by J. L. Drake
I laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling as the tears continued to run down my cheeks.
“You are worth more than you think.”
Alessio’s voice kept repeating over and over again my head. I had Maddie, Lena, Alessio…and Nikolay. They understood me. They didn’t question. They just accepted.
Maybe I do matter, I thought.
I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I was still lost in my thoughts when I heard another knock on the door. Sitting up on the bed, I called out, “Come in.”
The door opened and Maddie walked in with a big smile on her face. And in her hands was a large bouquet of pink flowers.
“How are you feeling?” she asked cheerfully.
“Good,” I responded, my eyes on the flowers. They were so beautiful. Pointing at them, I looked up at Maddie curiously, “What are you doing with these?”
Her hazel eyes twinkled and she gave me another smile. “They are for you, silly.”
“For me?” I asked, astonished.
“Uh-huh. They are pink calla lilies,” she replied, walking over to my nightstand. Maddie took out the other flowers there to put these ones.
“They are so beautiful.” I couldn’t take my eyes off them.
Maddie paused in what she was doing and turned toward me. “Alessio got them for you,” she said slowly. “He said to get well soon.”
My back straightened at her words. I looked up at her in shock, my eyes filled with questions. She smiled and nodded.
Placing my hands out, I whispered, “Can I hold them?”
She gave me the flowers. As soon as my fingers wrapped around the stems, I brought them closer to me and inhaled the sweet scent. It smelled refreshing. Sweet.
But that was not what made my heart race.
Nobody had ever given me flowers before. No one.
But Alessio bought me flowers. He was the first person to give me flowers. The most beautiful flowers ever.
My heart did a flip and I couldn’t help the tiny smile that stretched across my lips. It was small and faint, but a smile nonetheless.
“They are so beautiful,” I whispered again, holding the bouquet close to my chest.
“I know,” Maddie whispered back.
I looked up at her and she smiled, staring right into my eyes, “For once, I agree with his choice.” She mumbled something under her breath that I didn’t comprehend, but I didn’t pay attention to it.
All I cared about was the bouquet of flowers I was holding in my hand. Bringing them close to my face again, I inhaled its sweet scent.
You are loved. You matter.
Alessio’s voice rang through my head as I closed my eyes.
When he first said those words to me, I hated them. I hated him. They had cut deep into my heart, hurting me. Yet at this very moment, those same words brought me peace.
Chapter 36
Alessio
I paced the length of my office, my mind filled with Ayla. She was all I could think about the whole damn day. I couldn’t get rid of her face. Her frail body as I held her in my arms, her blood surrounding us.
I had locked myself in the office so I wouldn’t be tempted to go to Ayla. She needed time, I told myself. But it was a struggle being away from her when all I wanted was to offer comfort.
I just wanted her to open up, yet she stayed stubborn.
When a knock sounded at the door, I growled at the person to enter. The door opened and I turned around to see Nikolay walking in.
“So?” I demanded when he closed the door. “Did she say anything?”
Nikolay’s face was blank, his eyebrows drawn together as he regarded me impassively. He shook his head at my question and then sighed.
When Ayla had closed down on me, refusing to listen to a word I said, I thought that maybe she would connect with Nikolay if he told her what he’d been through. He was a man of few words. He loathed talking about what happened, but I knew he wouldn’t refuse me. As soon as I had laid my thought on the table, Nikolay had nodded and left without saying anything.
I had hopes that maybe Ayla would open up. If not to me or Maddie, maybe to Nikolay. But she clearly didn’t.
“Nothing at all?” Taking a step back, I leaned against the table and crossed my arms across my chest.
“No, boss. I tried, but she isn’t ready. I don’t think she will be ready any time soon,” Nikolay responded.
I sensed a hint of understanding from his tone. It took him years to finally overcome his PTSD and even now, he was not fully recovered.
“We just need to give her time,” he continued, his voice softening slightly. If there was someone who understood Ayla to the core, then it was Nikolay.
I swore under my breath, running my hand through my hair in frustration.
“We can’t push her too hard.”
“I know that,” I said, glaring at him.
“What are you going to do now?” he asked curiously.
And that was a question that I didn’t have an answer for. I was lost at what to do or how to deal with Ayla. She was so fragile that I was scared of taking a step that would end up hurting her. Or worse, have her shutting down further.
“I don’t know,” I answered truthfully. He grew silent at my response. The room was filled with tension and I turned my back to Nikolay, facing the large window that overlooked the back garden.
“But I will figure it out,” I said with conviction.
“Do you need me for anything else?” Nikolay asked
Shaking my head, I dismissed him. “No. You can leave.”
I placed both of my hands on the table and leaned forward. “What am I going to do with you, Ayla?” I whispered, my eyes fixated on the window.
After a few minutes of staring into the distance, I straightened up and shrugged on my suit jacket before leaving the room. My plan was to go downstairs for dinner, but instead, as I got closer to the stairs, my steps faltered.
Looking to my right, I stared at the hallway that led to Ayla’s room. It was tempting. I spent the whole day away from her and now I was standing just a few steps away.
But what if she didn’t want to see me?
Feeling frustrated at the uncertainty, I tightened my fingers into fists and took a step down the stairs, but then stopped.
“Fuck it!” I hissed before moving back and walking toward Ayla’s room. Stopping in front of her door, I took a deep breath and released it quickly before knocking at the door. My heart started to beat a little faster as I waited for her response.
Damn it! Was I nervous?
Swallowing hard at the realization, I started to think that this was a bad idea. I took a step away from the door and was about to leave when I heard her sweet voice.
“Come in.”
That did it. Those two words and her soft voice was enough to stop me from leaving. Placing my hand over the handle, I slowly opened the door and walked inside.
I found Ayla sitting on the bed, the comforter covering her legs as she stared at the walls thoughtfully. Her head snapped toward me when I entered the room.
“Alessio,” she whispered, her lips barely moving.
“Ayla.” We stared at each other, both of us lost for words.
Instinctively, I took a step forward and walked closer, stopping beside her bed. Her green eyes blinked up at me surprisingly and she licked her lips nervously.
Clearing my throat, I asked softly, “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” she replied quickly. I was surprised she even answered. I didn’t think she would. Cocking my head to the side, I stared at her questioningly. She shifted her eyes away from mine and looked down at her lap, her fingers twisting in the comforter.
“Did you eat yet?” I questioned when I felt the air growing awkward around us. I wanted to see her, yet I didn’t know what to say. Nothing about this woman made any sense to me and my reactions toward her made no sense either. She confused me. And my conflicting feelings only made it more confusing.
Ayla nodded. “I ate lunch a little late. So I am not hungry.”
“Okay.”
Ayla grew silent again and this time, I didn’t know what to say. So I cleared my throat one more time and started to back away from her bed. Her head snapped up and I saw her body slightly move forward. Her mouth opened to say something but then she closed it.
“I just wanted to see how you are doing,” I said gently, keeping my eyes on her. “I should go. You need to rest.”
Ayla’s shoulders sagged and she nodded, her eyes growing sadder.
My brows drew together at her expression. Did she not want me to leave? But when she didn’t say anything, I sighed and turned around.
As soon as I took a step away, her voice stopped me. “Wait,” she called softly. Swiveling around, I faced her again.
“Yes?” Perplexed by her abrupt call, I merely nodded in her direction, curious as to what she would say to me.
Her hand fluttered to her throat and then she pushed a few strands of her hair behind her eyes, her hands slightly trembling with nervousness. I saw her swallow a few times with visible effort, trying to find her voice again. I waited, surprisingly patiently.
“I…want to thank…I mean…” She stumbled over her words, stuttering badly over each one. Ayla quickly snapped her mouth shut, her lips forming a hard line. Her eyebrows furrowed together and she looked somewhat frustrated.
Ayla closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths. She sighed and then opened her eyes again. “Thank you for the flowers,” she said so quickly that I almost missed it.
Her cheeks colored in a beautiful shade of red and her gaze fell. She wiped her hands on the comforter over and over as she waited.
But I was completely lost.
Flowers?
What the fuck is she talking about?
“Flowers?” I echoed, not at all sure what she’d just said. Why was she thanking me for flowers?
“Yes,” she said, nodding toward her nightstand. I followed her eyes and saw some pink flowers in a vase. They were beautiful.
But they weren’t from me.
“Maddie told me you got them for me. They are so beautiful,” Ayla murmured softly, making me turn toward her again.
Maddie? Fuck. This girl. What the hell was she thinking? My jaw twitched in anger. She had overstepped her boundaries this time.
“Thank you so much,” Ayla whispered again, gazing up at me. Her expression took my breath away. Her green eyes were twinkling and her face had softened, her cheeks flushed.
At her sweet words and soft expression, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the truth.
“Right. Flowers. I’m glad you like them,” I said.
“I do,” she breathed, looking back at the flowers again, a small smile appearing at the corners of her lips.
Ayla gazed at the flowers, and when she didn’t turn back around, I slowly started to step away. “I should go.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
“Okay.” After giving her a final look, I tore my gaze away. I swiftly walked out of her room, and as soon as the door was closed behind me, I let the anger take place.
“Maddie,” I hissed.
Quickly walking away from Ayla’s room, I made my way downstairs and straight into the kitchen, where I knew I would find Maddie.
With each step I took, I grew angrier at the lies she fed Ayla. Stepping into the kitchen, I snapped loudly, my voice resonating with my annoyance and fury.
“Maddie!”
She jumped and swiveled around with a gasp, her hand going to her chest in shock. Her eyes went wide, but when she saw me, her shoulders sagged in relief. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Alessio, what’s wrong?” Lena asked, coming to stand beside her daughter.
“I have to speak with Maddie,” I growled.
Lena’s forehead creased in confusion and she faced Maddie. “What did you do now?”
“Me? I didn’t do anything,” she replied, her voice squeaking as she feigned innocence.
Taking a step forward, I grabbed her arm and started pulling her out of the kitchen. I heard Lena sigh behind me and she grumbled, “Here we go again.”
I pushed Maddie into the wall, my fingers still wrapped tightly around her arm. “You are hurting me, Alessio.”
I let go of her and she rubbed her arms, glaring at me. “This is going to bruise tomorrow.”
And I didn’t give a fuck.
“Don’t test me now, Maddie. Why did you lie to Ayla?” I snapped in her face.
“Ahh, that.” She rolled her eyes.
Smiling wide, she placed her hand over my chest and gave me a pat. “I got this. Just leave it to me. I have everything planned out. The wedding. The babies.”
I gaped at her in shock. “Maddie,” I warned.
“Alessio.”
“Enough! I am done with your shit.” Pointing a finger at her, I glared as my body vibrated with the force of my anger.
“No. You stop!” she rebuked, glaring just as fiercely. If she was one of my men, my fingers would already be wrapped around her neck. She was lucky I considered her a sister and not someone who worked for me. Maddie knew she could get away with anything, so she used it as her advantage. Every. Single. Time.
“Why are you so stubborn? What are you trying to hide, huh? Your feelings?” she hissed angrily. “Guess what? It’s too late. You should have thought about that before you let Ayla touch the piano. As soon as she played for you, you gave yourself to her.”
Each word was like a knife to my heart. And it made me furious. I started to interrupt, but she continued, her voice trembling with her anger.
“You think I don’t know? She plays the piano every single night. For you. You care, Alessio, yet you try to hide it. Stop it. Just stop and fucking admit it for once, that you care. Why is that so hard? Stop hiding behind your anger.”
I scowled harder and snapped, “Maddie!” My voice came out louder than I expected and her eyes widened. She crossed her arms across her chest, her mouth snapping shut. “You don’t tell me what to do. This is none of your business. And I want you to stay out of it.”
She stayed quiet, her mouth hardening in a thin line. I stepped away from her and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration before letting out my breath in a long puff.
Her words only made me angrier because they were true.
It was a truth I didn’t want to acknowledge but Maddie had said it out loud, giving me no choice but to face it.
I did care. I hated to admit it, but I did care. Ayla had successfully made her way into my heart, making me feel after so many years.
“You should have seen her face when I told Ayla you gave her the flowers,” Maddie whispered. “The way her face lit up, her eyes twinkling, and she smiled.”
At her words, I felt my fury slowly leave my body. I sighed and sagged against the opposite wall. “You are giving her false hope, Maddie. She will only get hurt in the end. I’m not the man for her.”
“But—”
“No. Stop whatever you are thinking or planning. Wedding? Babies? Are you crazy, Maddie? Don’t be delusional. There’s none of that in this life.”
“But if you let it happen, then maybe…”
I scoffed and then laughed, because what else was there to do? Did she forget what happened twenty-two years ago?
“My father let it happen and see where that got us,” I said, my tone chilling.
She flinched and cowered back into the wall, her gaze falling. “That doesn’t mean it will always end up that way. Maybe you just need to see the light and accept it.”
“No. That’s where you are wrong. Whatever I feel is a weakness. A weakness that will only hurt Ayla in the end. This is not about me. It’s about her.”
And with that, I spun on my heels and stalked away from her, but not before I saw Maddie’s shoulders sagging in defeat.
***
Dinner was the most painful. There was only silence. None of u
s spoke. Only the noise of our utensils scraping the plates filled the room. Everyone was lost in their own thoughts. But it was obvious we were all thinking about the same thing. Ayla.
After my conversation with Maddie, my chest felt tight, my heart heavy and aching. I wanted badly to let my guard down but I couldn’t. It was agony keeping it inside, when all I wanted was to go up and hold Ayla in my arms.
When dinner was over, I silently pushed my chair away and stood up. Nodding at my men, I walked away without a word and went upstairs. I was about to go into my room when I saw the door of the piano room open.
My eyebrows went up and I found myself frowning as I made my way to the room. Stopping in front of the door, I pushed the door open wider and took a step forward. My heart stuttered when I saw Ayla sitting at the piano.
When she didn’t move, I cleared my throat, alerting her of my presence. Her head snapped up, her eyes flashing with alarm. Her stance was immediately defensive, but when she saw me, I saw her shoulders falling with relief, the panic in her eyes disappearing.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, my voice soft so that I didn’t scare her.
Ayla blinked up at me and then moved her gaze to the piano. “I wanted to play.”
That made sense, but why wasn’t she playing?
Her next words took my breath away, and I had to close my eyes as the wave of emotions went through me.
“I was waiting for you.”
Opening my eyes again, I made contact with hers. “Okay,” I responded, walking further inside the room. I didn’t think I could deny her anything.
Taking my place on the couch, I leaned back and spread my legs in front of me, waiting for her to play.
And she did. But this time she didn’t close her eyes. Instead, Ayla kept her gaze on me. She played a different song, one that I didn’t recognize, but it was just as beautiful.
And the person playing it with her sweet beauty, her gentle gaze, and her soft eyes…she made my unfeeling heart feel. My cold heart accelerated with every second in her presence. She was so fucking beautiful. Just like an angel.
The thought didn’t make me cringe or get angry. I was just too lost in her.
