S Is for Silence

by Sue Grafton

  At 11:00 she ironed her best white Ship'n Shore blouse with the Peter Pan collar and baby doll sleeves. She took a shower and got dressed. Violet had called to say she had a big surprise, and when she and Daisy swung by the house at 11:45, she was driving a brand-new Chevrolet. She laughed at Liza's wide-eyed response. Liza couldn't remember ever even sitting in a new car, and here she was marveling at the white sidewall tires, the dashboard, the interior upholstery, and shiny chrome window cranks.

  Violet drove into Santa Maria, where the three of them had lunch in the tea room at the Savoy Hotel. Liza and Violet both had shrimp cocktails for a first course and then this tiny cup of chicken soup and a plate of finger sandwiches — brown bread with cream cheese and chopped nuts, egg salad, ham salad, even one with watercress and thinly sliced radishes. She and Violet ate with their little fingers crooked up, pretending to be oh so lah-di-dah. Daisy had buttered noodles, which was just about the only thing she'd eat except for Welch's grape jelly on bread. They had layer cake for dessert, and Liza's arrived with a candle in it, which she blew out, blushing with pleasure as the waiters and waitresses stood around and sang to her. Just when she thought life couldn't be any more perfect, Violet handed her a small box wrapped in beautiful lavender paper. Liza opened the gift with trembling fingers. Inside there was a silver heart-shaped locket about the size of fifty-cent piece. Inside there was a tiny photograph of Violet. "And look at this," she said.

  She pulled the photo aside to reveal a second heart-shaped compartment behind the first. "That's for your true love," Violet said, pointing to the blank space. "I predict within a year, you'll know exactly who it is.

  "Thank you."

  "Oh, Sweetie, don't cry. It's your birthday."

  "This is the best day of my life."

  "You'll have others much better, but enjoy. Here, let's put it on."

  Liza turned around and lifted her hair while Violet fixed the clasp. Liza put her hand against the locket that was nestled in the hollow of her throat. The silver was already warm from contact with her skin. Her lucky charm. She could hardly quit touching it.

  Violet paid for lunch out of a thick wad of bills, making sure everybody noticed. She seemed pleased as Punch and more than once remarked that life was soon going to be one hundred percent improved. Liza thought if that were really true, she wouldn't have to repeat it four times during the meal, but Violet was like that.

  "Oh geez Louise, I almost forgot," she said. "I need a babysitter tomorrow night. Are you free?"

  Liza's smile faded. "Not really. Kathy and I are going to the fireworks."

  Violet looked at her with a momentary consternation, having assumed she'd agree. "Couldn't you skip just this once?"

  "I don't know. I told her I'd go with her, and I don't want to break a date."

  "Trust me, if you're going out with a girl, it's not a date. It's marking time."

  "Couldn't you get someone else?"

  "Oh for heaven's sake, Lies. At this late date? There's no chance.

  Besides, Kathy's a sourpuss. I've seen the way she bosses you around. Aren't you ever going to stand up to her?"

  "Maybe I could come for a little while. Until eight forty-five. We could hold off going over to the park till then."

  Violet fixed Liza in her clear green gaze. "If you sat the whole evening, you could have Ty come over. You know I wouldn't care. Missing the fireworks isn't that big a deal. There's always next year."

  Liza was stricken. What was she supposed to say? The day had been so perfect, all because of Violet, who wanted only this one small thing.

  Violet's eyes widened. "Please, please, please? You can't let Kathy take up all your time. I really need the help."

  Liza didn't see how she could refuse. She sat for Violet all the time. Violet had been counting on her even if she forgot to ask. And Kathy had been such a pill of late. "All right, I guess. Maybe I can do something with her on Sunday instead."

  "Thank you, Sugar Bun. You are too too sweet."

  "That's okay," Liza said, flushing with pleasure. Praise of any kind always made her warm.

  After lunch, for the finale, Violet took Liza and Daisy to see a 3-D movie called Bwana Devil, with Robert Stack and Barbara Britton. It had been in the theaters for seven months, but it hadn't come to Santa Maria until recently. The three of them settled in front-row seats with their cardboard glasses, wearing wax lips for fun, munching popcorn and Milk Duds. Violet told her that for the early 3-D movies, one lens of the give-away glasses was green and the other was red. This was new technology, Polaroid, with both lenses clear, though Violet wasn't quite sure how either process worked. Why one green and one red lens would produce a 3-D effect was beyond her, she said. The credits began and they settled in. Unfortunately, the first time a lion jumped straight out of the screen at them, Daisy got hysterical and cried so hard Liza had to take her out to the lobby and sit for an hour. Still, it was the best birthday Liza could remember, and she hated to see the day come to an end.

  After they got back to the Sullivans', Liza sat with Daisy for an hour while Violet ran an errand. Thankfully, Foley didn't get home until 6:00, so she didn't have to deal with him. True to form, Violet took longer than she said, so it was close to 5:45 by the time Liza finally got to her house. Her mother heard her come in and called her into the living room. Liza stood at the door while her mother struggled into a sitting position. Her mother had that fuzzy look that made Liza want to scream.

  "What," she said. She didn't want to spoil the good mood she was in, but she knew better than to ignore her mom.

  "Word of warning. Kathy Cramer came by with your birthday present, and when she found out you weren't here, she got that look on her face." Her mother's consonants were only slightly soft. In her own curious way, she was aware of what was going on.

  Liza felt her heart sink. The last thing in the world she wanted was for Kathy to find out she'd had lunch with Violet and had seen Bwana Devil afterward. Kathy had been talking about Bwana Devil for weeks, trying to get her dad to drive them into town and drop them at the theater. Liza didn't feel she was under any obligation to wait and go with her, but she knew Kathy would see it differently. "What'd you tell her?"

  "I forget. I made some excuse for you. She woke me from a sound sleep, standing on the porch, pounding on the front door like the house was burning down. I hollered for her to hold her horses, but by the time I got there, she was already acting like she had a stick up her butt. I told her I didn't have a clue where you were and she got all snotty and sullen. Honestly, Liza, what do you see in her? She's chained to you like a rock and she's dragging you down."

  "You didn't mention Violet?"

  "Why would I do that?"

  "Where'd you put the present?"

  "She took it to your room and said she'd leave it on your desk."

  Liza made a beeline for her room, suddenly worried that Kathy had taken advantage of the opportunity to snoop. Her room was much as she'd left it, but when she went to check her diary, hidden behind the bookcase, she couldn't be sure if it had been moved or not. She sat on the bed and leafed through the pages, waves of anxiety coursing through her. She'd recorded every detail of her romance with Ty Eddings, and if Kathy had read the last few entries, she was doomed. According to Kathy, even the use of Junior Tampax was an affront to the notion of Absolute Purity.

  Liza found a new hiding place for the diary and then sat on her bed and opened Kathy's present, which was beautifully wrapped in pink-flowered paper with a pretty pink bow on top. Pink was Kathy's favorite color. Liza herself preferred shades of purple, which was also Violet's favorite.

  When she saw what Kathy had given her, she could hardly believe her eyes. The box of lily of the valley dusting powder was the same one she'd given Kathy for her birthday in March of the year before. She checked the bottom of the box and, sure enough, there was the same drugstore sticker she'd torn in half when she'd tried to peel it off. Clearly Kathy hadn't used the powder and didn't rememb
er who'd given it to her. Now what?

  Liza didn't want to call her at all. On the other hand, she thought she'd be smart to get it over with. If Kathy had read her diary, she'd never pass up the opportunity to chide and condemn her, superior as always.

  Liza went to the phone in the hall and dialed Kathy's number. Mrs. Cramer picked up.

  "Hi, Mrs. Cramer? This is Liza. Is Kathy home?"

  "Just a moment." She put a hand across the mouthpiece and Liza could hear her holler up to the second floor. "Kathy? Liza's on the phone."

  There was a long pause while Kathy clumped down the stairs. "Hope you had a good birthday," Mrs. Cramer remarked while they waited.

  "I did. Thanks."

  "Here she is."

  Kathy took the handset and said, "Hello," in a voice that was dead and remote.

  "Hi. I called to say thanks for the bath powder. It's really nice."

  "You're welcome." Even the two words sounded snippy and clipped.

  "Is something wrong?"

  "Why would you say that?"

  "Kathy, if something's bothering you, just tell me."

  "Well, where were you? That's what's bothering me. We had a date."

  "We did?"

  "Yesss. This afternoon. My mother was supposed to take us to the five-and-dime..."

  Liza could feel the cold envelop her body as Kathy went on in her martyred, accusatory tone. "We were supposed to pick out a pattern and fabric so we could sew matching skirts and weskits for our new fall wardrobe. Don't you remember?"

  "I remember you mentioned it, but that was weeks ago and you never said what day."

  "Because it was so obvious. It was for your birthday, Liza. I didn't think I had to spell it out. We drove over to pick you up for lunch and you were gone. Your mom didn't even know where you were."

  "I'm sorry. I forgot —"

  "How could you forget? We always spend our birthdays together. It's traditional."

  "We've done it twice," Liza said. She knew she'd pay for the sass, but she couldn't help herself.

  "Well, I guess it means more to me than to you," Kathy said.

  Liza couldn't think of a response so she said nothing.

  "So where did you go?" Kathy asked.

  "No place in particular. Just out."

  "I know you were out. I'm asking where."

  "Why do you care?" Liza couldn't believe she was being so ornery, but she was sick of catering to Kathy's moods.

  "I care, Liza, because I want to know what's so important you had to stand me up."

  "I didn't stand you up. I forgot, okay?"

  "I know you forgot. You already told me that a hundred times! You don't have to rub it in."

  "Why are you so mad? It was an honest mistake."

  "I'm not mad. Why should I be mad? I asked for an explanation. Since you were so rude as to violate our agreement, I think you owe me one."

  Liza felt her temper climb, Kathy having neatly maneuvered her into a corner. If she told her where she'd been, Kathy would raise a big stink or she'd sulk for days, or she'd do both, but in no way would she ever leave the subject alone. Liza had seen it before. Once someone made Kathy mad, she never let 'em off the hook. "I was busy."

  "Doing what?" Kathy said, exasperated.

  "What difference does it make?"

  "In other words, you won't tell. Thanks so much. I'd never do anything that horrible to you —"

  "Oh, stop exaggerating. It's not horrible.'"

  "I thought we were best friends."

  "I didn't say we weren't."

  "But that's not how you treat a best friend — keeping secrets and being mean."

  "I'm not being mean."

  "You know what? That's the difference between us, what you just said. You can't admit the truth. Moral Rearmament has made me a better person, but Absolute Unselfishness doesn't mean a thing to you.

  It's whatever you want, whatever you feel like doing, and then you lie about it afterward..."

  Liza said, "I have to go. My mom's calling me."

  Kathy's voice had a quaver now. "You know what? Absolute Honesty? You hurt me. Deeply. All week long, I looked forward to seeing you. It was going to be the bright spot of my day. Put yourself in my place and think how I felt when I heard you hadn't even left a note."

  "Kathy, it's not like I did it on purpose. I made a mistake."

  "Then why didn't you call me when you got home?"

  "That's what I'm doing. I'm on the phone. I'm calling you. What else could this be?"

  "Oh sure, hours later."

  "I just now walked in the door!"

  "You were gone all day?"

  "Why are you making such a fuss?"

  "I’m making a fuss? So now it's my fault?"

  "I didn't say it was your fault, but you don't have to make such a big deal of it. You do things without me. Why can't I do one tiny thing without you?"

  "Fine. Be that way. I'm sorry I brought it up."

  Liza could feel herself crumble. This would go on for the rest of her life unless she found a way out. "Look, I'm really sorry, okay? I apologize."

  There was a momentary silence. Kathy didn't like giving up the power position. "Do you mean that?"

  "I do. Sincerely. I didn't want to say where I was because it had to do with my mom and her... you know... her problem."

  "Oh you poor thing. Why didn't you say so?"

  "I was embarrassed. I hope you'll forgive me."

  "Of course. I completely understand. But really, if you'd confided in me, we could have avoided this misunderstanding."

  "Next time I will. I'm sorry I wasn't completely honest with you."

  "That's all right. Liza, it's not your fault what she is."

  "I appreciate your being so nice about it." Having capitulated, why not grovel as well?

  "So what time do you want to go to the park tomorrow night? You think six is too early? I made some deviled eggs. I thought we could take a picnic."

  Liza was at a loss for words.

  "Liza?"

  "I'm here. The problem is I can't go. That's another reason I called. My mom's kind of sick and I have to stay home because she needs me."

  "But won't she be better tomorrow?"

  "I'm not sure. I don't think so. She doesn't look good."

  "You can't even leave her for an hour?''

  "I better not."

  "What's wrong with her?"

  "I don't know. I'm calling the doctor as soon as I hang up from you. She's been sick all day so it might be serious."

  "You want me to come keep you company? I don't mind skipping the fireworks. We could make popcorn."

  "We better not. She could be contagious. She's calling me right now so I gotta go. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

  "Sure. I hope she feels better."

  "Me too."

  When Liza placed the handset back in the cradle, the small of her back was damp. She played the conversation over and over in her mind, reconstructing Kathy's tone, wishing she'd been quicker on the draw when Kathy tried to shoot her down. She shouldn't have lied about her mom, but what else could she do? She didn't see how Kathy would ever find out. She knew Kathy was full of pity for her because of her mother's drinking and often told her she prayed for her in church, citing Absolute Love. Didn't feel like love to Liza, but what did she know?

  She decided to fix her mother an early supper, since she and Ty were going out that night. She couldn't wait to tell him all the stuff Kathy said. He didn't like Kathy in the first place and he'd be tickled to hear she'd finally stood up to her. For as long as she had. You couldn't handle everything at once.

  She set the water on to boil for the Minute Rice and then opened a can of Libby's corn and a can of Libby's green beans. She tried to make sure her mother got a balanced meal, but half the time her mother didn't want to eat, no matter what it was. Liza had fixed Spam two nights before, so she took the chunk out of the refrigerator and cut a fresh slice, which she fried in oleo. Once the meal w
as fully prepared, she arranged everything on a tray, added a paper napkin and utensils, and took it into the living room. Her mother was dead to the world, cigarette still burning in the ashtray. Liza put it out and took the dinner tray back to the kitchen. She set it on the counter where her mother would see it later. Then she washed the pots and pans and put them away.

  * * *

  Ty picked her up at 9:00, driving his uncle's truck, which he did whenever he could cadge it. When she got in, he handed her a package with a bow clumsily affixed. "What's this," she asked, taking out a bottle of what looked like Champagne.

  "Cold Duck. I got it at the minimart so we could celebrate. Happy birthday."

  "You bought alcohol?"

  "I look like I'm twenty-one so I do it all the time. The guy never even carded me."

  "You better hope your aunt doesn't find out."

  He smiled, flashing white teeth and dimples. "I got something else for you too, but that's for later."

  Liza smiled, cheeks burning. She'd never received a present from a boy. Right away, she hoped for an ID bracelet, engraved with both their names, something to commemorate their love.

  They drove out to the Tanner property as they had on two previous occasions. They couldn't very well ride around town. If the two were seen together, he'd be in trouble with his aunt.

  The new road had been graded, but only partially paved. A trench had been dug to form a culvert, and lengths of corrugated pipe had been brought in by crane. Now as Ty swung off the frontage road, they could see that a temporary Road Closed sign had been set up, blocking access. A line of orange cones ran across the road to further discourage traffic, and a No Trespass sign had been posted. Guess they meant business. Since the Fourth fell on a Saturday, government offices were closed on Friday, the day before. No court, no mail delivery, no library, and no banks. The county road crew had apparently been given the three-day weekend as well.

  Ty drove around the barrier, passing the dirt mounds and heavy equipment. A bulldozer seemed to glow in the fading light of day. He'd scoped out the house and grounds in advance of their first visit and discovered the open shed he now used to conceal his pickup. He helped her out of the passenger side, leading her by the hand as far as the expansive wooden porch that ran along the back of the house. Faintly, in the distance, they could hear the hush of passing cars out on the 101.