Sierra turned toward him in the dark. “I’m awake. Go ahead and switch on the light.”
The evening hadn’t gone exactly as she’d planned. The four of them had talked for a while, though Nathan and Ben had fallen into a conversation and both Sara and Sierra had seen the brothers had catching up to do. Sara had excused herself and gone to bed around midnight. So had Sierra. But she hadn’t been able to sleep, thinking about Ben’s phone call earlier and what he planned to do for her.
At the dresser, Ben turned on the light. He went into the bathroom and a few minutes later came out in his sleeping shorts, his jeans over his arm. “I didn’t mean to stay up so late.”
“You and Nathan had a lot to talk about. It’s different speaking face-to-face than over the phone.”
“Yeah, I guess it is.”
“Is everything okay in Rapid Creek?”
“It seems to be. Dad’s been having some blood pressure problems he didn’t tell me about, but Nathan said the doc’s controlling it with meds.”
“Your father doesn’t want you to worry.”
“I worry more when I’m not in the loop. Nathan thinks Dad and Val are actually thinking about getting married. They’re talking about eloping to LasVegas after Christmas.”
Ben sounded astounded by the idea, and she remembered what Sara said about Ben being the one who minded most when his mother left. “How would you feel about your dad getting remarried?”
Ben folded his jeans over the back of the chair slowly, as if the question made him uncomfortable, but he replied, “I’m fine with it if that’s what he wants.”
“But how do you feel?” Sierra pressed. “About Val, I mean.”
“Val’s great. I don’t know her as well as Nathan and Sam do, but I’m sure we’d get along okay.”
After a few moments of heavy silence, Sierra asked, “Did you tell Nathan what’s going on concerning the trial?”
She turned on her side to face her husband, to try to figure out exactly what he was thinking and feeling.
“Yeah, I did. I wanted him to be aware of what was happening while he was here. That’s only fair to him and Sara. I thought since he’s so protective of Sara and Kyle, he’d want to move them to a B and B. But he seems to think there’s safety in numbers. Since they’ll be doing the touristy thing Friday and Saturday away from the house, he doesn’t see why they shouldn’t stay here.”
“Do you really believe we’re in danger?”
“I think Al Levsin is using scare tactics to scramble my focus on the trial. I don’t think he wants to go to jail any more than his brother, and he won’t do anything to put himself there. After all, he’s done everything he could to make the threats anonymous except for the one, so I knew who I was dealing with. There were no prints on the box or evidence on the rat. He’s playing a game and hopes it will be enough to get me to throw the trial.”
Lifting his jeans from the chair, he took his wallet out of his pocket and tossed it to the wooden valet on the dresser. When he did, it hit the corner of the folder on top of the laptop and knocked it to the floor. Paper scattered everywhere.
Stooping, he gathered it all up. “What are these?”
“My parents’ e-mails.”
The one from today had landed on the top and his eyes scanned it.
She knew the words he was reading.
Sierra,
We know our not being able to come home for Thanksgiving was a disappointment to you. Of course we’d like to see you again. You’re our daughter and every day we wonder how you are. So after your dad and I talked about it, we decided to make a suggestion to you. We know you enjoy your bead shop and living with Gina, but we also know you like to help people, too, as you did in the clinic in Africa. We know you haven’t forgotten Travis and maybe you won’t get over him until you do something about it. While we are continuing our research, we’re also involved with a humanitarian group that is setting up a school. What we were thinking was that you could teach there. You love children. You know the dialects. You could teach English and anything else basic you feel capable of. Please think about it, Sierra. You could do a lot of good here.
Love,
Mom and Dad
As Ben finished reading the e-mail, his jaw went hard. “You haven’t told your parents yet that we’re married and you’re pregnant?”
“I didn’t want to just write it in an e-mail. I was going to ask you how you might handle it. They might call over the holiday and I can tell them then.”
He glanced at the e-mail and then back at her as if he wasn’t sure whether he could believe her or not. “And what about teaching at this school? Is that something you’ve wanted to do?”
“In the past. But now I’m pregnant and married to you.”
Slowly, he closed the folder and set it on top of the laptop. Then he switched off the light.
As he slid into bed under the sheet, she moved closer to him. “Ben.”
“It’s late, Sierra.”
“Not telling my parents doesn’t mean anything. We’re not close like your family. We’re thousands of miles apart, and the truth is, I’m embarrassed about how this happened.”
His voice was low in the silent room, but she could hear him clearly. “I keep forgetting you’re only twenty-four.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You’re still young enough to want your parents’ approval.”
“Are you saying you don’t care if your dad approves of what you do?”
“I’m saying I’m old enough to make my own decisions and cut my own path. It’s nice if my dad approves, but it’s not essential.”
“Maybe that’s because you know your dad will support what you do. I’ve never had that kind of support from my parents. Keep in mind, Ben, I didn’t ask them if I should get married. I did it because it was the right thing for me to do.”
Because she loved him.
But she couldn’t tell him that—not yet. He still wasn’t sure he wanted to be married to her, that was obvious. He wanted to be a dad, but did he want to be a husband? She wouldn’t plead with him to make love to her. After all, she had her pride, too. It was so obvious he didn’t trust what she said. He had so many walls around his heart, she didn’t know if she could ever break through them.
She rested her hands on her stomach, connecting with the child there, believing this baby would lead them into the marriage they were supposed to have. She hoped so, because she wasn’t sure what direction to take next. She loved Ben, but if he didn’t love her, where would they go from here?
On Thanksgiving Day, Ben played games with Kyle and Nathan on the Xbox he’d rented while they were visiting. The whole time, however, he was aware of Sierra, Sara and Gina working in the kitchen, talking and laughing as if they were all old friends.
The laughing stopped whenever he went near Sierra, though, and he knew at some point they’d have to clear the air. He hated the tension between them, but it came from so many things, frustrated sexual desire at the top of the list. He didn’t want to want her, but damn it, he did. Whenever he was in the same room with her, whenever he looked at her, whenever she looked at him, whenever he got too close. His mind should be analyzing, preparing and reviewing for the trial that was coming up fast, instead of thinking about this desire for Sierra.
Passing the game control to Kyle, he joked, “You beat your dad now. I’ve got to set up folding chairs.”
“Need help?” Nathan asked.
Ben waved away his offer as he headed for the spare-room closet. He’d removed two chairs from the stack of four there and closed the closet door when his sister-in-law entered the room. As his gaze fell on her, he knew Sara had something on her mind.
“Looking for something of Kyle’s?” he asked. Some of his nephew’s clothes were strewn across the bed.
“No, looking for you.” Sara closed the door behind her and approached him. “Remember last Thanksgiving?”
He did, indeed, remember last year. He�
�d met Sara for the first time at Nathan’s home. “I sure do.”
“You thought Nathan had made a mistake asking me to spend Thanksgiving with him and Kyle.”
“Yes, I did. But by the time I caught my flight out, I wasn’t so sure. I think I started to like you right away because you honestly answered every question I put to you.”
“I liked you, too. I knew you were just being protective of Nathan and Kyle.”
“We’ve come a long way,” he admitted.
“I think of us as friends now,” she suggested. “Sometimes you can be part of a family and not really be friends.”
Ben propped the chairs against the closet door. “So, what’s on your mind, friend?”
She laughed. “Nathan told me not to meddle.”
“But you don’t listen to Nathan when your intuition tells you otherwise.” She’d been a matchmaker against his brother’s advice for Val and their dad. She’d also done a little matchmaking between Corrie and Sam.
“I don’t want to step where I shouldn’t,” she said, serious now. “But you and Sierra seem so tense around each other. Is there anything I can do to help? Maybe we shouldn’t be staying here with you.”
“Has Sierra said something?”
“No, she wouldn’t. I mean, not intentionally.”
“Not intentionally?”
“I get the idea that she thinks you work the hours you do to avoid her.”
“That’s crazy!”
“Is it? I mean, I know you work long hours…” She trailed off.
“I’m preparing for a trial. You know what my caseload’s like. Or maybe you don’t. At any one time I can be carrying eighty cases.”
Sara looked shocked.
“They don’t all require my immediate attention at the same time, but they’re there.”
“Did you and Sierra talk about this before you got married?”
“No. The baby was the reason we got married. That’s no secret.”
Now Sara looked troubled. “Ben, if that’s the only reason—”
“It’s not the only reason.” He wasn’t going to go into the kind of attraction he and Sierra shared, with Sara.
“When I asked Sierra about the wedding, if anyone had taken any pictures, she looked embarrassed, just said it all happened so fast, no one thought to bring a camera. She said she’d always imagined she’d get married in a church.”
He knew Sierra went to mass every Sunday except for her time on bed rest. He’d pushed for them to get married quickly and she’d kept quiet about her wants. What else had she kept quiet about?
“Let me ask you something,” Ben asked abruptly. “Nathan’s twelve years older than you are. Has that been a problem?”
“Problem? No. It never comes up. Why?”
Ben raked his hand through his hair. “Because I’m eleven years older than Sierra and sometimes I think, sometimes I feel as if I’ve pushed her into marriage. If she’d had more time to think about it, maybe she would have decided not to marry me.”
“Sierra seems to know what she wants. I don’t get the feeling she’d let anyone else tell her what to do. But then I’ve only known her two days.”
“She would have been married a few years ago, but her fiancé was killed. I’m not sure she’s over him or over what happened.”
“Have you talked about this?”
“Some, not a lot. I know it’s painful for her.”
“Sometimes when two people walk through the pain together, it brings them closer.” Sara looked down at her hands and then back up at him. “Do you want to get closer to her, Ben? Or are you protecting yourself in case it doesn’t work out?”
That question packed a wallop. How close had he actually ever been to a woman? He remembered Lois’s comment about feeling alone when she was in the same room with him. Did Sierra feel that way, too? Did she feel as if they didn’t really have bonds? As if they were cohabitating simply for the sake of the baby?
That’s exactly what they were doing.
Sara laid her hand on Ben’s shoulder. “I want to see you happy. I want you to be as happy as Sam and Corrie and Nathan and I are.”
“You’re asking for a miracle.”
“Don’t you realize it’s that time of year?” Her eyes twinkled.
“You’re an eternal optimist,” he accused her.
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
He laughed. “I’ll have to make sure Nathan buys you something special for Christmas this year. You deserve it.”
“We all deserve to be happy.”
Ben was reminded of Sara’s comment later that afternoon after everyone had eaten the feast. There had been so much food he didn’t know if there was room in the refrigerator for all the leftovers. When he carried the turkey pan to the sink, he found Sierra separating the leftovers. Her silky hair, her pretty smile, always drew him closer and today was no exception, even with the tension between them.
“Are you giving your aunt some to take home?” he asked.
“Yes, but I’m also making up packages for a family I know. I’ll drop them off before work tomorrow.”
“A family who didn’t have Thanksgiving dinner?”
“If they had it, I’m sure it was nothing like this.”
“Would you like to drop off the food this evening?”
“I didn’t want to be rude and leave your family.”
“They won’t mind. When your aunt leaves, I can drive you.”
“That would be great! Thank you for suggesting it. I didn’t want to break up the party.”
He absolutely couldn’t stay away from her. He just couldn’t. Cupping her chin in his hand, he looked deep into her eyes. “Sierra, this is your family now, your life, too.”
She didn’t look away and neither did he. The current that had been between them from the moment they met snapped and sparked. He wanted to kiss her more than he wanted to breathe. But a kiss like that would lead to the bedroom, and they simply couldn’t do that right now with her aunt and his family about twenty feet away. And later?
Later, he’d probably be going over all the reasons why he should stay away from his new wife. He remembered the e-mail from her parents, the parents she hadn’t informed of their marriage. He remembered her late fiancé, Travis, and how deep her memories of the man probably ran. He remembered their hurried ceremony at the justice of the peace and Sierra’s desire for a church wedding. He had the feeling he’d botched everything so far. He wanted to make sure he didn’t botch anything else.
When he backed away, Sierra looked disappointed. So was he. But for now, backing away was better than getting too close.
Close meant pain for both of them if this didn’t work out.
Chapter Ten
Sierra climbed in the passenger side of Ben’s SUV, her smile broader than he’d seen it since the night he’d met her.
“Did they like the food?” he asked.
“The kids couldn’t wait to dig in. They wanted to eat the turkey cold.”
“You said Penny is a single mom?”
“She was divorced recently and her husband’s not paying child support. She doesn’t even have her GED. She’s a good worker and I’d hire her myself. But my payroll can’t cover another employee.”
“How did you meet her?”
“She’s my aunt’s cleaning person. That’s what she’s doing to earn money. I know she’s struggling to make ends meet. I want to buy a few things for the kids for Christmas and leave them on her doorstep anonymously.”
He turned the key in the ignition and started up the SUV so he wouldn’t reach out and touch Sierra’s smile, so he wouldn’t pull her into his arms for a kiss. Physical contact with her made him feel…vulnerable. He hadn’t felt vulnerable since he was a kid and didn’t like it one bit.
He thought about that job in the school in Africa her mother had written about. Would that suit her? Would she rather be there than here?
As he pulled away from the curb, he reflexivel
y checked the rearview mirror. After he made a right, he checked it again.
Sierra suddenly sat up straighter. “Do you think someone might be following us?”
“Let’s just say I’m on the lookout in case they are.”
When he glanced at her, he saw her expression and knew immediately she was upset about something. “I’m just covering all the bases, Sierra. I don’t like surprises.”
“Neither do I,” she murmured. “I should have known better than to think—”
“To think what?”
“Nothing.” She clamped her lips shut.
If she expected that to be the end of the conversation, it wasn’t. He didn’t want to go back home with this much tension between them. Even Kyle would ask what was wrong.
Ben believed the best route to get anywhere he wanted to go was the direct one. Making a sudden decision, he took a right into a strip shopping center parking lot. On the holiday, it was deserted.
“Where are we going?” Sierra asked.
He pulled the car into a slot, slipped the gear into Park and switched off the ignition. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
A determined, almost defiant look came into her eyes. “Why?”
The question threw him off balance. “Because you’re upset about something and I want to know what that is.”
“And because you want to know, I should tell you?”
“That seems reasonable to me.” He was trying to be patient.
“What’s reasonable to you and what’s reasonable to me are two different things.” She shook her head sadly. “When you said you’d drive me this afternoon, that you’d like to go along to drop off the food, I thought you were doing it—” she hesitated then went on “—because you wanted to be with me, because you wanted to share something with me, because you just might like the idea of us being together in the midst of holiday and family and…everything.” She turned away from him and looked out the window. “But that wasn’t it at all. You said you’d drive because you wanted to protect me.”
He could feel the hurt he never meant to cause her and he didn’t like feeling guilty. Damn it, he hadn’t done anything wrong! “Of course I wanted to protect you. We’re married now. You’ve been threatened. Did you think I was going to let you just drive off alone?”
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