by J. L. Drake
Bringing my hand up, I placed it over my chest, trying to calm my wildly racing heart.
“Ayla?” he questioned.
His eyes were intense on mine as he waited for me to say something. Taking a deep breath, I stepped closer to him. His eyes widened slightly and he cocked his head to the side, waiting.
I stopped and then looked down.
“Can you please hold me?” I asked softly.
Alessio had given me this beauty but I needed something more.
I needed him, his warmth. His arms around me, holding me safely. I needed the peace that only he could give me.
I simply needed him.
When I felt Alessio moving closer, my heart stuttered. He stopped only an inch from me. I felt his finger on my chin and he slowly tilted my head up so that I was staring into his eyes. He seemed surprised.
“Are you sure?” he asked. I swallowed hard and then nodded. That was the only answer Alessio needed. He wrapped his arms around me, and gently pulled me into his body, holding me firmly in his embrace.
My head was right over his heart and I closed my eyes. His heart was beating just as loudly and fast as mine. Placing my hands on his chest, I curled into his body, sinking into his warm, gentle embrace.
My fingers tightened around the fabric of his jacket as I held on, never wanting to let go. His warmth surrounded me, until the only thing I could smell, feel, and think was him.
We stayed like that for what felt like eternity. And when he started to pull away, I didn’t want to let go. So I didn’t. My fingers stayed wrapped around the fabric as I tilted my head up to stare at Alessio.
He blinked down at me and I saw him bring his hands up. His fingers feathered over my cheeks and I sighed in contentment.
Alessio’s gaze was soft and warm on mine, as he palmed my cheeks gently. He slightly bent down, his lips inches away from mine.
My heart did a flip at the thought of his lips on mine. My fingers tightened on his jacket and I instinctively moved even closer until our bodies were pressed together.
I didn’t feel repulsed. Instead, all I felt was…peace.
Alessio stared into my eyes and then moved his gaze to my lips. I saw him swallow hard and he looked back into my eyes again. I knew what he wanted.
So, I gave him a small nod.
His eyes flared in surprise but then his lips pressed ever so gently on mine.
I gasped against the fullness of his mouth and relaxed into his hold. He held me so gently, as if I was made of glass and he was scared of breaking me. His lips were soft on mine.
Alessio was exceedingly tender as he explored my mouth. His lips moved over mine, almost feather-light, and then he created the slightest pressure.
It was intoxicating. I felt a rush I’d never felt before, and I never wanted it to end. As he continued to kiss me, his tongue brushing lightly over my tender lips, I felt his fingers caress my cheeks and then he deepened the kiss just a little bit.
When I let out another sigh, he slightly pulled away, his lips only an inch away from mine. He was breathing hard, his chest heaving under my palm. I felt the exact same way.
Looking up at him, I found him staring at me with wide eyes, filled with emotions I couldn’t place.
When I brought a hand up and touched my tender lips, his eyes softened even further.
What he didn’t realize was this kiss…
This kiss was my first real kiss.
Chapter 38
Alessio
Ayla’s gaze was fixated at the beauty in front of her, while all I could see was her. The small yet sweet smile that stretched across her lips had lightened up her whole face. Her vivid green eyes were glistening with excitement and pure happiness. Her cheeks were slightly flushed and I couldn’t take my eyes off her.
All I could think was how beautiful she looked in that moment.
She tilted her head up at the sky and closed her eyes. I took a step closer and then stopped. Swallowing hard against the ball of emotions in my throat, I turned my gaze away from her and stared straight ahead.
We were both silent for some time. For some reason, I felt nervous. This place was sacred. After my mother’s death, I would come here almost every day, desperately trying to clear my mind.
It felt like I had given her everything that I had. Everything that I held close to my heart, it was hers now. And I didn’t know how to feel about that.
I was confused. The way my heart stuttered when I looked at her. And the way I always found myself lost in her. I didn’t understand those emotions. I wish I knew how to deal with them. They only got me frustrated.
Taking a deep breath, I looked down and then cleared my throat.
“We should go back. It’s almost lunch time,” I said softly. I felt Ayla shift beside me and I looked up just in time to see her turning toward me.
She seemed disappointed, losing her smile. “We can come back tomorrow,” I said.
And there it was. That beautiful smile again. She nodded and then looked back at the stream.
“C’mon,” I urged, taking a step away from her and turning back around toward the path that led to the creek.
But I came to a sudden stop when I felt a tug on the back of my suit. Frowning, I glanced back to see Ayla looking at me with panic in her eyes.
Turning around so that I could face her, Ayla slowly let go of my jacket. She brought her hand up and placed it over her chest. I could see her breathing harder than before, her face filled with uncertainty and nervousness.
“Ayla?” I questioned, worried.
She took a deep breath and then stepped closer. My eyes widened at her bold movement and I sucked in a shocked breath.
Ayla looked down and I waited, my heart beating wildly in my chest.
Her next words were my undoing.
“Can you please hold me?” she asked softly, her voice barely a whisper.
I never expected her to utter those words. When I brought Ayla here, all I wanted was to give her this small peace. But I never expected anything in return.
I didn’t realize how badly I actually wanted to hold her in my arms. Not until she said those words.
With my heart in my throat, I took a step toward Ayla, until we were only an inch apart. We were so close; I could feel her warmth. She was still looking down, purposely avoiding my gaze. But I wanted those beautiful green eyes on me.
Bringing my hand up, I placed a finger under her chin and tilted her head up until her warm eyes met mine. “Are you sure?” I asked, wanting her confirmation. I was scared. Scared that she would take it back, leaving me hopeless again.
But then she nodded. And that was all the answer I needed. Without wasting any time, I wrapped my arms around Ayla’s tiny waist, gently pulling her into my body until I had her firmly enveloped in my arms.
She felt so small against me. So fragile. And I felt intensely protective. My arms slightly tightened around her as she rested her head on my chest, right over my racing heart. Ayla placed a hand over my chest and she curled into my body, making herself comfortable.
I closed my eyes, letting her warmth and sweet smell fill my senses. When was the last time I held someone in my arms?
Never.
When was the last time I felt like this? So peaceful. And lively.
It was as if Ayla had breathed life into me.
With her wrapped in my arms, I didn’t want to move. I didn’t want this moment to end.
I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, lost in each other. Lost in this perfect moment. But I knew it had to end.
Slowly pulling away, I looked down at Ayla. Her fingers were still wrapped around my suit, refusing to let go. She tilted her head back, staring up at me. I blinked down, completely mesmerized by her.
Every time I tried to get myself under control, she made me lose it. Ayla didn’t even have to do anything. One look and I was completely lost in her.
Without thinking, I brought a hand up and ran a finger down her soft ch
eek, my touch almost feather light. She sighed in contentment and a small smile played across her face, bringing my attention to her lips.
I could feel myself losing the small control I had left. Palming her cheeks gently, I bent my head toward hers until our lips were only inches apart. But I stopped.
Ayla moved closer to me, until our bodies were plastered together. My heart fluttered but still I didn’t touch my lips to hers. I looked into her eyes and waited.
I had promised Ayla that I wouldn’t touch her until she asked me. Until I had her permission. And this moment, I wanted it to be her choice.
I wanted her to choose. I wanted her acceptance.
Ayla’s gaze softened and she gave me a small nod. I didn’t give her a chance for second thoughts, instead as soon as I saw her nod, my head was already descending toward hers until my lips were pressed gently on hers.
I waited for Ayla to pull away, but when she sighed against my lips and melted in my arms, my heart stuttered at her reaction. I held her gently, as if she was a precious jewel. My lips explored hers at a slow pace. I kissed her as if we had all the time in the world.
My lips moved tenderly over hers, taking my sweet time. When I put the slightest pressure, deepening the kiss just a little bit, I felt her fingers tighten around the fabric of my suit.
I didn’t push for more.
It was just a kiss. A small, sweet kiss.
That was it. Nothing more. Yet it felt more.
When Ayla let another sigh, I pulled away. We were both breathing hard. I could feel how fast her heart was beating. It matched the same rhythm as mine.
Ayla’s cheeks were flushed, her lips a little swollen and red from my kiss. She blinked up at me, and the look in her eyes…it took my breath away.
Her eyes were warm and soft. But that wasn’t it. It was the look of pure adoration there that took my breath away.
In that moment, I realized that was the first time I had given her a kiss.
We kissed before. Twice to be exact. But those kisses…I took them. Without considering her feelings. All I cared about was me. What I wanted.
But this kiss…I gave it to her, wholeheartedly. The look in her eyes, I gave this to her.
Her eyes were filled with awe as she brought her hand up and placed a finger on her lips. At her reaction, I felt myself softening even further.
For years, I had lived in the darkness with no emotions. I had remained unfeeling.
Yet, with one look from Ayla, I felt everything.
And that scared me.
Whenever I felt something for Ayla, Alfredo’s voice resonated in my head. I would never forget the words he said to my mother.
The best way to bring a man down is by his weakness.
What I said to Maddie was the truth. This was not about me. It was about Ayla and what was right for her.
I let her go, and she blinked in surprise when I took a step back, forcing her to let go of me.
“We need to get back,” I said, turning around, refusing to look at her confused expression.
“Okay,” she whispered, her small voice hinting her sadness.
Both of us were silent on our way back to the mansion. As we got closer, the sound of the rushing water started to fade until we didn’t hear it anymore. Breaking away from the forest, I took a deep breath as we walked into the back garden.
Ayla was right behind me, her steps so close she almost tripped herself over my feet. When we walked inside, I slowed down and turned toward her.
She stopped too and grabbed onto the hem of her dress nervously. “I’ll see you later,” I muttered. Ayla nodded and then walked away without saying anything.
I felt my eyebrows furrow in confusion when I saw her walking toward the kitchen. Quickly moving forward, I grabbed her elbow, halting her movement.
She gasped in shock and swiveled around, facing me with wide eyes. “Where are you going?” I demanded, letting go of her arm.
“To the kitchen,” Ayla replied.
Crossing my arms across my chest, I leveled her with a stare. “Why?”
She cocked her head to the side, as if debating what to tell me. “To help Maddie and Lena.”
“You are supposed to be resting, Ayla. No work for you.”
“But I have been resting for three days now. I can work. I feel okay.”
“No,” I said.
“But it’s boring. I want to help.”
“No, Ayla. You are going upstairs to rest.”
“But—”
“No. Stop arguing.”
Her mouth snapped shut and she cowered. The beautiful smile disappeared.
I didn’t like her sad expression.
Frustrated, I ran my fingers through my hair and looked away. Fuck.
“Fine. You can go. Just don’t overwork yourself. You don’t want to tear those stitches,” I said.
But it was worth it when I turned around to see her staring at me with twinkling green eyes, and then a breathtaking smile spread across her lips.
“Thank you,” she said before turning around and quickly walking away. I stayed frozen, my eyes glued on her retreating back.
Fuck. I was losing it.
***
The rest of the day was spent avoiding Ayla. I stayed locked in my office and then went to the gym to vent my frustration on the punching bag.
Leaning against the wall, I tried to catch my breath.
“You are going to kill us one day,” Viktor said.
“You are too stubborn to die,” I told him, breathless.
“Well, I have to agree on that.” He shrugged.
I pushed away from the wall and walked to the bench, grabbing a towel. “Are Artur and Phoenix coming back tomorrow?” I asked, rubbing the towel over my face.
“They are supposed to report back. We are going to Mark’s tomorrow,” Nikolay replied from his position at the door.
“Any news about the clubs?” I asked.
Nikolay shook his head. “No. Mark said he will give us the details when we meet.”
Since Alberto took over, he’d made it his mission to take over my clubs. So far, he had been unsuccessful, but everyone was taking extra precautions. Mark was one of my top managers, handling over ten clubs, brothels, and underground rings.
Nodding toward Nikolay and Viktor, I left the gym. It was late at night, and most of the lights were off.
After Ayla had played the piano and gone to her room, I couldn’t go to sleep. I stayed seated for some time, staring at nothingness and feeling frustrated at myself. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I went downstairs and spent more time in the gym.
When I went back up again, I stopped in front of my bedroom. Instead of going in, I turned to the left and stared at Ayla’s door.
I knew it was late and that she’d be sleeping, but I still couldn’t stop myself. I took several steps forward, walking past the piano room, until I was in front of her room. Placing my hand over the knob, I slowly twisted it and opened the door.
The room was dark. Only the small lamp beside her bed was on, barely illuminating the room. Walking deeper inside, I came to a stop beside Ayla. She was on her side, curled into a ball with the comforter up to her waist. Her eyes were closed, her breathing even as she slept soundly.
The lamp cast a soft glow on her face, making her look so peaceful.
Leaning forward, I lightly brushed a finger over her soft cheek, moving the few strands of hair away. At my touch, she moaned sleepily and shifted a little. I froze, waiting for her to wake up, but instead she kept sleeping.
Sighing in relief, I felt my lips twitch in a small smile as I stared at her sleeping form. My eyes moved from her face, down to her shoulders, and then her chest.
She was holding my suit jacket against her chest, her fingers wrapped tightly around the fabric.
I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. So, it was true.
Walking out of the room, I made my way to Ayla’s, deciding to check on her. But when I saw Mile
na coming out, looking affronted, I stopped in my tracks. She seemed surprised to see me, but then bent her head down in respect before walking past me without saying a word.
“What the fuck was that?” I muttered to myself, before resuming my walk to Ayla’s room. Stopping by her door, I was about to open it when I heard Maddie’s voice.
“Ayla, what were you doing with Alessio’s jacket?”
At her words, I froze, my eyes widening in shock.
What the fuck?
Leaning forward, I placed my ear against the door, hoping nobody was roaming the hallway.
I waited for an answer but instead all I heard was silence.
“You don’t have to…” Maddie said.
“I sleep with it.”
“What?” Maddie sputtered. I had the same reaction.
“I sleep with it,” Ayla repeated, making my heart flip again.
And then her next words were enough to bring me to my knees. My hands tightened in fists against the door and I closed my eyes.
“It keeps the nightmares away,” she admitted, her voice so soft that I barely even heard it. But I did. I heard it as if she’d whispered it in my ear.
Rubbing a hand over my face, I paced the hall outside of her door, trying to come to grips with what I had just heard.
My eyes widened when I heard Maddie at the door, telling Ayla that she would come back soon.
I quickly rushed into the piano room and closed the door behind me. Leaning against the door, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, feeling uncertain about whether I should act on this new revelation.
When I felt Ayla shift under my hand, I snapped out of my thoughts. I knew one thing for certain.
If my jacket kept Ayla’s nightmares away, that was all that mattered.
I rubbed my thumb over her cheek one last time before stepping away. Ayla sighed in her sleep, a small smile playing across her lips.
“Sweet dreams,” I whispered.
Giving her a final glance, I turned around and walked out of her room, closing the door softly behind me.
***
