny! That’s really good news, I’m so excited!’

  ‘Yeah, I kinda got that feeling, Lil. Listen, I gotta go but I’ll see you in a few, ‘kay?’

  ‘Yes, yes! Can you please bring me back some Oreos? Double stuffed. Oh and some Twinkies?’

  ‘Glad to hear you’ve got your appetite back, babe,’ he laughed. ‘Alright, I’ll call you Christmas Day and you can give me your full list, ‘ Johnny paused. ‘I’m real glad you’ve done this, Lil. It’s gonna be fucking awesome for you. Wait and see.’

  ‘Thanks Johnny. I couldn’t have done it without you and Kate, honestly. I’m dedicating my first album to you both.’

  ‘You bet your ass you are! Speak to you soon, Lil. Love you.’

  ‘Love you too and love to the others.’

  Lillie blew kisses down the phone and hung up. She was buzzing with energy and excitement. She stood up and looked around Kate’s living room, crossing over to the CD player. Kneeling down, she ran her fingers along the cases, looking for something to suit her good mood. Her heart caught as she saw the Dead Hour CD. Her fingers hesitated over the plastic. She pulled it out. Opened it up and took out the cover. Signed. By everyone, even Lillie had scrawled something. She sat down heavily, crossed her legs beneath her and stared at his writing, the kisses he had put beneath his name. She carefully put the booklet back in the case and replaced it on the shelf.

  Her phone rang, making her jump.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Congratulations!’ Kate and Chris shouted down the phone.

  ‘Thanks guys. Pretty exciting, huh?’

  ‘Oh my God, so exciting!’ Kate said, voice still loud. ‘Johnny told you he’s coming over right?’

  ‘Yeah, he did. He’s going to help me write some stuff.’

  ‘I know, you must be psyched! Anyway, I told him he could stay at ours, I know it’ll be a squash when I get back but I thought we could share my room and he could have yours, is that okay?’

  ‘Of course,’ Lillie said. ‘I hope you told him he can’t bring any girls back here,’ Lillie said and Kate laughed.

  ‘He’s a reformed man. As far as I know, he hasn’t slept with anyone since – well, in more than three months.’

  Lillie frowned at the phone.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘That’s what Chris says. Anyway, Lil, I’ve got to go but I’ll speak to you in a couple of days. Love you lots honey.’

  ‘Love you lots too. Speak to you soon. Bye.’

  ‘Bye honey, mwah!’

  Kate rang off and Lillie was left staring at the phone. What was going on with Johnny? No one-night stands for three months? Who knew Johnny could exist without daily sexual activity?

  She didn’t feel like dancing anymore. She looked over Kate’s DVDs, choosing a gross-out comedy and put it in the player before going to get changed into joggers and a t-shirt. Back in the front room, she lay out on the sofa, large glass of milk and

  a bowl of maltersers next to her and pressed play.

  ***

  She woke up to the phone ringing. Groggy and sleep slow, she sat up and lurched for the phone. Damn, it had gone to answer phone. She waited a couple of minutes and dialled 1571.

  ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah,’ she muttered as the automated message told her that she had one new message. She drummed her fingers on the arm of the sofa and waited for the beep. There was a long silence and she was just about to hang up, when a voice spoke.

  ‘Umm, hey, Lillie. I just –’

  Her heart stuttered to a complete stop and she gripped the phone tightly, struggling to breathe.

  ‘- shit, I shouldn’t have called. I’m sorry, I just wanted to say congratulations. About the record deal. So, congratulations.’

  A short pause.

  ‘Take care, Lillie, I - ’ another pause. ‘Bye, Lil.’

  The dial tone sounded.

  With shaking fingers, Lillie dialled 1471 and pressed three to call the number back and slid to the floor. The phone rang and she held her breath, waiting for him to pick up. It rang and rang and rang. He wasn’t going to answer it.

  Enraged, she smashed the phone against the floor again and again. Why had she fallen asleep? She could have spoken to him. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  She sat, leaning against the sofa for a long time, waiting for the tears to come and finding that she couldn’t even cry now. She was emotionless. And now she was going to have to buy a new fucking phone.

  CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT

  Jed listened to the phone ring; he knew it was Lillie. He reached out to pick it up twice. Pulled his hand back twice. He couldn’t face talking to
her. What if she told him where to go? Said she didn’t want to hear from him ever again?

  Finally it stopped. What the fuck had he been thinking? He put his head in his hands. He was willing to bet that he had ruined Lillie’s big day.

  What would he have done if she had answered? Hung up probably. Fucking coward.

  He’d been so pleased for her. Johnny had called to tell him she’d negotiated a three album contract and he’d felt an enormous surge of pride and happiness for her. Then Johnny’d told him that he was going over to England next week to stay with her, helping her to get a start on writing some songs.

  A massive jab of jealousy tore through him at the thought of Johnny and Lil, living together. Alone. If he was a shrink, he would have said that, on a subconscious level, he had called her on purpose. A reminder that he was still about, so that when Johnny arrived, all she would be thinking about was him.

  He reached for a new bottle of Jack Daniels and lit a cigarette. A long drag and a big drink and he felt a bit better about things.

  Fifteen cigarettes and an empty bottle later, he didn’t feel anything at all.

  CHAPTER THIRTY NINE

  Lillie had had a bad week, Christmas Eve and Day had been total shit. She had been on tenterhooks the whole two days, hovering by the phone, convinced that he would call again.

  Johnny called, Kate called, her parents and Tess called from their cruise ship. Even her brother had called. But he didn’t.

  Boxing day, she had given up on him calling and was asleep by eight pm. It wasn’t the most rocking festive season she’d ever had. She was glad to wake up halfway through the twenty-seventh of December and know that it was all over and the world was almost back to normal.

  She opened the freezer door and stared into the cold abyss. Poking about with hesitant fingers, she looked for something even a little bit tempting. Hah, there at the back, hiding, was a long forgotten microwaveable cauliflower cheese. Perfect. Lillie grabbed it out and threw it into the sink, blowing on her icy fingers. She danced a little victory jig and pulled it out of the cardboard sleeve, stabbing the plastic film with a fork and shoving it in the microwave.