a Beautiful Christmas: A Pride and Honor Christmas

by Ember-Raine Winters

  When the social worker walked in with the boys not ten minutes later, the tears that had been forming pooled in my eyes. Jaxon and Jason were my little buddies. They were twin six year olds and normally had energy to spare. There mirrored looks of confusion when they saw us instead of their parents, confirmed the fact that no one had told them what had happened.

  “Uncle Adam? Where’s mommy and Daddy?” Jaxon asked.

  “Come here guys,” I said and waited for them walk over slowly. They looked at us warily. The social worker silently excused herself, probably to wait on the arrival of the twins’ sisters.

  “Auntie Kate? Are you okay?” Jason asked and put his little hand on her cheek. She shot him a watery smile and nodded. “Why are you crying, then?”

  Each of the boys came and sat in our laps, and I did my best not wince at the pressure on my leg. I hugged Jaxon close to my chest as Kate began to talk.

  “Remember when you asked mommy about heaven?” she began and they nodded, not yet understanding the implication of her question. “Remember what she said that God brought people to heaven after they died?”

  The boys’ lips were starting to quiver. Their attempt at being strong waning, and I could see the tears beginning to slip from their eyes. I hugged Jaxon a little tighter and Kate did the same with Jason.

  The door opened and the social worker quietly led the girls in. April, the oldest sibling, was the spitting image of her mom, Beth. She stood there in torn jeans and a tight V-neck shirt. The look on her face as she saw us sitting there cradling the boys morphed from confusion into crumpled heap of devastation. Peyton, her twelve-year-old sister was the middle child, also looked just like her mom, and I found it hard to look at them.

  “Uncle Adam? What are you doing here? Where’s my mom?” Peyton asked looking around at all the grief-stricken faces. April wrapped her arm around her younger sister and whispered something in her ear. Peyton’s knees buckled and a loud sob tore from her throat. I was gutted. The tears started to flow and Jax looked up from my arms at me in horror. “Uncle Adam? Are Mommy and Daddy in heaven now?”

  “Yeah buddy, they are.” Worst than the sound of the IED that plagued me every night, was the sound of utter desolation that echoed through the room.

  CHAPTER THREE

  KATE

  The next few days were a blur. We decided that the kids should stay with me in my penthouse apartment downtown. The problem with that was there were only three bedrooms, so the girls had to share a room which they weren’t used to at all. Adam was staying wherever it was Adam now lived, but he had agreed that after the funeral he would start picking the kids up and taking them to and from school every day so that I could get to work on time. It was a plan that had to work.

  The question had come up about the house the kids grew up in but I wasn’t ready for us all to stay there yet; there were too many memories. Every single one of the kids came home from the hospital to that house. There were too many Christmas’s and birthdays celebrated with them there. I felt like if I stepped through that front door, the careful composure that was hanging by a thread would snap and I would lose it completely. It was already bad enough that I was having to bury the two very best friends I’d had in the whole world. I couldn’t walk into that happy home and feel the emptiness there. Not yet anyway. Maybe not ever. A commotion came from down the hall and I heard Peyton screaming. Sprinting down to their room, I stopped dead when I saw the twelve-year-old girl in a black dress and matching heals banging wildly on the bathroom door that connected to their room. “April. Open. The. Door.”

  I had no idea that much noise could come out of someone so small. Jason walked up next to me and grabbed my hand.

  “They always do this,” he said rolling his eyes. He was dressed in a suit with a tie and he looked like the world’s first child GQ model. I giggled at the thought.

  “They do? What did your mom do? What should I do?” I asked him and he shrugged.

  “Mommy just told them to stop and let Pey use her bathroom.” He sniffled and I realized bringing up his mom was probably not the best way to handle it. This situation was difficult for all of us and asking a six-year-old for advice on the day of his mother’s funeral probably wasn’t the most helpful. Beth was such a good mom and I was totally out of my depth with this stuff.

  “Girls? That bathroom is huge, can’t you just share it?” I asked stupidly, standing at the doorway looking in to the room. Peyton turned, stopped banging on the door, and scowled at me. “Or not,” I added, not having any clue how to best handle this. “How about you come use my bathroom instead?”

  “But, all of my stuff is in this one,” she whined stomping her foot like the adolescent preteen that she was.

  “April?” I shouted through the door. “Can you hurry up, please?”

  She walked out the bathroom door and I gasped. “Honey, what did you do to your hair?”

  Her beautiful blonde hair was died black and it looked like she had taken a pair of dull scissors to it. There were chunky uneven spots everywhere. Peyton looked at her in horror. “Mom…” she trailed off and sniffled.

  I wrapped my arm around Payton as she cried. I looked at April and cried inside at the obvious pain the teen was in. But, at the moment, the only thing we could focus on was the immediate problem at hand. Emotions would have to be dealt with later. April needed a hair dresser, like immediately.

  Priorities, Kate. Hair now. Crash later.

  “If you want to keep your hair that color you can,” I began, “but can we at least make a salon appointment to even it out a little?”

  “Yeah, I tried to get it even but it didn’t work. I kept cutting more and more off until it looked like… this.” She sighed shaking her head in defeat.

  “It’s okay. We’ll get it fixed.” I tried for a reassuring smile.

  “Thanks, Kate.”

  “You’re welcome, babe. Now let’s finish getting ready, yeah?” I asked hopefully. “Do you think you could share the bathroom? It’s big enough for the both of you.”

  “Okay.” April nodded and she and Peyton walked into the bathroom together.

  “Hey Jace? Where’s your brother?”

  “He won’t come out of our room.” He pushed at the bedroom door. “He won’t even talk to me.”

  “Well, we already averted one crisis, why don’t we go see if we can cheer him up too?” I said feeling surprisingly good about my very recent parenting skills.

  We walked into the boys’ room, and Jace pointed to his brother. I’d purchased two twin beds and Jax was laying on one of them with his face buried in the pillow. The bed dipped when I sat down and Jax looked up at me with a tear-stained face. I pulled him to me so he didn’t see the tears collecting in my own eyes. He wasn’t even dressed in his suit for the funeral yet. “Hey buddy, are you okay?”

  He shook his head and I sighed. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

  He shook his head again. “He won’t even talk to me Auntie Kate,” Jace answered for his twin.

  The doorbell rang and I slumped in relief. “What about Uncle Adam? Will you talk to him?”

  The head shaking was still happening and I cringed, realizing that the poor kid was dealing with his pain differently than everyone else. “Jace, honey, help your brother get dressed. I’m gonna go open the door for Uncle Adam,” I said getting up from the bed. “Jax, can you let your brother help?”

  He pushed up on his arms, turned to his twin, then finally got up and started getting dressed. My sigh of relief was audible as I walked out of the room.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  ADAM

  I waited at the door to her swanky penthouse. The girl really had done amazingly well for herself. I couldn’t believe that the wild teenage girl that I had loved my whole life had become the responsible one, while I couldn’t even sleep unless I was drunk off my ass. When she opened the door, I was struck dumb by how beautiful she was. Her wild red hair was clippe
d back away from her face but hung around her shoulders in loose waves. Her blue eyes shone with tears and I wanted more than anything to pull her into my arms and kiss the pain away.

  I didn’t know how she would react to that though. We had broken up a long time ago. We both wanted different things in our lives and neither of us had been willing to compromise. We split, but we didn’t have any animosity toward each other like some ex-couples. It wasn’t a split either of us probably wanted, but it was something at the time we needed. We’d been so young and in love, but it wasn’t enough for either of us to build a future on. Kate’s quick mind and work ethic took her into the world of business, while I needed the life of a soldier. Looking back, it was the right decision, especially for Kate. She had grown into a beauty, both in body and spirit.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, seeing the frown marring her forehead.

  “Jax won’t talk, at all, April butchered her hair and dyed it black, and the other two seem to be holding on by a thread. I don’t know what to do Adam.” She looked so broken that I pulled her to me, hoping the contact would be welcomed.

  “It’ll be okay. We’ll all get through this. Should we take them to a grief counselor or something?” I asked quietly and she looked up at me with bright eyes, not pushing me away.

  “That’s a brilliant idea, Adam.” She smiled a genuine smile at me.

  “It was bound to happen eventually,” I teased and then heard a little voice.

  “Uncle Adam. You’re here,” Jace said and ran up to me. He looked so cute in his little suit.

  “You think I would be anywhere else today, buddy?”

  “No.”

  “Come on, let’s go get Jax and get going.” I patted his head. He reached up to check that I didn’t mess up his hair and I chuckled wondering why a six-year-old boy would even care.

  Walking into the boys’ bedroom, I saw a frustrated Jaxon messing with the buttons on his suit shirt. Discouraged tears were leaking from his eyes. “Hey buddy. Let me help you with that.”

  He looked up at me with wide eyes and nodded in agreement. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong?”

  He shook his head, tears forming in his eyes again. “Shhh, it will be all right buddy.”

  I helped him finish getting dressed and then we walked out into the living room. The mood was somber, and I did my best not to gawk at April’s hair. The girl really did a number on it. Checking my phone, I noticed a message from the driver saying he was downstairs and I looked at Kate. “The car’s downstairs. Are we ready to go?”

  They all nodded and we walked downstairs to the waiting town cars. The mood in the car on the way to the cemetery was dark. No one spoke, which made me sad. These kids, who were so full of life and energy just a few weeks ago, who were bubbly and happy, were now nothing but filled with despair, and it killed me.

  I hoped that there would be a way to help them get through this, to help make things better for them, but I had no idea how when I couldn’t get my own life straight. Looking over all of them, I knew I had to get over myself and my own selfish needs and do whatever it took to make Will and Bethany’s kids smile again.

  We pulled up to the cemetery, there were only a few people milling around. Neither Beth nor Will had siblings, which was the main reason both of them had wanted such a large family. Their parents had all passed away, so there was no family in attendance other than their children. However, what lacked in family attendance was made up in friends, associates, people from kids’ schools. The support was nearly overwhelming but not surprising. Will and Beth had surrounded themselves with people, lots of people, and I hoped their children would come to understand how loved their parents really were. The grave side service was beautiful. Kate had gone above and beyond to make sure the last memory of our friends was perfect.

  The tears in Kate’s eyes welled over as the preacher droned on. Reaching over, I wrapped my arms around her shoulder and she buried her face in my neck and cried. I hated that. I hated seeing her sad. When her mom died when we were in high school, she cried like that too. It killed me then as well. She was so strong, though. She didn’t cry often, so when she did it was horrible and tore my heart in two.

  The rest of the funeral went by in a blur. At one point little Jaxon sagged against me and my leg almost buckled. Pain tore through me, but I sat down and let the little six-year-old curl in my lap. His face was buried in my chest and his little body shook with his sobs. The girls sat on either side of me laying their heads on my shoulders rubbing Jaxon’s back, comforting their younger brother.

  When the funeral was finally over and time to walk by the graves, the kids didn’t move at first. I couldn’t blame them. It meant they really were gone. They finally started to walk, tears streaming down their faces and the girls helped the boys as they laid a single white carnation on each of the caskets. I didn’t know what to do but I prayed that those kids never had to feel pain like that again. I hoped that their parents would be watching over all of us as we fumbled our way through this life without them.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  KATE

  The next day while the kids were at school—we sent them back quickly hoping to get their lives back to as normal as possible—Adam and I had an appointment with Beth and Will’s attorney. The will was simple. The house was paid off by their life insurance and any extra from the insurance policy was to be put in equal measure into four separate trusts for the kids to go to college. With the house being paid off and initial money set aside for college, it gave us a little breathing room, but we still needed to provide for daily living expenses.

  “There is some money in savings, but as a young family…” the attorney trailed off, not needing to tell us anymore. Basically, we were lucky with what we had, but I’d still need to keep my job in order for us to survive day-to-day living. “I have the keys to their house. Is it true the children have been living with you in your apartment?”

  “Yes sir,” I replied.

  “It was Will and Bethany’s wish that all of you,” he looked pointedly between Adam and me, “would stay in the house. They wanted the children to continue to live in the house they grew up in.”

  “With all due respect sir, they lived in Pasadena and my job is in downtown Los Angeles,” I said getting irrationally agitated. What I should have been was thankful that at least we weren’t in dire straits and the kids had a home, but the week was too overwhelming and my nerves were already frayed.

  Adam turned in his chair and grabbed the arm of mine, turning me toward him. “Kate, the commute isn’t that much longer, right?” he coaxed.

  Nodding in agreement, he continued, “You know they just wanted us to give the kids as normal a life as possible, and I’m positive when they made this will, they never thought this would ever come true.”

  Shit, he was right and I was feeling like a selfish bitch. Adam looked at me and said quietly, “It could be one of the reasons we’ve been having problems with April and Jax. Maybe the kids just need to go home?”

  He was making total sense. Kids were creatures of habit and didn’t like change. As I thought about it, it was the least I could do for my friends who were no longer there, who would never see their children grow up. “Yes, we’ll stay in the house. You’re right, the children might be more comfortable there anyway.”

  After a few more requests, which we readily agreed to, we walked out of the attorney’s office in silence. Adam followed me to my car. “I need to head to the office for a bit. Are you okay to pick the kids up from school?”

  “I’ll be there.” He smiled and squeezed my arm in reassurance. “It will be okay, Kate. We’ll get them through this.”

  “How are we supposed to walk in that house, sleep in that house, knowing that we’ll never see them again?”

  He pulled me into his arms then and rubbed soothing circles on my back. “Maybe being in the house will help us all heal. It might make us feel closer to them.”

 
; “Maybe, but where will we all sleep?” I looked up at him wide eyed and he smiled.

  “What’s the matter, princess? You afraid you’ll have feelings for me again?” He winked and I pulled away from him.

  “You know it wasn’t like that. Us breaking up had nothing to do with how I felt about you; it was because we wanted different things. We both had dreams,” I replied more than a little defensive at his teasing.

  “I know, I’m sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood.” He ran his hand through his longish hair. “I failed miserably.”

  “It’s fine.” There was no reason for us to start a fight. We’d managed the breakup without one, we should be able to manage talking about it calmly as well. “Are you going to get your stuff and take it to the house tonight? Should I move the kids back in immediately? I have no idea what the hell I’m doing.”

  “How about this?” he offered. “I’ll pick the kids up from school and take them for ice cream or to the park or something, and you grab dinner on your way home from the office. We can all have a nice dinner at your place, and we’ll explain what the lawyer said about the house and leave it up to them.”

  Looking my ex over, I was more than a little surprised at how easily he was managing to sort through everything, while I was getting mired in the details, completely overwhelmed. “That’s actually a great idea. Thank you, Adam. For everything.”

  He reached by me and grabbed the door handle of my Mercedes and opened it for me. “I’m here to help however I can. You know all I ever wanted was to see you happy.” He gave me a sad smile before turning and walking back to his car.

  I thought about that conversation and all the hidden meanings behind his words. We were both skirting around our past, not sure what the other was feeling. My emotions were muddled, which probably had more to do with the death of my friends, than any feelings I had for Adam.