Falling for the Brooding Doc

by Annie Claydon

  ‘How’s your hip feeling?’

  ‘I’ll have a bruise, but it doesn’t feel too bad now. I don’t think I’ve done any real damage.’

  ‘Just had a bit of a fright.’

  She nodded. ‘Will you take a look?’

  Ross smiled suddenly. ‘I’m not your doctor, you know. Just an informed individual.’

  ‘Maybe I’d just appreciate your opinion, eh?’

  She rolled onto her side on the couch, feeling his touch through the thin fabric of her trousers, carefully working around the main areas of inflammation. ‘I don’t feel anything. In fact, there’s a marked improvement on what I would have expected from your scans when you arrived.’

  That was actually good to know. Her hip had been feeling better, but Laurie had been working blind, unable to examine it properly herself and loth to ask either Sam or Ross to do so.

  ‘I may take a warm bath, just to ease everything a little.’

  ‘Good idea. I’ll go and let my mother know that you really are okay before she starts banging the door down to make sure.’

  ‘Thanks. You’ll come back?’ Laurie didn’t want him to go back to his own apartment just yet.

  ‘Sure. It’s fish and chips on the menu for tonight—would you like me to go and get a takeaway from the kitchen?’

  ‘Sounds good. Have they got any tomato sauce?’

  He got to his feet, smiling. ‘I’ll bring some.’

  * * *

  This was comfortable and reassuring and...all of the things that you wanted if you were feeling a little low. Someone to just take care of you, without going into all the details of why it was your fault that you got hurt in the first place, and how getting straight back up again would be the best thing to do.

  Laurie had just slid into a pair of loose sweatpants, still warm and relaxed from her bath, when Ross arrived back with two large portions of fish and chips, along with condiments and a roll of fabric under one arm. She fetched two plates from the kitchenette and set about unwrapping their food.

  ‘That’s pretty.’ Ross had unrolled the fabric and she could see now that it was a quilt, the central portion of which was a stylised rendering of what looked very much like this house, complete with trees and the lake.

  ‘Mum sent it. She has loads of these, she’s always liked to sew when she sits down in the evening. She reckons that handmade quilts are the best medicine when you’re not feeling so good, so she sent one over for you.’ He shrugged diffidently. ‘Not a lot of medical basis there...’

  ‘What do you mean? It sounds like solid reasoning to me.’ There was the element of care in it, which everyone needed from time to time. ‘Are you telling me that your mum’s quilts didn’t see you through a few childhood illnesses?’

  Ross grinned suddenly. ‘More than a few. Some of my adult ones as well, although I don’t admit to it. Not really needed in this weather, though.’ He was clearly being careful not to push any unwanted concern onto her.

  But it wasn’t unwanted. Unfamiliar maybe, and Laurie had rejected it up till now because she hadn’t known quite what to do with it. But it made sense of the way that Ross ran the clinic as a nurturing community. He’d learned all this when he’d been a child.

  ‘Nonsense. It was really sweet of her to send it.’ Laurie sat down on the sofa, spreading the quilt across her legs. It was a little warm, but it felt comforting to tuck it around her.

  They started to eat. She should say something... Thank him, or tell him how much all this meant. She didn’t have the words. It wasn’t until Ross had cleared the plates away that she plucked up the courage.

  ‘I’m...not very used to being looked after like this.’ Ross had probably already gathered that. No one looked after people who had the kind of attitude that Laurie did.

  He nodded. ‘I’d worked that one out. The courts don’t usually allow kids to decide who they want to live with, unless there’s a good reason.’

  ‘I didn’t... It wasn’t my fault...’ She could feel panic rising in her chest. ‘My father said that I was making it all up, but I wasn’t.’

  The warmth in his gaze seemed to turn to fire as soon as it touched her skin. ‘It never occurred to me that it was your fault. You want to tell me what really happened?’

  Yes. Yes, she did.

  ‘My father was a runner when he was young. He reckoned he’d stopped because of an injury, but now I think he just wasn’t good enough. He always said that he’d been robbed of a good career in athletics and he wasn’t going to allow the same to happen to his kids. He was very determined.’

  ‘Living out his own aspirations through you?’

  Laurie nodded. ‘I think so. We got to pick our sports, my brother chose tennis and I chose rowing because I liked the water. But there was no room for failure, and no room for anything else either. I wanted to succeed, but I wanted to be a doctor as well.’

  ‘And he didn’t approve of that?’ Ross’s tone was even, but the flash of derision in his face showed how he really felt.

  ‘No. I was supposed to move to part-time schooling when I was sixteen so that I could concentrate on my training. There was no time for anything other than sport, and...’ Laurie shrugged. ‘My aunt was very different from him, and she said I could go and live with her and stay on at school. She was the one who fought him and helped me leave.’

  ‘Your advocate.’ Ross’s lips curved into a smile.

  ‘Yes. She was the one person who really cared about what I wanted. If I can be half as good an advocate for Adam and Tamara...’ Laurie shrugged.

  ‘You’re doing just fine.’

  ‘Sometimes I wonder. There’s only so much that a person can do to change. I tell Aunt Suzy that she’s responsible for the best in me, but that my father had me for fifteen years. When I fell just now, the only thing I heard was his voice, shouting at me to get up. That was always his thing, you fell down and you got straight up again.’

  ‘Which is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.’ Ross’s disdain sounded loud and clear in his voice. ‘Getting up again is a matter of giving someone the support to do so.’

  ‘Which is what you do here.’

  He nodded. ‘I can see how you might feel that’s overly intrusive.’

  Ross understood. She’d reached out and found that he’d been there all along. Laurie’s heart did a back-flip in her chest.

  ‘You said you had a brother?’

  Two actually. But Laurie never talked about her older brother. Even now, it was too painful and she didn’t know what to say.

  ‘You’ve heard of the tennis player Ben Sullivan?’

  ‘Yes, of course. He retired a couple of years ago, didn’t he?’

  ‘Shattered knee. Due to over-training probably. He stayed on with my father as his trainer, even after he had the opportunity to find someone else. He’s a year younger than me. I didn’t see him for a long time, he testified against me at my court hearing.’

  ‘That must have really hurt.’

  Laurie shrugged. ‘There was a time when I would have done the same kind of thing myself, I wanted my father’s approval so badly. I didn’t speak to Ben for years, but when he retired he got in touch. He’s living with his girlfriend now, and seems to have found some sense of normality.’

  ‘Came to the same conclusion as you?’

  ‘I think so. We don’t talk about it much, there’s a lot of hurt there still.’

  ‘Some wounds never really heal. We just cover them up and keep going.’

  ‘You think?’

  Ross didn’t answer. His arm was slung on the cushions of the sofa, behind her back, and Laurie slid a little closer to him. That warmth wasn’t so confronting now.

  ‘This is a little out of my remit, too.’ Clearly not too far, because Ross didn’t move away.

  ‘I think we’re bot
h very clear that you’re not my doctor any more.’

  He looked down at her, humour in his eyes. ‘Yeah, we’ve covered that one very comprehensively. You do, however, work at the clinic.’

  ‘And you’re my boss.’ Laurie pursed her lips. ‘But I’m not on the clock at the moment. And this is nice.’

  ‘Yeah.’ He chuckled. ‘Maybe we make an exception, then.’

  She felt his arm around her shoulders and snuggled against him. No one could possibly have said for sure that this wasn’t friendship and concern. If she disregarded her racing heartbeat and the cool scent of his body, Laurie might almost believe it herself.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  IT HAD BEEN the first time in a very long time. Sitting, talking aimlessly, watching a bit of TV. Ross had almost forgotten what it felt like to have the warmth of a woman’s body next to his. To feel cocooned in the quiet of the evening, knowing that someone else was there with him.

  He’d been careful. Careful not to hug her goodnight or to kiss her although he’d wanted to do both very much. But something had happened last night. He’d known that Laurie’s childhood must have been difficult, but not how much she’d been starved of the warmth that he took for granted. And in that understanding the first threads of trust had started to weave them together.

  It wasn’t enough. He couldn’t allow himself to want more, because fate was both unpredictable and capricious in its cruelty. That was one thing he could never allow himself to trust.

  She appeared in the doorway of his office the following morning. He beckoned her inside, watching her movements carefully as she sat down.

  ‘You’re looking better.’

  ‘I’m a little stiff, but there’s no real damage done. Thanks for being a friend last night.’

  Unless he was very much mistaken, that was a statement of intent. Laurie couldn’t be unaware of the chemistry that fizzed between them, but she’d settle for friendship. It seemed that was something they could both handle.

  ‘What can I do for you?’

  ‘Sam said you were going into town this afternoon. Can you give me a lift?’

  ‘Sure. I’ve got to get some things for the new mother and toddler exercise group. It’s Sam’s project, but she’s pretty busy right now so I said I’d take over for a while.’

  ‘Sounds good. I’ve heard these groups are very beneficial.’

  ‘You want to help out?’ Ross reckoned that he knew the answer to that already.

  ‘No. It’s not really my thing.’ She smiled sweetly at him. ‘I can help you shop, though.’

  ‘I’ll be leaving after lunch. Two o’ clock?’

  Laurie nodded, getting out of her seat. Ross couldn’t help noting that she managed it without a grimace. ‘Sounds good. I’ll meet you at the house at two.’

  * * *

  She was there, leaning against his car, waiting for him, when Ross walked across from the clinic at five to two. Laurie seemed more relaxed in his company than ever, talking and laughing as he drove into town. Last night really had changed things.

  ‘I just need to pop into my bank and sort a few things out. Then we can tackle Sam’s list.’ She took it for granted that they wouldn’t split up and go their separate ways when they reached the large shopping precinct.

  ‘Okay.’ Ross sat down on the edge of a high brick planter. ‘I’ll wait here.’

  She reappeared from the bank ten minutes later, and Ross led the way to the large mother and baby store. ‘We should be able to get everything here.’ He handed Laurie the list and she studied it carefully.

  ‘Nappies? What are you doing, having them to stay overnight?’

  Ross chuckled. ‘No, Sam says that it’s a good idea to have some supplies, in case of any emergencies.’

  ‘Right. Well it looks as if she’s expecting a few...’ Laurie pulled a trolley from the stack by the doorway. ‘We might be needing two of these.’

  They walked along the aisles, stopping every now and then to examine the toys on offer for Sam’s toy box. Ross added a teddy bear to his trolley, which Laurie had picked up, and then a stuffed penguin.

  ‘Oh, look!’ She caught his arm. ‘A baby gym. What do you reckon? We could phone Sam and ask...’

  Ross walked over to the stack of boxes, running his fingers over the display model. ‘It’s well made, and it seems pretty sturdy.’

  ‘But will they like it?’

  ‘What, the mothers? Or the babies? Or Sam...?’

  Laurie shrugged. ‘I don’t know. All of them. Perhaps we could ask someone.’

  ‘Or we could make up our own minds.’ That didn’t seem so difficult. Ross came in here all the time to buy things for various godchildren and he always made his own decisions.

  ‘Okay. You do that, because I’m not sure. I’ll go and get some of the baby supplies, shall I?’ Ross nodded, and handed her the list.

  As he watched her walk away this seemed so different from all the other times he’d been in here, though. Laurie made all the difference. She was the woman he couldn’t have, and here they were, buying supplies for babies that he couldn’t have either. He stared at the baby gym. Suddenly it seemed to be mocking him.

  He should pull himself together. But the pain was still as fresh as it had ever been. The moment he’d been told that he couldn’t father a child. The times that Alice had thrown that into his face in anger, as if he could make any difference to the loss of all their hopes. The moment she’d walked out, saying that she was going to visit her parents, but taking six suitcases with her. He hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye properly, or to express his regret over what they’d both lost.

  Laurie had stopped by the stacked shelves at the other end of the aisle, and was loading things into her trolley, consulting Sam’s list as she did so. She was alone too, and maybe she could settle for a relationship that could never include any more than two people...

  Maybe not. Laurie had made it clear that families weren’t her thing, but people changed. It was a conflict that was impossible to resolve. His one great hope for Laurie was that one day she’d make peace with her own childhood and believe she could make a different kind of family. He couldn’t hold onto that, and at the same time ask her to share a future with him that couldn’t ever include a family.

  He turned his attention back to the baby gym. He’d been over this in his head already, more than a thousand times. He should accept the way things were and get on with the matter at hand.

  ‘Hey. What do you think?’ He jumped when he heard Laurie’s voice. Goodness only knew how long he’d been standing here, staring blankly at the gym.

  ‘Oh. Um...not sure, still.’

  ‘Are you okay?’ She peered at him.

  Not really. But it was one of life’s rich ironies that there were occasions when the only thing possible was to fall down and then get up again.

  ‘Yeah. Fine. I was thinking about something I forgot to do... It’s okay, it’ll wait until tomorrow.’

  ‘Maybe you need a break, Ross.’

  What he really needed a break from was this place. ‘I guess I can ask Sam and come back another time.’

  ‘Or we could just text her.’ Laurie’s gaze was searching his face.

  ‘Okay. Do you mind doing that? I’ll go and pay for the first trolley load and take it out to the car.’

  ‘Good idea. That’ll save a bit of time.’

  * * *

  Something was up. It was as if an invisible hammer had knocked Ross for six, and he was trying to piece his wits back together again. Laurie watched him go and then decided that the best thing she could do was to hurry up and get this shopping trip out of the way.

  She texted Sam, who seemed to know exactly what she was talking about, and texted a yes back almost straight away. Then she grabbed one of the boxes, along with a few more stuffed toys, and made for the
checkout. By the time Ross arrived back from the car, she was already halfway through the queue.

  Something was definitely the matter. He was smiling and affable, but the smile seemed pasted on. She wondered whether he’d seen that in her when she’d been trying to avoid his questions.

  ‘Are you hungry?’ Sam looked at her watch as they finished packing the rest of their purchases into the car. ‘It’ll be nearly five o’ clock when we get back to the clinic, so we could stop off for something to eat. My treat, since you got me fish and chips last night.’

  Warmth flickered in his eyes. Maybe he realised that she was trying really hard to cheer him up. ‘Yeah. There’s a nice pub about halfway between here and the clinic. They have a garden at the back which looks out over the lake. If that’s not too much of a temptation for you...’

  ‘You can throw as many lakes as you like at me, I’m a glutton for temptation these days.’ Laurie smiled up at him. ‘I might even buy you a pint, and then drive you home.’

  Ross grinned suddenly. ‘Now that’s an offer I can’t refuse.’

  The pub served great food, and they sat outside to eat. Ross’s mood had improved, and he seemed in no hurry to get back to the clinic so Laurie suggested they take a walk.

  ‘It really is beautiful here.’ They strolled together by the side of the lake.

  ‘Everything a woman could possibly want? Big empty stretches of water...’

  He was teasing. But Laurie was fast coming to the conclusion that there was something she wanted a bit more from her stay here.

  ‘Someone to talk about things to.’

  Ross nodded. ‘I’m glad you think so.’

  She had to ask. He’d been there for her, and she wanted to be there for him. She didn’t believe for one moment that his sudden change of mood had been anything as trivial as something he’d forgotten to do at the clinic.

  ‘One thing I’ve learned is that the things you feel that you can’t say actually aren’t so bad after all.’