by PE Kavanagh
"Can you explain to me what it is you learned from him? From talking to him?"
"Sure. I told him what he did was unforgivable. And he told me he wasn’t asking for my forgiveness. Or yours, for that matter. That was the bravest thing I might have ever heard. I realized that whatever I choose to do to get what I want, I can’t go back later and play the martyr. I’m going to own it, 100%. Do you understand?"
"Not really."
"Lo… I think you’re mad at him because he is unrepentant about what he did. I think you want him to keep groveling, so you can feel better about judging him. That way, you’ll always be better than him. Just like you always need to be better than your sister."
"What the fuck does Claire have to do with this?"
“Sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought her up. But it feels the same to me. The point is that, with Aidan, don’t just keep him around so you can keep punishing him. Keep him because you love him and want to be with him, or cut him loose."
"I don’t think I can stop imagining him with those women."
"Sure you can. All you have to do is actually see the man in front of you, instead of the one in your imagination."
"I don’t…"
The bell on her phone grabbed both of their attention. "Barbara!"
* * *
BARBARA: Dearest Lola. What a wonderful surprise to hear from you, after so long. I’d love to talk about a piece in the magazine. It would be an honor! And it would be lovely to see you too.
LOLA: That’s wonderful, Barbara. How about lunch on Wednesday?
* * *
"Holy shit, Lo. This is getting real. I think we need to plan out exactly what you’re going to say to her."
"I’m not really sure. Maybe I tell her about this whole thing. See how she reacts."
"It’s her son you’re talking about. And it’s not like we have exact proof. We’re still guessing here."
"How about I tell her I want to talk to Scott? Get back in touch with him. And I need her help because…"
"That sounds weird. And what are you going to do when you see him? I don’t think you should be within one hundred feet of that lunatic. Not by yourself, anyway."
"He would know."
"He who? Would know what?"
"Aidan. He would know what to do."
"I agree with you. Call him."
"I can’t."
"Yes you can. Listen, just think of this as a business deal. You two will be working together to fix this situation. You don’t have to decide right now whether you’re going to stay with him or not, you can just keep it clean."
"Why would he help me, after how I acted?"
"Because he loves you. And he was played too. I’m sure he wants to stop Scott. You might think about apologizing."
"Maddie…"
"Just a thought."
"I’ll text him."
"No. Call him. He needs to hear your voice."
"This is a nightmare."
"No. This is life, babe. And you can handle it. I have no doubt."
Lola dialed and put the phone up to her ear. It felt like minutes passed. "Hi." She paused. "I’m sorry. About how I acted. Can you please come home? Thanks."
Maddie beamed at her. “I’m proud of you, Lola. You’re stronger than you think."
"I don’t know what I’m doing, Mads. It’s all so crazy."
"I know. You’re going to figure it out, though. And I’m going to be right here, with you. No matter what."
Maddie gave her friend a long hug. "Thanks for not being mad at me. I know what I said was intense. I just see you, love. I really see you, and it’s almost blinding. I would love for you to stop hiding."
"I don’t know if I can."
"That’s okay too."
They moved to the couch, where they sat, silently, holding hands, until they heard the elevator doors open. Maddie stood up. Lola didn’t move, keeping her back to the doors.
She listened as his steps moved closer, but couldn’t turn toward him.
Maddie spoke. "We have a plan, Aidan."
"Great.” His voice was cold and robotic. “What have you decided?"
"Lo, why don’t you explain it? I think you know it better than I do."
Lola moved as if the air had solidified around her. Without looking at him, she turned her body. "I got in touch with Barbara. We’re going to meet this week. I’m waiting for her to get back to me and confirm."
"What are you going to tell her?" They spoke to each other without emotion.
"I lied to her. Told her I wanted to talk about doing a piece in the magazine, about her foundation."
"What do you want from her?"
"I want to know if Scott could do this. Maybe I’ll ask her to talk to him."
He took a deep breath, but didn’t respond.
Maddie added, ”Aidan, we’re not really sure what to do. What’s the best way to approach this? Lola was crazy brave to reach out to her. But we were hoping to get your thoughts on it."
Lola flushed with embarrassment. She should have been the one to explain the situation.
"I think I should talk to her. I am completely non-threatening and she doesn’t have any prior association with Scott and me. And if she’s in on it-”
Lola cut him off. "She’s not."
“Fine.” His voice rose. "In case she gets upset by the news, she can take it out on me. And not you."
"It’s my mess. I have to do it."
"You don’t have to do it, Lola," offered Maddie. "Aidan can take care of this part."
"Aidan," Lola said, finally turning to look directly at him, "I really appreciate your wanting to protect me but I have to do this."
"Would you let me come with you?" His body was tentative but his tone was not.
She answered. "I think that would be fine."
Maddie sighed with relief. "Okay, you two. I’m going to head home. It looks like you have it handled. After you find out more from Barbara, we’ll re-convene and figure out how to approach Scott. If we need to."
Maddie hugged them each on her way to the elevator. "Love you!"
Aidan walked straight into the kitchen, avoiding Lola, still sitting on the couch.
"Aidan." Her voice cracked.
"Yes." He didn’t turn from the cupboard.
She walked over to the stools on the other side of the breakfast bar. "Can I talk to you for a second?"
He opened the fridge. “Of course. I’m just getting something to eat. Is that okay?”
"Of course. It’s your house."
He whipped around and glared at her, as if he was going to speak, but stayed silent.
"I’m sorry that I forced you to leave your own home, Aidan.”
"You didn’t force me. I chose to leave." He picked up an apple from the bowl on the counter.
Maddie’s words echoed in her head. What will you choose, Lola? "I can see you’re mad at me and I don’t blame you. You’re trying to help, trying to keep me safe, and I’m making it tough. I’m trying to punish you and you don’t deserve that."
He said nothing. He took a bite of the apple in his hand and chewed, slowly.
"I wish you would say something. It feels so awkward. I’m in your house and I feel like I shouldn’t be."
"It’s safest for you here."
“But…"
"Don’t worry. I’ll be out the rest of the night. You’ll have the place to yourself."
"Aidan, please…"
He finished the apple, threw away the core, and strode toward the elevator. "See you later."
* * *
She had fallen asleep on the couch, waiting for him.
"Lola." He shook her lightly. "Lola, let’s go to bed. You’ll be more comfortable. Come on."
He sat her up, then pulled her to standing.
"Aidan… you’re home." She brought her hand to his cheek, so grateful he’d come home.
He turned away. "Yes."
He carried her to the spare bedroom, the one opposite his,
and sat her on the edge of the bed.
"Good night, Lola." He walked toward the door.
"Wait. Aidan…" He paused to let her finish. "Stay with me."
"No."
"I’m scared, Aidan."
He turned to face her in the darkened room. "I’m not available for companionship-on-demand. Or sex-on-demand."
"Why are you saying that to me?"
"Because I want things to be crystal clear. You've had full control on what we do or don't do, what kind of relationship we have or don't have. Perhaps you've gotten confused, thinking that we are… transacting. We’re not." He took one step toward her. "You couldn’t afford me anyway."
He walked out of the room, slammed the door shut, and left her sitting in the dark, mouth wide open.
17
Fight or Flight
LOLA HARDLY SAW Aidan over the next two days while she waited for their meeting with Barbara. He was already gone when she got up to go to work and returned home after she went to bed.
She would sit in her room, across from his, listening for the opening of the elevator doors and the tapping of his shoes across the wooden floor, to his room. She prayed that she could stop whatever it was that was causing her upset and his hatred.
Maddie didn’t offer much solace in their daily calls. "You have to be patient with him, Lo. He’s clearly hurting."
"Is he talking to you?"
"No. I haven’t heard from him. I promise. Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No. I’ll see him tomorrow. We’re meeting Barbara. And I need to handle this myself. As you said, it’s my mess to clean up."
"Lo, that’s not what I meant. Just remember, he’s acting this way because he’s hurt, not because he doesn’t love you."
"It’s hard to see that right now, Mads."
"I know, love. Just keep moving forward, okay?”
"Yup. Love you."
"Love you."
* * *
He was standing on the corner as she approached the restaurant.
"Are you ready?" he said without greeting.
"Yes. I am."
"Good."
He opened the door and held it for her. Lola wanted to burst into tears already. You can do this.
The popular restaurant was packed. She arrived at the host podium and immediately located Barbara’s recognizable platinum blonde hair. She walked over to her, with Aidan holding back a few steps.
Barbara smiled upon seeing Lola and extended her arms out. Her lips thinned and her body stiffened when she noticed Aidan. "Lola! What’s going on here?"
"Barbara, its so wonderful to see you. Thanks for meeting me."
He spoke. “Barbara. It’s been a while. You look wonderful."
"Aidan, what are you doing here?!" Her voice was raised enough to gather attention.
Aidan remained calm. “It’s okay, Barbara. Let’s just sit down.”
She looked at Lola. "What are you playing at, Lola? I thought we were meeting about the foundation. Are you setting me up?"
"No, I’m not Barbara. I’m sorry I had to lie to you. But I need your help."
The regal woman stood frozen, still trying to process the two people in front of her. "I can’t believe you, Lola. I trusted you."
Aidan took her arm. "Barbara, I know you’re surprised to see the two of us. It’s not what you expected. But I promise you, no one is here to hurt you in any way. We’re here because something terrible is going on with Lola and we need your help." He was using that tone she had begun to expect over the past few days: laser-focused, emotionless, uninterested in resistance.
Barbara was still breathing fast, her eyes darting from Lola to Aidan, back and forth. She sat down. "What is going on?" She held her purse so tightly her knuckles were turning white.
Lola began. "Someone’s been threatening me. I think it may be-”
"Wait.” Aidan cut her off abruptly. "Let me start at the beginning. Scott and I met a couple of years ago, right before I left the bank. He was one of the lawyers doing the audit."
"I remember that," his mother said.
"Good," Aidan continued. "All he could talk about was this woman who’d just broken up with him. And how much he wanted to… get revenge. He didn’t know about my… pastime. At least I didn’t think so at the time. But he asked me to help screw her over."
Barbara gasped, bringing her hands to her throat.
"That woman was me, Barbara."
Her lip began to quiver. "Oh my God…"
"I didn’t help him. In fact, I left the bank, and then I left the country. As you know."
"But, Aidan, this was years ago. What else is going on?"
"When I got back to New York a few months ago, someone contacted me, offering to pay me to… go out… with someone. I said I didn’t know what they were talking about. Then they started naming names, including yours. So I agreed to take this woman out on a few dates."
Barbara listened intently.
"That woman was also me."
Barbara’s face fell. "That was Scott?"
Aidan answered. "I think so. I wanted to stop… to end our agreement and he began to threaten me."
"God!"
"Then Lola got an anonymous letter at her apartment."
Barbara dropped her head. "Jesus! What has he done?"
Lola reached out to touch the woman's wrist. ”Barbara, what’s going on with Scott? Do you think he could do this?"
Barbara took her hand. "He’s lost, Lola. He’s been lost for a while now."
"What do you mean?"
"He’s been in and out of rehab for a couple of years. He just got out, maybe two, three months ago. But I don’t think he’s any better."
Rehab?" The word rolled around Lola's mouth, not wanting to settle.
"Yes, dear."
Aidan bobbed his head. "That lines up with when I started hearing from him."
"I can’t believe my son would do this. It can’t be."
"I’m sorry, Barbara. I can’t imagine how hard this must be."
Lola still couldn’t process what she had heard. "Why was he in rehab?"
"Alcohol. Other things. After the two of you broke up and I left his father, he just started drinking. All the time. Lost his job, even."
"I can’t believe this, Barbara. I just can’t."
"He treated you so badly, Lola. I know. Well, I know about some of it. I don’t think I want to know all of it." She pursed her lips together and looked down.
“Where is he now?” asked Aidan.
“His father got him another job, with a small firm in Queens. But he’s not doing well. He doesn’t speak to me much. He was so angry. I thought it was just because of the divorce, but maybe it was…" she looked over at Aidan. “Maybe he knew.”
“I think so, Barbara. That seems to be a part of it.”
“Shit.” Lola had never heard Scott’s mother curse. “Which means you know too, Lola.”
“Yes, ma’am. But I… I don’t have any judgment toward you. You were always so kind to me and I think you are an exemplary person.”
“Thank you, dear. I appreciate you saying that. Sometimes we do things out of desperation that don’t really reflect our best selves.” She placed her hand on Aidan’s. “This young man helped me understand that. I don’t regret meeting you, Aidan. You were wonderful.”
“Thank you Barbara. I will always have nothing but respect for you.”
Lola looked away, to catch her breath. You can do this.
Barbara noticed. “How do you know each other?”
“I went out with Lola. Because of Scott.”
Was that all he thought of their relationship?
“But now?”
Neither of them spoke.
“I see,” Barbara said. “Well, I’m happy for you. Both of you.”
Aidan was all business. “It’s not what you think, Barbara. Can we talk about Scott? We want to talk to him, to find out what he’s planning. What should we expect?”
“I wish I could tell you, Aidan. I saw him right after he got out of rehab. His father and I went to pick him up. But I haven’t seen him since. He won’t really talk to me.”
“Does he talk to Edward?” asked Lola, hoping his father might be able to help.
“A little bit more than me, I think. But his father has very little patience for his antics. Turns him in to the authorities all the time.” Barbara looked at them both with a realization. “You didn’t call the police. Why?”
“It’s so complicated, don’t you think? How could we explain, without incriminating ourselves?”
“I suppose that’s true. What are you planning to do next?”
“We were hoping you could help us get in touch with him, Barbara. We need to talk to him. Ask him to please stop harassing Lola. So she can get back to her normal life.”
Lola knew what he meant, but Barbara didn’t. “Her normal life?”
“I’m not sure that it’s safe for her.”
Barbara gasped, recognizing what this meant about her son.
Aidan continued. “So she’s been hiding out in my apartment. But it’s not a long term solution. I mean, she’s living like a refugee. She needs to be able to live her own life.”
“I understand. You really think he would hurt you, Lola?”
“I don’t want to, Barbara. He threatened all sorts of things when we broke up…”
“I can attest to that,” added Aidan.
“… but I don’t want to think I’m in danger. You understand? It’s too much for me.” Aidan turned to look at her, with a flash of compassion, but turned away quickly.
“I’ll reach out to him, dear. I’ll ask his father too. Let me work on it.”
“Thank you, Barbara. I’m so sorry to have to ask you to do this.”
“I can’t have Lola feeling unsafe. I wish my son had been better to you. And I hope you find someone who will always make you feel safe.”
* * *
Barbara’s text came early on Friday morning, letting her know that she still hadn’t heard from Scott. Lola reached out to Aidan right away. Even though she was still living in his house, she hadn’t seen him since their lunch with Barbara.
