Let Me Heal You: Beautifully Broken Book 3

by Samantha Wolfe

  "Can we order a pizza?" Sydney asked with a smile. "I don't want to cook anymore today."

  "You can have whatever you want, baby."

  "You always spoil me," she said in amusement. "You're lucky I don't take advantage of that."

  "I'm just lucky you're here," I told her. "Lucky you're mine."

  I kissed her, and her lips were so soft and sweet. Her body melded into mine, quiet whimpers spilling into my mouth as she kissed me back with abandon. Desire filled me like a flood of warm liquid, and I groaned with need, grabbing her hip and thrusting myself against her.

  "I need you," I whispered against her lips. "Need to be inside you."

  "I need you, too," she whispered back as she writhed against me.

  We pulled each other's clothes off. I rolled us over until I was on top of her on the couch, my hips cradled between her soft thighs. We both gasped as I slowly pushed my cock inside her, the warm tightness engulfing me completely. It felt so good that I trembled uncontrollably. I had to hold still for a moment to regain control, and I stared into her eyes, the connection between us so raw and real. I started thrusting into her slowly and deeply, watching her face contort with pleasure as low moans escaped her lips.

  "I love you." I kissed her again as I kept moving inside her.

  "I love you," she whispered back into my mouth. I breathed her words into me, letting them make me feel needed and wanted.

  "I want to be with you forever," I whispered and Sydney started to come, her body arching up into mine, her breath catching for a moment. She moaned my name with her pleasure, the walls inside her tightening down on me, and I followed right behind her, my climax hard and mind shattering. I shouted her name and held her tight as I pushed myself into her as far as I could until the last of my orgasm faded away. I kissed her once more, then looked down at her, brushing a stray hair from her face. Her eyes were warm and luminous as she looked back at me. This is where I belonged, in this woman's arms, in this woman's heart. She was everything I needed, and I would never let her go.

  **********

  I jerked awake to the sound of Sydney screaming. Before I could wake up enough to figure out what the fuck was going on, she was crawling on top of me and sobbing hysterically. I held her to me, trying to comfort her even though I was still half asleep.

  "Jensen," she cried out, her voice broken and filled with pain.

  "I'm here, Sydney," I crooned. "I've got you. You're safe." I stroked her hair and whispered comforting words to her, until she slowly calmed down and fell back to sleep with a sigh. I, on the other hand, was wide awake now. The room was dimly lit as the sun was beginning to rise outside our window. I continued holding her and massaging her back in slow circles, wanting her to stay asleep for as long as she could before the alarm went off. I hoped whatever her nightmare was about that it didn't involve me again.

  I thought about the things I told her last night. The words had just come out of me in a cathartic rush of things I had never talked about or even admitted to myself before. I was in such a dark place before I met her, that I wondered if I would have lasted a week after my first suicidal thoughts. All I knew for certain, was that I wouldn't be alive right now if it wasn't for meeting Sydney. I was still lying there lost in thought when the alarm on my phone sounded. I reached over to turn it off, then watched Sydney lift her head from my chest and stare at me with bleary eyes.

  "Good morning, baby," I said with a wan smile. "Are you okay? You had a nasty nightmare a little while ago."

  "I'm okay," she mumbled sleepily.

  "Do you want to talk about it?" I asked her carefully, not wanting her to feel pressured if she didn't want to share right now. She sighed as she looked away for a second.

  "It was about my parents and him," she offered and then fell silent. That was all the sharing she could give right now, and I was okay with that.

  "Do you want to shower with me?" I asked her, changing the subject for her. Her eyes came back to mine, and she nodded gratefully. I threw the blankets off of us and climbed out of the bed. I snatched her up into my arms before she could get up on her own, and carried her to the bathroom. We showered in silence, just enjoying being together and the intimacy of washing each other. She was in a much better mood, by the time we were both clean and stepping out of the shower.

  I was finished getting ready first, and headed downstairs to get some breakfast. I ended up sitting at the table staring into my bowl of cereal and stirring it around absently with my spoon, not feeling particularly hungry at all. I didn't like how I was feeling today, melancholy and disheartened. Maybe it was just lack of sleep and stress. I dropped my spoon in the bowl and covered my face in both hands with a sigh as I fought an urge to cry for no fucking reason. What the fuck was wrong with me today? Thank God, David was coming over tonight.

  "Baby?" Sydney's voice spoke next to me. I felt her hand glide through my hair, and I sighed at her gentle touch. I lowered my hands from my face to look up at her concerned face. "What's wrong?"

  "I don't know, baby," I said as I shook my head. "I just feel down and out of sorts today."

  "We did talk about some pretty heavy stuff last night, and being woken up by my nightmare probably didn't help." She leaned down to kiss my cheek. I scooted my chair away from the table, grabbed her by the waist, and pulled her into my lap. I hugged her against me and breathed in her coconut body spray, the scent comforting me like it always did.

  "How about you?" I asked her as I rubbed her back softly. "Are you feeling okay?"

  "I've been having a lot of nightmares since I got that letter," she admitted, and I could hear the reluctance in her voice.

  "You should have told me."

  "I know," she said softly. "But talking about it kind of makes it hard to stay in denial." She snorted out a bitter laugh.

  "I think we've established that denial doesn't work for either of us anymore, baby."

  "Why do you have to be so sensible?" she asked with a small smile.

  "I think that's literally the first time that anyone has ever accused me of that." I laughed.

  "I blame David," she said, her smile widening. "You guys have been spending a lot of time together. He must be rubbing off on you."

  "He's a good guy," I told her. "I wouldn't mind being more like him. I can see why you two are friends."

  "He's your friend now, too."

  "He is, but you have no idea how much I wanted to hate him when we met," I confessed with a grin. "The fucker made that impossible."

  "Well, I'm glad that you guys are getting close."

  "So am I," I agreed. "I needed some new friends. You find out who your real ones are really quick when everything goes to fucking shit, and you see who's still standing next to you afterwords."

  "Isn't that the truth," Sydney agreed as she reached for my cereal bowl and started helping herself to my breakfast. I narrowed my eyes at her, one brow rising. "What? You weren't eating it."

  "I didn't realize I had invited a thief to live with me," I growled at her as I tried not to smile. "I'd better hide all my valuables."

  "You have only one valuable that I'm interested in," she said as she put the bowl back on the table, then put her hand on my groin and rubbed me gently through my jeans. "And you better not hide it from me."

  "Fuck, woman," I said as I felt my erection growing. "I didn't know I asked a torturer to move in with me too. Look what you do to me. How the hell would I hide that?"

  "This isn't torture," she said with an evil grin as she squeezed me through the denim. I groaned unconsciously, thrusting my hips up against her hand.

  "You've never had blue balls," I growled at her. "So unless you want to be really late for work, you'll knock it off."

  "There you go being sensible again," she said with an exasperated sigh. "Boring," she added in a sing-song tone.

  I stood abruptly, taking her with me, and pushed her back against the nearby wall, trapping her there with my pelvis against hers. I pressed my hands
to the wall on either side of her face and dipped my head down until my lips were mere millimeters from hers. I thrust my hips into her, letting her feel just how hard I was, and listening with satisfaction to her gasp of surprise. Her eyes darkened, and her cheeks flushed as she looked up at me, her breath quickening with desire. I slid my right hand slowly down the side of her body, from her breast to her hip. I dug my fingers firmly into her soft flesh and thrust myself roughly against her again. "Is this boring you?" I growled seductively.

  "No," she whispered, her eyes hooded and locked on mine.

  "I didn't think so," I mumbled nonchalantly as I stepped away from her, leaving her leaning against the wall and panting for air. I smirked at her as she glared back at me.

  "Tease," she accused me in a breathless voice.

  "Pot," I said as I pointed at her then pointed at myself. "Black," I added as my smile widened. I checked the time on the wall clock. "Look at the time. I've got to get going, or I'll be late." I started toward the door.

  "Hey," she called out as I reached the doorway. I turned back to see a forlorn look in her eyes as she followed after me. "Aren't you going to kiss me good-bye?"

  "Come here, baby." I motioned to her as I strode across the kitchen to meet her halfway. I pulled her hard against my body and pressed my lips to hers, kissing her deeply and passionately until we broke apart, both of us left panting for air. "I love you, Sydney," I told her with a warm smile.

  "I love you," she answered me with a sweet smile.

  "We'll finish this tonight. I promise." I caressed her left cheek with gentle fingertips. She nodded, and I gave her another quick hug before stepping away. "See you tonight, baby."

  "Bye," she said brightly as I turned and headed downstairs to my truck. I was feeling much better than when I had gotten up, and I hoped the feeling lasted all day. I wasn't holding out much hope, but maybe for once I'd be surprised.

  **********

  "I'm worried about Sydney," I told David as we walked the last few blocks back to my place to cool down after our run. He immediately turned his sharp eyes on me. "She told me this morning that she's been having a lot of nightmares since she got that fucking letter."

  "I'm not surprised, but I wish she had said something to one of us sooner," David said with obvious annoyance. "She's always been good at putting on a good show so no one knows that she's not coping well."

  "She had a breakdown last night," I added, starting to feel a little guilty about telling him about it, but knowing she might need his help. "She's been carrying around a shit load of guilt over what I tried to do to myself, and she's been hiding it from me."

  "Let me guess." He shook his head in exasperation. "She thinks you worrying about her is going to distract you from getting better."

  "I told her that I first thought about killing myself the night I met her, before Andy dragged me out to that bar," I said quietly. "I think I got through to her that it wasn't her fault."

  "How did it feel telling her that?"

  "Telling her felt cathartic, admitting it to myself has fucked me up," I said with a sigh as I ran my hand through my sweaty hair. "My head is all jacked up today. I don't know if I want to fucking cry or beat the shit out of something."

  "Sometimes admitting things to ourselves is the hardest thing to deal with." David met my eyes. "Especially the things we'd like to keep denying."

  "This has been so much harder than I thought it would be." I felt my eyes start to sting. "Not that I thought it would be easy, but fuck, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do."

  "Like I told you," he said with a nod. "Brutal."

  "You weren't fucking kidding," I said with a shake of my head. I looked up as we approached my condo to see Sydney's car in the driveway, and I smiled. Seeing her always made me feel better. We took a few minutes to stretch in the driveway and then headed up the stairs to the kitchen for some water. Dinner smelled amazing and I told Sydney as much as we walked in.

  "Thanks, baby," she said with a smile from where she stood by the stove. I walked over and pressed a soft kiss to her temple, and she sighed into it, her smile softening.

  "Yeah, Syd," David said as he grabbed two bottles of water out of the refrigerator. "It smells incredible in here." He handed one to me. I opened it and chugged down half the bottle.

  "It's lemon pepper chicken. I hope you guys like it," she said as her eyes drifted down my bare chest appreciatively, and I could see the desire in her eyes. Fuck, I loved the way she looked at my body. I stared back at her, gazing at the swell of her breasts in her tight T-shirt and the way her yoga pants hugged her hips. She was absolutely beautiful and all mine.

  "I'm going to hit the shower," David announced as he set his half-empty bottle on the counter, the movement catching my eyes. I nodded at him as he left the room. Sydney turned to face me and put her arms around my neck; her body pressed close to mine. I hugged her tight, nuzzling my face into her hair and sighing deeply.

  "Are you okay, baby?" she asked me in a quiet voice, filled with concern.

  "I am now," I told her. "I wish I could take you upstairs and ravage you in the shower right now." I started kissing the soft skin where her neck and shoulder met. She moaned and shivered with delight.

  "You better stop that or I'll end up following you upstairs and dinner will be ruined," she said, but made no move to stop me.

  "David can figure it out when he's done getting cleaned up," I said between kisses. "Fuck, you smell so good."

  Finally, she pushed me away when it became clear that I had no intention of stopping. I let go of her with a groan, and stood there staring at her again.

  "Shoo," she said as she motioned me away with a wave of her hand. "Go get clean. Dinner is almost ready."

  "Yes, ma'am," I breathed out and walked out of the kitchen reluctantly.

  When I came back downstairs, dinner was already on the table, and they were waiting on me. I had taken longer than I planned in the shower. I didn't know how long I had just stood there under the hot spray of water letting my mind wallow in melancholy thoughts before I actually started washing myself. I was really starting to get annoyed with myself.

  The food tasted great, and I enjoyed the comfortable banter we shared. I was grateful for the relaxing moments before David started our session. God only knew what he had planned for me today. The meal ended too soon, and David and I went to the living room while Sydney cleaned up. She smiled at me encouragingly as I followed David out of the room. David and I sat on the couch. I looked at him expectantly.

  "Well, today we're going to start working on something called prolonged exposure," he announced, his body language changing into the calm relaxed state that he entered whenever he started our therapy sessions. It was comforting and predictable, and I was coming to rely on it to calm the nerves I felt at the beginning of each session.

  "That doesn't sound terrifying or anything," I grumbled sarcastically.

  "It's how we're going to start helping you integrate those traumatic memories back in with all your other normal memories," he explained. "I won't lie to you. It's going to be rough."

  "I can't wait," I said sardonically. He smiled at my tone, his eyes sympathetic.

  "I'll get you through it," he assured me. "You'll be alright." I nodded after a moment and waited for him to continue.

  "I want to you to start by taking in some deep breaths for a few minutes. We need to get you calm and relaxed first. I want you to visualize a memory of a place you find pleasant and relaxing while you take slow deep breaths."

  I closed my eyes, and my mind conjured up an image of Sydney. I eased back into the couch and thought about the way she smelled like coconut and the feel of my face buried in her soft dark hair, the way she felt in my arms. My breathing slowed and deepened almost immediately. By the time I had taken a half -dozen or so breaths, my nerves were a lot calmer.

  "That's good," David said after a few minutes. "Let's start by talking about what happened that day before the
accident. How did you feel, what you were doing, what you were thinking about?"

  I took a few more ragged breaths to calm myself. I can do this. I wasn't talking about the accident yet. I'll be okay with David here. I finally managed to calm myself enough to speak.

  "It was the first decent weather we'd had in March, warm and sunny. J...Jordan wanted to take his '70 Chevelle out that afternoon." I stuttered over my brother's name. It still sounded strange coming from my lips. I'd avoided using it for so long. "I told him he was fucking nuts with the salt from winter still on the roads, but he was determined to go for a drive. I figured better his car than mine." I got quiet suddenly as a thought occurred to me.

  "What are you thinking right now?" David prompted.

  "If we...if we had taken my car, maybe I wouldn't have wrecked," I told him, feeling my breathing increase, my nerves jangling inside me.

  "No 'what ifs', just tell me what happened, okay?" he said evenly. "Slow your breathing and keep going when you're ready." It took several moments to calm myself down again.

  "He...he drove us around all afternoon. It was a perfect day. We talked about music, his family, my friends." I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "We t...talked about our band and the gigs we had coming up." I had to stop talking again, my emotions getting the better of me, a single sob escaping me.

  "Jordan took us to this little dive bar that has these great burgers," I forced out, blinking away tears. "He'd been taking me there since I was old enough to drink. We had a great time. He...he told me that Annie and he were going to try to have another baby. He was so exited about being a dad again." I sobbed some more, my hands shaking, the pain welling up inside me. It hurt so fucking bad. "I...I badgered him all afternoon to let me drive his car. He hardly ever let me drive it and I...I wouldn't let it go." I took another ragged breath. "I wouldn't fucking let it go," I said harshly as I stared down at my shaking hands. Panic began to flood into me and an overwhelming urge to flee came over me. "I...I can't," I stammered as my stomach seemed to twist in on itself inside me, my heart starting to pound in my chest. "Fuck," I blurted out as I surged up off the couch, fully intent on running out of the goddamn building.