The One That I Want

by Lynne Shelby

  We made good time along the motorway. Even when we reached London, the traffic was relatively light, and it was still only half past nine when we turned into Cassie’s road.

  ‘I don’t see anyone loitering with intent to take compromising photographs,’ Owen said, as he parked the car in the first available space.

  I looked up and down the street. The yummy mummy who lived opposite was pushing a buggy in the direction of the park. A toned, lycra-clad jogger ran past, her ponytail swinging from side to side. A man in a leather jacket caused me a moment of concern, but then I recognised him as the surgeon who lived on the corner. Usually he wore a pin-striped suit. It was the leather jacket that fooled me.

  ‘I think the coast is clear,’ I said.

  Owen and I got out of Michael’s car. I retrieved my case from the boot, and we strolled along the pavement towards Cassie’s house.

  ‘Isn’t that Daniel’s car?’ Owen said.

  I followed his pointing hand. Daniel’s Ferrari was parked a few yards further down the road.

  ‘Yes it is. That’s odd. I wasn’t expecting him to be here. I was going to call him when I got back to London.’ I checked my mobile. There was a reply to my text last night from Eleanor giving me the go ahead to take the week off, but no messages from Daniel. He hadn’t returned my last call. ‘I guess he must have decided to surprise me.’

  Owen was still gazing at Daniel’s car. ‘Your boyfriend is one very fortunate guy.’

  ‘Owen! I’d no idea you were into fast cars.’

  ‘What? Oh, I’m not. Not particularly.’ Owen turned his back on the Ferrari. ‘Here, let me carry your case up the front steps.’

  I was actually perfectly capable of carrying a small canvas holdall up a short flight of stairs along with my shoulder bag, but it seemed churlish to point this out. I handed Owen my case, ran lightly up the steps, opened the front door, and went into the hall.

  ‘Daniel?’ I called. ‘I’m back.’

  The house was silent. I checked the living room and the kitchen. Both were empty. I went back into the hall, where Owen was collecting up the morning’s post from the mat.

  ‘Daniel must be in my room,’ I said. My boyfriend was in my bedroom waiting for me to come home. So that he could ravish me. My stomach turned a somersault. I climbed the stairs two at a time.

  ‘Lucy,’ Owen said.

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘Shall I bring up your case?’

  Like I was thinking about luggage right now. I made myself smile at him. ‘OK. Thanks, Owen.’

  With growing impatience, I waited on the landing between my room and Nadia’s, while Owen carried my case up the stairs.

  From behind Nadia’s bedroom door, her voice came to me quite distinctly.

  ‘Do you really have to go so soon? Isn’t there anything I can do to persuade you to stay?’

  Then I heard another voice, male and agonisingly familiar.

  ‘Shut up a minute, Nadia. I think I heard someone coming up the stairs.’

  Nadia spoke again. ‘There’s no-one here but us.’

  I took one slow step towards Nadia’s room and then another. My heart was thudding in my chest. My hand reached out towards the bedroom door, and closed around the handle. I pushed the door open.

  The two of them were sprawled on Nadia’s bed, naked, half-covered by a sheet. Various articles of clothing were scattered about the room; his shirt was on the floor, her bra was hanging from the corner of her mirror. They stared at me standing in the doorway, and I stared back at them lying on the bed. Daniel’s eyes were wide with shock. Nadia’s mouth lifted in a sly, spiteful smile. Daniel and Nadia.

  I thought, this isn’t happening. This cannot be happening.

  Behind me, Owen swore under his breath.

  ‘How could you, Daniel?’ I rushed to the foot of the bed. ‘How could you do this to me?’

  ‘You weren’t here,’ Daniel said. He got out of bed and put on his jeans. Even then, even when I knew that he’d just spent the night with another woman, I marvelled at the perfection of his body. He was quite simply beautiful. My Fallen Angel. My throat felt very tight.

  Nadia said, ‘He didn’t take much persuading, Lucy. Just so you know.’

  ‘You bitch.’ I spun on my heel and walked stiffly out of the room, nearly colliding with Owen on the landing. I veered around him and went into my room, shutting the door behind me. My legs were shaking, so I sat down on my bed. Dimly, as if from a long way off, I heard shouting and the slamming of a door. Then there was silence.

  My bedroom door opened, and Daniel, fully dressed now, appeared in the doorway.

  ‘Lucy.’

  ‘You know we’re finished, right?’ Of course he knew we were finished. We both knew that as soon as I walked in on him and Nadia.

  ‘Yeah. I thought you’d want me to give you back my key.’ He came further into my room and put his key to Cassie’s house on my nightstand. ‘Could I have the key to my place please?’

  At some point, my bag had slid unnoticed from my shoulder, and was lying on the bed. I opened it, found my copy of Daniel’s key and tossed it to him.

  ‘Why did you do it, Daniel?’

  He shrugged. ‘I don’t know. Because I could.’

  ‘I thought we were happy.’

  ‘We were doing OK.’

  ‘We were happy,’ I said. ‘So how could you cheat on me? And with her.’

  ‘Listen,’ Daniel said. ‘I didn’t turn up here yesterday with the intention of shagging Nadia. She came on to me.’

  ‘Oh, well, that’s all right then,’ I said. ‘Why did you come here at all? You knew I’d gone to stay with my family. I left you enough messages.’

  ‘I drove straight back here after my meeting without checking my phone. I didn’t get your voice mail until after I’d arrived. Nadia told me you’d all be gone for days.’

  ‘I texted you that I’d be back this morning.’

  ‘Did you?’ he said. ‘I never read that text.’

  ‘What if I hadn’t come back today? Did you think you and I would just carry on as if nothing had happened?’

  ‘I can’t answer that,’ Daniel said. ‘Last night, I wasn’t thinking that far ahead.’

  ‘I don’t understand why you’d throw away everything we had for a night with a slut.’

  ‘I wouldn’t have chosen to end it this way,’ Daniel said, ‘but it’s not like you and I were going to be together for ever. It’s not like we were serious.’

  ‘But – we were going to live together –’

  ‘What?’ Daniel frowned. ‘Why would you think that? When have I ever said anything to you about us living together? Our relationship was about sex and having a good time. Don’t pretend it was anything more.’

  ‘How can you say that!’

  ‘Oh, grow up, Lucy, why don’t you,’ Daniel snapped. ‘I never promised you undying love. One night we went to a club, you came home with me, and we had sex. It was good, so we kept on having sex. And now I’ve had sex with someone else.’

  You cheating, lying fuckwit, I thought. ‘I’d like you to go,’ I said. My entire body was shaking. ‘I’d like you to leave this house. Right now.’

  For a moment he hesitated. ‘I’m sorry I hurt you,’ he said. ‘For what it’s worth.’

  ‘Just go, Daniel,’ I said.

  He left.

  I heard his footsteps receding down the stairs. Before I could stop myself, I ran to my bedroom window and watched him walk to his car. He stood on the kerb for some time, and I thought he would surely look back up at the house, but eventually he opened the car door, got into the driver’s seat and drove away. I looked out at the sunlit, tree-lined London street and thought, Daniel doesn’t love me. He never loved me. I was hurt and humiliated, but mainly I was angry: with Daniel, with Nadia, but most of all with myself. I’d got it all so wrong.

  A floorboard creaked. I spun around to see Owen observing me anxiously from the doorway.

  ‘I take
it that you and Daniel are over?’ he said.

  I nodded. ‘I can’t be with a guy who cheats on me.’ My eyes brimmed with tears.

  In two strides, Owen was across the room and gathering me in his arms. I buried my face on his chest.

  ‘This is when you’re supposed to tell me not to cry because Daniel isn’t worth it,’ I said.

  ‘He isn’t worth it. But you can cry all you want.’

  I did cry then, but not for very long.

  ‘I knew what Daniel was like,’ I said, wiping my face with the heel of my hand. ‘I should never have let myself fall for him. I’m such an idiot.’

  ‘You,’ Owen said, ‘are a beautiful, intelligent gorgeous woman, and he’s the idiot for cheating on you and losing you.’

  The front door slammed shut with enough force to shake the whole house.

  ‘What the…?’ Letting go of me, Owen raced to the window. ‘That was Nadia making a hasty exit. She’s just got into a minicab, with three enormous suitcases. Looks like she’s moving out.’

  ‘Good. Because one of us had to.’ There was a part of me that wanted to hate Nadia, but somehow I couldn’t find the energy. She was beneath my contempt.

  I sat down on my bed. Owen sat next to me and slid a comforting arm around my waist.

  I rested my head on his shoulder. ‘It’s all such a mess.’

  ‘Break ups always are.’

  ‘It’s not just about me and Daniel. Lord knows why, but Cassie’s very fond of Nadia.’

  ‘That may change,’ Owen said. ‘I’m guessing that celebrities tend to take a dim view of staff who do the dirty with their friend’s boyfriends.’

  ‘True. But that doesn’t mean Cassie won’t be upset.’ A worse thought came into my mind. I raised my head and looked up at Owen in horror. ‘Daniel is one of Reardon Haye’s most important clients. If he has a problem with me working at the agency, if he’s uncomfortable seeing me every time he comes into the office, I could lose my job.’

  ‘This is the Fallen Angel we’re talking about. If he was uncomfortable whenever he saw one of his exes, he’d have to retire from showbusiness.’

  I smiled at that. ‘Breaking up with him could still make my working at Reardon Haye very awkward for everybody. Me especially.’ The thought that Daniel could turn up at my workplace at any time made me feel slightly sick, but I wasn’t going to let him destroy my career as a theatrical agent. ‘I’m supposed to be on leave, but I need to go into the agency this afternoon.’

  ‘Today?’ Owen said. ‘Are you sure you’re up to it?’

  ‘I’m… OK.’ The hurt of Daniel’s betrayal was still there inside me, a tight ball of pain, but I was not going to let him turn me into an emotional wreck. ‘I want to prove to Eleanor – and Maria and Adrian – that the end of my and Daniel’s relationship isn’t going to affect my ability to do my job.’

  ‘Beautiful and intelligent,’ Owen said. ‘And tough.’

  ‘I’m sure I’ll feel a lot better if I’m at work phoning casting directors and getting actors auditions than if I’m at home feeling sorry for myself… Owen! What time is your audition?’

  ‘It’s at one o’clock.’

  ‘It’s half past twelve now!’ I sprang up off my bed. ‘Why are you just sitting there? You need to get to your audition.’

  ‘I’m not going,’ Owen said.

  ‘What? You have to go. I know they’re only seeing you for a small part, but it’s exactly the sort of role that gets an actor noticed.’

  ‘There’s no point. I can’t possible get there on time, and they won’t see me if I turn up late.’

  ‘They might.’ I’d made him late. He could be missing out on a break-through role because of me. ‘And you could still get there in half an hour if you take Michael’s car.’

  ‘Lucy, I’m nowhere near ready. I haven’t shaved. I’m still in the clothes I was wearing yesterday.’

  ‘This is all my fault,’ I said. ‘If I hadn’t cried all over you.’

  ‘Don’t worry about it. My incredibly talented agent will get me seen for other parts.’

  ‘Your agent is going to be mad at you if you don’t at least try and get seen for this one,’ I said. ‘Forget about shaving and changing your clothes. Just get to the audition as soon as you can. And if you’re late tell them – I don’t know – you’re the actor – improvise.’

  ‘OK. I’ll think of something.’ Owen looked unconvinced, but he got to his feet. My mascara was smeared over the front of his shirt, but I decided not to mention it.

  ‘Best of luck.’ I hugged him. ‘Break a leg and all that.’

  ‘Thanks, Lucy.’ Resting his hands on my hips, he bent his head and kissed the side of my face. Then he kissed me on my mouth.

  Almost immediately, he leapt away from me, leaving me gasping. ‘Oh, God – Lucy, I’m sorry – I’m so sorry. I should never have done that. I just – I just couldn’t help myself.’

  Owen had kissed me. All I could do was stare at him. He’d kissed me and it’d felt good. More than good.

  Owen’s very blue eyes anxiously searched my face. ‘Lucy, talk to me. Please.’

  I stuttered, ‘Y-You kissed me.’

  ‘I’m sorry. It was wrong.’

  ‘It was just a kiss,’ I said. ‘Stop apologising. And go to your audition.’

  ‘Are we OK?’

  ‘Yes, we’re fine.’ I wanted him to kiss me again.

  ‘I’ll see you later?’

  ‘Yes. Now go.’

  Owen seemed about to say something more to me, but evidently changed his mind. Looking thoroughly wretched, he walked out of the room.

  I thought, I can’t let him go off to an audition in that state. ‘Owen, wait!’ I pelted out of my bedroom and down the stairs.

  Owen was half-way out the front door, but he spun around to face me, and I cannoned into his arms. My heart hammering in my chest, I put my hands on either side of his face, drew down his head, and kissed him, sliding the tip of my tongue between his lips. He kissed me back, softly at first, and then demanding and hard, his tongue probing deep into my mouth.

  When we broke apart, both of us breathless, he said, ‘Don’t go into work this afternoon.’

  ‘I won’t.’

  ‘You’ll definitely be here when I get back?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Now go to your audition.’

  Owen ran down the front steps.

  ‘Just so you know,’ he called to me, over his shoulder, ‘that was not a stage kiss.’

  CHAPTER 32

  I closed the front door and leant against it, my pulse racing, my thoughts jittering around in my head. Daniel and I were over. Owen had kissed me. I’d just broken up with my long-term boyfriend. Owen was wrong to kiss me. And yet he and I had kissed. And it’d felt so right.

  My legs shaking, I walked slowly back upstairs and on a sudden impulse went into Nadia’s bedroom. A number of her belongings, a hairdryer, an alarm clock, several handbags and magazines, were still there, but an inspection of her wardrobes and drawers showed me that all of her clothes, shoes and make-up were gone. She really had moved out. There was no reason why I’d ever have to see her again.

  It was unrealistic to think that I might never see Daniel again – not if I wanted to go on working at Reardon Haye – but I could at least rid Cassie’s house of any unwelcome reminders of his presence. I went across the landing, and retrieved his toothbrush and razor from my bathroom, and his shirts, socks and underwear from the drawers I’d cleared for him. In my wardrobe, I found two pairs of his jeans, and one pair of inordinately expensive trainers. The toothbrush and razor went straight into a rubbish sack, and after a moment the clothes and shoes followed. As an act of revenge this could be viewed as somewhat pathetic, but I knew that he was very fond of those trainers. The dress he’d brought back for me from New York and a bottle of perfume he’d given me went into the trash as well. And I changed the sheets on my bed, because two nights ago I’d slept between those sheets with
him. It occurred to me to wonder, in a detached way, if he’d cheated on me before, if not with Nadia, then with someone else. I’d loved him, but if I was honest, I’d never trusted him.

  I took the old sheets down to the kitchen and shoved them in the washing machine. Then I poured myself a glass of lemonade, made myself a sandwich, and took them out into the garden.

  I sat at the table on the terrace and thought, Daniel and I are over. I was with him for eight months, and it was good for much of that time, whatever he says, but now we’re over.

  The prospect of not having Daniel in my life left me curiously unmoved. I pictured him and Nadia lying in her bed, the expression of shock and surprise on his face when I opened the door. I’d been hurt by the depth of his betrayal, but now, all I could think was how ridiculous he was. The Fallen Angel. The movie star who can’t keep his trousers on. Daniel Miller, A-lister, serial womaniser. The man was a walking cliché.

  And Owen had kissed me.

  I raised my hand to my face and touched my mouth, reliving the moment when Owen’s lips had met mine. It was not a stage kiss. It was not the kiss of a friend. And I had no idea what was going to happen between me and Owen when he came back from his audition. That thought scared me just a little.

  A noise made me turn my face towards the house. Cassie stepped through the French windows, starting when she saw me. She waved, and walked over to where I was sitting.

  ‘Hey, Lucy.’ She sat down opposite me. ‘I didn’t think anyone was home.’

  ‘It’s just me here,’ I said. ‘Owen’s gone off to howl at the moon.’

  ‘Oh, right, he’s auditioning to be a werewolf.’

  I thought, I have to tell her about Daniel. I have to tell her about Daniel and Nadia.

  ‘You’re back from the studios very early,’ I said.

  ‘Yes, we didn’t do any filming today,’ Cassie said. ‘After all the rubbish about me on the internet, most of the cast and crew already knew that the show was being cancelled. The producers came on set before the cameras had started rolling, confirmed the rumours, and told us to take the rest of the day off. We all went straight to the nearest pub – Ah, here’s my fiancé.’