“That’s not the point, Ben,” she said wearily. “That’s not the point at all.”
When she shifted to face him once more, the sheen in her eyes made his gut clench.
He unfastened his seat belt and moved closer to her. “You’re blowing this out of proportion.”
“No, I don’t think I am. We’re married, Ben. Is it so unreasonable for me to want you to want me?”
Her words shocked him. He’d been giving her space and time because he thought it was best. He’d been lying in that bed night after night, not wanting her to feel obliged to have to do anything she wasn’t ready for. And now, as he looked at her flushed face, her bright eyes, the desire he so plainly felt, too, the restraint he’d counted on for all of his life cracked and split in two.
Unfastening her seat belt, his gaze never wavering from hers, he held her chin in his hand and took the kiss that had been days in waiting…weeks in waiting. He didn’t care about finesse or expertise. At that moment, he didn’t care if he even shook her up a little. She wanted to be wanted. Well, he wanted her, all right, and he was going to show her. His tongue breached her lips, searching for the pleasure they both needed.
Sierra’s hands gripped his shoulders, whether from a startled response or in reaction, he couldn’t tell. Controlling his sexual needs had never been a problem, but he couldn’t access his control button at that moment and didn’t even want to try. Sierra’s soft moan, her fingers tightening and releasing, her tongue stroking against his, told him she was as into the kiss as he was. He should stop, he really should. But her hair sliding against his cheek, the velvet sweetness of her mouth, stoked his passion and sent his heart beating practically out of his chest. All he wanted to do was rip off his clothes, rip off her clothes, and have a roaring good time, right here in his SUV. But the last thing he needed was a cop cruising by, stopping to take a look. He wasn’t a kid in his teens and he had more sense than that.
If he could find it.
Finally he ended the kiss and broke away.
Looking dazed, Sierra blinked. “Where did that come from?” she murmured.
“It’s been brewing.”
“I didn’t know. All those nights in bed, I just thought you didn’t care.”
“You know I care about you and the baby. That’s why I married you.”
“You married me so you could be a dad.”
He couldn’t deny that, because that was the truth of it. He wouldn’t take the chance on a custody agreement or a prejudiced judge or the whim of a woman who could be like his mother if given the chance. Most women were selfish. Wasn’t that the subliminal message his father had always given him?
“You still don’t trust me, do you, Ben?” Sierra asked, looking disappointed. “You don’t trust my word or my commitment or what I want from you. Do you believe this baby is yours?”
Gazing into her eyes, thinking about everything that had happened, Sierra’s background, along with her star-crossed first love affair, he admitted, “I believe you’re telling the truth and this baby is mine.”
“Thank heaven for small miracles,” Sierra murmured, and turned away from him, staring out the side window.
Since there didn’t seem to be any more to say, since Sierra wouldn’t make eye contact and he didn’t think hauling her into his arms in the middle of the parking lot would get them any further than it had already, he started up the SUV, took another long look in the rearview mirror and headed home.
Sierra turned off the water in the sunken tile tub Thanksgiving night, hoping to find peace of mind. She’d known marriage to Ben would be rocky but—
The bathroom door suddenly opened and her husband stood there naked. “Mind if I join you?”
Her mouth went dry as sawdust as she stared at Ben’s body and felt the raw sex appeal that emanated from him. His chest was covered with black hair. Her gaze drifted below his navel.
“If you want a private bath, I can get a shower when you’re finished,” he said, his voice gravelly.
Since they’d been married, they hadn’t gone to bed at the same time. They hadn’t shared the bathroom. They hadn’t been naked in each other’s presence.
The sunken tub wasn’t oversize, but it was big enough for two. If she said yes to him joining her, she might be saying yes to a lot more. She hoped she was, but she was afraid to hope for too much. “The water’s just right. Come on in.”
She thought she saw relief on Ben’s face. Had this been a hard step for him to take?
He closed the bathroom door and turned the lock. “Privacy,” he explained. “Kyle could have a bad dream and go to the wrong room by mistake, though I doubt it.”
The truth was, they probably had more privacy here than anywhere in the house. The bathroom was on the outside wall of the bedroom, well insulated with its tile and adobe. The walk-in closet was on the other side of it lining the hall.
Ben came up the two steps, sat on the edge of the tub and swung his legs into it.
Sierra couldn’t keep her gaze from him, couldn’t help but admire the muscles in his thighs, his flat stomach, the athletic grace with which he moved. When he sank into the water and sat at one end of the tub, his legs brushed hers as he stretched them out. “Sara’s as excited about coming to your shop tomorrow as Kyle is about visiting the petroglyphs.”
It was obvious Ben was trying to put them both at ease, but with his body lodged against hers, that wasn’t going to happen.
“I thought…” She tried again when her voice came out sounding wobbly. “I thought I’d let Sara pick out something she likes to take with her.”
Ben’s voice was husky when he said, “The two of you seem to be getting along well.”
“She’s so easy to talk to.”
“That she is,” Ben agreed. Then he confessed, “At first I thought it was an act so I’d approve of her in Nathan’s life. But she’s the real deal.”
So he hadn’t trusted Sara’s motives, either, Sierra thought. That shouldn’t surprise her. He was a strong man, filled with integrity and deep moral values. But he had so many walls around his heart she didn’t know if she could ever break through them. Yet he’d come in here tonight and slipped into the tub with her. She was afraid to do or say the wrong thing, so she kept silent, glancing at him and then away.
Ben shifted his legs in the water and went still again. “Sierra.”
When Sierra’s gaze met his, she was shaken by the turbulence there.
“Why did you come in here tonight?” she asked softly.
“Why did you agree to let me come in?”
Would they always be at a stalemate? They would unless she let her defenses go, unless she took the first real step. “I want our marriage to work.”
He leaned closer. “Maybe it’s time we took it to the next level. Maybe it’s time we made this a real marriage.” There was desire in his eyes, so much desire that her tummy somersaulted and her world spun a bit.
“How do you want to do that?” she asked lightly, trying to build a bridge, becoming more excited each minute she was alone with Ben in the tub, each moment she thought about what might come next.
He nodded to her wet hair. “Did you already wash your hair?”
She nodded.
“What about the rest?” There was a teasing, almost seductive note in his voice she didn’t think she’d ever heard before.
Time to throw caution to the wind. “I’d like help with the rest. Then I could return the favor and do the same for you.”
Ben lifted a pale pink net ball and a bottle of soap from the edge of the tub. After he wet the ball, he poured a little of the liquid on it and worked it into a lather.
“This will be easier if you’re within reaching distance.”
Yes, so much easier, and so much more heart thumpingly intoxicating. She shifted to her knees and so did he.
They were face-to-face, naked body to naked body. They might have been sleeping together the past two weeks, but they hadn’t really b
een naked together, not since that first night. The awareness between them was palpable.
“You’re so beautiful.” His voice was raspy and she could see the desire she was feeling, too. It set his jaw and tautened his body.
Her body, on the other hand, just wanted to lean into his, to feel his strength and the masculine planes she’d known once before.
Her hair was wet, and he brushed it off her shoulders until it swung down her back. Then he took the net ball and spread lather across her collarbone. The titillation excited her, but she wanted his hands on her more. Maybe he’d get the idea if she used hers. Lifting the bottle of soap, she poured some of the liquid into her hands, created a lather, then reached for his shoulders.
He braced himself, and she smiled. “Relax. This is going to feel good.”
“If it feels too good, we’re not going to get much past soaping.” His tone was raw.
“Soaping is good,” she teased as she lathered his chest hair slowly, letting her thumbs twirl in it, dragging her fingers down his chest.
He groaned. “I’m supposed to be washing you.”
“We can both work at the same time.”
He laughed then—a genuine laugh. “I suppose we can.” Tossing the ball to the corner of the tub, he splayed his hands over her breasts and her breath hitched.
“Not so simple anymore, is it?” he asked.
The question was rhetorical and she couldn’t have answered if her life depended on it. Ben leaned in for a kiss while his hands moved over her body. The water seemed to intensify every sensation, the glide and slide of his fingers, the meeting of skin against skin. His kiss started slow as a teasing temptation that soon turned hungry. The demands of his tongue left her breathless as she held on to him, and reveled in each moment of closeness. She wanted this interlude to go on forever.
Ben angled the kiss to take it deeper and pressed her against him by running his hands down her back, over her buttocks until they were nestled tightly together. But it wasn’t enough. She wanted him inside her. She wanted to feel him hot and hard and huge, filling her.
He must have wanted the same thing, because he broke the kiss and murmured in her ear, “Straddle me.”
He leaned back with her on top of him, and her legs slid around him. He didn’t hurry to join them, rather just let their bodies sink together, slipping against each other, his hands locked behind her. His mouth found the curve of her neck. The trail of kisses to her earlobe made her restless and she reached between them, sliding her hand below his navel. He groaned when she caressed him. As she felt a shudder go through his body, she felt empowered that her touch could arouse him so.
After he sucked her earlobe into his mouth one more time, he asked, “Are you ready?”
Leaning back, she stroked his jaw. “More than ready.”
She was hoping he would smile at her and tease her again. Instead his mouth became a tight line and the muscle in his jaw jumped. Holding her hips, he pushed inside her. She reveled in the fulfillment and sensations that tingled through her.
He gave a deep, guttural groan as he drove completely into her, and she held on to his shoulders to ground herself. The water seemed to magnify each of his thrusts. She felt as light as a feather, yet every sensation of his body inside hers created fireworks that danced down every one of her nerve endings.
“Oh, Ben!” She was close to tears because the pleasure was so wonderful. The words “I love you” almost came tumbling out, but she held them back, fearing they’d put a stop to everything. Still, she felt them and she hoped he felt them as she rocked with him, gave back his hard kisses and came undone in his arms.
Ben shuddered, and then his complete stillness told her he’d found his release, too. She didn’t want to separate from him ever, but he shifted and she just knew he was going to push her away.
Because?
Because they’d just been as intimate as two people could be.
He backed away. “Are you okay?”
Of course he’d ask that. He was the protector. “I’m great. How about you?”
He obviously hadn’t expected that question. “I’m good.”
“As good as the first time?” she teased, hoping to lighten his mood.
“Different from the first time, but just as good.”
He was talking about the physical sensations and she was talking about so much more. “I guess it’s hard to snuggle afterward in a tub.”
“That’s what you want to do? Snuggle?”
“Only…only if it’s what you want to do.” She shook her head. “Ben, this shouldn’t be so hard. I mean, we just had a wonderful experience and…”
But maybe he hadn’t had such a wonderful experience. She had no idea what was going on in his head because he wouldn’t tell her.
He leaned toward her, kissed her on the lips and pulled away. “I’ll meet you in bed to snuggle.”
There was something in his voice that made her defiantly want to say, Forget it. Don’t do this out of duty. Don’t do it because you want to keep me happy so I don’t run away with your child. Yet she knew better than to cut off her nose to spite her face. Maybe in duty, Ben would realize she loved him. Maybe he’d realize he felt more than responsibility for her.
Maybe.
As he sat on the edge of the tub and then rose to his feet, Sierra admired everything about him all over again. He was her husband…her husband.
So why didn’t the word mean as much as it should?
It was sex in the bathtub.
Ben tried to put what had happened in the bathroom into perspective as he dried off and tossed his towel onto a chair. It had started out differently than it had ended. Sierra had wanted to take a step forward in their marriage, seal their union, assure them both they were husband and wife in a real way. Having sex with Sierra on the night he’d met her had been mind-boggling. They’d fallen into it…erupted into it. There was no awkwardness between them. It was as if they’d known each other’s bodies and needs for a long time. After the fact, he thought he’d imagined it, the synchronicity of it, anyway. But tonight brought the first night back and how it had shaken him.
Tonight their session in the bathtub had rocked him even more. He’d felt defenseless. What if she left? Not only Albuquerque, but the country? His mother had done that. She’d fled to England to find a future that hadn’t included her husband and sons. Ben felt he’d had a rock in his gut ever since Sierra had told him she was pregnant. It hadn’t gone away. Maybe tonight it had for that very brief interlude…mere minutes. But now it was back, heavy and solid.
Ben climbed into bed, waiting for his wife, waiting to see what her reaction would be when she reentered the bedroom.
The bathroom door opened and she’d dried her hair and put on one of those sliplike nightgowns she always wore. It was silky and molded to her when she walked. Her breasts were getting fuller. They’d felt so right in his hands….
Sierra’s phone sitting in its charger on the dresser played a lilting melody.
She didn’t hesitate to say, “I’ll just let it go to voice mail.”
“Check and see who’s calling.”
When she picked up the phone and checked the screen, her face broke into a radiant smile. “It’s my parents!”
“Do you want some privacy?”
“No. Stay. They might want to talk to you after I tell them our news.”
Or not, he thought.
Ben hardly noticed that his hands were clenched while Sierra began her conversation with small talk, asking where her parents were and what they’d done for the holiday. Finally she plunged in. “I have some news here, too. I got married. My husband, Ben, and I are having a baby in May.”
Unable to take his gaze from Sierra’s face, he watched her expression as she listened to whatever her mom said. “Yes, it was fast. I met him at the end of summer.”
Apparently they asked another question.
“He’s from Minnesota, but he’s lived in Albuquerque the
past nine years. He’s an assistant district attorney.”
When Sierra seemed to be waiting for something, Ben arched his brows. She held her palm over the mouthpiece. “Mom wanted to talk to Dad about something.”
“Our marriage?”
“I’m not sure.”
Then Sierra was listening again. “Oh, that would be great! I’d love to see you, too. Only, I was going to go with Ben to meet his family over Christmas. Hold on a minute.”
She turned to him. “My parents were discussing coming home over Christmas and now Mom’s sure about it. Of course they want to meet you. What should I tell them? I mean, I could stay here and you could go have Christmas with your family.”
Everything inside of Ben said that that was a very bad idea. Yet a compromise in this situation would be tough. His family wanted to meet Sierra and he wanted to spend time with them. On the other hand, meeting her parents was important, too. If they started doing things separately, they’d keep on doing things separately, and that didn’t sit well with him.
“Do you know when they’ll be flying in?”
Sierra asked. Eventually she came back with “They’re not sure of their plans yet. They’re going to e-mail me when they’ve firmed up everything.”
“Your time is up on the phone?” Sierra asked with dismay. “Oh, I see. There are other people waiting to use it. All right. Yes, I’ll tell him. I’ll watch for your e-mail.”
And then the conversation was over.
“Tell me what?” Ben asked.
“They want you to know they’re eager to meet you.”
Ben’s mind was already analyzing his options. “If they’re flying in before Christmas, we could spend Christmas Eve with them, fly to Minnesota on Christmas Day and spend the evening with my family. I can only take a few days off. If we fly back and your parents are still here, we’ll have more time with them.”
“Before they go back to Africa.”
Was there a wistfulness in Sierra’s tone? Ben couldn’t be sure.
Sierra laid her phone on the dresser and came around the bed, pulling down the sheet on her side.
The Daddy Verdict Page 13
