by PE Kavanagh
“Hmmm. That’s not one of mine.”
Maybe something from my landlord. She placed it on the small dining table and focused on putting her bags away.
“Hey, it looks different in here,” he noticed.
“Yup. I did some cleaning, culling, and organizing. During my free time.”
“I see. I’m glad you used your time wisely, as opposed to the incessant wailing going on at my place.”
“All’s well that ends well.”
“Thanks, Shakespeare.”
* * *
It was right before bed, while Aidan was in the bathroom, that she remembered the letter. She wondered if there had been a problem with her rent, although it was so late in the month for that.
She noticed that it was not even sealed and pulled out a single folded sheet, typewritten.
Welcome home Lola,
* * *
Hope you enjoyed your time away. I’m glad you made the decision to dump that liar. He was no good for you. You need a good man, like me.
* * *
See you soon.
“Aidan!”
He ran into the living room, pulled the letter from her hands and read. Without skipping a beat, he ordered, “Pack a bag. We’re leaving.”
“What’s going on Aidan?”
“Lola, pack a few things. We are going to my apartment. Now.” There was no question in his voice. She did as she was told.
It was freezing outside, shocking after their time in the relative mild of California, but they did not even think about trying to find a car or taxi. They were propelled on their own legs. They didn’t speak until the elevator doors of Aidan’s apartment closed behind them.
Lola dropped onto the couch, dazed. “What’s going on, Aidan?” Her voice shook.
“I’m not sure. I have a feeling it’s related to the person who contacted me. Who set up our… meeting. I never found out who it was, or why they went to all the trouble to orchestrate what happened.”
Aidan went into the extra room and returned with a pile of papers from the top drawer. He began to scan each sheet.
“What is that? What are you doing?”
“It’s all our communication. I printed it all out, as proof. I haven’t thought about this for a while.” His hands shook with anger.
“How did he know where I live? That’s terrifying!”
“Lola, please don’t panic. I know you’re frightened right now. I don’t blame you. But we have to keep our heads together. You’ll stay here until we figure it out. My security is much better than yours. And I’ll be by your side every minute.”
“Should we call the police?”
He didn’t answer right away. “I don’t know, Lo. I’ll do anything you want. But this will be hard to explain, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know what to think. I don’t understand what’s going on.”
Neither of them slept. It was hard to even touch, while imagining the worst case scenarios predicted by those few words on the mysterious letter.
16
Making a Plan
IT WAS AIDAN’S idea that Maddie come over the next night to help brainstorm. He had already created a list of all his former clients and anyone who might have known about his past. It was now their turn to review the list and then try to think of anyone who would have had a vendetta against or strange curiosity with Lola. They hoped that at the intersection of those lists would be their culprit.
The idea made Lola sick to her stomach, so she was glad her best friend was there to support her. She looked at the names on the computer monitor, having trouble translating the marks into words. These were human beings, she kept having to tell herself. Instead she saw a series of images - women of different ages, shapes, colors, in bed with her boyfriend. Every time she looked away, trying to catch her breath, she forced herself to return. Every name I examine is one less I have to look at.
Waves of nausea pushed against the back of her throat. She stood up and began to pace. Twenty steps to the wall, right hand turn, to the kitchen, right hand turn, back to the living room. Counting each step, focusing on one foot in front of the other.
Maddie took over Lola’s seat in front of the computer, then turned to Aidan, who couldn’t wipe the pain from his face. She brought her attention back to the list.
"Wait a minute!"
Everyone froze.
"What is it Mads?" asked Lola from the opposite side of the living room, where her last steps had taken her.
"I think I… we… know this person. Barbara Vilosky.”
"His mother." Lola’s voice was as flat as the wood plank under her feet.
Aidan spoke. “Whose mother?"
Maddie answered. "Her ex. Scott."
Breathe. You will not die. My ex-boyfriend’s mother had hired my current boyfriend for sex. I will not die.
Aidan walked over to Lola and extended his arms to hold her. She swung her arms up and pushed him away. "Don’t touch me."
He took another step toward her. "Lo, I know this is hard. I’m…"
Everything was too hot. "You don’t know anything. Let’s just finish."
He stumbled back. Maddie spoke up, attempting to re-focus their attention. "So, what does it mean? That Scott’s mother was a… client?"
All Lola could see was Aidan running his hands through her long blonde hair. His mouth on her body. She forced herself to speak, trying to squeeze the images from her mind. "She always liked me. We got along really well. I don’t think she would try to hurt me."
Aidan took a few more steps away from her. “How about Scott?”
Maddie responded first. "Absolutely. That bastard was psycho. He’s the first person I would have pegged for this. But I can’t figure out his connection to you," Maddie said to Aidan.
"Scott Vilosky? I really don’t think I know anyone by that name."
Lola still hadn’t moved from the spot on the opposite end of the room. She didn’t trust that another step was available. Not while she was seeing them, naked in the bed only a few feet away from where she was standing. "No. His name is Scott MacKenzie."
Aidan’s hand flew up to his forehead. "Holy shit!"
Both women spun to look at him. Maddie spoke. "Do you know him?"
"Is he a lawyer? At Cravath? Calls himself Mack?"
"Yes," they answered simultaneously.
It took a moment for him to speak. "I know him. I knew him. His firm was part of the audit at my bank. We met right before I left, went out for drinks a couple of times. But he was obsessed with this woman who had just dumped him. He was deranged."
Lola sat herself down on the same spot she’d previously been standing. The floor was cold on her bottom. She liked the feeling. “That’s him, alright.” She couldn’t look at either of the other people in the room. Instead, she kept seeing them. He was on top of her, her back was arching, they were moaning together.
"I wouldn’t have anything to do with him, Lola. I promise you."
”Maybe he knew about you because of his mother. Is that possible?"
Without moving his gaze, fixed on Lola, he answered Maddie. "It’s not impossible."
"This is nuts. I can’t believe that asshole…" Maddie stood up with hands in tight fists.
"We don’t know it’s him." Lola’s voice was eerily calm.
Maddie pressed the point. "Lo, this is a pretty huge coincidence, don’t you think?"
"I don’t want to think. Every thought is horrifying."
Maddie walked over to her friend and sat on the floor next to her.
"Lo, why don’t you go lay down? Aidan and I can take it from here. Let me help you up."
"I’m good here, thanks."
Aidan walked over. “Baby, tell me what you need."
"I need to stop imagining you fucking my ex-boyfriend’s mother.” The wound from Scott's betrayals re-opened in a torrent of pain, mingling with the realization of Aidan's connection to him. Lola couldn’t suppress the compulsion to flee. “And I
need to go home."
Maddie replied. ”You can’t do that, Lo. It might not be safe."
"I can’t stay here." At least at home, she could think, make sense of all this.
Aidan’s jaw dropped.
Maddie took her hand. "This is the best place for you, Lo. He knows where I live too, but probably not where Aidan lives. And this place is like Fort Knox."
"I can’t stay here. He can’t keep me here."
"No one’s keeping you here, Lola." Aidan's shock transformed to anger. "You are not a prisoner. At least you’re not my prisoner. You can come and go as you like."
"That’s not helping, Aidan," Maddie berated him. "She needs to stay here."
He raised his arms and his voice. "She doesn’t want to stay here! She’s too disgusted by me to be in the same house."
"Lola, let’s just finish this, okay? We are so close. I really think it’s Scott behind all this nonsense. We just have to decide what we’re going to do next and then it’s almost over. Aidan’s just trying to help."
Lola swung her head around to glare at her friend. "So you’re on his side now?"
Aidan spoke. “What the fuck, Lola? There is only one side here - yours. We are ALL on your side, sitting here trying to figure out this mess that your psycho ex-boyfriend created. Why am I the bad guy?"
Maddie stood up and turned her glare to each of them. "You both have to calm down. This is probably exactly what he wanted. Let’s not do that. We can sort this out, but not if we’re fighting with each other."
Aidan paced behind the couch, shaking his head. "I can’t do it anymore, Maddie. I opened myself up, I took all the blame and shame, but it’s enough. I’ve tried to be as patient and understanding as I can, but at some point, I have to say no, I’m not your punching bag. If you don’t want to be here, Lola, you are free to go."
Without looking at him, Lola stood up and walked into the bedroom. She came out with her bag and picked up her coat on the way to the door. Maddie ran in front of her, blocking the elevator.
"Lo, don’t do this. Be mad at him afterward - I don’t care. Right now, you need to screw your head back in, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and clean this mess up. I will not let you walk out of here. We have no idea what that idiot is planning. What if he kidnaps you?"
"Kidnaps me? Are you serious?"
"The point is we have no idea. I thought he was the most useless person on the planet, but look at this huge plan he orchestrated. It wasn’t nothing. Let’s not underestimate him."
"I’ll go," said Aidan from across the room. "You stay here, I’ll go."
"Go where?"
"Doesn’t matter. I have your keys and can go to your apartment to pick up the rest of your things. You guys stay here, figure it out. Let me know if there’s anything you want me to do. Any way I can help. And if you don’t want me to do anything, that’s fine, too."
The elevator door opened just in time for Aidan to step into it. He looked away as the doors closed.
Maddie waited for her friend to say something. Or move. Neither happened.
"Lo, let’s get back to this thing with Scott."
"Was I wrong, Mads? He just left his own house."
"I really don’t want to get in the middle of this."
"Are you kidding? You’ve been sticking yourself in the middle of this since the beginning!"
Maddie took a deep breath before answering. "I get that you’re shocked. And angry. It would be great, though, if you could stop lashing out at us. This is your mess, Lo. We just happen to be the people willing to help you clean it up. You already pushed Aidan out. You wanna exit me as well?"
Maddie stood right in her face.
Lola caved and stepped back, away from the elevator.
"And in answer to your question - Yes, you were wrong. He didn’t deserve the way you treated him. But I’m sure he’ll forgive you. That’s the kind of guy he seems to be. The question is, what are you going to do? Are you going to let this mistake from his past give you liberties to be a total bitch forever?"
"Fuck you, Maddie."
"Fuck you, too." She waited a beat. "You know, I’m scared shitless for you. For me too, actually. I was never blinded by Scott and there’s nothing I would put past him. You act like Aidan’s the enemy. And I’m the enemy for defending him. But Scott’s the enemy. The only enemy."
Lola walked past Maddie, dropping her bags on the way to the kitchen. She went directly to the refrigerator. "I’m starving."
They pulled containers from the refrigerator and ate with their fingers, not speaking much. They didn’t need to.
"I’ve figured it out," Lola said as if the previous hour hadn’t happened.
"Tell me."
"We get in touch with Scott. Set up a meeting. Force him to stop."
"Force him how? We have no leverage on him. How are we going to scare him?"
Lola thought for a moment. "I’m going to talk to his mother."
"No way, Lo. What if she’s in on it?"
"My instinct says no. She would never do this."
"Okay. I trust you, Lo."
"I’m sorry Mads. I feel like I’m losing my mind." She ran her fingers across her forehead.
"I know what that feels like."
"I know. Shit! How am I going to fix this? Instead of cleaning up this mess, I just keep making it worse."
"It’s okay. Let’s just keep moving forward, alright? Nothing irreversible has happened. Now, tell me what you’re going to say to Barbara."
She thought. "Well, it’s going to be weird that I’m getting in touch after so long. I need a reason to see her."
"What about something with the magazine?"
"Brilliant! I can tell her we’re doing a spread on one of her charities. I’ll text her now."
Maddie watched as Lola composed and sent the message on her phone.
"We’ll see what happens…"
"Maybe there’s another text you need to send?"
It took a second for Lola to understand what Maddie was suggesting. "What can I say to him? I know it’s not his fault. But all I can see is him with these women. With Scott’s mother. It’s hard to stomach. All the disgust just came flooding back."
"I don’t know what to tell you about that. Take a break from him, if you need to."
"I tried that. In California. I couldn’t hold out more than two days. It was pathetic."
"Why do you say that?"
"I want him. I love him. I’m repulsed by him. I’m horrified by what he did. All at the same time. How do I handle that?"
"Lo, this is going to sound harsh, but I have to say it."
Lola bit her lip.
"It’s not about him. You’re acting like he deserves to be punished and you get to decide whether he deserves redemption or forgiveness. I don’t think he’s asking for your forgiveness. Not about his past anyway. Maybe about lying to you at the beginning, but he came clean."
Lola recognized those words. "So you think what he did was okay?”
"It’s not… it’s not for me to judge that, either way. I think I understand what was going through his mind at the time. It made sense. It aligned with the world he thought he was in. But then he changed his mind. He made a different choice. I mean any of us who doesn’t prostitute ourselves on a regular basis might have a leg to stand on here, but the rest of us certainly do not."
"What are you talking about? Neither of us have ever done what he did."
"Bullshit. It might look a little different, or be culturally accepted, but it’s the same thing."
"I have no idea what you’re talking about Maddie. This is ridiculous."
"Is it? Do you think those dresses I wear make my voice better? Clearly not. But it’s the price I pay so that I don’t have to sing to an empty room. And if I ever make it really big, I’m not fooled for a minute that there’s a huge price to pay for that as well."
"It’s not the same thing, Maddie."
"It’s EXACTLY the same thing, Lola. I get
to choose exactly what I want, and how I want to get it. I’m in no way a victim here, which means I don’t need anybody’s pity or forgiveness or judgment. That’s all he wants, I think. Is to treat him like a grown-up who made choices, and paid for them."
"How do you know all this?"
"I spoke to him. Every fucking day. It started out because I was scared for him. When he came to my house that night… I’ve never seen a man so upset. So I checked in on him. But then, I realized how much I needed to hear what he was saying. How much it applied to me and my life and the choices I was making about my career, about the baby, about all of it."
"Shit, Maddie. That’s hard to hear."
"I’m sorry, Lo. But I think you need to hear it too. You’re in the same boat."
"What boat?"
"That ridiculous job you have! Sure, it’s a great job - it pays the bills nicely, it’s prestigious, you get to defend yourself to your family and the world about what a great thing you’re doing, when you know that it’s all a lie. That’s not what you’re supposed to be doing. And you know it."
"You have no idea, Maddie. You don’t know anything about it."
"Lola, you know that’s not true. I know a whole lot about it. And I love you, and I trust you, and I would never judge you. But let’s tell the truth, okay? You choose safety, security, control over risk. Or love. It’s what you did with your career. It’s what you’re doing with Aidan."
"Please stop." Lola put her hands up in front of her.
"I’m not trying to hurt you, Lo. But I think it’s a great opportunity for you, right now, to make a different choice. Or make the same choice. It doesn’t matter. The point is that you can’t keep letting this fear and hiding run you. If you want to stay in that job, I will not love you one molecule less. If you keep him or dump him, you will still be the very best friend I have ever had. And will ever have. I just think you’d be so much less torn and conflicted if you stopped pretending that all this stuff is happening to you. It’s not. You’re choosing it."
Lola glowered at her best friend. "Are you done?"
"NO! I am not done. I am not the enemy here. And neither is he." Maddie's arms flailed around her.
