If the Stars Fall

by Diane Adams

  "When? That's a nice vote of confidence."

  "I know." Alex fell silent. He wondered how it felt to love someone and not be able to look into their eyes and see forever. It seemed like life would be miserable without the assurance of unconditional love shared with someone willing to put you first and give up anything for you. He gathered the rest of their clothes into a messy bundle. He sensed Jared's glance and turned towards him. "Is something wrong?"

  "No, I just wondered what you are thinking."

  He slipped his hand into Jared's and tugged him towards the door. "Nothing really, just how glad I am that we aren't normal."

  From the Moment We Met

  Despite its humble appearance as a storefront restaurant, Leo's Italian Eatery boasted some of the finest authentic Italian food in town.

  "Busy night." Alex climbed out of the car feeling disgruntled. With parking at a premium he'd been forced to settle for a spot around the corner from the restaurant between a BMW and a rusted pickup that looked like it might fall apart if bumped the wrong way.

  "Valentine's," Jared reminded him. "No worries. I texted Aldo and he has a table for us, not the usual one but we're lucky he likes us so much. He said there's an hour wait."

  "Holy cow, it's almost ten." Despite his frustration, Alex smiled when Jared took his hand and tangled their fingers.

  "Valentine's."

  "Still." Alex’s stomach growled and he sighed as he eyed the crowd. The Greasy Dog would have been bright and loud, but it had the advantage of instant food gratification.

  Jared looked less than pleased when Aldo seated them at the booth front and center of the plate glass window. They preferred one of the tables tucked back inside the restaurant that offered an illusion of privacy.

  The maitre d' shrugged his apology. "This one cancelled at the last minute. I saved it for you. The others are full."

  "It's fine, Aldo." Jared smiled reassurance. "We'll have the usual."

  Aldo glanced at Alex, who grinned in confirmation.

  "I'll tell Peter. Cannellini and lasagna for table one."

  Alex blinked in surprise when Jared stopped Aldo as he turned to go. "A bottle of your best red wine."

  "Of course, sir." Aldo hurried away as if Jared's request wasn't unusual, but Alex couldn't remember a time they'd gone out and Jared ordered a bottle of wine.

  A short while later he happily snagged a second buttery garlic knot out of the basket Peter had delivered to their table with their salads. "Much better than Greasy Dog."

  "Of course." Jared smiled, stabbing the crisp lettuce in his bowl enthusiastically. "Real food is always better."

  "Thanks for that bit of wisdom, Dad." Alex snorted a laugh.

  "I'm wise enough, but definitely not your dad."

  The look Jared gave him made Alex's mouth go dry and he reached for his wine. He stared thoughtfully into the delicate stemmed glass before looking up at Jared through his lashes. "I hope you know you don't have to get me drunk to get lucky again tonight."

  Jared's cheeks flushed and he shifted in his seat, leaning toward him over the table before Alex relented and broke eye contact to take a sip of his wine. With a sigh, Jared settled back onto his side of the table and took another bite of his salad. But he seemed unusually preoccupied. Alex glanced around the restaurant and smiled at the sight of lovers young and old celebrating Valentine's Day together. The flickering candles on the tables added an air of intimacy to the scenes. No one paid the least bit of attention to him and Jared.

  He turned back to Jared. "We'll have to celebrate Valentine's Day more often. Though maybe we can do things the other way around next time? I'm not sure washing up at that convenience store did much to make us presentable." His eyes lingered on the stretch of Jared's thin white T-shirt over his broad shoulders and the way his tousled hair refused to lay smooth.

  A smile curled Jared's lips but before he could respond Peter arrived to deliver their food, refresh their wine, and replenish the basket of rolls. "Thank you, Peter. This smells incredible." Jared nodded at the young man.

  Alex nodded his thanks, picking up his fork, distracted by the food in front of him. The rolls hadn't made much of a dent in banishing his hunger.

  Peter inclined his head at Jared's words, the picture of dignity. "Thank you, sir, I will return shortly to assure everything is satisfactory."

  Amused, Alex watched him go. "Where do you think they found him?" Alex captured his knife to cut a bite of lasagna. "Leo's is usually so informal."

  Jared shrugged. "Probably from somewhere with food that's about half as good as this." He dug into his cannellini with enthusiasm.

  Owned and operated by a second-generation Italian American family, the menu at Leo's was comprised of recipes passed down through the family for generations. Informal and comfortable, the restaurant had been a favorite of Alex and Jared's since it opened six years ago.

  "So where were we supposed to go tonight?" His curiosity finally got the best of him—Leo's was normally Jared's kind of place, but they'd been headed somewhere 'ties only' before they'd gotten sidetracked. Alex blushed a little at the memory. He hadn't intended to mess up Jared's plans, but sometimes it seemed no matter what he tried, things ended up being about him instead of Jared. He almost wished he'd put off showing the house to Jared until the next day. "I didn't mean to screw up your plans."

  Jared looked up, his expression indecipherable. "This is really good. Here, try a bite."

  He held his fork out to Alex. Feeling puzzled by Jared's avoidance of the subject, he began to worry he'd disrupted something important. Jared jiggled the fork at him and he leaned forward to accept the bite. Pasta and cheese melted in his mouth. Eyes widening with shock at how good it tasted, he made a small noise of appreciation.

  Jared's eyes went dark, the pupils dilated. "Alex." His voice, an octave lower than his normal tone, sounded rough. He reached out and ran a thumb over Alex's bottom lip.

  Caught off guard, he stared at Jared wide-eyed. "Jared, what?"

  "You had a bit of tomato sauce on your lip." Jared sucked his thumb into his mouth, eyes fixed on him.

  Sinking back into his seat, Alex tried to ignore the reaction of his body to his lover.

  "Have another taste." Jared held out his fork once more and he eyed it as if it might bite him. Finding it impossible to resist the look in Jared's eyes, he leaned forward to take another bite. The second turned out every bit as tasty as the first and he murmured his appreciation. Jared let him retreat without touching him, but he looked flushed and worry flashed through Alex. They'd been naked on the floor of the old house. Jared could have caught a fever. Making love in such a drafty old place had been a bad idea.

  "That's the sound you make when you lick my… me…" Jared seemed to realize what he'd said and clamped his mouth shut.

  Heat rushed through Alex, setting his blood aflame. The clink of glasses and silverware, the hushed rustle of conversation intruded at the edges of his awareness, and he didn't lunge across the table at Jared despite his sudden urge to do exactly that.

  "Maybe, but you taste a lot better than noodles and cheese." Alex slid his right hand across the table towards him. He jumped a little when Jared's warm fingers touched his.

  Jared rubbed the back of Alex's hand, then leaning his head against the back of the booth, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths.

  Alex watched in mesmerized silence. Jared had fallen into his habit of letting his hair get too long. It brushed the tops of his ears and his collar. The strands appeared dark in the dimly lit restaurant, but he found it all too easy to imagine the fire hidden there. The same way he'd always been able to look at Jared and see beyond his composed demeanor to the passionate man beneath the surface. Jared's chest rose and fell evenly with each steady intake of breath as he sought to cool his ardor and regain control. His pulse was visible in his throat and Alex ached to close his mouth over it, to feel the vibration of it under his tongue. His breath caught.

&
nbsp; Jared cracked an eye to look at him. "You aren't helping."

  Unable to stop the grin that spread across his face, he leaned forward once more. "I'll stop making sex noises when I eat when you stop feeding me stuff that tastes almost as good as your…" Jared met him halfway, hand going behind Alex's head to cup his skull. The kiss, nothing more than a brief, hard press of closed mouths, left them panting as they dropped back into their seats.

  "I made reservations at Stardust and Magic."

  Alex's mouth fell open. Stardust and Magic was a fine dining restaurant. A live orchestra played every weekend during dinner and afterwards for dancing. He'd convinced Jared to go—once.

  "You hate that restaurant. Why would you want to go there?" Truly baffled, he cocked his head, trying to see into Jared's mind. The action didn't help. Jared didn't like to dress up and the tiny servings of food he couldn't identify hadn't given him any reason to do so a second time.

  "You liked the dancing." Jared's expression had turned inscrutable once more.

  Alex frowned thoughtfully before his face brightened. "I'm glad I threw a wrench into things then. You've had a lot more fun with how things turned out than you would have there."

  "Maybe."

  Jared let go of his hand. He fished something out of his pocket and set it on the table. Alex glanced down, but Jared's fingers concealed whatever hid underneath. Jared slid it across the table. When he took his hand away he revealed a small black leather box decorated with a gold scroll design around the edges. A tiny latch on the front kept it closed.

  Forgetting his hunger, Alex set his plate aside and reached for the box. Before he could touch it, Jared's nimble fingers unhooked the latch and he opened it. The sight of the rings inside stole Alex's breath and for a long second he could only stare.

  "Jared?"

  "Alex." He tore his gaze from the gleam of rings in the candlelight to meet Jared's eyes. "Will you marry me?"

  Alex's breath caught. Marry Jared. Panic beat frantic wings in his chest. He'd given up on ever getting married early in their relationship. He didn't agree with all of Jared's thoughts on the subject, but he did respect them. The decision to forget about getting married hadn't been difficult. Nothing had mattered but being with Jared.

  Suddenly marriage was a real possibility. He didn't know why and it terrified him.

  "Why?" He looked back down at the ring Jared had taken from the box, a matching one still nestled inside. The question was inadequate it didn't explain how this change in Jared's behavior made him feel. The word did nothing to express the tangle of emotion suddenly rioting in his chest, stealing his breath, and making his heart pound.

  Jared waited in silence until Alex met his eyes again.

  "I love you."

  The tightness in his chest eased and he could breathe. Jared hadn't asked out of obligation or duty or any of the other reasons that had reared ugly suggestions in his mind during that brief hesitation. He glanced down and touched the edge of the ring with a single finger.

  Lifting his eyes to Jared's gaze, Alex gave the only answer possible. "Yes."

  The cool metal sliding the length of his finger felt like a promise of forever.

  Some Days are Golden

  Jared watched Clark grill steaks for their dinner, thick T-bones over charcoal like Jared had taught him. The smell filled the afternoon air of the Johnsons' backyard with an enticing aroma that made Jared's stomach growl. Clark threw him an amused glance but Jared felt too happy and relaxed to care. The unseasonably warm day had allowed them to move all their activities outside. Alex helped the twins drag the picnic table out of the garage to its place in the center of the backyard and he sat on one of the long benches with Annie, Clark and Stevie's oldest daughter, close beside him while he talked to Stevie.

  "It's good to have him back." Clark glanced towards Alex before turning his attention back to his steaks.

  "It is good," Jared agreed.

  Everyone had missed Alex over the last few months and was happy to see him. Jared wondered if skipping the trauma and rejoining Alex after the fact would have been easier. Crossing his arms over his chest and one ankle over the other as he leaned back against the house, Jared admitted to himself not seeing Alex at all would be torture he didn't want to experience. Separation had plagued the beginning of their relationship and as the kids liked to say, "been there, done that, got the T-shirt". All other considerations aside, Alex needed him, which always trumped everything.

  "Married, huh?" Clark cocked a brow with an accompanying smirk.

  Jared and Clark had debated Jared's view of gay marriage more than once, but Jared returned Clark's knowing look with an easy smile, bending to pick up Jens when the squealing three-year-old slammed into Jared's legs while running from Xander.

  "Safe!" Jens announced, glaring at Xander.

  He wrapped his arms around Jared's neck, hanging on for dear life.

  Xander skidded to a stop and glared, eyes narrowed. "You little monkey, just wait, Uncle J won't be here forever."

  "What's going on?" Clark looked between his youngest and eldest sons. Xander looked frustrated and Jens more than a little guilty. "Jens?"

  "Me the baby, only three," Jens declared and hid his face in Jared's neck. Jared balanced Jens on his hip, cradling his head in one hand, fingers carding through the boy's soft curls.

  "I'm the baby." Looking at Xander, Clark corrected Jen's grammar absently.

  "He took my CDs again, all of them." Xander sounded exasperated but an amused smile twitched the corner of his lips.

  "Music." Jens' muffled voice against his neck forced Jared to bite back a smile.

  "Jens, we talked about this, you can't have your brother's CDs. Give them back," Clark admonished him, turning the steaks.

  "Besides, you have your own music," Xander added. "You don't need mine."

  "Music," Jens protested again, sitting up to glower at Xander. "Bitty spider is stupid. Music."

  Xander looked at a loss for words and Jared fought another smile when Clark turned back to the steaks, a very suspicious tremor in his broad shoulders.

  "Well, he's not wrong," Clark finally said, having apparently conquered his amusement enough to confront his sons. "Are there any of your CDs your mom will approve of for him?" he asked the oldest.

  Xander shrugged. "One or two I guess, but he's supposed to love that nursery rhyme crap. Kels still likes it." He narrowed his eyes, frowning at Jens. "Is something wrong with him?"

  Clinging to Jared, Jens frowned at Xander. "You music, Xander." His forehead furrowed as he obviously searched for the right words. Jared thought he might lose control over his laughter at any second. He struggled to contain it, since Jens obviously had something of great importance to say. "Not the spider crap."

  Xander's eyes went wide and he looked at his dad in horror. "Oh, hell."

  "Fifty cents, Xander Johnson." Stevie's voice carried clearly over all the noise in the backyard. "And a dollar for every time your little brother says it after this."

  Xander winced and barely bit back whatever started to jump out of his mouth next. He looked pleadingly at his dad.

  Clark shook his head. "You're on your own with that one, but as for your music… Jens, you show Xander where you hid it."

  Jens huffed a long-suffering sigh, sounding so much like a disgruntled teenager Jared's laughter edged even closer to slipping his control.

  "Gotta get down, 'Red." Jared set Jens back on the ground where he stood looking dejected, staring at his foot scuffing the dirt.

  Laying a hand on Xander's shoulder, Clark held him back for a second. "Pick out a couple, check with your mom first, but if she says okay, give them to him. I'll replace them for you."

  "It's all right, Dad, I have them all on my computer. It's just that they're mine, you know? He can't just take my stuff. Besides Mom will have kittens if he listens to some of my music." He scooped Jens up onto his shoulders. "You guys should get him an mp3 player. Come on, little man, Dad s
ays you can have some real music. What do you say?"

  Jens bounced with excitement on Xander's shoulders and clutched his hair in both hands. "Music! No spider crap!"

  "Alexander Johnson!" Stevie yelled.

  Xander winced. "Dude, you have to stop saying that, I'll never be able to afford another CD."

  Jared watched them go and finally gave in to the laughter he'd grappled with throughout the encounter. "You're not bad at that dad stuff." He picked up the tray, holding it for Clark to load on the steaks. With the meat out of the way Clark added a few hotdogs on the grill.

  "Those will be done in a few. The little kids don’t care for steak." He looked up from the grill to glance around the backyard, and Jared followed his gaze. Kels and Jay were playing ball, Annie remained glued to Alex, and the newest addition to the Johnson family, four-year-old Rachel, sat planted in Stevie's lap.

  "Being a dad’s not easy, but it’s worth working at. By the way, I hope you don't think I'm so old my memory's going. Married, you?" Clark reached over and tapped the ring glinting on Jared's finger.

  Shrugging, Jared looked past him to Alex, watching him talk animatedly to Stevie and Annie. “Alex and I never talked much about getting married. I knew how he felt, and he knew how I felt. Neither of us cared enough for it to be an issue. I'm still not sure traditional marriage is the right direction for gay couples." Jared paused to gather his thoughts. His complex feelings about marriage remained difficult to express. "Now it's legal. Honestly, Clark? Well, yippee and hallelujah, straight people decided to recognize that my commitment and love for Alex is legitimate. I'm not about jumping on the bandwagon. Except, doing it means what happened to me at the hospital after the fire will never happen to either of us, ever again."

  The anger accompanying the memory of being denied permission to see Alex in the emergency room boiled up and Jared pushed it down. Fixating on the negative experience, letting it make him bitter, served no purpose, but he continued to wrestle against the temptation to do both.

  "Yeah, I get it, but that's not your only reason or even the main one."