Falling for the Brooding Doc

by Annie Claydon

  But there’d been nothing, and she hadn’t called him since those first few weeks after he’d left. She couldn’t, not once she’d realised that he wasn’t going to call back or come home and she would have to deal with everything he had left behind all alone. She’d vowed to herself that from then on she would never contact him again, and she’d stuck to it for years. Almost perfectly, till one day six months ago. Now look what had happened. He’d been there, in that airport of all places. Like the Ghost of Christmas Past, complete with sun-kissed skin and a look in his eyes she’d never seen before.

  He’d looked so unruffled by seeing her, but he’d said he’d come to see her. What did he want? Why now? Had he been talking to someone in her life? Surely he hadn’t hopped on a plane just to tell her that he still wasn’t bothered about her. What she knew now, after seeing him, was that she was still bothered by him. When she’d passed by him she’d felt as if she was on fire. She’d wanted to talk to him even, hear what he had to say...but she didn’t even want to know what he would say. It was too risky, and things were complicated enough. Would he still want to talk to her if he knew all the facts? Did he know all the facts?

  All of these questions were making her head spin, and for the millionth time in the last eight years she doubted the decisions she had made since he’d left. She couldn’t take them back now, and she wasn’t ready to deal with them either. Burying her head in the sand had served her well up to now, or so she’d thought. The second she’d set eyes on Harry, her blood had turned to ice in her veins.

  What had she done? What if he hated her?

  For the longest time she’d felt as though she hated him, but the thought of him despising her knocked her off her feet even now.

  Oh, heavens, it was pointless anyway. The whole thing was a mess, and now her morning was utterly ruined. She sighed and took a seat next to Frank’s wife Janice, in the back.

  ‘Ready, Tom,’ she called and half a second later the vehicle was on the move, sirens on. Janice whimpered at the side of Annabel, and she put her hand on hers.

  ‘Don’t worry; it’s just to get you there quicker. Traffic is a nightmare here this time of day.’

  Janice nodded, the worry still evident on her face. ‘Thank you. My daughter’s on the way to pick the car up and the cases, so that’s something. I do wish we hadn’t troubled you. You must be so busy.’

  Annabel waved her away, keen to help her feel settled in such a scary situation. ‘No trouble at all. It’s what we’re here for. How long have you two been married?’

  ‘Coming up to forty years now,’ Frank replied, reaching for his wife with a shaky hand. ‘It’s why we went away, a little trip to see some family that moved abroad. My brother and his wife and their kids. We had such a lovely time, and now look.’

  ‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine, Frank. Don’t let this spoil the memories of your trip. You got a lot of family?’

  Janice reached into her handbag and pulled out a little book of photos. On the front cover, it read Grandparents Brag Book. ‘Oh, yes! We have seven grandchildren, and our first great-grandchild on the way. Plus our two daughters.’ She flipped through the book, and Annabel saw the pride on her face as she looked at each memory. People with smiling faces, babies sleeping in bouncers, birthday parties full of life and obvious love. ‘You got any kids?’

  ‘One,’ she said. ‘Aidan.’ She reached into her pocket, unlocking the screen on her phone to show them both a photo of her son. He was dressed in his school uniform, standing in front of the front door of their old flat, beaming smile and book bag in hand. ‘He’s in primary school.’

  ‘He’s lovely.’ Janice leaned in close to the screen. ‘He looks like you.’

  ‘I get that a lot.’ Annabel smiled, checking on Frank as they chatted. ‘It’s just the two of us, so we’re pretty close. He’s a little whirlwind, keeps me on my toes.’

  ‘He looks like butter wouldn’t melt,’ Frank muttered, wincing when he turned his head. ‘Good age, by the looks. Enjoy it before the hormones kick in.’

  Janice laughed. ‘Oh, yes, wait till puberty hits. With our girls, I think we aged about ten years overnight.’

  Frank groaned theatrically, and the two of them gave each other a knowing look. ‘I used to beg my boss for overtime; it was easier than dealing with the moody twosome at home.’

  Thinking about Aidan that morning, Annabel could relate. ‘Kids, eh?’ she laughed. ‘Can’t live with them, can’t live without them.’

  ‘Grandkids make up for it though. Plus, seeing your kids get a taste of their own medicine has given us a few laughs over the years. Best of all, you get to hand them back at the end of the day. You have any other family?’

  She thought of her mother, feeling the familiar pang of loss stab at her, and nodded slowly. ‘I have people in my corner. It takes a village, right?’

  She thought of her station family, and the man at the airport. He was my family once.

  ‘We do okay; it’s always been just us. He has everything he needs.’ She didn’t know who she was trying to convince, but she squashed down the maelstrom of feelings pulsating through her.

  We’re just fine. Aren’t we?

  ‘How do you know the man who helped us?’ Janice asked innocently. ‘I saw you talking to him. We’d like to thank him too, if we could.’

  It was said so innocently, but Annabel couldn’t bring herself to answer at first. Quantifying Harry into a single sentence was impossible, but she tried anyway.

  ‘I knew him a long time ago. Since the first year of primary school, actually. He moved away after we qualified; he used to be one of us.’

  Janice nodded, seemingly satisfied. ‘Are you still in touch? Could you thank him for us?’

  She still had his number in her phone, despite having changed handsets over the years. It was a weakness of hers, so she pushed down the whirl of emotions running through her and gave Janice’s hand a pat.

  ‘I will,’ she lied easily. ‘I’ll let him know.’ One more thing to never tell Harry to add to the list. At least this one was small in comparison to the others.

  * * *

  ‘Annabel, are you going to talk about this, or are we going to be silent the whole shift?’ In response, Annabel took a huge bite of her sandwich. Tom shook his head, taking a swig of his take-away coffee. They were sitting in the ambulance, having their break whilst parked in the grounds of the local community centre.

  It was pretty quiet today, most of the classes and groups already having taken place earlier in the day. She’d been to a few of them herself over the years. Baby massage classes with Aidan, helping out at the coffee mornings to raise funds for new equipment. She’d even taught a few first aid courses here, helping out the centre by donating her time and expertise. There was a lot of social inequality in the area, and Annabel had seen enough of it to know that real change happened right at the root. It had helped her, back when she was still managing being a new single mum and keeping her career going. The memory made her smile, but she turned it off quickly. Tom was still staring at her as if she were a zoo exhibit.

  ‘Stop staring, Tom, I’m fine. He’s an ex; I was bound to see him some time. They don’t go off and live on some remote island, you know. They do live on.’

  ‘More’s the pity,’ Tom added. ‘But this isn’t just some ex; this is Harry. He also lives in another country, so seeing him again is not like bumping into him at the supermarket. And he isn’t just some ex either; he’s the ex. Wanting to talk to you. Harry. You know, your childhood sweetheart Harry. The man who left you alone to live a luxurious life in the opulence of the Middle East Harry. The man who broke your—’

  ‘Trust in men—yeah, I got it. I don’t want to talk to him. Whatever he has to say won’t be good. He did me a favour, anyway. Jetting off to a dream paramedic job living in Dubai is all well and good, but I didn’t even have a job to
go to over there; I was just following him to his. I might not have even found a job, and then where would I have been? Sitting alone in some fancy place on my own while he carved out a career? I wouldn’t have gone to work at the station or got my dream job with you guys. Looking back, it was all a huge gamble really. I didn’t have a firm plan, and I worked hard to be a paramedic. It all worked out for the best.’

  Wow, Annabel, that almost sounded like you believe your own fibs. You would have followed that man to the ends of the earth, and you know it.

  Tom gave her a long sideways look before taking a bite of his own lunch. In between mouthfuls, he kept on at her. ‘You would have landed a job in Dubai, and you know it. You’re amazing at what you do. Not to contradict you either, but you trusted one man, remember? Long enough to make Aidan anyway. You could do it again, and Aidan won’t be living at home for ever. You deserve to be happy, Annabel. Put the Harry thing to rest, finally. If he really is home to speak to you, hear him out.’

  Annabel swallowed the piece of chicken from her wrap carefully before answering.

  ‘No, I don’t want to hear a word of what he has to say. And yes, I had a drunken one-night stand one time, after Harry left, and now I’m a single mum and—’ She raised her finger at him when he tried to cut in. ‘And I am happy with my lot. I don’t want Harry to know about my life, and I mean any part of my life. I have the house now, and Aidan to raise. I don’t need to see Harry to be reminded of that.’

  He’d had his chance. Eight years ago, and six months ago. He’d failed both times. When she’d seen him at the airport he had full use of his limbs. He could quite easily have picked up the phone, or even a pen to send a blinking postcard. Leave me alone. Stop calling. I left you for someone else. I’m married. I’m the new James Bond. Anything would have been better than nothing, than wondering what it was about her that had made him fall out of love and leave her sobbing in the departure lounge while he strode away from her, ready to fly away to a flash new life.

  She heard Tom sigh at the side of her, a sure sign that he was holding his tongue and resenting the notion. They’d been here many times over the years, but Tom had never crossed the line. He respected her wishes, even though he didn’t always agree with them.

  She wound her window down, eager to feel the hot city sun on her face. ‘I’m happy, Tom. I promise. Hear that, universe?’ she half shouted out of the window. ‘I’m happy, thanks, you can send him back now!’

  Tom chortled beside her. ‘Of course you are, you lunatic. But with your mum being...gone, and that big house to sort out, don’t you think it might be nice to have another pair of hands around the place? I know you’re used to looking after yourself by now, but it doesn’t mean you have to.’

  Annabel ripped into her wrap again with gusto, the adrenalin and shocks of the morning making her feel ravenous.

  ‘My mum died when I was eighteen, Tom. Before I even started training. I’ve looked after myself for a long time now, and her for that matter. She was sick for a long time before the cancer finally took her. Besides, I have another pair of hands around the place. Abe’s been helping out at the weekends, keeping Aidan occupied, and I’ve got some contractors doing the bulk of the work.’ Tom raised his brows pointedly, and Annabel slapped her forehead when recognition hit. ‘Oh, no—Abe! Do you think he knows? About Harry being back?’

  Tom shrugged. ‘I don’t know, but Abe’s his dad and he stopped talking to him too. Maybe Harry wants to make amends with more than just you. Do you think Abe would talk to him? Harry must be staying somewhere, right? Do you think he’d go to his dad’s?’

  Annabel sank into her seat. She’d never even thought of that.

  ‘I don’t know. When Harry chose to be a paramedic and not train to be a GP, Abe took it badly. They fought for years, and when Harry told him we were both leaving for Dubai, they had a huge fight. Abe’s been my rock ever since, but Harry’s his flesh and blood. I wouldn’t want him to choose between his son and me. I’ll give him a call later, try and suss out if he knows anything,’ she said glumly.

  Tom squeezed her shoulder. ‘Don’t worry; he’s probably just visiting. He’s got a life in Dubai, right? A job to go back to. Seeing him there at the airport was bad timing, sure, but he’s officially come with a purpose. I’m sure he’ll fly off again soon, once he’s said his piece.’

  Looking out of the window, she felt her head nod, but inside all she could think was how the thought of Harry leaving London again gave her a punch in her gut that she wasn’t expecting to feel, and she knew that it wasn’t going to be that easy. Not at all. God, she wished her mother were still here, so she could talk to her. Ask her what she thought.

  It wasn’t as if she hadn’t said plenty when she was alive. Her mother being taken by cancer had robbed her of all those conversations. Something told her that things weren’t going to be easy, and she felt a fresh wave of grief that she couldn’t run to her mother, the one person who knew everything about her and Harry growing up, and always supported her. Even though her comments sometimes had stung a little. That was mothers though; they always wanted the best for their babies, and had strong opinions when they didn’t agree with their offspring’s life decisions. Her mother had been no different, but she would give anything to have her here right now, even if it was just to give her a swift kick on the behind. She wondered again what her mother would have made of Harry leaving her like that. How much she would have loved Aidan and being a grandmother. She hoped that, wherever she was, she was proud of them both.

  As they finished their lunch and greened up their console indicating their ability to take a shout, ready for the rest of the shift, she packed up the rubbish. And her emotions. It was time to be a paramedic again. She focused on that. The rest would have to wait. It would all just have to wait.

  * * *

  Harry could hear his heartbeat pulsate like a jungle drum in his ears as he walked away from the scene, from Annabel. She’d taken his breath away, standing there. She was just like he’d imagined, bar the scowl and tired eyes. The look on her face when she’d seen him. The way she’d shut down his attempts to talk. He’d played this moment over in his head so many times over the years. The fact that their first meeting had happened at the airport was awful. The place where he’d left her alone and jetted off to his new life.

  He could still remember the confusion on her face that day. She’d met him at the airport, bags packed, all ready to come with him to their new life abroad. The look on her face when he told her he’d cancelled her plane ticket, that it wasn’t working out. That he wanted to go alone, and wanted her to stay back in London, start over without him. He’d known this girl since they were snot-nosed kids in primary school, playing tag and growing up together. They’d gone through school together, trained together; their parents had been friends. He’d thought he was going to spend the rest of his life with her, but it wasn’t to be and he’d ended up breaking her heart. The one thing he never thought he’d do. He’d been so excited and terrified to see her again, but seeing her there at the airport, tending to Frank, was the worst possible moment.

  It was the last place he’d wanted to see her again. And he knew he would see her again and make her listen. He’d come this far, had waited so long to make his move, and he wasn’t about to stop now. He’d hidden long enough, and he hated himself for being such a coward for so long. The younger Harry who had left her had been like a scared little boy, reeling from his own problems and not wanting to drag her along with it. Not after everything she had already been through. He was the one who was supposed to bring her joy, not sorrow.

  Looking back, he wondered whether that was the right decision. He’d questioned it every day since. People had tried to get in touch with him. His friends, his father, and Annabel. He’d never replied to a single one, had deleted the text messages as soon as they came through. He couldn’t bear to listen to the voicemails. They would onl
y be full of anger and hurt anyway. The ones from Annabel he never read or listened to. He knew that if he heard her voice he would come undone and he just couldn’t do that. He’d chosen his path and, as hard as it was, he had thought it easier in the long run. On her, if not both of them.

  Moving home after eight and a bit years was never going to be easy, but he’d come with a purpose. To finally right the wrongs of the past and put down roots. He’d not announced to anyone that he was coming, and when Frank fell to the floor on that shuttle bus he’d acted instinctively. It hadn’t even occurred to him that Annabel might be in the ambulance coming to help. And with Tom as her partner. You couldn’t make it up, how odd life was.

  Tom was their friend, back in the old days. They’d all gone through training together. Tom had been cool towards him too, but he expected nothing else, and Harry could tell that his shock had given way to wanting to protect Annabel, and he couldn’t begrudge him for that. Tom was a good friend, and Harry had walked out on him too, in a way. Another person who’d called to check on him and got ignored. He’d dropped out of his life and never been back. Out of all their lives.

  And now he had to go see his dad and tell him the good news. The prodigal son was home. Well, not home. He was going to book into a hotel. He wasn’t that stupid. Once he got settled, he’d find somewhere more permanent. The fight they’d had before he’d left for Dubai was the last time they’d seen each other face to face, and he steeled himself for looking his dad in the face again. Abe had told him he was a disappointment years ago, and he didn’t expect him to feel any differently now. Whatever Harry did to try to live his life and not hurt others, it never seemed to work out quite right. He hoped that now he was back in London he could break that curse. His thoughts led him to think of Annabel once more.