Fight You

by Abby Mccarthy

  “Yes, she is good. What are you doing here?”

  He looks sheepish for a second, “I wanted to see your face when you saw the bleachers.”

  “You did this?” This may be one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

  “Well, not just me, but yeah sweet girl, I did this.”

  “Why?” I ask because I can’t really understand why he is so good to me. He’s always feeding me or teaching me to drive and now the bleachers.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, why do this for me?”

  “Aubrey,” his voice is soft so that only I can hear, “You needed a nicer place to watch your kid play soccer.”

  “So you built me bleachers?”

  “You want me to call the boys and have them tear them down?”

  “Gah. No.” Daws is messing with me.

  “It wasn’t that big of a deal. I know a guy who owns a hardware shop and these things come prefabbed.” He smiles like he is in on some type of joke that I don’t get.

  “Still, this is huge.”

  “Look Aubrey, you needed something to be better and I could make that happen for you. Every time I’ve seen panic in your face, all I want to do is make you smile, and the look on your face when you walked up and saw the bleachers, well see... I’d do anything to see that smile on you. I don’t know what ghost is following you, but I promise you I’ll chase that fucker away. I’ll chase any damn demon away. I’ve been patient, but I really can’t wait much longer. I need you to be mine, but before you’re mine I need to know what we’re up against. You ready for that?”

  My heart is fluttering, I feel like my whole body is tingling with excitement over his words. It’s been near six weeks since I first met him and he has made me feel more alive than maybe I have ever felt.

  He wants me to be his. He is promising me safety, like he knows that’s what I need. I grab his hand linking our fingers together and bring it up to my face. I rub the back of his hand against my cheek relishing in the feel of his skin on me.

  “Thank you Daws, for everything. I…..” I pause taking a deep breath.

  Suddenly the sky grows darker, my skin is moist and a light drizzle of rain begins. Some of the moms open up umbrellas, but I didn’t bring one. Ari runs passed and looks at us curiously. That small distraction is all it takes for her not to see the much smaller player in front of her. She collides with the girl and the two land hard. Ari shrieks in pain just as thunder rumbles in the sky. I let go of Daws’ hand and rush to the field. The ref blows his whistle calling the game.

  Ari has a scrape starting below her knee and moving halfway down her shin. It’s not deep, but it’s producing a lot of blood. The other girl is fine and runs off the field. Ari has a look in her eyes; a look I’m all too familiar with. It’s a look of fear.

  “It’s just a scrape. You’re okay.” I clutch my arms around her. I’m grateful for the rain as most of the moms are packing up their things frantically to get off the field.

  “Aubriella, the blood...it’s like you…” she hiccups out not making a complete sentence and I realize that it’s not the scrape affecting her. I thought she was fine. How wrong I was. I should’ve known that what she saw happen to me had an effect on her.

  “Let me help.” Daws’ voice cuts through the air and I just now notice that he has been behind me the whole time. Did he hear Ari call me Aubriella? I nod my head to Daws letting him know that his help is accepted.

  “Ari, this is my friend Daws. He’s going to help you. Look at me, okay? Don’t look at the blood.”

  Daws pulls a black bandana from his vest pocket and he ties it around her leg. He’s gentle with her, similar to how he is with me.“Ari, right? I’m Daws, I’m going to pick you up, okay?” He scoops her up in his arms. She looks small, yet protected.

  A bolt of lightning strikes through the sky and the light rain turns to a downpour. We run to the parking lot, our feet sloshing through the now muddy field. He opens the door to his Charger, moves my seat forward and places Ari in the back seat. I get in after her and he closes the door. I watch him move around the car as the rain beats heavily on the windshield. He opens his door and slides in besides me. Daws turns the ignition, starts the heater and flips on the wipers.

  “No bike today?” I question.

  He taps the side of his head, “Us bikers use this thing on our phones called a weather app.”

  I slap him on his arm. “Okay, maybe I should've checked first. How you doing, Ari?” I’m concerned for her, but she seems to be as taken with Daws as I am.

  “Better. I think the bleeding stopped. Thank you. Sorry. I don’t know why I freaked so bad.”

  I know why she freaked and it had less to do with her pain and more to do with mine. I clench my fist open and shut and a quick thought of her finding me huddled on the basement floor in a sheet soaked in blood goes through my mind. Ari witnessed Rich’s damage one too many times. As if Daws senses my impending panic, he grabs me, pulling me close to his chest and whispers in my ear, “Nothing’s gonna hurt you here. I got you.”

  He immediately calms me. I glance at Ari in the back seat. She is observing us and a smile breaks over her face. Daws pulls out of the lot heading away from our house. I don’t ask where we’re headed

  “Cool car,” Ari says.

  “He taught me how to drive it,” I tell Ari.

  “He did? You think you can teach me how to drive it too?” Ari asks.

  Daws chuckles, a deep laugh that I am getting attached too, “You’re a little young for driving just yet, don’t you think?” She gives us a look that says whatever. “If your mom says it’s okay though, I have some dirt bikes and four wheelers I can teach you to ride when the weathers nicer?”

  Her eyes light up, “Really? Can Gino come too?”

  “Gino is Jenny’s nephew and Ari’s best friend. We live with him,” I explain.

  “Sure, you can bring your friend. When I was your age, my best friend was a girl and we rode dirt bikes and four wheelers all the time.”

  “That’s awesome,” Ari says bouncing in the back seat with a bit of excitement.

  We’re headed in the direction of the clubhouse. I’m confused because I don’t think that this would be the type of place Daws would bring Ari. He doesn’t want me in the clubhouse, why would he bring Ari here? He turns down an unfamiliar road and then I figure out that it’s just a really long driveway. Despite the heavy, rain I can see a large beautiful log cabin with a wrap around porch.

  “This is my folks place. Ma left this morning for shopping in New York and Pops rarely stays here. C’mon in. I’ll start a fire, we can change and warm up.”

  We sprint from the car to the porch. Daws unlocks the cabin and punches some codes into an alarm. Because of the storm, it’s dark inside the cabin, another flash of lightning illuminates the room. Even though the house is empty, it smells of warm cinnamon and cedar. Daws flicks a switch and the room is lit up from a large metal chandelier that’s at least twenty feet in the air. We’re in a large great room that has an open feel to it. Looking up, I can see a railing for the upstairs but this room has large ceilings. The wooden walls are a rich color, almost cherry. A large stone fireplace runs from the floor to ceiling. It’s impressive. The mahogany leather couches look inviting and a large plasma television is on the wall across from the fireplace. The kitchen, which is open to this room, has all modern appliances with stainless steel counter-tops that run flush with the stainless steel fridge.

  “Wow, this place is something,” I say running my hand along the back of the sofa.

  “Mom, look at the TV. It’s so big.” Ari cuddles next to me, the pair of us looking like wet noodles.

  “I’m going to find something dry for you both. I’ll be right back.” Daws runs up the stairs and walks into a room. A second later he yells, “Heads up,” and tosses two thick black cotton towels down to us. I laugh at his playfulness.

  “You’re different around him,” A
ri says catching me off guard.

  I stop drying my hair, “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, you’re always so sad. This may be one of the first days I’ve really ever seen you smile. I’m glad. I like him for you.”

  Wow, even she can see how sad I am. I’m afraid I’m not fooling anyone. “Ari, I’m fine and there is no him and I.” At this point, I’m not sure who I am trying to convince, Ari or myself.

  “Really? ‘cause from where I was sitting, you looked pretty comfy.”

  Daws comes down the stairs, with a few pairs of hot pink yoga pants and a couple of t-shirts.

  “I snagged these from my mom’s room. Here’s a first aid kit too. There’s a bathroom upstairs. Why don’t you two get cleaned up and I’ll start a fire. Looks like this storm isn’t going anywhere.”

  Ari and I walk upstairs. I bring her leg over the tub and undo the bandana. The bleeding has stopped, although his bandana seems ruined. We run water over it and any blood washes away. I instruct Ari not to watch as I clean her up. The clothes are entirely too big on Ar,i so we fold over the top of the pants a bunch. I find a hair tie and tie the side of her shirt making it work.

  By the time we walk down the stairs, a fire is blazing in the fireplace and Daws is standing in the kitchen pouring soup from a pot into three bowls.

  “It smells so good,” Ari says with a huge smile.

  “Hope you like grilled cheese and tomato soup.”

  “I love it,” says Ari.

  “Great,” he smiles at her. It’s not just any smile. It’s genuine and beautiful and I suddenly realize I’m staring. “I have some TV trays. You can cuddle up on the sofa by the fire and watch television if you want.”

  “Okay,” she smiles at him. Ari and I cuddle under a large throw blanket as Daws brings over TV trays to serve us. I know it’s just tomato soup and grilled cheese, but it warms me up and somehow tastes better than anything I’ve ever eaten. I glance over and see Daws watching me with a slight smile on his face. I return his smile. I know he wants to continue our talk.

  After eating and watching several episodes of Jessie on Disney, Ari is asleep.

  “Looks like the rain is lightening up. You want to go sit on the porch?” Daws asks.

  “Okay,” I mouth not wanting to wake up Ari. I follow Daws out onto the porch. He sits on a swing and motions for me to sit next to him.

  “Time to finish our conversation don’t you think, sweet girl?”

  I’m reluctant to talk, not really sure what he wants me to say. I sit down next to him and he pulls my body in closer to his. He showered after we ate. He smells so fresh. His hair isn't pulled back like it normally is. All I want to do is run my fingers through it so that’s exactly what my hand finds itself doing as if my appendages have a mind of their own. Okay maybe voluntarily, but it just feels so natural. He closes his eyes for a second, “Aubrey?”

  “Yeah, Daws?”

  “I want to kiss you so fucking bad. I need to know you want that.”

  I want that. I want it more than anything but this whole thing is scaring me, mostly because I know I am no good for Daws. The look on my face is conflicted, half of me wanting Daws, the other half wanting to push him away. He leans in and presses his lips to mine. They’re soft and full, his tongue darts out asking for my lips to part. He tastes of mint and a hint of tobacco. His hand comes up and caresses the back of my head. I find I’m doing the same, pulling him even closer into the kiss. Tingles run up the back of my neck and my nipples perk up, getting tighter with each passing second as the kiss grows deeper and deeper. His hand that’s caressing my hair moves down the nape of my neck and his thumb gently moves up and down my windpipe. That one simple touch does it. Thoughts of being strangled immediately come to mind. I pull away from the kiss, and push off the porch swing. I open and close my fist squeezing my nails into my palm, trying to do anything I can to not think of Rich strangling me. I look at Daws who looks torn on what to do.

  “Daws, you wanted to talk, so here it is,” my voice is heated and slightly raised. I’m not even sure why. It’s not like he did anything wrong. Maybe I’m angry with Rich or maybe I’m angry with myself for not being able to kiss him and give him what he wants. “I’m messed up. This thing between us, it can’t happen.”

  He looks pained and also slightly pissed, “In case, you missed it in that kiss, but this thing between us, it’s already happening. It’s been happening from the moment you stepped into the shop.”

  “Maybe so, but it needs to stop.”

  “It doesn’t,” he says rising up and stalking over to me on the other side of the porch where I moved to try and put distance between us.

  Tears form in my eyes and the anger in my voice is gone. Now, it sounds more wobbled, “Can’t you see Daws, I’m barely holding it together. I do want you, but it doesn’t matter.”

  “What do you mean it doesn’t matter? It’s the only thing that matters.”

  “It isn’t the only thing that matters. Ari, she matters. She is the reason I’m here. She’s the reason I do everything. If it wasn’t for her I….” I stop talking. I was about to say that I would have given up, but I don’t want him to know that.

  “You what? Another secret? Another thing you’re hiding? I know you got shit you don’t want me to know, but I will know and whether you like it or not I’m going to protect you, both of you.”

  I don’t want to hear anymore, I storm into the house and wake Ari up. “Ari, honey, it’s time to wake up. The rain is stopping and Daws is bringing us home.” I shake her shoulder and wake her.

  “Is everything okay?” she asks.

  “Yeah, everything is fine,” I lie.

  *

  Pulling up in front of the house, I see Jenny getting out of Carlo’s Escalade. Relief washes over me because Daws won’t try to carry on our conversation anymore.

  Jenny looks surprised to see Daws, leaning into the car window she says, “Hey Daws.”

  Carlo turns off his ignition, gets out of his truck, folds his arms over his chest and tries to look menacing. Something tells me Daws isn’t one to be easily intimidated. Daws shuts off his car, gets out and also crosses his arms. Ari does something I would never expect, she follows me out of the car and then walks over to Daws, whose stance, is in fact intimidating and she wraps her arms around his waist.

  “Thanks for taking care of us today,” she says.

  Daws softens and hugs her back, “You be careful on the field, okay?”

  “Ugh. Tell me about it. It was such a rookie mistake.”

  Daws reaches into the car and grabs a pen and paper from the glove box. He writes something down and hands it to Ari. “You’re a good kid. You ever need anything, here’s my number. You call me, yeah?”

  “Yeah, okay,” she says and shouts out, “Gino!” and rushes inside to her friend.

  Jenny, Carlo and myself have been standing here staring at the pair. I watch the door close behind Ari.

  “Well, thanks Daws. See you Monday.”

  I nod my head and walk past him attempting to walk into the house, but he grabs my hand and pulls me into him. His arms circle around me and his mouth comes down close to my ear, “We’re not done.” My body naturally wants to lean into him and it does for a second. I pull away.

  “See you Monday.”

  I walk away and don’t look back. Jenny and Carlo follow me into the house. Carlo walks into the kitchen and grabs a beer from the fridge.

  “Girl, we need to talk about what that was out there,” Jenny says.

  “It wasn’t anything.”

  She gives me a look that says “bullshit”.

  “Hey Carlo, will you watch the kids? Ma should be back soon. I think Aubrey and I need some girl time.”

  “Yeah, no problem, but Aubrey?”

  “Yeah, Carlo?”

  “Daws is dangerous. Be careful. He’s not the type of guy you should get mixed up with.”

  “Oh Daws is fine, just a little misunderstood,
” Jenny retorts.

  “Jenny, how can you say that? You know what he does,” Carlo says to his sister.

  “I also know what you do.”

  Not wanting to be in the middle of this exchange, I excuse myself, “I’m going to go change and let Ari know we’re hanging out.”

  Twenty minutes later I find myself in Jenny’s apartment. She’s handing me a large fruity looking drink that she calls sangria and after taking the first sip I discover it packs a hard punch. Maybe, this is what I need.

  “What Carlo said about Daws, I don’t think he’d hurt you. Sure, he’s a bit of a man-whore. Shit, I mean he was, or is, I don’t know. All I really know is that I’ve only seen him have feelings for one chick and that’s Maura, but the way he was looking at you, and then even how he looked at Ari, pure adoration. Never seen a look like that before on him.”

  I take a few gulps of my sangria, not sure if I want to talk about this, and because hearing her talk about Daws and any other females does something to my guts I don’t really understand. I decide that a friend is really what I need. I could keep my feelings for him to myself and part of me wants to, but I’m trying to let go of the girl I’ve been; the one who doesn’t trust.

  “Oh my goodness, Jenny. We got to Baker’s Field for Ari’s game today, and do you know what Daws did?”

  “No. What?” she’s sitting across from me on a small flower patterned love seat that looks more eclectic than frumpy, and it’s almost like she’s on the edge of her seat.

  “I told him last night about the bleachers being run down and he built new ones overnight. Can you believe that? Apparently, he put the boys to work and rebuilt the bleachers. Then at the game today, he was just there. Ari got hurt and it started to rain, so he brought us back to his parents’. He was so sweet with Ari and then she fell asleep, so we were talking and he kissed me.” I place my hands over my lips remembering the feel of his lips on mine. His kiss was perfect. “Jenny, it was the best kiss.”

  “I knew it. I knew it was different for him with you. So, why are you here with me and not getting to know that man's body in all its deliciousness?”