The Fiery Heart b-4

by Richelle Mead

  There were a few moments of comical silence. “Whatever’s fastest,” I said.

  “I kind of wanted a cross,” said Neil wistfully. His stoic mask fell into place. “But do whatever you need to.”

  “Do a cross with simple lines,” Adrian said unexpectedly. “I’ll design more art to go around it later, and you can just get regular ink to embellish it.”

  Even I was surprised at the offer, considering how much Neil usually irritated Adrian. Horace was already at work. Even with a simple design, tattooing wasn’t something that could be done in a hurry. He was obviously moving as fast as he could, but I could tell by the spirit users’ strained faces that they were still losing ground. I grew so caught up in the drama that I actually forgot about Adrian. My world narrowed down to each drop of ink that went into Neil’s skin.

  When Horace finished, everyone looked ready to faint from the exhaustion of stress. Lissa rested her head on Christian’s shoulder, and a paler-than-usual Sonya sank into a chair. “There was still magic in the ink when you finished,” she said. “But I don’t sense it anymore. I have no way of knowing if it worked—aside from the obvious.”

  I was struck by the parallels between Neil and Trey. Both were now marked with experimental ink to protect them from insidious powers . . . but nobody truly knew if the procedures had been effective. The potential to solve Trey’s mystery was in a crate back in my room. The answer to Neil’s, unfortunately, was in the teeth of a Strigoi.

  Sonya closed her eyes and rested her hand on her forehead. I could only imagine what she was feeling. Protecting Moroi from Strigoi had become an obsession for her, a project with very personal implications. This had to be monumental for her, the potential conclusion to her work. Suddenly, she opened her eyes and fixed them on Adrian as a revelation seemed to hit her.

  “Why didn’t you help us? We might have saved more magic. You did nothing.”

  “She’s right,” Lissa said, clearly surprised. “I didn’t realize it until now. It was just the three of us.”

  We all looked at Adrian, and even I was astonished. This had become a personal mission for him too, especially considering his monumental role in saving Olive’s blood. Why would he shirk helping now? Indecision warred on his face. At last, he sighed with resignation.

  “I didn’t help . . . because I can’t.”

  Lissa straightened up from where she was resting against Christian. “What does that mean exactly?”

  He gave her a rueful smile. “It means, cousin, that I’m going on my third week of mood stabilizers and no longer have access to spirit.”

  My heart stopped.

  “Why . . . why would you do that?” Lissa asked.

  “You tell me,” he replied. “You did it once. Or something like it. I wanted my life back. I didn’t want spirit to control me anymore. You know what it can do.” He looked at Lissa, Sonya, and Nina in turn. “You all know.”

  From their chagrined expressions, they did know. But it was clear they were also confused.

  “Why would you do it now of all times?” exclaimed Sonya. “When you knew we still needed you?”

  He focused back on her, holding his ground. “Did I know that? I did my part—a big part. I had no idea it’d come to this. Besides, what time should I have waited for? When I was about to jump off a bridge?”

  The words hit Sonya like a slap in the face. “Of course not. But . . . there are other ways to cope . . .”

  Adrian laughed. “Yeah? Alcohol poisoning? Cutting? Turn-ing Strigoi?”

  It was a cruel thing to say to Lissa and Sonya, but neither of them could muster an argument. Nina was the one who spoke up, confusion in her gray eyes. “But how can you stand to be away from the magic? The rush? Don’t you miss it?”

  “Yes,” he said bluntly. “But other things in my life are more important.”

  My legs grew weak, and I backed up, settling down into a plush armchair. I clasped my hands together to stop them from shaking.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t help this time, but none of you have the right to judge me,” Adrian added. There was a strength and conviction in his voice that I doubt any of them had seen before. “This is my life, and there’s nothing you can say to change my mind—unless Her Majesty wants to give a royal command for me to stop.”

  Lissa blanched. “Of course not.”

  Everything was kind of weird after that.

  I kept my distance from the others, and this time, no one seemed to notice or care. Adrian became the new attraction. Sonya and Lissa apologized, and Nina tried to engage him about what it was like. He shot me another pained look from across the room, and I had to glance away because my confusion was too great.

  And as the night progressed, it became clear to me they weren’t going to give him up anytime soon. The spirit users wanted to know more about Adrian and the pills. Everyone else wanted to know what the next step with Neil was. My role was done, and when exhaustion began weighing me down, I quietly slipped out of the room to go get some sleep. I knew travel arrangements were being made for later tomorrow, so no one would need me right away. The nice thing about being forced onto this schedule was that I was so legitimately tired that my body wasn’t going to let my mind keep me awake with questions. And believe me, I had plenty. I needed to understand the Adrian of long ago. I needed to understand the Adrian I loved. And I needed to understand why he hadn’t told me he was facing one of his greatest fears by taking a prescription.

  Tears sprang to the corner of my eyes and then began to freeze. I stopped in the middle of a walkway leading through some ornamental trees and tried to wipe my face as best as I could.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  I jerked my head up at the unfamiliar voice. Well, not entirely unfamiliar. A young man materialized from the trees, and a moment later, a second joined him. Tired and emotionally frayed, I didn’t recognize them at first. Then, I realized they were Adrian’s friends—or, well, ex-friends—from the café. I stiffened, suddenly wide awake and alert.

  And terrified.

  “Sydney, right?” It was the guy who’d first spoken. “I’m—”

  “Wesley,” I said. “I remember.”

  “You do? That’s great. Then you must remember Lars too.”

  The faint light of a lamppost a little ways away filtered through the branches of a tree above us, lighting up his face as he grinned in what he probably thought was a friendly manner. I didn’t need him to get any closer to know he was drunk—just like he had been yesterday. Was that what Adrian used to be like? Waking up and going from one state of intoxication to another? It was a pathetic, dismal life.

  “Where are you headed?” asked Lars. “You need directions?”

  “I’m just going back to my room to get some sleep.” I pointed at the building, which suddenly seemed very far away. “Right over there.”

  “Sleep?” Lars laughed. “That’s right. You’re on a flipped schedule. Look, why don’t you come out with us? Live it up while you’re here. We’ll get you some caffeine and hit some parties.”

  “Or if you want something quieter, we could just go back to my place and talk.” That was Wesley, and he seemed to be having a difficult time sounding serious and responsible.

  “No, thank you,” I said, shifting a little. It put me two steps closer to my building. Unfortunately, I probably had about two hundred more to go. “I’m really tired.”

  Lars nudged Wesley. “See, this is what happens when you get stuck with Adrian as a tour guide. It makes you feel satisfied with boredom.”

  “Adrian’s not boring,” I said. “Especially—from what I hear—the way he used to be.”

  Wesley scoffed. “Even then, he never let loose like the rest of us.”

  “We can tell you everything about him if you want,” exclaimed Lars, apparently feeling inspired. He glanced past me briefly and then fixed his eyes back on mine. “We’ll tell you all you need to know. Let’s go back to Wesley’s.”

  “No, thank y
ou,” I said. I already knew all I needed to know about Adrian, primarily that he was nothing like these losers. “I have to go.” I made no attempts at subtlety and began hurrying toward the building.

  “Hey, wait,” offered Lars. He moved with remarkable speed for someone so intoxicated. He caught hold of my arm, just as two startling thoughts came to me. Why do they keep looking behind me? And weren’t there three of them before?

  I started to turn around, just as that third person came up behind me and clamped a hand over my mouth. That split second of anticipation was enough to trigger some instinctual Wolfe training. I kicked backward into Brent and had the satisfaction of hearing, “Oof!” His hand slipped on my mouth, giving me a chance at another Wolfe tactic: screaming for help.

  Old Alchemist fears, bred into me since birth, reared up. Here it was, the evil we’d always been warned about: vampires coming after me in the night. Creatures of hell, intent on drinking my blood when I was alone and vulnerable. For a moment, fear and panic crippled me. Then, a strong voice inside me spoke up: You are not vulnerable. You are not out of options. Now, RUN! But when I tried to run away, I discovered that Lars had a surprisingly strong grip on me. Wesley appeared on my other side and attempted to help his friend in restraining me. “We have to get out of here,” gasped Brent.

  “No,” said Wesley. “It’s not too late. We can get her back to my place and make sure she doesn’t remem—”

  You are not vulnerable.

  Magic stirred within me, surging out and upward to the tree above us. A limb, already heavy with snow, gave way easily to my power and came crashing down on Lars. It was enough to grant my freedom, and I broke away. Wesley stood between me and my building, so I ran the opposite direction, knowing I only had to stay away long enough for some patrolling guardian to come. Surely someone had heard me.

  As it turned out, someone had heard me. Adrian emerged near the path I was running on, wielding a limb similar to the one I’d just summoned. I came to a halt as he put himself between me and the other three, who also slowed their pursuit.

  “What are you doing?” demanded Wesley.

  “Practicing my treejitsu skills. You’ve probably never heard of it, but believe me, it’s enough to knock you on your ass and wipe that smug look off your face.”

  A typical Adrian remark, even in a dire situation. Yet, despite his flippant tone, there was a hard look on his face that I rarely saw, a look that said even if there was an army standing in front of us, he would still defy them with a tree branch if they tried to lay a hand on me. Tension filled the air around us as our adversaries contemplated their next move. Even drunk and uncoordinated, they might still have an advantage if they decided to rush us with brute force. Adrian and I probably had enough collective Wolfe training—and his “treejitsu”—to fend them off, but it might still be an ugly altercation. I pulled more magic into me but restrained myself from using it yet. The falling limb might be written off as a natural phenomenon. A fireball wouldn’t.

  “I’m out of here,” said Lars, staggering to his feet. Without further delay, he turned and ran, leaving Wesley and Brent behind.

  “Are you seriously threatening me with a branch?” exclaimed Brent. “Aren’t you supposed to be some big, bad spirit user? Shouldn’t you be making my head spin? God, I knew you’d changed, but I never expected this.”

  “He hasn’t changed,” said Wesley, getting his courage back. “Adrian Ivashkov doesn’t get dirty. This is a bluff. Grab her.”

  “Don’t touch her,” said Adrian, as Brent took a step toward me. Some terrified part of me was screaming at me to use this chance to run, but there was no way I’d abandon Adrian.

  “Come on, Adrian,” Wesley coaxed. “Put down your tree and come back with us. We’ll let you have her first.”

  Brent shot him a startled look. “We will?”

  “He can use some hard-core spirit compulsion to make her forget everything later.” From the pleased tone in Wesley’s voice, you’d think he’d just made some space-age discovery. “We won’t need any drugs.”

  “Oh, yeah.” Wonder filled Brent, and he moved toward me again. “Tastes so much better that way. Of course, she’ll probably scream more, but after a while—ah!”

  Adrian slammed the limb into Brent’s head so quickly, I almost could’ve believed I’d imagined it. Brent keeling over and collapsing to the ground proved it was all very real.

  “Looks like I made your head spin after all,” observed Adrian, standing menacingly over Brent.

  Wesley looked like he might go join Lars but never got the chance. Shouts sounded nearby, and two guardians suddenly raced up to us. I recognized one of them: Mikhail Tanner, Sonya’s husband. He looked back and forth between us all, a comic expression of shock on his face. “What’s going on?” he exclaimed.

  The guardians were efficient in their work, taking all of us (including Lars) to their headquarters and ferretting out the night’s events. In the end, it was obvious that the threesome had made a drunken advance on me but had succeeded in nothing more. They were branded with the Moroi equivalent of disorderly conduct, which Mikhail—apologetically—explained would only result in jail time tonight and fines. A cold lump formed in my stomach each time I thought about what they’d wanted to do, and I thought they were getting off easy.

  I was practically asleep on my feet when Adrian walked me out to the guardians’ building’s main entrance. We hovered near the door, clinging to the warmth before we headed outside.

  “I’m sorry,” he told me. “I’m sorry for everything tonight.”

  The encounter had barely lasted a minute, but that surge of panic and adrenaline had torn me open, spilling out the emotions I’d been so carefully trying to keep in check. The full force of my love for Adrian consumed me, and I nearly reached for him until I remembered there was a desk clerk across the room. He couldn’t hear us, but he’d certainly be able to see us if I threw Adrian up against a wall and started kissing him.

  “There’s nothing to apologize for,” I said, looking straight into his eyes.

  “I should’ve told you what I did to that girl.” A small frown crossed his face. “I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

  “It’s not even in the same league as what those other guys do. And you weren’t really yourself.”

  He shook his head. “I was myself—getting that wasted. Maybe I wasn’t in a rational frame of mind, but I chose to get that way. I’m responsible for that.”

  “It’s done. You’re not the same person now as you were then. It could’ve been bad, yes, but you got lucky and had minimal consequences. Most importantly: You learned from it. That’s more than can be said for those other guys.”

  There was a tension crackling through Adrian’s body, and I had a feeling he too was fighting the urge to grab hold of me. “I’m not a violent person, Sydney. Not at all. I’ll make love over war any day. But I swear, if they’d hurt you—”

  “They didn’t,” I said firmly. I refused to let him know how scared I’d been because I was afraid he might go after them. “I’m fine. You came to the rescue.”

  A smile played at his lips. “Something tells me you would’ve rescued yourself.” And like that, the smile vanished. “But spirit would’ve been a lot more effective than a branch.”

  “Your treejitsu was very effective.” The clerk was typing away on a computer, and I dared to give Adrian’s hand a small squeeze. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you tell me about the mood stabilizers?”

  He took a moment to answer. “Because I couldn’t have faced you if I failed. If I was too weak to stay on them. Even now, I don’t know. After those guys and then what happened back at the palace—”

  “Stop,” I interrupted. “You’re doing the right thing. And what’s crazy is that you have no idea how strong and how brave you are. I’m so proud of you, and I’m going to help you through this. I love you so much.”

  Loving him wasn’t a surprise. What was, however, was the
realization that ultimately, that was all that mattered between us. I’d been trying to figure out what it was that was holding me back from sex. It wasn’t Jill. It wasn’t some physical threshold I was afraid to cross. There was nothing, nothing except an anxiety my love had banished to the winds. And standing there, in that improbable location, the full force of how much I wanted him nearly knocked me over. A desire that was as much spiritual as physical burned through me, and I suddenly felt as though there was no way I could go a moment longer without having all of him.

  “Come on,” I said in a low voice. “Come back to my room.”

  A fire in his eyes told me there was no need to spell things out. “You’re exhausted.”

  “Says who?”

  A voice shattered the spell weaving itself around us. “Ah, you’re still here,” exclaimed Mikhail, hurrying into the room. “Good. I hate to detain you further, but this stuff spreads, and the queen heard about what happened. She wants to talk to you, Adrian.” He gave me a kind look. “But you’re off the hook. I’ll walk you back so you can get some rest.”

  I swallowed, momentarily unable to focus on anything except the electricity flaring between Adrian and me. I wanted to tell Mikhail to leave us alone because I needed to taste Adrian’s lips and run my hands over his skin. Instead, I said, “Thanks. That’s nice of you.”

  Adrian gave me a rueful smile. “We’ll continue this conversation another time. When you’re wide awake.”

  “I’ll be awake when you finish talking to the queen,” I told him. I didn’t trust myself to add anymore, but as Mikhail led me away, I gave Adrian a parting look that told him all the things I wanted to “talk” about.

  CHAPTER 17

  ADRIAN

  I WAS THIS CLOSE TO IGNORING MY QUEEN and marching straight back to Sydney’s room. I’d read Sydney as clearly as if her aura had lit up in front of me. I knew what she wanted, and dear God, did I want it to.

  But Mikhail’s stern face was kind of a buzzkill, and no matter how friendly we were, I was still Lissa’s subject. So I practically sprinted back to the palace, eager to give her a report and then run back to Sydney’s arms.