In the Afterlight

by Alexandra Bracken

  “Nothing,” I managed. “I just...I was worried when you didn’t show up for lights out. I wanted to...”

  “Make sure I didn’t run away? Really?” He started to turn back to his bike but stopped midway, pressing his hand to his forehead. “Oh, damn. I did do that, didn’t I? That was...not Nashville, right?”

  The small bubble of contented memory popped around me. “It was Oklahoma, at the national park.”

  “Right. Right. That’s the last foggy part. Right before you...” He waved a hand through the air. “Sorry. We need a clock in here.”

  My eyes drifted over his profile, the line of his jaw, and I thought with crushing certainty, I’m not wanted here.

  “Okay, well,” I said, forcing a horrible brightness into my voice. “Okay...I’m just going to...get going....”

  My throat was aching by the time I finally got the words out, and I had a feeling they didn’t make sense, either. Stupid, so stupid. I’d wanted distance, hadn’t I? I hadn’t wanted to talk to him about everything—and now it was like I’d forgotten how to talk to him entirely.

  I got a step away when the music got quieter and he called out, “I’m thinking of calling her Lovely Rita. What do you think?”

  In spite of everything, I felt myself smile. “Like the Beatles song?”

  He was leaning against the motorbike’s seat, his legs out in front of him, his arms crossed over his chest. I made a mental amendment—this was the best thing I’d ever seen. This was the first time Liam had looked like Liam in months, from his wild, kept-running-his-hands-through-it hair to the way his jeans were slung low on his hips.

  “Fits, right?” he said, offering the smallest, sweetest little smile.

  “Isn’t Rita a meter maid?” I asked, walking back over to him, my heart thrumming in my chest. Liam was watching me so intently, I almost tripped over my own careless feet. The warmth that pooled at my center threatened to spark when his arms slid forward, his hands turned up, toward me.

  I stepped into the circle of them and leaned against his shoulder.

  “Yeah,” he said, quietly, “but she’s so lovely.”

  My hands slid up along his back, and I was relieved that it was as hot to the touch as I felt. I wanted to ask him about the drive up, what the people they made contact with had been like, but it seemed enough to just be held, to feel him kiss my hair, my cheek.

  I leaned back, looking up at his face. One his hands moved, sliding into the back pocket of my jeans; he was still watching me when I reached up and tried to thumb some of the oil off his face.

  “Damn,” he said, chuckling, “how much of a mess am I right now?”

  You are perfect. My fingers and eyes shifted down, to the pale scar at the right corner of his mouth, and felt the first touch of something dark and insistent pressing at the back of my mind.

  “How did you get this scar?” I asked. I just needed to hear it from him, to confirm what I’d seen locked inside Cole’s mind. “I never asked you.”

  “It’s a good thing you didn’t,” he said, reaching up to catch my hand and hold it in his. “There’s not a good story to it. I’ve had it forever. Cole told me I got it when he pushed me off his bed.”

  I closed my eyes, let out a soft breath. And when he kissed me, I let it chase the truth away.

  “Cole said you called Harry to help find where they brought Cate,” I said. “Thank you—thank you so much. I know you’re trying to keep them out of this.”

  Liam laughed. “Like I could ever keep Harry or Mom from getting themselves in trouble. Zu’s story pretty much proved that.”

  “You got to talk to them?”

  “Yeah, I used one of the extra burner phones,” he said. “It was amazing to hear their voices. It felt like it had been forever since the last time.”

  I ran a hand up and down his arm. I was thrilled for him—honestly thrilled beyond anything I thought possible. Enough, at least, to ignore the small pang of jealousy in the corner of my heart that was still bruised.

  “I was worried he wouldn’t accept Harry’s help,” Liam continued. “The two of them have knocked heads since day one.”

  “Why is that?” I asked. If he hated his biological father the way I knew he did, then why push back so hard against Harry?

  He shrugged. “Cole used to act out a lot when we were kids, and Mom didn’t have the heart to discipline him after everything that happened with our bio dad, so Harry had to do it. And you know, he’s a great, loving, super funny guy, but he can be strict. He spent years in the military.”

  “And Cole has never liked being told what to do,” I finished. That, and I was sure that once the change came over him and he developed terrifying abilities he had to fight to control, he spent most of his childhood angry and afraid of being found out. I swallowed hard at the thought, unable to speak. If he’d just tell Liam...

  “I think he was—I’m not sure this is going to make sense, but I don’t know that Cole ever let himself trust Harry. He remembers more of what it was like when our father was around, and he feels protective of Mom, which I do get. But it’s like he’s waiting for Harry to let us down. To hurt us. And Harry never would. I think he joined the League just to spite Harry, actually.”

  “Maybe working together now will help Cole learn to trust him?” I offered.

  “That’s what Harry’s hoping. For the record, I hope so too.” Liam pressed a kiss to my hair again before pulling back. “All right. I’m tuckered out—”

  I wasn’t tired in the slightest anymore, and I had a feeling he wasn’t either, not really. I kissed the scar at the corner of his lips, running my hands up his neck and burying them in his hair. His pale blue eyes seemed to darken as he leaned down to meet me halfway.

  Someone coughed behind us.

  And coughed again.

  Liam said something uncharacteristically vulgar under his breath as he pulled back, his face flushed and his eyes a bit too wild. “Yeah?”

  It was the girl who’d been working at the table—she was a Blue who’d come in with Zu’s ragtag group. Elizabeth. That was her name. Liza.

  “I finished, but I’m not sure it looks...I think it might look more like a white banana?” She held up a black helmet for the two of us to inspect. Painted along one side was what looked to my eye like a crescent moon. Liam’s arms tensed around my waist.

  “It looks great,” he said.

  “Well you know what it’s supposed to be, but what if she can’t?” Liza said.

  “She?” I repeated.

  “Our contact,” Liam said quickly, “Senator Cruz’s, I mean. When I go to pick up supplies, she wanted something to identify me.”

  “But won’t you be driving a car or truck?” I asked. “Not the bike?”

  He hesitated, standing up and away from the bike. I saw the effort of his concentration as he turned a smiling face back on me. “Sometimes the bike, depending on the situation. We’ll paint one of the doors of the trucks, too.”

  I don’t know what it was, exactly. The odd tone of his voice; the way Liza all but bolted, her face pale; how quick he was to take my hand and start guiding us back toward the tunnel. Every thought that passed through his head had always registered on Liam’s face, good or bad. Seeing his carefully blank face, half-hidden by the shadows in the tunnel, I pieced together the realization.

  He was keeping secrets, too.

  Vida and Chubs left the next morning, long before the sun came up. Liam, Zu, and I were all there to see them off at the tunnel’s entrance. Regardless of whether or not we’d been planning on it, the two of them had been bickering so loudly from the moment the alarm on Liam’s watch went off that none of us had any chance of falling back asleep. Nico and Cole showed up a few minutes later, both pale and drained with an exhaustion that hadn’t come with waking up at that ungodly hour, but staying awake to meet it. I
t set me on edge the way they wouldn’t make eye contact with any of us. When I asked Cole what was going on, he only said, “We’ll talk about it after.”

  As Vida went over the map one last time with Liam and Cole, I pulled Chubs aside and walked him a short ways down the hall. I could see him fighting inside himself for some composure; Chubs was so ruled by his head, by logic, that he didn’t have a coping mechanism for when powerful emotions threatened his careful process. I don’t think he was afraid for himself, so much as afraid of what could happen while they were gone.

  “Don’t do anything stupid,” he started. “Be safe. Make sure that you seek out proper medical attention—”

  “Isn’t that the lecture I’m supposed to be giving you?” I asked.

  “Yo, no time to chat and hug it out,” Vida called. “Let’s get cracking.”

  Chubs held up a finger to signal to the others that we needed a minute. Vida let out an impatient snort, then turned a very different finger in his direction.

  “I have no doubt you guys are going to pull this off,” I began, “but how are you going to get through it without one of you strangling the other?”

  “Well, we’re pretty evenly matched,” he said reasonably. “She has the brawn, I have the brains. Either both of us will come back, or neither of us will because we’ll have clawed each other’s throats out.”

  “Don’t even joke about it,” I whispered.

  “I have to joke about it, otherwise I’ll probably start crying.” Chubs’s face suddenly looked as drawn as I felt.

  “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” I said quickly. “It’s not too late.”

  “Isn’t it? Besides, I have to pull my weight, too.” He shrugged with a nonchalance that looked unnatural on him. His voice sounded strained, filtered through a lump in his throat.

  “You and Vida will both be fine,” I said, planting both hands on his shoulders and forcing him to look down and meet my gaze. “You have everything under control. You’ll both be careful, and quick, and back in one piece.”

  Chubs turned back toward Vida, who was the only person I knew who could make pacing look like prowling.

  “Well,” he amended with a long-suffering look, “hopefully no more than two pieces.”

  Despite what Vida had said, she waited patiently as Chubs knelt to talk to Zu and gave Liam a good pounding on the back. Cole unlocked the door, letting a draft of cold air into the hallway, and stood back as Chubs took the first few steps down.

  As much faith as I had in them, I did have to fight off the urge to throw myself in front of the tunnel out and block their path. I pressed a hand against my chest, trying to stamp the feeling of panic out. But Zu had no such reservations. She bolted out of Liam’s grip and pushed past Cole, who was shutting the door after them. By the time we caught up to them, she was gripping their packs, her heels digging into the unfinished floor, crying in that silent, heartbreaking way. Crying harder than I’d ever seen; she shook her head, her lips moving with silent pleas. Chubs looked back at us, startled.

  Zu had been the toughest of our group in many ways, the one quickest to bounce back after terror or sadness knocked her flat. Whatever walls she’d built up to keep the feelings from cresting, they weren’t high enough now to stop the desperate fear. And it devastated me. My throat ached with the need to cry, too.

  Vida dropped her pack and knelt down in front of her. “Hey girl, none of that. It’s like what we talked about, yeah?”

  Zu pressed her face against Chubs’s backpack.

  “What happened to you with that guy—the one who drove you to California, that was some—” I saw her catch herself, modify her word choice—“that was some messed-up stuff, and I’m sorry, I’m really sorry that it happened to him. But me and Charlie Boy? We’re coming back. None of us are going to leave you here alone. We take care of our family, right?”

  I didn’t realize Liam still had a hand on my shoulder until it tightened. His face was ashen.

  That calmed Zu down, at least enough to release her grip on Chubs and turn toward Vida fully.

  “You can trust me, Z. I won’t let you down. Okay?”

  She nodded, scrubbing at her face with her sleeve. Vida held up her fist for a bump, but Zu one-upped her, wrapping her bony arms around the older girl’s neck. Vida said something too low for any of the rest of us to hear, but when Zu pulled back she was nodding, a look of fierce determination on her face. With no other warning she turned and hugged Chubs, too, looking back to point a finger toward Vida as if to say, Be nice.

  “I told you,” Vida said as she stood. “I keep my promises.”

  Liam stepped forward to guide Zu back into the hallway so she didn’t have to watch the door shut and lock behind them. I saw her straighten herself out, her fists clenching at her sides and her chin lifting up—the same way I’d seen Vida prep herself for battle.

  “Let’s go get something to eat, okay?” Liam said. He looked back over his shoulder. “Coming?”

  I shook my head. “Have to shower and take care of a few things. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  Liam waved and started walking with Zu back down the hall, heading to the kitchen in the lower level.

  “Okay, what’s going on?” I asked before either Cole or Nico could speak. “What happened last night?”

  “It’s easier to show you.” Cole started past me, heading the same way his brother had taken, toward the stairs. I followed him silently, watching Nico watch the floor, my stomach clenching. It was getting too hard to pretend like I didn’t care.

  It was the first time I’d been down in the computer room since the supplies had come in last night. Where there had once been only one laptop, there were now five desktops. Another three silver laptops were spaced out along the desks, which were still pushed against the walls, leaving an empty space at the center of the room for planning. I spotted a printer and a scanner near the old laptop. Nico had picked a seat at the far back corner of the room, as usual. Cole brushed aside printouts of indecipherable code from one of the nearby seats and offered it to me.

  Nico keyed in some kind of a password and brought up a window of more code.

  “Somehow this doesn’t feel ‘easier,’” I said. “What are we looking at?”

  “This is our server log,” Nico said. “It seemed like it was lagging last night, so I was trying to troubleshoot what the issue was. This right here—” He pointed to the screen. “That means someone sent one of the files saved there, transferring it via FTP to another encrypted server.”

  “What file?” I asked.

  “It was one of the videos from the Thurmond testing,” Cole said.

  “But there’s more,” Nico scrolled up. “There are gaps in the server’s activity log, all between the hours of midnight and four A.M. on two other days.”

  “It’s not because no one was awake to use the computers?” I asked.

  Nico shook his head. “We’ve been leaving the computers on overnight to transfer everything to remote backup servers in case ours fail. There would have been huge spikes of activity—but look.”

  The huge spikes of activity were there, beginning at eleven o’clock in the evening, but abruptly cutting off at two in the morning, only to resume four hours later, right around the time Nico or another Green would first roll in to start the day’s work.

  “Is there really no way to tell who did it?” I asked, squinting at the screen.

  “It was a Green,” Nico said.

  “It might have been a Green,” Cole said.

  “No,” Nico insisted, “it had to have been a Green. How many kids actually know how to erase server activity?”

  “Okay,” I said. That made sense, unfortunately. “But if they went to such great lengths to hide the other instances, would they have left this blip for someone to find?”

  Nico shrugge
d. “Maybe they were interrupted? Or they were in such a hurry they didn’t have time?”

  Cole asked another question that disappeared beneath the rush of blood in my ears as I stared at the screen, blinking to clear the blurriness that turned it into nothing more than a glowing square.

  “...think?” Cole touched my shoulder to get my attention, making me jump.

  “Sorry,” I said quickly, avoiding their stares. “I’m tired. What did you just ask?”

  “My theory is one of the computers just glitched, or there’s a problem with the server,” Cole said, his eyes soft with concern.

  “Occam’s razor,” Nico said. “Make the fewest assumptions. The simplest solution is usually the right one.”

  “I don’t know anything about a razor, but who the hell would kids be sending the intel to?” Cole asked. “Who’d be stupid enough to try to sell information at the risk of getting their asses caught and hauled into a camp?”

  “Could it be someone from Kansas HQ accessing files remotely?” I asked Nico.

  He shook his head. “It’s someone here.”

  Damn. I shared a look with Cole.

  “I want to believe it’s a one-off thing,” he said, “but keep digging. Let me know if they try anything again, okay?”

  There was a knock on the windows running along the side of the room—Kylie, dressed in all black, her hair tied into a poofy bun. “Ah,” Cole said. “That’ll be the groups leaving this morning to try to track down those tribes in Montana. You two figure the camera situation out, okay?”

  “Wait,” I said, “They’re leaving this morning? Where did the cars come from?”

  “They’re taking the SUVs Lee rounded up for yesterday’s haul,” he said, stretching as he stood. I followed him to the door, listening to him rattle off instructions about training and which weapons to pull from the locker for training the next day, but when I reached the door, I didn’t follow him out into the hall.