New Jersey Yankee In King Arthur's Court

by Robert P McAuley

  “First, we eat,” said Guinevere, “then we can talk shop.”

  Not sure of the term she used they followed her lead and started to eat their morning-meals.

  Thirty-minutes later Arthur wiped his mouth and patted his stomach. “Wow! The cooks are the best. This was another outstanding meal. I need to do some exercising.”

  Seeing that morning-meal was over, Sir Boche asked, “Ah, Sires, be it time to ‘talk shop’?”

  Guinevere and Arthur grinned as they nodded.

  Sir Boche said, “They be gaining strength, m’lady.”

  “Is Sir Albert getting more soldiers because they dislike us?” asked Guinevere.

  “No, m’lady! Methinks not. It be that he wouldst attack them should they not join him.”

  “How strong is he now?” asked Arthur.

  “Sire, this very day a spy sent by meself ta find out his number of men shall arrive back here at Camelot.

  Arthur sat back and nodded as he said, “Wow! Good thinking, Sir Boche. It’s great to have someone around who thinks for themselves.”

  The knight’s puzzled look prompted Guinevere to help explain her husband’s meaning. “Thy king be happy, Sir Boche, that thou sent thy spy.”

  Arthur asked, “Would thou tell us the answer soon as thy spy returns, Sir Boche?”

  “I will, Sire.”

  “Then,” said Arthur rising and offering his hand to Guinevere, “We thank thee for letting us dine with yee and now have to meet with Wizard Merlin.” The knights quickly stood and bowed as the couple left.

  They started down the winding staircase and Guinevere asked, “Do you know where we are supposed to meet Merlin?”

  “Knowing Merlin, he’ll make an appearance and find us. Let’s go out to the courtyard. The mechanics said that this morning they were going to try to close up the drawbridge.”

  The couple walked out into the sunny courtyard and was greeted by the many teenage boys and girls as they went about their work. A vegetable garden caught Guinevere’s eye and she stopped as a young boy planted seeds.

  “Pray tell, what are thee planting?”

  The boy pushed his thick brown hair out of his face and said as he bowed, “Pumpkin, m’lady.”

  “Be sure to give them plenty of water.”

  “Dost thou know of growing, my Queen?”

  Guinevere put a small space between her thumb and index finger as she said, “Just a teensy-weensy bit. And I’m sure that Camelot will have plenty of pumpkin pie when thou be finished.”

  The boy bowed deeply, his face glowing with pride. “My Queen. I hath planted many acorns as thou hast asked.”

  She smiled and patted his head.

  Arthur grinned as he said in a low voice, “Boy, Guinevere. You sure got this queen thing down tight.”

  She grinned back and did a small sashay and said in a singsong voice as she walked towards the drawbridge, “Here come the queen, here come the queen.”

  Arthur broke up and added with his own singsong, “And here come the king, here come the king.”

  More than one of the groups looked and shrugged their shoulders at the antics of their King and Queen.

  “Arthur, Guinevere.” Merlin’s voice coming from behind them made both of them jump.

  “Merlin,” said Arthur as he spun around to see the magician walking behind them. “Where did you come from?” He looked around as he went on, “I mean, we’re in the middle of the courtyard and there’s no door or place you could have used to appear so suddenly. How the heck do you do it?”

  “Arthur, Guinevere, I have to show you something. Walk with me to my lab in the tower’s bottom basement.”

  A shout came from the gate and it got their attention.

  “Merlin, let’s watch the drawbridge go up and then we can go with you. Okay?” The magician nodded and they walked over to the opening in the walls. On each side of the open gate a group of boys stood at a wheel with long spokes protruding from it.

  Each boy gripped one of the spokes as a short, well-built youth shouted: “Ready, right? Ready left? All together, turn!” The boys turned their respective wheel and the wooden gate lying across the moat creaked and protested as the roped tightened. After many years of lying in the dirt, the gate struggled to break free and others with hoes and axes chopped and pulled at the many weeds and roots that had taken hold.

  Finally with a sucking sound the gate left the earth and was slowly lifted into the, up and closed position, to the cheers of all around.

  “I feel safer already,” said Guinevere.

  “Me too. I think tomorrow we eat breakfast with the mechanics.” He looked down at her and asked, “What do you think?”

  “Great idea. You know, Arthur, I think we’re really getting this king and queen thing down tight,” they laughed and turned to follow Merlin and once again found that he had disappeared.

  Arthur shook his head. “Lets go down to the basement and find him.”

  As they walked across the courtyard, Arthur said, “Hey, remember you said I have to start noticing things if I were to make a good king?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, have you noticed that since we’ve been here in Camelot Castle, the trees and bushes have all suddenly become greener? And,” he looked down, “the grass has come back and is starting to grow where there was just hard-packed dirt.”

  “No, I hadn’t noticed. Thanks for pointing that out. Maybe the castle is letting us know that it’s happy to be lived in again.”

  They entered the castle and went down the two flights of stone stairs to the bottom basement. They were greeted by the sound of steel hitting steel as they entered the area where one group of young men were banging dents out of armor as another were fixing a wagon wheel. Arthur and Guinevere were greeted with bows as they passed by.

  “I’ll never get used to the bowing,” said Guinevere.

  “Actually,” said a grinning Arthur. “I’m liking it. I think it’s pretty cool.”

  The nudge of her elbow in his arm got the normal response from him: “Ouch! My wound!”

  Arthur stopped a boy carrying a bucket of water from the well and asked: “Young man. “Doth thou know where Wizard Merlin be?”

  The boy said as he pointed and bowed at the same time: “Sires! The good Wizard be in yon room.”

  Guinevere looked at the door the boy had pointed at and said, ”Maybe he should hang a shingle. You know, ‘Wizard’s Room, magic upon request, disappearing our specialty’.”

  Arthur laughed as he knocked on the wooden door. It opened and James looked out then quickly bowed and said, “Sires! Please enter.”

  “Good day, James,” said Guinevere. “Be thy wizard here?”

  “Nay, but enter an’ sit an’ he be here soon.”

  They entered and sat at the table as James asked, “Pray tell, be thou thirsty?”

  “No, thank yee, James. The queen and I just had morning-meal.” He looked around. A handful of candles whose flames reflected on the many jars and tubes of the lab brightened the room.

  James picked up a broom and was about to attack more of the dust when Merlin’s voice was heard. “James, thou may leave an’ relax. I shall call when I’m in need of thee.”

  Arthur and Guinevere looked at each other as the boy left them alone in the room. “Lord!” He’s invisible!” said Guinevere.

  Arthur stood and looked around the empty room. “Merlin! Where are you? Are you invisible?”

  “No.” came his voice from under the counter as his head appeared. “I’m in this room. C’mon on in, but mind your head, it’s low.”

  Arthur entered and helped Guinevere in. “Wow! said Arthur as they looked around. Once again the light of many candles bounced off the glass and earthen jars that lined the many shelves. Behind each candle was a sheet of highly polished steel that reflected the candle’s light, doubling its brightness. On the table was a medieval version of a Bunsen burner, a small clay cup with burning twigs whose flames licked at th
e bottom of a glass tube that contained a milky-white bubbling substance. On another shelf was a cage with two mice that ran in a small wooden wheel and, as they tried to get the cheese, made the wheel spin. The center of the wheel had a rod that turned with the wheel and in turn, turned a wooden bladed fan that cooled the working area.

  Guinevere looked around the room. “Ingenious!”

  “Naw. I just took advantage of the technology of their future to cool the place down.”

  “So,” added Arthur, “this is what you wanted to show us? Impressive. And I love how the piece of steel behind the candles brighten up the room so much.” He looked at Guinevere. “I think we should incorporate them throughout the castle.”

  Merlin shook his head. “Actually, this isn’t why I invited you here at all.”

  “Oh?”

  The wizard went to his desktop and lifted a black velvet cloth revealing a black leather book. The candlelight reflected off the book as Merlin gently caressed it. He turned to them and said, “Watch my friends.” He picked up a black and silver wand and tapped his hand. There was an immediate puff of smoke and he disappeared.

  “Wow!” said both at the same time.

  “Here I am!”

  They both spun around to the sound of his voice behind them. The wizard stood there with his arms crossed.

  “Merlin,” said Guinevere with her hand to her mouth, “that was fantastic! I didn’t even see you drop an egg or break it in your hand.”

  “Dude!” added Arthur. You really got good at that disappearing trick.”

  “Then watch this!” Once again he slapped the wand on the palm of his hand and another puff of smoke appeared as he disappeared.

  “Boy,” said Arthur, “that is fantastic.”

  “Shall I re-appear?”

  Arthur and Guinevere looked at each other as they realized his voice came from the other room. Arthur scrambled under the counter followed by Guinevere and they went back to the first room to see Merlin sitting atop a high shelf.

  A slightly embarrassed Merlin asked, “Hey, can you guys help me down?”

  Arthur grabbed a stool and stood on it to help Merlin get down. “How the heck did you get way up here?”

  “Phew!” the magician said as he dusted off his seat. “Let’s go back to the inner room and I’ll tell you. And this time I’ll crawl through.”

  Back in the inner room he led them to the book.

  “When did you put this together?” asked Guinevere as she ran a hand over the lettering on the cover.

  “When?” he shrugged his shoulders and went on, “I would have to say about fifteen-hundred years ago.”

  Both Arthur and Guinevere said in unison, “Fifteen-hundred years ago?”

  “Listen,” Merlin said in a serious tone of voice, “James found this book in this hidden room and it’s obvious that someone went through a lot of pains to keep both the room and the book a secret.”

  “But it says ‘Merlin’ on it?”

  “Yes, Arthur. And there seems to be about three hundred and fifty pages and each page is about eighteen by twenty inches large. Now, that’s a lot of writing.”

  “So, then,” asked Guinevere, “do you know who wrote it? Was it some other guy named Merlin? I mean, isn’t that a big coincidence?”

  Merlin nodded in agreement with her. “It would be, but I know who did it.”

  “Who?” she asked.

  “Listen. If you remember my theory about us being here once before, and, if you remember me being upset that the real Merlin was a real wizard and that I was just a magician using toys and such? Well I’ve rethought my theory and the new one fits even better.” They sat as he opened his hands and went on. “I believe that somehow we lived in this time period and you two really were Arthur and Guinevere and I was Merlin. And I believe that the original Merlin was a real wizard with real powers. I also believe that somehow he knew we were coming back and he prepared the way by writing his secret powers in this book, knowing that when we came back I’d find this room and book.”

  “And you believe that you’re the real Merlin?” asked Arthur.

  A smile came across the wizard’s face as he opened the book and said, “Read what is written, or rather what has been printed. And, I might add, you can check out my printing and you’ll see that it matches the printing in this book from over fifteen hundred years ago.” He stepped aside for Arthur to read.

  Arthur moved his finger along as he read the printing aloud. “Thou lives by trickery before thou shalt use grains and flour and create order shortly before yee set and see by moonlight, treasures such as armor and works of art. Yee shalt travel with thine bakers twelve, and live to see all again and a guide be thine duty.” He shrugged his shoulders and said, “I don’t get it, Merlin. Does it make sense to you?”

  “Yes, Arthur. And of course you don’t get it because when Merlin wrote this, so long ago, it was for me to read, and it says, ‘Merlin, this book is from you, for you, and to prove it, written here is the life you just lived.’”

  “So what does, ‘thou lives by trickery’ and that stuff mean?”

  “Arthur, Guinevere, it says ‘I lived by trickery.’ Well I was a magician in the life we just left. Then it says, ’thou shalt use grains and flour and create order shortly before yee set and see by moonlight treasures, such as armor and works of art. Yee shalt travel with thine bakers twelve, and live to see all again and a guide be thine duty.’”

  “Well, I was a short-order cook and used grains and flour to create the orders the customers ordered. Then I left there to work in the museum as a night watchman, sitting and watching over armor and works of art. It then says I’ll travel with bakers twelve and live to see all again and be a guide. Well, if you count our group you’ll see that it was thirteen, and a baker’s dozen is baker’s slang for the number thirteen: the number of our group from Keansburg. Finally. ‘live to see all again and a guide be thine duty’. That’s just saying that I’ll live to see us back in Camelot again and my job would be to guide our group.”

  Arthur and Guinevere sat stunned as he went on. “So you see, it’s just like I said, we once lived here and for some reason we were sent forward and now are back home again.”

  Guinevere took his hand and said, “And you are our guide.”

  Arthur took his other hand and added, “There couldn’t be a better guide in the whole universe, my friend.” He stood back and placed his hands on his hips. “Now, tell us. How the heck did you get up on top of that shelf?”

  Merlin laughed. “Oh, I meant to tell you. Also written in my book is how to do real magic. You see, the original Merlin was a real wizard and he wrote down all of magic chants and potions for me to . . . uh, let’s say, brush up on, because I seem to have forgotten all that he, or I, knew about real wizardry. So, as you witnessed, I can disappear and reappear but until I get the hang of it I’m not sure exactly where I’ll appear.”

  “But how do you do it? I mean, is it a trick?”

  “No. Let me see if can I explain it . . . its sort of like riding a bike. You don’t really turn, you kind of lean the way you want it to go and it goes that way. So when I want to go to, let’s say the other room. I kinda picture it, and in my mind, I can see the place I want to end up and I sort of fall into the place I see in my mind’s eye and puff, I’m there. Most of the time anyway.”

  Guinevere asked, “Can you perform other things? I mean like without using your toys and gadgets?”

  He smiled. “I’m getting there. Watch this.” He put his hands almost together as though he was holding an invisible basketball and moved them about the imaginary ball as he mumbled something with his eyes half open. Slowly, an orb appeared. It turned a bluish green in color and in the orb, Sir Boche appeared as he stood by the gate.

  Guinevere inhaled as she said, “Oh, my gosh! That’s Sir Boche standing by the drawbridge! That’s fantastic!”

  “Well,” said Merlin as he clapped his hands and the orb disappeared, “not r
eally. You see that was where Sir Boche stood over three hours ago. I sort of have trouble seeing in real-time.”

  “Still and all, that’s great.”

  “Well at least I don’t have to worry about putting flour in eggs ever again. That was tough work.”

  Arthur closed the book’s cover. “So then, you wrote this book for yourself over fifteen hundreds years ago? Boy, this is getting weirder and weirder.” He looked at the wizard. “Do you remember any of it?”

  “No! I read and re-read the part about appearing and disappearing over and over again and I still have a hard time understanding it. But, if the original Merlin wrote it, and if I was the original Merlin, I have no doubt that sooner or later I’ll get it.”

  Arthur smiled as he patted the magician on his back, “I’d bet on that.” He turned to Guinevere and said, “Like to go for a horseback ride before lunch?”

  “Great idea. I just want to change my shoes.”

  Arthur turned to Merlin. “Don’t be a stranger, Dude! When you come up with a good trick, ah, I mean, good use of your wizardry, come over and show us.”

  Merlin slapped them both on their backs. “I shall, I shall.”

  Arthur stooped to leave then turned and said, “Oh, Merlin. It seems that Sir Fat Albert is recruiting guys to attack us and maybe if you see something we can use in that orb of yours, you can let me know.”

  “Will do, Arthur.”

  The couple went back to their room and as Guinevere changed her shoes, Arthur had Ron prepare an impromptu picnic basket. Next they went to the stables, mounted their horses and rode over the newly repaired drawbridge. A loud ‘Hooray’ sounded as they crossed the moat and saw a flood of water rush into the dry ditch as the young men working to divert a lake finished their project, completing the moat.

  Once back outside in the sunlight, Guinevere pointed back to the green ivy climbing the walls. “Arthur, you are right. It’s almost as though it were growing right before our eyes. It’s magical.”

  “So is this whole new life we’re living.”