Rattling the Heat in Deadwood (Deadwood Humorous Mystery Book 8)

by Ann Charles

  “I don’t like you messing with them. I’m afraid Wilda will attach to you like she did Cornelius.” Haunting was too mellow a word for the hell that little brat had put Cornelius through for weeks until she detached from him.

  “That’s why I’m consulting with Cornelius before trying anything. Now that we know he’s the pied piper of ghosts, we just need to figure out how to send them away after we’ve gotten their attention.”

  “It sounds dangerous.”

  “Said the executioner who hunts monsters on the side.”

  Doc’s cell phone rang. He grabbed it from his desk. “It’s Willis.”

  “You better answer it. With lasagna on the menu, we don’t want to upset him.”

  “Hello?” He paused. “Yes, she’s here.” Another pause. “Okay, we’ll be there shortly.”

  “Let me guess,” I said after he hung up. “My kids are fighting.”

  He frowned. “No, you have a visitor.”

  I stood up, pulling on my pea coat. “Who?”

  “Coop. According to your bodyguard, he’s not in a good mood, either.”

  “Shit.” I’d been hoping whatever Hawke had called him about would turn out to be a waste of Cooper’s time. That he’d call me tonight and tell me not to worry about it.

  “Harvey told me about the phone call from Detective Hawke while you were showing Coop houses.” He stuffed his laptop in his briefcase along with some other paperwork.

  Had Harvey also told Doc about Cooper probably seeing a ghost in that last house? That was a discussion for later, though, after we found out what Cooper had to say. “I wonder what wicked witch crime Hawke’s going to try to pin on me now. I’ve been a good little green girl lately and kept my flying monkeys at home.”

  “We’ll find out soon enough.” Doc locked up and shut off the lamp, leaving us in the dark. He took my hand and led the way to the back door.

  A short time later, we were both shivering in my cold Honda. I’d given Doc the keys, asking him to drive since my thoughts were churning.

  The five-minute trip up the hill to Aunt Zoe’s house was filled with small talk, first about Doc’s day and then my take on Cooper’s reactions to the houses I’d shown him. Underlying our exchange was a tension that came with the dust devil of anxiety about what Cooper’s presence at Aunt Zoe’s meant to my immediate future.

  The Picklemobile was parked out front of the late 19th-century house my aunt had called home for decades. Cooper’s unmarked police SUV was parked behind the old Ford, but Aunt Zoe’s pickup was missing.

  Doc pulled in the drive. For several ticks of the engine, Doc and I sat in the dark. The sun had already gone to bed and it wasn’t even suppertime. The orange glow of the streetlights down the road didn’t quite reach inside the rig.

  “You want to do some necking?” I asked, trying to lighten the mood while delaying the inevitable.

  Doc laughed. “Always, Boots.” His hand found mine, squeezing lightly. “But I think Coop will come out and threaten to fill us both with holes if we make him wait too long. How about a rain check?”

  “As cold as it’s supposed to get tonight, it’ll have to be a snow check.”

  “They aren’t calling for any precipitation until later this week.”

  “As if the weatherman can predict what’s going to happen up here in the hills.”

  Silence filled the cab again as my weather-filled delay tactic stalled out. I remembered a time when I used to get all sweaty and tongue-tied when I was alone with Doc. Funny how time, several séances, and a passel of ghosts had changed that, not to mention a few miles with him between the sheets. And in the shower. And in his office. And … I let my mind wander for a moment.

  “What are you thinking about?” he asked.

  Sex, I thought. But that was a distraction I was trying to use in order not to think about the truth. “I don’t want to go in there, Doc.”

  “I’ll be there with you the whole time.”

  “You promise?”

  He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “Let’s go see the kids.”

  “And eat lasagna.” I led the way, groaning in appreciation of the smell of baked cheese and tomato sauce as we stepped inside Aunt Zoe’s front door.

  Doc took my coat and hung it on the coat tree along with his. Addy and Layne weren’t anywhere to be seen, but Scooby-Doo was on the TV in the living room, so I’d lay bets their hineys were around somewhere.

  Harvey stepped through the archway leading to the kitchen. “What took you two so long?” He hit me with a one-eyed squint. “You’re not in heat again, are you?”

  Doc chuckled.

  “You can both zip it.” I snapped Harvey’s suspenders as I strode by him into the kitchen. “Where’s Aunt Zoe?”

  “She’s still at her store,” he explained, following on my heels. “She mentioned something about inventory and told us to start without her.”

  I shot a quick frown at Cooper, who was standing next to the back door, a beer in his hand. What did his drinking alcohol before supper mean? Was it the same as my downing several shots of tequila to smooth the barbs from a particularly irritating day, or was it his usual choice of drink in the evening?

  His steely gaze stayed locked on me as I took the half-empty tequila bottle down from on top of the fridge and grabbed a juice glass from the cupboard. Might as well not even mess with a shot glass tonight.

  “Let’s get this over with, Detective,” I said, pouring a healthy swallow—or five—into the juice glass.

  Before he could speak, my daughter came running into the kitchen with Elvis, her chicken, in her arms. “Mom, guess what?” Addy’s brown eyes were wide with excitement, her blond hair majorly in need of a brush.

  I turned so my body blocked the bottle of tequila from my daughter’s view and tried to smile around my apprehension. “What, honey?”

  “Grammy called tonight. She told me she and Grandpa are going to come visit us next weekend.”

  Why were my parents coming to Deadwood? They’d just seen the kids at Thanksgiving. “Really? Did she mention why she was coming up here instead of inviting you down to her house?”

  She nodded. “She said they wanna meet your new boyfriend.”

  Doc stopped in the midst of opening a bottle of beer, glancing my way with a raised brow.

  “My new boyfriend?” I parroted.

  “Mom, are you focusing here?” Addy asked, echoing the words I often used when helping her with her math homework. Her smooth forehead wrinkled. “Why is your eye twitching?”

  I touched the back of my hand to the corner of my eye, forcing my smile wider. “I got something in it today.” As in a sharp stick or two.

  “You should rinse it with that eye wash Aunt Zoe keeps out in her workshop.”

  Thank you, Florence Nightingale. “Did Grammy say anything else about why she and Grandpa were coming up here?” Like anything to do with my killing a nasty monster or two? Aunt Zoe had told me she whispered a few truths in my father’s ear when she was down there with the kids over Thanksgiving weekend. Had Dad shared the truth about my new gig with my mom?

  “Not really.” Addy shifted Elvis to her other arm. “Oh, she did say that Aunt Susan had told her you have a boyfriend that you’re trying to keep a secret from the rest of the family.”

  That no-good skank!

  “I am?” I faked surprise while cursing the Bitch from Hell in my head.

  My vile younger sister, Susan, had one mission in life when it came to me—to destroy every single thing that made me happy. Highlights from our past when it came to this diabolical mission of hers included bedding not one of my boyfriends, but two. She’d also gotten me fired from multiple jobs, torched my Barbies, gutted my favorite stuffed animals, landed me in jail more than once, and stole my favorite purple boots. The list of her crimes was long and splattered with my blood.

  “Grammy said that she didn’t like you keeping secrets from her, so she’s going to come up here and meet your b
oyfriend whether you like it or not.”

  I glanced at Doc, who took a swig of his beer while watching me with an unreadable expression.

  Susan was right. I was trying to keep Doc a secret, but only from that man-stealing bitch, not my parents. I didn’t want to risk Satan’s concubine going for three strikes when it came to Doc. Call me paranoid, but after catching my sister in the midst of bronco-riding two of my boyfriends, I believed my hesitation to broadcast a new man in my bed was understandable.

  Plus, I didn’t want to rush Doc when it came to this thing going on between us. Meeting my parents seemed like a precursor to marriage talk and I didn’t want to make him skittish. Aunt Zoe had once told me that I needed to keep in mind that what transpired between Doc and Tiffany had no bearing on my future with him, but I preferred to play it safe and avoid anything even remotely related to white lace and gold bands.

  “Why are you keeping secrets from your mom?” Addy asked me, brown eyes narrowing. “You always tell me that I’m supposed to be honest and open with you.”

  A snickering sound came from Harvey’s direction. My glare went unnoticed as he pulled the casserole dish of lasagna from the oven.

  “This is not the same thing, Adelynn Renee,” I said in a tone that meant this discussion was over for now. “Put that chicken in the basement and wash your hands for supper.”

  My daughter’s eyes narrowed. “Fine, Mother.” She started to turn away and then stopped. “Oh, Grammy also said that you’d better not be giving out free milk to your boyfriend because you should have learned your lesson about that last time.”

  My face caught fire.

  Harvey snorted so hard he coughed.

  Doc turned away, his shoulders shaking.

  I didn’t even dare look in Cooper’s direction. My humiliation was already flooding over the levees as it was.

  “Grammy told you that?”

  “Not really. I heard her say it to Grandpa when she handed the phone to him so he could ask me how school was going.” She scratched Elvis at the base of her comb. “What does she mean about free milk? Does she mean the milk we get at school for lunch?”

  “Probably,” I answered, cursing my mother long and loud in my head. I was going to duct tape her lips closed when she came nosing around to meet Doc.

  “Anyway, I’m going to show Grammy my collection of chicken feathers when she comes. Do you think she’ll want to hold Elvis this time?”

  “I think if she’s a good grandmother, she will definitely want to hold Elvis.” Two could play at this game. “Now go. Oh, and tell Layne to get out the TV trays. You two are eating in the living room tonight.”

  Addy raced down the basement stairs howling in happiness about getting to eat in front of the television.

  I washed my embarrassment down with a sip of tequila and then shot Doc a frown. “I have a good reason for keeping secrets.”

  Doc didn’t meet my gaze. He lifted dinner plates down from the cupboard. “Your mother sounds interesting.”

  “She means well.” I thought she did, anyway.

  Susan on the other hand had much darker intentions, I had no doubt. She knew exactly how to play our mother when it came to delicate subjects. I’d bet my purple boots that she’d made a point of playing up the secret idea in order to manipulate me through Mom into showing my cards.

  I took another swallow of tequila, this time two fingers’ worth.

  “You haven’t met Parker’s parents yet?” Cooper asked Doc as he made himself at home at the table.

  “Nope. Only her brother, Quint.” Doc looked at me and then pointed at a chair he’d pulled out for me. “Violet likes to hold her cards and her family close to her chest.”

  That wasn’t exactly true. I just didn’t want to scare off the one man I’d like to spend the rest of my years enjoying day and night.

  My mom had a way of making people want to tear their hair out. Then there was my father and his ability to see right through me. I feared he’d catch me looking at Doc with hearts floating around my head and ask him what his long-term intentions were for me. Dad hadn’t been very good at hiding his disapproval when it came to the men I’d dated in the past. I doubted anything short of a marriage proposal these days would make him happy.

  “Actually,” I said to Doc, sitting in the chair he’d indicated, “it’s more a case of keeping you close to my chest.”

  Harvey placed the casserole dish in the middle of the table. “Close to yer chest, huh?” he asked, peeling off the Betty Boop apron he’d borrowed from Aunt Zoe’s stash. “Is that why you two were late tonight?”

  “We weren’t late,” I said, dishing up the kids’ plates.

  “Almost late,” Harvey said, taking a drink of his lemonade.

  Doc took the kids’ plates after I’d filled them and disappeared into the living room. When he returned, he lowered himself into the chair next to me. “It’s my fault we were late, Willis.”

  I held out my hand for his plate. “Why was it your fault?”

  Doc grinned across at Harvey when he took back the plateful of lasagna. “Violet spoke French to me.”

  Cooper made a gagging sound. “You’re a sad man, Nyce.”

  “Did Sparky meet yer needs like her ad promises?” Harvey asked, laughing when I swatted him.

  I waited until we’d all settled into Harvey’s lasagna before asking Cooper in a quiet voice, “What’s the deal with Detective Hawke?”

  “The new evidence on Ms. Wolff’s death has him worked up.”

  I swallowed a mouthful of cheesy-tomato goodness. “What’s that have to do with me?”

  Cooper forked in another mouthful, his eyes on his plate. “It puts you back at the top of his suspect list.”

  “But Sparky and I showed up after the woman was dead.”

  “The four of us know that,” Cooper told his uncle, “but Hawke doesn’t believe it’s the truth.”

  “Detective Hawke is a ‘dipshidiot.’ “ I borrowed one of Natalie’s favorite insults, taking another sip from my tequila glass.

  “Does Beals know you’re stealing from her stock of slurs?” Cooper asked.

  I stuck my tongue out at him. “I’m allowed.”

  “Anyway,” Cooper continued, “this new evidence has me a little worried.”

  “You think it has the potential to stick?” Doc asked.

  He shrugged. “Hawke is dead set on pinning Ms. Wolff’s death on your girlfriend. He wanted to drag her in for questioning, but I argued that more evidence was needed first. He didn’t back down until I came up with a solution that satisfied him.”

  “What is it with his hard-on for incarcerating me? What did I ever do to him?”

  “Besides stomp on his pen and threaten to do the same to his testicles?” Cooper asked.

  I waved Cooper off. “That’s kids’ play.”

  “For one thing, you pretended to be a witch when I told you not to. To make matters worse, you keep pretending to talk to ghosts in front of him. He’s sure you’re trying to make a fool of him and determined to show you who’s boss.”

  “By throwing me in jail?”

  He nodded, pushing away his empty plate.

  “What’s he found that has him so set on Violet?” Doc asked.

  Cooper wiped his mouth with his napkin. “I can’t tell you yet.”

  “Damn you, Cooper.” I glared at him, dropping my fork on the table.

  He scowled back at me. “If it gets out that you know what he has on you, he’ll come back at me.”

  “So what?” I said. “Isn’t it about time you stood up to him and told him what an ass-kissing moron he is?”

  The tequila seemed to have loosened my tongue. Maybe I needed to rein it in a tad bit.

  “Stood up to him?” Cooper’s eyes narrowed. “The only thing that saved you from being hauled into the station today, Parker, was me standing up to him and making a promise on your behalf.”

  Doc leaned back. “What do you mean?”

&nbs
p; “Hawke wanted to assign Parker a police escort, day and night.”

  “That son of a bitch,” I said in a harsh whisper, trying not to alert the kids that shit was hitting the fan in the kitchen. “Has he thought about how that would affect my livelihood? There’s no way to hide a cop following me all around town from my boss or my clients. I’ll lose my job.”

  “I know,” Cooper said.

  “And then there are my kids to consider. I can’t lie to them about a police car following us day after day.”

  “I know, Parker.”

  “It’s total bullshit that Hawke can harass me like this. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?”

  Cooper finished his beer, setting the bottle down on the table with a solid clunk. “I warned you about fucking with him, remember? But did you listen to me? No, you thought it was funny to poke the bear and now you’ve gotten yourself into a pissing match with him.”

  “What’s the promise you made on Violet’s behalf?” Doc pressed.

  “The only way I could get Hawke to let your girlfriend go on with her day-to-day life without an obvious police presence was if I promised to be solely responsible for her whereabouts 24/7.”

  I blinked. “Come again.”

  “You heard me, Parker. Either you have a cruiser parked outside of your office and house day and night or you deal with me.”

  “Is there a third door I can look behind?”

  “No, there’s not a third damned door.”

  I swirled my tequila. “So, you’re going to keep tabs on me every day? Does that mean I need to call you before bed every night and tell you all about my day?”

  “No, Parker. It means I’m going to watch you closely 24/7, just as I said I would. My ass is on the line here, same as yours.”

  My heart pounded in my chest. “Please tell me you went out and bought a big telescope.”

  Cooper shook his head. “I stopped at your aunt’s store before coming here, explained the situation, and cleared my plan with her.”

  “You did?” I tipped to the side for a moment before righting myself. Between the tequila and Cooper’s news, my rudder appeared to be no longer working. “What plan?”