by Judy Nickles
****
The next week, Pete’s Alice wrote to her, saying that Pete had left Celeste’s name and address “just in case.”
He said you were the nicest girl he’d ever known, except me, of course, and a good friend. We did get married before he left, just a quick ceremony in front of a judge. We only had three days, but it was enough. As I write this, his son is smiling at me from his buggy. Pete’s parents want me to come for a visit. They want to see their grandchild. But I have to go back to work soon. (A friend will take care of Peter James during the day.) So, they’re hoping to come out here sometime soon. I hope you and I will meet someday, too. Pete told me about running into you while he was home on leave, and I think something you said gave him the courage to say we’d go on and get married before he went overseas. He was such a good man, and I know his son will be a good man, too.
Celeste tucked the grainy black-and-white snapshot of Peter James Frame, Jr. into the same wooden box Pete had made for her keepsakes. Oh, sweet Alice, I’m so glad you have Pete’s little boy. I know, well almost know, how you feel. If I never see Kent again, whether because of the war or because he wants it that way, I have Jonny, and he’s everything. I’ll give this box to Pete’s son someday for his own special treasures.
****
Jonny said he wanted to be a clown for Halloween. Celeste asked him why he chose that instead of being a soldier or a sailor like most of the other boys. “It’s a bad thing, the war is,” he said. “But clowns make people smile.”
“I couldn’t give him up now,” Celeste told Coralee at Thanksgiving. “Not for anything—or anyone. Even Kent. Sometimes…sometimes he reminds me of Kent. Oh, not the way he looks, but the way he talks, his sense of humor, the way he can be so serious and understand things.”
“You’ve had a lot to do with that, Cece.”
“But there had to be something there to start with, don’t you think?”
“I think he’s a sweet kid, and we all love him.”
****
Veda talked Celeste into going to the Roof Garden on New Year’s Eve. “I’ll bet that blue velvet dress has been in mothballs forever.”
“I’m not going to wear it.”
“Why not?”
“It stood for something that doesn’t matter anymore.”
“A fairytale romance? There’s more than one fish in the sea, Cece.”
“It was going to change my life. Make me someone I wasn’t. But it didn’t do that, and princes don’t exist. That blue velvet dress was a dream that never came true.”
“You have Jonny. I’m not sure I could do what you’ve done.”
“A few months ago, I’d have said the same thing. Now it’s like we’ve been together forever.”
Mrs. Aikman came over to keep Jonny. “I’ll be home early,” Celeste promised him. “We’ll go out in the yard and light sparklers if you’re still awake.”
Celeste didn’t lack for partners, but she caught herself looking around the dance floor as if expecting to see Kent. After the balloons and streamers dropped, and they sang the obligatory Auld Lang Syne, she left Veda at her apartment and drove home.
“He tried, but he couldn’t keep his eyes open,” Mrs. Aikman said, glancing at the little boy fast asleep on the sofa. “He keeled over while he was writing his New Year’s resolutions. I just covered him up and left him there on the settee.”
When Mrs. Aikman had gone, Celeste knelt beside the sleeping child and picked up the red Big Chief tablet. Across the top of the page he’d written MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS FOR 1945. There was only one: I will be so good my Mom will smile all the time and never cry again.
Celeste laid her face against the blanket and wept silent tears for a world of Kents and Petes and Alices—and finally, for herself.
Chapter Twenty-Four
After Christmas, everyone began to talk about a quick end to the war. President Roosevelt’s death in April came as a shock to the country, overshadowing everything else. Then, early in May, just before Jonny finished second grade, Germany did indeed surrender. Celeste took him downtown, to watch people celebrate in the streets, and then to church, where many of the members had gathered spontaneously to give thanks and pray for the end of the fighting in the Pacific, too.
“JimBob’s daddy will come home now,” Jonny said the next morning as he carried their plates to the table. “He asked me if my daddy was coming home.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I said I didn’t have a daddy.”
“I see.”
“But I do, don’t I? Everybody has a mom and a dad.” Celeste caught a flicker of hope in his blue eyes that fastened on her.
“Yes, they do.”
“But you’re my mom now, and you’re not married.”
Celeste slipped her napkin from its ring and spread it in her lap, buying time to form a reply.
Jonny spread his napkin the way she’d taught him. “Not having a dad around is what that word you told me not to say means, doesn’t it?”
Celeste didn’t look at him. “You’re only a little boy, Jonny. You can’t understand everything yet.”
“I’m almost eight.”
Going on forty. “Yes, your birthday is coming up at the end of the summer.”
“You don’t like for me to talk about my dad, do you?” He took a big gulp of milk.
“Please wipe your mouth,” she murmured automatically. She didn’t miss the small sigh that seemed to fill the entire room.
“You didn’t forget about the school picnic on Friday, did you?”
“No, I’ll be there. Mr. Thomas already said I could take the afternoon off and make it up on Saturday.”
“And you didn’t forget the cupcakes?”
“We’ll make them tomorrow night.”
“Blue frosting.”
“Why blue?”
“I don’t know. I just like it.”
“Okay, blue frosting.”
In front of the school, just before he got out of the car, he turned to Celeste. “I don’t care if my dad doesn’t like me, as long as you’re my mom.” Then he grabbed the school bag with his lunch and tablet and ran off, letting the door slam behind him.
****
“What am I going to tell him, Sister?” Celeste asked when she called the ranch after Jonny went to bed that night. “He’s let things go for now, but someday he’ll want answers.”
“Would you like for Ben to talk to him? Sometimes a man can talk to a little boy better.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“You haven’t heard from Kent, I guess.”
“No, and I’m not going to.”
“Maybe you will.”
“No.”
“I don’t know what to tell you, sweetie.”
“There’s nothing to tell. Kent isn’t going to accept Jonny. In a way, that’s not accepting me either.”
“Are you sure?”
“I think so. Besides, Jonny and I are a package deal.”
****
Celeste checked on Jonny before she went to bed. He slept soundly, one arm thrown back over his head, and the other clutching the airplane Veda’s brother sent back the last time she went home. He knows he’s safe. He knows I’ll be here in the morning when he wakes up. That’s more than he ever had before. She straightened the covers over his legs, which had grown longer and rounder in the past year.
You and me, kiddo, both of us rejects like the merchandise Mr. Thomas sends back when he finds a flaw. But it’s okay. We haven’t done too badly on our own. We’ve muddled through, and it gets better all the time. Maybe someday somebody will want us, and you’ll have a dad. But I wish…oh, how I wish it would be Kent.
****
Neil finally wrote to say that Kent was being sent home on leave, then reassigned for the duration of the war.
I’m going to try to talk to him about you and Jonny, but I don’t know how he’ll take it, was his closing line.
“I hope h
e isn’t reassigned here,” Celeste said to Veda over lunch at Concho Drug one Friday. “It would be uncomfortable, to say the least.”
“For you or him?”
“For all of us.”
“He ought to take a blood test and prove once and for all whether he is or isn’t the father.”
“A blood test would only prove he isn’t. Anyway, he said it didn’t matter, that he wasn’t going to raise Jonny no matter what.”
“But he’ll let you raise him.”
“Sure, alone.”
“Do you still love Kent?”
“That’s the funny thing, Veda. In a way, I love him more than ever. Not like I was in love with him before, of course, but because he’s flawed like I am. That makes him more real. I want something—someone—real.”
”Everybody has flaws.”
“I told you about Mamma.”
“You’re not still thinking about what she did, are you? Look, Cece, she made her choices, just like Kent. If you weren’t here, what would’ve happened to Jonny? We’re all here for a reason. How we got here doesn’t matter.”
Celeste shrugged.
“You’re set on keeping Jonny, I guess.”
Celeste’s eyes widened. “Veda I’ve had him going on two years. How could I give him up?”
“You couldn’t. I was just baiting you to make you think.”
“I’ve thought about it every way there is to think. His grandmother doesn’t want him, and Kent’s mother sure isn’t going to take him. Neil thinks I’m doing a good thing, but he’s just glad he and Kay don’t have to make the decision about raising him or putting him in an orphanage. Anyway, Jonny wouldn’t want to go with any of them. This is his home. I’m his mom.”
“Then someone else will come along and want both of you.”
“You think so?”
“I do, Cece. Kent doesn’t know what he’s given up.”
****
Celeste and Jonny were playing marbles on the porch on Saturday afternoon when she heard the phone ringing. “Oh, Celeste, thank goodness.” Mrs. Lowe’s voice bordered on panic-stricken. “Can you help me out at the Canteen tonight? I’m going to be short four girls.”
“Four! Why?”
“Two of them have brothers coming home this weekend, one is sick, and the other one eloped. Eloped! Can you believe it?”
“If Mrs. Aikman can watch Jonny, I’ll come. Let me check and call you back.”
“Please come, even if you have to bring the boy. He’s such a nice, polite little fellow, and nobody will care if he sits in the kitchen and stuffs himself with doughnuts.”
Celeste laughed. “He would, too, and then he’d be a nice, sick little fellow. I’ll call you back in a few minutes.”
****
Jonny sat on the foot of Celeste’s bed watching her brush her hair. “Aw, heck, I don’t know why you have to go out tonight. We were having a good game.”
“We can’t play marbles all night, pal.”
“But we could listen to the radio. You could watch me draw war maps.”
“Why do you draw war maps?”
“All the guys do.”
“Oh. Well, we can do that Sunday after church.”
“I guess.”
“Mrs. Aikman will play checkers with you.”
“She always lets me win.”
“Tell her you know that she does and not to do it. But say it nicely.”
“Okay.”
Celeste rose from her dressing table. “I made tuna fish sandwiches for your supper. They’re in the refrigerator with some raw carrots and an apple. And you can have chocolate ice cream for dessert. Two scoops, no more.”
“I guess maybe you hid the cookies again.”
“I have to hide them.” She tickled him, and he rolled over on his back, giggling. “You’re such a cookie snatcher.”
“Aw, Mom, Granny Pearl says I’m a growing boy.”
“You’re a cookie snatcher.” She reached for him again, but he rolled away. “I left two out on the cabinet. After supper, mind you, and not the minute I walk out the door.”
“Okay.”
“Take a good bath. Tomorrow’s Sunday.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll tell Mrs. Aikman to check the corners.”
“Aw, Mom.”
Celeste kissed his cheek. “See you later, hotshot.”
****
Mrs. Lowe greeted Celeste with open arms. “You don’t know how much I appreciate this, Celeste.”
“I’m glad I could come, Mrs. Lowe. I’ve missed helping out, but you understand I couldn’t leave Jonny every Saturday night.”
“Of course, I understand.” She stepped back a little. “Celeste, I don’t mean to be nosy, but you told me you were keeping him for someone who was overseas. When the war is over, won’t he be leaving you?”
“He’ll probably stay with me,” Celeste said.
“I see. One of those things. Well, he certainly seems to love you.”
Celeste lifted her eyebrows and tried to look neutral.
“It’s a wonderful thing, dear, and Jonny’s a sweet little boy, but won’t it be difficult for you when Kent comes home?”
Celeste kept smiling. “Oh, I don’t think so, Mrs. Lowe. I’ve told him all about Jonny. Things will work out.” She slipped out of her coat. “I’ll go see what I can help with in the kitchen.”
****
“Where did all these people come from?” Celeste asked Marilyn as she forked doughnuts onto a platter for the fourth time.
“It’s been busier this last year. I’m not sure why. Here, take these cookies out with the doughnuts.”
Celeste balanced the platters on her arm and reached for a pitcher of fruit punch. “I hope it’s over soon.”
“Don’t we all?”
The din of conversation rising over the music from the phonograph assaulted her ears as she emerged into the main room of the Canteen. The noise in here is awful. I’m too used to being home where it’s quiet. She skirted a couple dancing on the fringes of the floor and slid the plates into an empty space on the table.
“Hello, Velvet.”
She barely righted the pitcher before its contents could drench the tablecloth.
“Kent.”
His looked thinner, his face pinched and pale. She noticed the lieutenant’s bars on his uniform and a ribbon she didn’t recognize on his left pocket.
“How are you?” he asked as she stared, unable to take her eyes from his face.
She swallowed twice before she could speak. “All right.”
“I wasn’t sure you’d be here.”
“I don’t come anymore since…” She stopped and started over. “Mrs. Lowe needed me to fill in tonight.”
“Is our table still over in the corner?”
“I’m not sure.” She tried to see across the packed the dance floor. “Maybe there’s one somewhere.”
His touch, when he cupped her elbow to guide her through the crowd, sparked feelings she’d tried to forget. He pulled out a chair for her and sat down across the table. “You look different.”
“Older, anyway.”
“What are you now? Twenty-three? Twenty-four?”
“Twenty-four next April.”
“How’s your family?”
“Everyone’s doing well. Barbara’s growing like a weed. One week she wants to be a movie star, and the next she wants to be a cowgirl.”
“I guess you still go to the ranch on holidays.”
“Yes.”
“Still work at Woolworth?”
She nodded.
“How do you manage with…”
“I worked things out.”
“Your hair is different.”
“I cut it a little. Easier to take care of.”
He glanced away, then back. “I’ve been reassigned to Concho Field.”
She digested the information she wished she hadn’t heard. “I’m glad you’re not going back.”
“Had
two planes shot out from under me. Luckily, the second one made it to the Channel before the last engine quit. We got wet, but we all got out in one piece.”
“Oh, Kent, how awful for you.”
He shrugged. “I’m alive. Lost a lot of buddies, though.”
“Pete Frame is dead,” she said, choking on the words she’d never actually voiced. “My high school date. We ran into each other when he was home on leave, before he went overseas. He married a girl in Virginia.” She hesitated. “He never saw his son.”
“Too bad.”
“Yes, it is. She wrote to me. Alice. His wife.”
“The English girls came to the base for dances sometimes. They were nice, but they weren’t you.”
She didn’t reply.
“I looked at your picture every chance I got. The one you had made in that blue velvet dress. Do you still have it?”
“Yes, but I don’t wear it.”
“Not in style?”
“Right. Out of date.”
“You have your eye on something newer?”
“Not exactly. The dress stood for something then, a new direction in my life, a change I wanted to make.”
“You’ve made a lot of changes, I guess.”
“I’ve had to.”
“Yeah.” He looked around again. “Want to dance?”
“Maybe we shouldn’t.”
“I need to hold you, Velvet. All I’ve thought about for the last few months, since I knew I was coming home, was holding you in my arms. Sometimes I’d go to bed at night and actually feel you.”
“Kent, I meant what I said in the letter you never answered, so I decided you didn’t think there was any middle ground for us.”
“I didn’t know what to say to you. I still don’t. I love you and want to marry you. Do you still love me, or is there someone else? You said you were going to be looking.”
The accusatory note in his voice irritated her. “There’s no one else, Kent. I’m not sure there ever could be.”
“Why not?”
“You know what they say about a girl’s first love.” She tried to smile.
“I guess not, but let’s don’t talk about it. Dance with me.” He stood up and held out his hand.
****
He held her in a way that the chaperones told the girls wasn’t appropriate, but no one tapped her on the shoulder. She guessed Mrs. Lowe recognized Kent and explained the situation to the others. When she came to their table later and told Kent how glad she was to see him, she seemed more emotional than usual. Using the fact that the woman lingered beside Kent’s chair, Celeste made an excuse to go back into the kitchen.
