Unforgivable

by Megan Hart

  “Nothing’s going on. Nothing much. I mean . . .” Alice coughed, incapable of lying to him. They’d been friends for too long. “We’ve been sort of seeing each other since the last party at Bernie’s, when we met.”

  Jay raised an eyebrow and squeezed her gently before letting go. He crossed his arms. “Uh-huh. And you didn’t tell me because . . . ?”

  “Because it’s really been . . . nothing.” This didn’t quite feel like a lie.

  “It doesn’t look like nothing. Alice, you should know better than to think you could keep something like that from me. Why would you, anyway? Shit, I tell you everything.” Jay frowned and took a peek in her weekend bag, then looked at her. “I’d go with the pale blue panties with the flowers, not those.”

  “I didn’t ask you!” With a swat and a laugh, Alice pushed him out of the way to get back to packing. She paused. “I like him, Jay. A lot.”

  Jay laughed. “Well, there’s a recipe for disaster, right there. Liking a guy. Who does that?”

  “Right, I’m stupid.” Alice shook her head and moved to the dresser to pull out a camisole she knew she’d never wear but was going to pack anyway, just in case. She tossed it into the bag, then sat on the edge of the bed to look at Jay. “So stupid.”

  “Yeah. Me too.” Jay flopped onto the bed, bouncing her.

  Alice curled up next to him, both their heads on the same pillow. Staring at the ceiling, she reached for his hand to link their fingers and squeeze. They stayed that way in silence for a bit, until finally Jay turned to push his face into her shoulder. Alice stroked his hair.

  “I’m totally in love with him,” Jay told her.

  “I know you are, honey.”

  “He makes me crazy.”

  Alice laughed. “I know that, too.”

  Jay pushed up to look at her face. “You don’t think he’s right for me.”

  “I never said that.” Alice twisted to face him. “I barely know him, to be honest. You haven’t brought him around a whole lot. I really haven’t had a chance to get to know him.”

  “You shouldn’t have moved so far away.” Jay frowned.

  “Oh, my God, Jay. An hour! I moved an hour away from you, and it was for a really good job!” Alice poked him, then tickled him until he squirmed away from her.

  He caught her hands, holding her still. “I miss you.”

  “I miss you, too,” Alice said. “Always. Of course.”

  Jay settled back against the pillows with a heavy sigh. “He mentioned last week that it was a pain to always have to bring his stuff in a bag to my place. The week before that, he bought me a toothbrush when we were out, because I forgot mine.”

  “How . . . sweet.”

  Jay laughed, but there was a hint of anxiety below the humor. “He hates my apartment. Says it’s too small and dark, too ‘vintage.’ His place is all bright and modern, much bigger . . . very spare. But there’s a lot more room in it. He’d never suggest he move into my place. Maybe I should get a new place. Something with a better kitchen.”

  “But you think he’s going to ask you to move in with him.” Alice thought about this. She’d never lived with a guy other than Jay, and that didn’t count. She’d had a few serious relationships, some that had definitely been in the “sleeping over” stage, but never any that had moved beyond that. She couldn’t quite imagine it, actually. Sharing her space with someone else on a permanent basis.

  “Yes. I mean . . . I hope so. I think so.”

  “Why this weekend?”

  Jay rolled onto his side to look at her. “Because Paul talks a lot about how important things should be accompanied by the right mood and stuff like that. And he freaking loves it at Bernie’s house. Once he told me it was the perfect place for a marriage proposal . . . oh. Shit. Shit, Alice!”

  Neither of them said anything for a minute or so.

  “He couldn’t,” Jay said finally.

  “No. I guess he couldn’t.” Alice frowned at the unfairness of that. “Not that.”

  Jay sat up and pulled his knees close to his chest, linking his fingers. “But moving in together. He could ask me to do that. I mean, when he asked me to be his boyfriend, he had a singing waiter bring me a bouquet of roses with a watch in a box attached. He said it was ‘time’ for us to ‘bloom.’”

  “He didn’t!” Alice burst into laughter. “Wow. That’s . . .”

  Jay shot her a sour look, and she sobered. “It’s romantic!”

  “It’s romantic.” She nodded. “And cheesy. But romantic, it’s romantic! Hey, you’re sure he’s going to show up, right? I hate to say it, but . . .”

  Jay made a face. “You think he’ll blow me off?”

  Paul had done it before. Lots of times. “I don’t care if you ride down with me, you know that, but I’m worried he won’t show and you’ll be stuck without a ride home.”

  “He’ll show. He has to,” Jay said. “This is the weekend he’s asking me to move in with him. I know it.”

  “I hope it’s everything you’re hoping for, Jay. That’s all.”

  Jay grinned. “Me too.”

  Alice shoved down the contents of her bag to make more room. Couldn’t. Took out a pair of sneakers she knew she wouldn’t wear and tossed them into the closet. She tried again to zip the bag, but couldn’t, and gave up with a sigh.

  “I’m nervous,” she admitted.

  “About seeing Mick?” Jay gently pushed her aside and started unpacking the bag, laying out everything in neat piles and refolding things that had become crumpled. “Look, I told you this before. You roll things, makes more room.”

  “Yes. About Mick.” Alice leaned against the dresser to watch him. Jay had paid his way through college by working as a flight attendant. He knew more about how to pack a week’s worth of clothes into a weekend bag than she ever could.

  He glanced at her. “Why?”

  “Because. We’ve talked almost every day and stuff, but this will be the first time I’ve seen him for longer than a few hours since the last time at Bernie’s.” She paused, trying to put her thoughts into words. “I don’t want to act like we’re a couple, if we’re not. And we haven’t talked about it. I mean, we aren’t sharing a room or anything like that.”

  “Have you slept with him yet?” Jay tightly rolled a sundress and tucked it in the bag.

  Heat flooded her at the memory of Mick’s hands and mouth on her. “No.”

  “You think you will this weekend?”

  She didn’t answer that, not right away, because the truth was Alice had no idea if she and Mick were going to have sex. They hadn’t talked about it, not specifically anyway, though of course she assumed he wanted to get into her panties as much as she wanted him in there. And it wasn’t like she believed in holding out for some reason, like putting a time stamp on when it was acceptable to finally get into bed together. It hadn’t happened yet because she and Mick lived far enough apart to have made their few face-to-face dates tricky enough to organize. They’d ended up meeting halfway, which meant a couple heavy duty kissing sessions in the backseat of his car, and there’d been the smoking hot make-out session on the stairs at Bernie’s. . . .

  “Earth to Alice.” Jay sounded annoyed. “Hello!”

  Alice gave him an apologetic smile. “I don’t know. First times should be special, you know?”

  “I’ve known you for a long time. It would not be your first time.”

  “You know what I mean,” Alice told him. “The first time for us. I’m not sure I want to do it in Bernie’s guest bedroom with everyone around. It should be . . . you know. Special. What?”

  Jay had given her such a stunned look, Alice was confused.

  “Oh. My. God,” he said. “You are totally fucked, Alice. You know that, right? Utterly and completely fucked.”

  “Why?” she cried, heart and stomach both twisting.

  “You’re in love with Mick!”

  “No.” Alice shook her head firmly. “No way. It’s too soon for that.�
��

  “Soon or not,” Jay said, “you’d better put on your crash gear, baby, because if you aren’t yet, you’re about to fall for that guy. Super hard.”

  Chapter 21

  “Mick! Welcome.” Cookie, Bernie’s wife, beamed and gestured for him to come inside. “We’re so glad you could join us.”

  He kissed her cheek and handed her the basket of breads and cheeses he’d picked up on the way from one of the farmers’ markets. Normally shopping in a place like that gave Mick hives, but somehow a case of light beer and some tortilla chips just didn’t seem like the right thing to bring to this kind of party. How he’d even managed to become a part of this crowd, he had no idea, but he was glad he had, because of Alice.

  “Jay and Alice are driving together and they’re on their way. Paul called to say he’d be here in half an hour. Dayna is coming, too. You haven’t met her yet. She’s a friend of mine from work. Tanya unfortunately won’t make it, she’s actually moved to Ohio to take a new job. But that makes room for new friends!” Cookie peeked into the basket and made a sound of appreciation. “Oh, this looks wonderful. You didn’t have to, Mick.”

  “Of course I did. My mom told me never to go to a party without taking something for the hostess.” Mick followed her inside and carefully closed the door behind him, then waited for an awkward second. “So . . . should I put . . .”

  Cookie, halfway up the stairs to the living room, turned. “Oh! Do you mind the rumpus room bedroom? You had it last time, and I know some people don’t care for it, but—”

  “No, that’s great, actually.” Mick looked toward the stairs to the lower level. “Let the wild rumpus start, right?”

  Cookie laughed. “Get settled, and then come upstairs. I’m going to slice this bread and we can have wine. You drink wine, don’t you, Mick?”

  “I’ll drink whatever you have,” he told her honestly, and took his things into the small basement room he’d used the last time. He tossed his bag on the bed, thinking he’d unpack it later, if at all, but for a second he sat. Testing the mattress. Thinking about Alice and if this was where they’d finally make good on all those subtle promises they’d been making to each other over the past couple of months.

  The thought stirred him up, so he forced himself to stand. In the small attached bathroom, Mick splashed his face with cool water. For good measure, he brushed his teeth. They hadn’t talked about how they were going to handle sharing what they’d been up to with the rest of the weekend crowd, but he was sure that if he had the chance to kiss Alice, he was going to take it.

  Upstairs in the kitchen, Mick took a glass of wine and plate of bread, cheese, and mustard, along with some small sausages Cookie had cut. Bernie offered him a cigar, too. Mick wasn’t much of a smoker, but when in Rome, he supposed.

  “Living like kings,” Bernie said.

  “And queens,” Cookie added archly. “But smoke outside.”

  On the deck, Mick tried not to pace or act antsy, though as forty minutes and then almost an hour passed without Alice’s arrival, he was starting to go a little nuts. Paul showed up laden with bottles of wine with labels the names of which Mick couldn’t even pronounce.

  “How’s it going?” Paul leaned against the railing, a glass of wine in his hand. He held out his hand for Mick’s cigar.

  After a second, Mick gave it to him. He watched the other man take a long puff and then look over the cigar with an assessing eye. He waved it away when Paul offered to hand it back, though. “You keep it.”

  “Not into cigars?”

  Not into sharing them with other dudes he barely knew, Mick thought, but shrugged an answer, instead. He sipped his wine and listened for the sound of tires crunching on the gravel. The French doors opened behind them, and he was already turning at the sound of a new female voice, but it wasn’t Alice. A pretty blonde in a flowy sundress stood there.

  “Hi. I’m Dayna. Cookie sent me out here to meet you . . . Mick?” She pointed at him. “And Paul?”

  Paul straightened. “Well, hey, now. Hi.”

  Dayna laughed and shook her head, her blond ponytail swinging. She stepped carefully out onto the deck, her feet bare. She’d painted her toenails red, Mick noticed. Everything about her seemed designed to make a man notice.

  She shook Paul’s hand, then turned to Mick. “Hi.”

  He shook it, but didn’t let their hands linger too long against each other. Dayna wasn’t used to men who didn’t linger. Mick saw that at once in the slightly confused look she gave him, but her expression turned knowing in the next second when the doors opened again. She turned to follow Mick with her gaze, but everything about his concentration had turned to Alice.

  “Hi,” Alice said with a small wave.

  And though he’d imagined himself sweeping her into his arms and kissing her breathless, in the moment, Mick found himself paralyzed by her obvious hesitation. She hadn’t been that way with him the times they’d met up over the past few weeks, so seeing her cut her gaze first to Paul and then Dayna and finally Jay, who’d come onto the deck after her, Mick didn’t move. Alice had taken a step or two toward him, but suddenly everyone was there on the deck, all of them shaking hands or hugging or being introduced, and the chance to kiss her had been lost.

  Chapter 22

  So much for bothering with the lacy panties, Alice thought as she unpacked her bag into the dresser and hung up the dresses Jay had rolled for her in the closet. She and Mick had barely said more than a few words to each other, much less had any chance for him to get a glance at what she wore beneath her dress. Despite what she’d told Jay, she had been half hoping tonight would be the night they finally got down to it.

  “Oh, well,” she muttered. “Tomorrow is another day.”

  “Gone with the Wind?”

  Alice turned at the sound of Dayna’s voice. The other woman stood in the doorway to the bathroom between the rooms each of them was using. Alice laughed. “Something like that.”

  Dayna smiled. “So, I’m going to take a quick shower. Unless you need to get in here, first?”

  “Nope, I’m good.” Alice stretched a little and eyed the bed. She wasn’t even close to tired, and considering it was nearly two in the morning, that was saying something.

  When Dayna closed the bathroom door and the water started running, Alice quietly closed her dresser drawer. She paced for a moment or so. It didn’t seem likely that Dayna would try to come into Alice’s bedroom again, but just in case, Alice locked the door from her bedroom into the shared bath. She turned off her light. She slipped into the hall, listening for any sounds of other wakeful weekenders, but there was nothing but the soft bubble from Bernie’s fish tank in the living room. With her heart thumping so loud she’d have been incapable of hearing anything else anyway, Alice closed the door behind her and tiptoed into the living room.

  Someone had left a light on in the kitchen, and she prepared to make an excuse about needing a drink of water, but the words died before they ever escaped her lips at the sight of Mick standing at the counter. He turned when she came in. She didn’t imagine the light in his eyes at the sight of her.

  And then he was moving across the room toward her, that light turned to a look of determination. She was in his arms before she knew it. His mouth on hers. Backed up against the edge of the counter, Alice let out a muffled meep of surprise that became a sigh when Mick’s tongue swept inside her mouth. Her arms went around his neck, pulling him closer.

  “Hi,” Mick whispered into her mouth. “I wanted to do this all night.”

  Alice shifted so the counter wasn’t digging into her, but didn’t let him pull away. “Why didn’t you?”

  “Wasn’t sure you wanted me to.”

  “And now?” Smiling against his lips, Alice nudged a knee between his legs.

  Mick groaned a little and slid his hands to grip her hips. “I should’ve kissed you right away.”

  “Yeah, you should have,” she told him. “You always should.”

>   Mick nipped at her chin, then nuzzled against her neck. He tipped her head back to get at her throat, sending shivers all through her. “You could’ve kissed me, you know.”

  Alice slapped at him playfully. “What, me? What kind of girl do you think I am?”

  “A super sexy one.” Mick’s tongue traced a pattern on her skin.

  Her nipples had gone hard at the first press of his teeth on her flesh, but at this gentle touch, they felt as though they could cut glass. Between her legs, heat pooled. The lace of her panties pressed her impertinently every time she moved—and she couldn’t bring herself to care, even though she could feel herself getting wet enough to soak them.

  She murmured his name. He laughed against her neck and pushed himself against her, then went still. They stayed that way for a long moment. Alice timed their breathing, in and out, until it synced. She didn’t want to move.

  Mick’s fingers squeezed her hips, then drifted a little lower to her thighs. Helplessly, Alice arched. She wanted his mouth on her neck again. His hands on every other place. And Mick obliged as though she’d spoken aloud, commanding him, though all she’d done was sigh. One of his hands went to the small of her back. The other inched up the hem of her dress.

  Alice shuddered. Her nails dug into his shoulders. When he nibbled again on her throat, her entire body jerked.

  She wanted him. Truth was, she’d wanted him since almost the first moment she’d seen him, even though he’d been sullen and grouchy at the time. The wanting, Alice knew from experience, often went away the longer she knew a guy. Little things like the sound of him chewing or how he answered the phone or his views on which way the toilet paper roll should be hung could destroy any semblance of lust. With Mick though, nothing had worn away the edges of her desire to make them soft. Instead, everything about him had honed the wanting to a razor’s edge, and it sliced her open now. Made her raw with hunger for him.