by Shayla Black
When the woman held out her hand, she didn’t see any choice but to shake it…even though Tessa had a suspicion who she was.
“Good to see you, too,” Zy said, though his tone suggested the exact opposite. He wrapped his arm around her waist a moment later and gestured to the other woman. “Tessa, this is Madison.”
Yep. That’s what she’d thought. And she was a little hurt. Why would Trees invite Zy’s one-night stand to their holiday party unless he was trying to get them back together?
Maybe she shouldn’t blame him. If Zy ended up with Madison, it would probably be better for everyone. A glance told Tessa that the other woman was earnest and sweet. Zy wouldn’t get fired for having a relationship with her. And he wouldn’t be alone anymore.
All true, but it hurt too much to think about.
Somehow she managed a smile and shook Madison’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”
“Wow, no wonder Zy never called me again. You’re beautiful and your daughter is such a cutie. Her name is Hallie, right? Come in.”
Madison seemed so genuine, Tessa felt like a bitch for every jealous, unkind thought she’d ever had about the woman. “Yeah. Thanks.”
“Hey!” Trees popped around the corner, still managing to tower over everyone while wearing an oven mitt and a smile. “We’re all here, and we’re almost done with dinner. Come on in. Drink?”
“I’ll take a beer,” Zy said, sounding like he expected to need it.
“Got it chilling,” Madison assured, then turned to her. “Wine? Eggnog? Margarita?”
“Whatever you’re drinking is fine.”
“Margarita it is!” She shut the door behind them.
Tessa followed the woman down a narrow foyer and into a wide-open living room/dining room/kitchen. Madison veered to the refrigerator while Trees took a hot casserole out of the oven and set it on the stove to cool.
While the duo was busy, Zy divested himself of the diaper bag in what looked like Trees’s bedroom. Tessa took the opportunity to turn to him with a whisper. “You didn’t know she was going to be here?”
“No.” And he looked uncomfortable.
“Are they a couple?”
“Just friends.”
Zy’s best friend cozying up with his castoff seemed odd. “Why?”
“It’s…Trees. He can’t help being the hero. He wants to save everyone who’s broken.”
Was he intimating that Madison had been broken after Zy left her?
A few minutes later, Tessa had a salt-rimmed margarita in hand, and they were all clustered between the kitchen and Trees’s dining room table, something sturdy made out of salvaged wood with strong edges and clean lines. Madison set the table, refusing Tessa’s help.
Next, Trees set out a collection of Mexican food dishes before tossing the oven mitts aside. “Let’s eat.”
Tessa arranged Hallie in her car seat on the nearby counter, glad to see her little eyes drooping like she might nap. When she turned, Zy stood at the back of her chair, pulling it out for her to sit. Trees did the same thing for Madison.
“To all of us,” Trees called once he’d sat, holding his beer up in a toast. “It’s not always a merry season when you don’t have your family and you find yourself alone.”
Zy squeezed Tessa’s hand under the table, and she tried not to think about the fact that this was her first holiday without Daddy, without any hope of ever spending another Christmas in her childhood home, or even without any plans.
Across the table, Madison sniffed back tears that were a lot like her own. Tessa didn’t know who or what Madison had lost, but her heart went out to the woman.
“So…a Christmas wish,” Trees continued. “May you never forget what is worth remembering or remember what is best forgotten.”
Zy and Trees exchanged a weighty glance, and Tessa saw a wealth of meaning there. They’d known each other a long time and been through more than a few trials. Maybe she’d ask Zy about them someday.
But now was for celebrating. And they had a lovely dinner, full of laughter and tequila. Trees hadn’t cooked, which was a good thing, according to the others. Madison’s enchiladas were amazing, as were the tamales her grandmother had cooked. It should have been a really awkward meal, but Tessa actually liked the other woman. And once Zy saw that she wasn’t uncomfortable, he loosened up and had fun, too.
After they’d demolished dinner, Hallie woke and wanted some chow, so while Tessa carried her to the living room and fed her little one, Zy and Trees did the dishes.
Madison sat beside her, smiling and cooing. “She’s gorgeous.”
“Thanks. I feel really blessed. She’s such a good baby.”
“Can I feed her?”
“Sure.” Tessa wouldn’t mind a break, even if it was just for a moment.
When she stood and glanced over her shoulder, she caught Zy watching her with warmth and wanting in his impossibly blue eyes. An answering gong of need echoed in her belly. She tried to look away…and she couldn’t.
Being too near him was a dangerous game for so many reasons. Still, she didn’t want to stop playing.
“It’s going to take me a few minutes to start the coffeepot and dish up dessert,” Trees said. “Why don’t you relax for a few minutes, maybe check out the stars. They’re exceptional tonight.”
Tessa headed for the kitchen. “No. Let me help you.”
“I’ve got it. Seriously.” Trees smiled. “Go.”
“But I—”
“He’s got it.” Zy took hold of her arm and dragged her out of the kitchen.
“Seriously. You should see the stars,” Madison seconded as she spooned more of the jarred chicken noodle casserole in Hallie’s waiting mouth. “Trees showed me earlier. They’re amazing.”
“Then we don’t want to miss out.” Zy took her hand and led her to the back door. “Good idea.”
No, it was a horrible idea. Terrible in every way. But Tessa couldn’t resist the opportunity to spend a few moments alone with Zy, to take a breath she shared only with him.
“You two okay?” she asked Madison.
The woman’s smile brightened. “We’re great. I’m really enjoying this. Thanks.”
Madison looked like she couldn’t wait to be a mom, and Tessa hoped she found the right man soon. “Thank you.”
“Let’s go.” Zy flung the back door open and led her down a couple of steps and into the yard, curling his arm around her waist and bringing her closer to ward off the December chill.
“You didn’t bring a coat.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“You’re already shivering.” He cuddled her closer and tucked her as deep into his oversized jacket as he could. “Come here. Santa will keep you warm, baby.”
She smiled.
As soon as she curled against him and wrapped an arm around his back, his warmth enveloped her. Or maybe that was just being near him, because he always made her hot.
By unspoken agreement, they looked up at the night sky. Trees and Madison were right. Out in the country, away from the city lights, the stars twinkled and gleamed like diamonds nestled in a blanket of blue-black velvet perfection.
“Breathtaking.”
“It is.”
One star captured Tessa’s attention because it outshined the others. She pointed. “What’s that? Do you know?”
“Nope. Trees could tell you. He has a telescope and even knows what he’s talking about. Unfortunately, I know nothing.”
She laughed. “Me, either. And I even took an astronomy class once.”
“That puts you ahead of me. All I did was tune Trees out when he’d go on about some constellation or another.” Zy fell quiet. “I’m sorry about Madison.”
“It’s okay. She’s nice. I can see why you…” Tessa didn’t want to finish that sentence. She didn’t even want to think about Zy being with any other woman. And it was ridiculous. Unless she found another job, they’d probably never be together. And shouldn’t she be focused on her daughter,
anyway? “Maybe you two should try again.”
He turned her to face him, no longer making any pretense of stargazing. “I don’t want Madison. I don’t think I ever did. I barely know her. Coming off a long stint in the desert, I just wanted sex. It wouldn’t be fair to use her again like that.”
“But you could get to know her and maybe—”
“It would still be a lie. The only woman I want is you.”
“Zy…”
“I know what you’re going to say, but avoiding the truth isn’t making anything we feel go away.”
It wasn’t. “I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t, either. A part of me—a lot of me—wants to say fuck the bosses and their rules. We might owe them our nine-to-five, but we don’t owe them our personal lives. That part insists I should just grab you and kiss you, take you home and take you to bed—”
“I can’t. If we get caught… I’m the one they’ll fire. I’m overpaid for what I do, and they could replace me tomorrow.”
“If Aspen, the temp who took over your desk while you were on maternity leave, is any indication, that’s not true.”
“You know what I mean. They could find someone. You’re harder to replace. Your demolitions experience—”
“Isn’t irreplaceable, either. And they’ve made it clear they would unload me, too, if I broke their precious fucking rules.”
It felt hopeless. Even though it was the last thing she wanted, the smartest thing to do would be to put distance between them. How else would they ever survive another two and a half years of this torture?
“I think I should go. It’s getting late for Hallie, and it’s cold out here. You stay with your friends and have fun.”
“Don’t do this.”
Don’t give up on them; that’s what he meant. Her throat closed up as she fought tears. Did he think she wanted to? “I don’t see another way, at least not right now.”
“Tessa…” He gripped her shoulders, staring straight into her eyes, willing her to stay and fight for them. “I love you.”
His words slammed her in the chest, knocking the breath from her. She closed her eyes. So many times she’d hoped he was feeling what she was feeling. She’d even fantasized about the moment they revealed what was in their hearts. In her dreams, she returned the sentiment and they kissed long and deep, an expression of the commitment they shared, before they gave in to passion.
I love you, too. The words were on the tip of her tongue. Everything inside her wanted to say it. But she didn’t. What good would come of it? “Zy, if I didn’t have any other responsibilities—”
“We can figure it out together.”
Maybe they could, but everyone she’d ever trusted to take care of her—Daddy, Cash, even good friends—had eventually fallen by the wayside when she needed them most. If she gave up her job to be with Zy and the relationship didn’t work out, what would become of her and Hallie?
She couldn’t afford to find out the hard way.
“I don’t see how. I’m sorry.”
Barely holding back her tears, Tessa dashed inside, collected Hallie, said her thank-yous and goodbyes, then left before she did something fantastically foolish like change her mind and tell Zy he already had her heart forever.
Congratulations on butt-fucking the evening, champ. Good job.
Zy sagged against the wall of Trees’s place and sighed. His impulsive I love you had been a colossal backfire. Definitely not the reaction he’d hoped for…
He’d never said those three words to any female—ever—and Tessa’s reaction had been to run.
Shit.
The crazy thing was, he was convinced she felt the same. The moment he’d said the words, love had softened her face and lit her eyes. He hadn’t hallucinated that.
Then she’d shut it down.
Zy waited until he heard Tessa fire up her engine and saw the lights retreating from Trees’s yard until she turned and bumped back down the dirt road. His soft curse made a visual puff of air in the December chill before he pushed the back door open and stepped inside. Both Madison and Trees waited for him with pity on their faces.
“Sorry, you two.”
“Want to talk about it?”
Zy was surprised when Madison offered, but why talk through a hopeless situation? Words wouldn’t change anything. “No, thanks.”
“But—”
“They’ll be fired if they get together, and they both need their jobs,” Trees supplied.
Zy was grateful. He didn’t want to be rude to Madison, but he also didn’t want to explain. It would only make everything feel more real and more shitty.
“You two obviously care a lot about each other.” Madison awkwardly cupped his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
Zy looked at her—really looked—and he saw a compassion he never expected. “No, I’m sorry for the way I treated you before. You were nothing but nice, and I…wasn’t.”
“Trees explained. I understand. I don’t blame you. I felt a little foolish, but the only thing you hurt was my pride.”
Good to know he hadn’t really torn her heart in two, but he also hadn’t helped. “It was never my intention to hurt you at all.”
She gave him an understanding smile. “I know. Want a ride home?”
A glance up told him the table had been cleared, the dishes done, and the kitchen righted. “You’re not staying?”
“No. Trees and I aren’t…together. Besides, I have to get up early and help my mom cook Christmas dinner for the rest of the family.”
“Then, yeah. I’ll take you up on that. Thanks. I just need a few.”
Because every moment Zy was apart from Tessa, his chest got tighter and his fury multiplied. He was a fucking mess with no outlet to unleash it on. He needed to get his damn head together before he took another step.
“Sure. I need to use the ladies’ room, anyway.” Madison turned and headed to the far side of the house, leaving him alone with Trees.
“You look like shit.”
Zy huffed. “Don’t hold back.”
“I never do.”
“Yeah, well… I feel like shit. I’m stuck, man.”
“I know. I wish I had an answer.”
Zy hardly expected him to. “No one does.”
“Hang in there. Everything happens for a reason. Stuff often turns out for the best when you let it.”
Believing that had gotten him and Trees through some really horrible times, courtesy of Uncle Sam. Zy had questioned that wisdom before, then always been proven wrong. Now…he didn’t see how not being with Tessa would ever be a good thing.
“I don’t know, man. I just don’t know.”
Trees nodded and stepped back. “I’ll give you a few minutes. Take your time. Let me know if you need anything.”
The big man in front of him was probably the most unlikely friend he could have made in life, but he was also the best. He’d never believe Trees was guilty of betraying him, the bosses, and the rest of EM Security for a buck. That wasn’t him.
With Madison in the other bathroom, Zy loped into the master bedroom and shut the door behind him, sitting on the bed with a sigh. He’d never had to make many efforts not to cry in his life, but fuck if he wasn’t giving it one hell of an effort to keep his shit together now.
Tessa was all but lost to him. She trusted him enough to call when she was in jeopardy, and he’d taken that as the best sign. She’d opened up after that, been both eager and candid during their lunches over the past month. So tonight had been like a kick in the balls. Where did he go from here?
It wasn’t denying himself. And it sure as hell wasn’t letting Tessa go. This wasn’t his fault or hers. It was their motherfucking bosses’, their paranoid delusions, and their inability to use their brains to see there might be other suspects who were less obvious. But they wanted proof that Trees wasn’t their man?
Game on.
He swiped his phone from his pocket and flipped on his camera, then starte
d rolling video. “Hello, cocksuckers. You want proof that Trees isn’t guilty of stabbing you three in the back? Here you go. I’ve already told you I’ve found nothing in his desk. I’m not getting into his work computer without admin access, and even then, I wouldn’t find anything because a) he’s too smart to make anything he does online easy to trace, and b) he’s not fucking betraying you. But just so you know I tried, I’ll take you on a tour of his personal space. See?” Zy opened the drawers of Trees’s nightstand and filmed the contents, hating every second he breached his best friend’s privacy. “There’s nothing here that should worry you. A loaded gun, a flashlight, some money, fishing gear, a survival checklist. I see a few kinds of rope.” Zy didn’t want to know why Trees had that near his bed. “And an old porn mag—which I’m not touching. That’s it.”
After easing the last drawer shut, he made his way to Trees’s dresser and repeated the process, digging through the man’s clothes and filming everything he saw, down to the last scrap of underwear and the final pair of socks. He made his way to a little alcove with Trees’s desk. “I can’t break into his computer without him knowing, so if you want access to his files, you’ll have to hire someone with more skill. But I know he keeps paper bank statements because he doesn’t trust handling his money online.” One at a time, Zy extracted the documents from the last six months of neatly organized envelopes and ran the camera over each page, front and back, making sure the bosses got an eyeful of every number. “He’s been saving all his life, and you can see he hasn’t received any sudden infusions of cash. The three deposits he gets every month are the pair of his paychecks from you and one from the trust his grandparents left him.”
Zy resisted the urge to stomp as he marched to Trees’s bathroom to repeat the process, careful to keep his voice down because the tile echoed. But if his pal was a borderline hoarder—who kept scraps of crayons for their wax and boxes of organic seeds in their kitchen?—he was a minimalist when it came to grooming.
“Toothbrush and toothpaste, floss, beard trimmer, soap, comb, shampoo, nail clippers, vitamins, hand lotion, and condoms. That, along with clean towels, is everything in the bathroom. I’ve been all over Trees’s kitchen and living room tonight. Nothing. I’ve also been in his spare bathroom and bedroom multiple times. More nothing. He has a prepping shed that I helped him reorganize a few weeks back. It’s boxed supplies from reputable vendors. That’s it. And I’m done with this shit. Put me on another assignment. And take out the fucking clause in my contract that doesn’t allow Tessa and me to have a personal life together. How the fuck would you feel if someone kept you from your wife for entirely arbitrary reasons? You’d kill a motherfucker, and I’m about ready to. Fix it or I’ll quit.”
