Dare to Live

by S. B. Alexander

  Roxanne clapped. Her excitement helped to ease some of my nerves.

  “Good. Let’s go in. I’m dying to see Kade,” Lacey said. “It’s been a long drive from Maine, and I could use a big hug from my man and to freshen up.”

  Since Mr. Robinson was with us, we didn’t need to pay or stop so the bouncers could check our IDs. The two big men just nodded at Mr. Robinson. After all, he did own the club.

  As soon as we entered, Lacey took off and ran to Kade, who was behind the bar. When he saw her, he dropped the towel he was holding and almost vaulted over the bar top. It was a side of Kade I hadn’t seen, and the love in his eyes was so freaking strong. I longed for that look from a man—Kody to be exact.

  Roxanne leaned in. “Those two take love to a whole new level.”

  Understatement of the century. It was as though I was watching a love story unfold.

  I tore my gaze away from Kade and Lacey to check out the club. Unlike The Cave, Rumors didn’t give me that cozy feeling. Wooden booths instead of plush couches lined the back wall. The atmosphere seemed cold, maybe because the place was larger than The Cave and rather empty. But for a Saturday night, nine p.m. was rather early, and clubs in Boston didn’t get busy until eleven or so, although Kody, who I didn’t see anywhere, was scheduled to go on at ten with me.

  Mr. Robinson said something to Kade as he went behind the bar then stuck his head in a ledger.

  “Exciting news, huh?” Roxanne asked at my side. “You’re going to be a star.”

  “That’s not certain.” I was nowhere near becoming famous, and that possibility was a long shot in my book. Besides, I wanted the money more than the fame.

  Kade and Lacey were now in a tight embrace as he peppered kisses all over her face.

  Roxanne sighed. “You’ll have the same as her if you and Kody get serious.”

  I felt as though the time I’d spent with Kody in my backyard the day before and the conversation we’d had bordered on serious. I’d been analyzing his words. I want you, Jess. I can’t keep telling myself we won’t work because of Donovan. I will fight for you if I have to. He didn’t have to fight for me. I believed he was fighting his inner demons. Sure, I would love for Mack and Kody to get along. But I wasn’t about to let Mack squash my feelings for Kody because of their feud.

  A beefy and handsome man got up from a barstool and went over to hug Lacey.

  “Yum,” Roxanne cooed. “Blond, buff, and beautiful.”

  “I think that scar over his eyebrow gives him an edge,” I added.

  Someone blew on my neck from behind before I registered his woodsy pine scent. “I don’t like when my girl drools over other men.” Kody’s husky voice at my ear gave me tingles, and all kinds of heat traveled south when he said I was his girl.

  “She was helping me out,” Roxanne said.

  Kody sandwiched in between Roxanne and me. “You mean you like Hunt?”

  Hunt was now talking with Kade and Lacey.

  Roxanne’s cheeks reddened. “He does stand out. I like a man who stands out in a crowd.”

  Kody tugged me with him. “Come on, I’ll introduce you to Kade’s best bud.”

  Roxanne was right on our heels.

  “Kody.” Lacey threw her arms around him. “I see you found your girl.”

  Hunt tilted his head at Kody then me. “Kody has a girlfriend? Since when?”

  Kody draped one arm around me and one arm around Roxanne. “Hunt, meet Jessie and her friend, Roxanne.”

  Hunt dipped his chin at me then Roxanne. When he met Roxanne’s eyes, he lingered.

  “I’m going to steal my girl for a few before I go on stage,” Kody said.

  “You mean before you and Jessie go on stage,” Roxanne added.

  Kody beamed.

  “Mr. Robinson thinks it would be a good idea to see what the club-goers think of your song,” I said.

  Kody leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Our song.”

  Again, tingles popped quick and fast over my entire body. I liked that he referred to his lyrics as our song.

  He led the way with me in tow before I had a chance to say anything to Roxanne.

  When I tossed a look over my shoulder, Roxanne was engrossed in a conversation with Hunt. Maybe they would hit it off. Roxanne did like beefy men like Hunt.

  We dodged a few people who were standing and chatting with drinks in their hands. One guy called Kody’s name, but Kody only waved as we trekked through the club, an office and into a private bathroom. When he clicked the door shut, I jumped. But when he locked the door, heat bloomed hot and urgent all over my body then ignited between my legs.

  He stalked the short distance over to me with a sense of purpose and way more than lust in his vivid blue eyes. He imprisoned me, planting his hands on the counter on either side of me. Then he lowered his lips until they barely touched mine. “I missed you.”

  My brain disconnected from reality. To have a man who was gentle, magnetic, imposing, and caring was too much to handle. I couldn’t believe that a woman hadn’t snagged him already.

  But Kody wasn’t about gentle at the moment. Power coiled in his biceps as he gripped my nape and held me steady. Then he shoved his tongue into my mouth as though he owned me, and a delicious shiver racked my body. Our kiss became rough, wet, sloppy, and oh, so freaking good. A growl rumbled deep in his throat as his hands traveled down my neck. Then when he touched my breasts, he froze.

  I broke the kiss, hoping he wasn’t about to sever my heart, hoping he wasn’t having second thoughts about us because of what I’d shared with him.

  He pinned me with a loving look. “I don’t ever want you to feel less of a woman with me because you might not have the real thing.” He smoothed a gentle hand over one of my breasts.

  I covered my mouth with my hand so I wouldn’t start bawling my eyes out at his tenderness. “We’ve only known each other for a couple of weeks. What if you decide later on that being with a woman who doesn’t have the real thing isn’t for you?” I swallowed a lump in my throat. “You hardly know me.” There wasn’t any timeline on when a person fell in love. My dad had known the minute he met my mom that he would marry her someday.

  “What I know,” Kody said, his gaze unwavering, “is that you make me forget about my past. You’ve made me feel things I hadn’t felt in years. You give me a purpose that I can love someone again. I can’t stop thinking of you.”

  I willed my stomach to stop spinning. “Are you saying you’re in love with me?”

  “I don’t know.”

  The handle jiggled. Then someone rapped on the door. “Kody,” Lacey called. “Are you in there? I want to freshen up.”

  “Yeah. I’ll be right out,” Kody said.

  My cheeks heated.

  He kissed me on the forehead. “No need to be embarrassed. My brother locks himself in here with Lacey all the time.”

  It wasn’t that I was embarrassed. I was regretting that I’d put him on the spot. “Before we go, I’m not trying to corner you into anything. I feel all those things about you as well, but I’m frightened out of my mind.”

  He gave me one of his sultry grins. “Then let’s be frightened together.”

  I melted into a puddle of water. I could do frightened with him. So I answered with a slow and heated kiss. After a long minute, we walked out to find Kade with one of his eyebrows winged high, leaning against a desk, and Lacey at his side.

  Lacey swatted at him. “Don’t judge. You and I have had some wild times in that bathroom.”

  All four of us laughed, and more weight fell off my shoulders. Then Kody ushered me out of the office and into the club. The stage was slightly bigger than the one at The Cave with a setup of a piano, guitar, large speakers, and a microphone. I stared at the mic while Kody picked up his guitar.

  The place had filled up with more people, who were mingling and sipping on their drinks at tables and around the bar. My nerves fired on all cylinders.

  “There are more people here
than that night at The Cave,” I said to Kody. “Maybe you should just sing.”

  “Tell you what,” Kody said. “Why don’t you play the piano while I play the guitar?”

  When I first heard him singing “Dare to Live,” he was on the piano. Since then, Jake, Kody, and Mr. Robinson had suggested adding a guitar to the mix. But my role had been singing, not playing.

  Kody must’ve seen the alarm on my face. He inched over to me, grabbed my hand, and escorted me to the piano. “Playing will keep you in the song rather than alone at the mic, looking out at the crowd. Besides, Jake isn’t here to help, and the song does need the piano and the guitar.”

  With his large, steady hand in mine, all those nerves stopped as though someone had slammed on the brakes at the last minute. I eased down on the bench, when Roxanne emerged out of nowhere.

  Her smile was blinding. “Are you ready?”

  I let out a nervous laugh. “Hell no.”

  Kody kissed me on the head. “You will be. I’ll be right back.” He left the stage and disappeared into the crowd.

  Roxanne sat down at the piano with me and bumped my shoulder with hers. “Hunt is dreamy.”

  I laughed again, but this time, it felt good. “So, did he ask you out?”

  She ran a finger over a key. “Not yet. But we did swap phone numbers.”

  It was my turn to bump her shoulder. “That’s great.”

  She blushed and smiled as Kody returned with Mr. Robinson.

  Mr. Robinson’s green gaze searched mine. “Are you okay with playing the piano?”

  I hadn’t practiced the song on the piano, but I knew the chords. “I should be.”

  Roxanne got up. “She’ll be great.” Then she sashayed off the stage and took a seat at the table directly in front.

  Kody and Mr. Robinson started to check the mic at the piano and the one near the guitar. The crowd drew closer to the stage along with Lacey, who sat down with Roxanne. I should have been helping or doing something, but all I could do was will the piranhas in my belly to go away. I can do this. I have to do this. I sifted through the lyrics and the chords as I positioned my hands over the keys.

  Mr. Robinson checked on me one more time. “You’re going to do great.”

  From where I sat, the crowd was on my left, and I couldn’t exactly see Kody until he brought his mic closer to the piano along with a barstool.

  “Don’t look at the room,” Kody said, settling into his seat directly across from me. It looked as though he was sitting on top of the piano. “Look at me if you have to.”

  If I were going to play and sing, then I had to be in my zone exactly like that night at The Cave when I’d sung a Sarah McLachlan song. Head down, fingers on the keys, and just get lost in the lyrics.

  Kody nodded as he strummed two chords. Then I pressed on the keys. The voices quieted as I shifted my glance between Kody and the piano. Both of us kept playing, but no words were coming out of my mouth. Kody cocked his head as he started the second line of the song. “Let’s catch fireflies in my backyard.” He nodded at me once again.

  Singing in the confines of Mr. Robinson’s basement was one thing. In front of a large crowd, it was nail-biting. I drew in a large breath and began with the third line. “Let’s feel the rush of the wind at our faces. Let’s take a chance on us.” That last part resonated so deeply as I fixated on Kody. Instead of “let’s take a chance on us,” I should have been singing, “let’s be frightened together.” Nevertheless, my fingers cooperated as the words flowed out of my mouth. Before I’d even belted out the end, the crowd was applauding. When I finished with “dare me to live again,” the room became deafening.

  I didn’t know if I would ever get used to playing or singing in front of so many people, but one thing was certain—I wanted to give everything I had to singing if it meant I could see the smile on Kody’s face each and every time.

  Chapter 22

  Kody

  A week and a half had passed since I almost declared my love for Jessie in the bathroom at Rumors. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell her. The trepidation that had been written all over her face had stopped me in my tracks, mainly because I hadn’t wanted to scare her away. Hell, I had scared the heck out of myself when the words sat on the tip of my tongue, even more so after she’d sung. She had that raspy voice that made my insides do back handsprings over and over again. I would guess the club-goers felt something too since they had given her a standing ovation along with Mr. Robinson. It was a no-brainer that his partner would also love “Dare to Live.”

  Since that night, we hadn’t spent any time with each other. Jessie had picked up extra shifts at the hospital, so her time had been limited, and when she wasn’t working, she was sleeping. We did talk on the phone, and every fiber in me wanted to slip into her bed, but I nixed that idea. I wasn’t sure what I would do if I ran into Donovan. I had, however, asked her for Donovan’s number. He needed to pick up his Harley. My old man wasn’t complaining, but I was. Every time I walked into the garage and saw the hunk of metal, I wanted to smash it, particularly since he hadn’t made an attempt to apologize to my mom. That was bugging the fuck out of me. I couldn’t try to settle anything with the asshole if he wasn’t man enough to say he was sorry. Sure, I wanted to be an adult like Lowell had suggested. I wanted to make Jessie happy.

  She knew it took two to make things work. Yet she wasn’t willing to give me his phone number. “I don’t want Mack coming over to your house alone,” she’d said. “I don’t trust the both of you together.”

  I didn’t blame her. I couldn’t promise her I wouldn’t get into a brawl with Donovan. I certainly wouldn’t start anything, but if he threw the first punch, all bets were off. Nevertheless, I’d promised her that I would let him know he needed to pick up his Harley when my parents returned, and nothing more. So she acquiesced.

  My dad had the keys to the Harley, anyway. He’d said that if Donovan wanted his bike, he had to wait until they returned. Dad didn’t want us tearing each other’s heads off. I hadn’t argued.

  Not surprising, when I’d called Donovan, all I’d gotten was voice mail.

  Releasing the nozzle on the hose, I wiped the sweat off my forehead. The humidity had been unbearable the last few days. I was just about to continue hosing the soap off my truck, when a car came down the driveway, the engine growing louder.

  My dad parked one car length away from my truck, then he and Mom got out. My mom had gone with him on a business trip to Arizona for the last week. She appeared refreshed and relaxed, with more color to her face, as though she’d been basking in the hot Arizona sun, which I imagined she had while my dad attended his conference.

  I grabbed one of the suitcases out of the trunk before Mom kissed me on the cheek and vanished into the house. “Mom seems more relaxed. You, however, don’t.”

  Dad loosened his tie. “Conferences always zap the wind out of me, especially with the time change.”

  I set the suitcase on the ground. “I’ll get you a beer.” I darted into the garage and snagged two beers out of the fridge.

  Dad followed me then took a bottle, twisted off the cap, and chugged. “Nothing like the first sip of a cold beer on a hot day.”

  I raised my bottle to him. “Cheers.” I also drank a few gulps. After I finished washing my truck, I was planning to jump in the lake. “Dad, I know you’re tired, but can we chat for a minute?”

  He pressed the cold bottle of beer to his face. A road map of lines and wrinkles traveled around his eyes and forehead. “Of course.”

  The last week with no one around had given me time to think about Jessie and me. I couldn’t get past Donovan and how he was a part of Jessie’s life. More than that, I was scared out of my fucking mind that Jessie would be taken away from me like Mandy had. Sure, I’d told her I would fight for her, but I couldn’t fight with fate. Yet the woman made my heart race, my palms sweat, and my stomach a roller coaster of emotions.

  “I’m afraid of my feelings for
Jessie,” I said.

  Dad gave me one of his fatherly looks as he studied me. “What exactly are you afraid of?”

  Me. Her. Donovan. I glanced at the Harley.

  My dad followed my line of sight. “Because of Mack?”

  I lifted a shoulder. “He is in her life, and he’s also in love with her.”

  He scratched his chin. “Is she in love with him?”

  I shook my head. “She isn’t. My problem is I can’t take seeing Donovan around her. More so because of what he did to me in high school.”

  Dad took a swig of his beer. “Is Mack the only problem you’re having? Or are you worried Jessie might end up like Mandy since she rides a motorcycle too?”

  My mouth opened slightly, then I closed it. I shouldn’t have been surprised. After all, my dad was a psychiatrist, and an extremely intelligent and perceptive individual. Besides, my fear wasn’t a secret. I just hadn’t broached the topic with my dad. In fact, I’d hardly discussed much with my dad since I’d had Dr. Davis to talk to in the past. At the time, my dad had recommended someone other than him to talk to. He’d felt that an unbiased person, one who wasn’t a family member, would help me to open up more. Looking back, I had to agree. It had taken me a year to open up to my brothers about how I felt over losing Mandy.

  “Son, I’ve known for years your fear of getting too close to another girl. I knew Mandy’s death would affect you long into your adult life. You’ve been through a great deal. It’s normal to feel that fear that someone you love will be taken away from you. That’s the same fear your mom had after Karen died. She always worried that her boys would share the same fate—one of the reasons I got rid of the guns in the house when we lived in Texas. She still has the same fear, but it doesn’t get to her as much anymore.”

  I remembered my dad getting rid of the guns right after Karen had died. “But we do have guns in the garage.”