New Jersey Yankee In King Arthur's Court

by Robert P McAuley

  “If I didn’t see them for myself,” said Guinevere, “I’d be scared to death seeing them coming at me in the middle of the night.”

  Merlin joined them from seemingly out of nowhere. “Good afternoon you two. I just wanted to tell you that tomorrow, young James and I will be in the midst of Fat Albert’s camp spreading havoc.”

  Arthur jumped slightly at his sudden appearance. “I’ll never get used to that, Merlin. But that’s good news and just don’t get caught or anything.”

  “That, my friend, is part of my plan. I intend to stay free.”

  “Feel like eating with us tonight?” asked Guinevere.

  The wizard shook his head making his long, white hair flail about his shoulders. “Thank you anyway but James and I are practicing our wizardry.”

  “Then we bid you both good luck, friend Merlin.”

  The wizard kissed her hand and slowly disappeared into thin air as his voice said from nowhere, “Havoc shall rein.”

  “Wow!” said Arthur as he pulled his shoulders up tight to his neck, “That gives me the shivers.”

  Guinevere nodded. “Glad he’s on our side,” she looked at her husband. “Well, it looks like it’s just you and me for dinner. Maybe a hot bath too?”

  “Now, queenie, that sounds great. Have you anymore of the blackberry lipstick?”

  She smiled. “If you’re a good boy.”

  The next day, after morning-meal, the entire garrison of Camelot Castle was lined up and ready to march out. Once again Arthur and Guinevere rode up front with Sir Boche and his knights.

  Arthur looked at Guinevere and said in a low, pleading voice, “Are you sure you won’t stay back here and watch the castle? I mean we’ll be back in a couple of days and someone needs to keep the fires going so we can have another hot bath.”

  “Arthur, I’ve made up my mind. I’m going with you and that’s that!”

  “But, if something bad does happen. One of us should be here to run things. Know what I mean, hon?”

  She leaned forward and flicked a blade of grass off his leather jacket. “Arthur, if something bad happened to you I wouldn’t want to be here.”

  He rolled his eyes and nodded to Sir Boche who raised his hand and looked back at him.

  Arthur grinned and Guinevere tried to disappear into her saddle as he said in his best John Wayne voice, “Forward, Ho!” The march had begun.

  At the same time in a large, black and yellow tent located in the center of a vast group of tents and smoldering campfires, Sir Albert sat on a large chair and ate his morning-meal. Also at his table sat two other imposing knights, Sir Dirkins and Sir Holmes. Both men were darkly tanned with long droopy mustaches and pulled back hair. They watched wearily as their overweight leader attacked a half chicken and washed it down with Mead.

  Sir Albert wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, burped and asked, “How many knights have we, Sir Holmes?”

  “One hundred and twenty Sire.”

  The big man pondered his answer. “Me thought there wouldst be more by this day.”

  “The king has but forty-one . . . “

  The large man suddenly stood tipping the table so the chicken rolled off the wooden dish before he grabbed it. “Stop! Never canst thou say, ‘the king’ in me presence as he not be my king! He be a boy what happed ta rob me o’ me turn ta be called king!” He slowly sat as he went on, “but soon he be defeated in his own castle an’ I be called king.”

  He picked up his chicken and put it back on his plate. “We attack his down-trodden castle in three days time.” He looked at Sir Dirkins. “When dost the knights arrive that wouldst give him a large army?”

  “Not for twelve days, m’lord.”

  “Ha!” he said as he bit off a large chunk of the bird. “That be too late fer him an’ they can join me, for by then I be the King o’ England.”

  The tent filled with the laughter of the three men.

  Less than one-half mile away a boy suddenly appeared next to a small lake. He looked about and seeing smoke on the horizon started walking towards it. It was young James and he was sweating as he mentally went over his last bunch of hours. Methinks it finally be the place Wizard Merlin showed me in his orb. Me dost hope he not be angry with me as I missed my appearin’ spot many times this day.

  In the middle of Sir Albert’s camp Merlin was trying to look as casual as he could. He was dressed in the long greatcoat and his hair was once again tucked up beneath the leather cap. Where is that boy? I hope he’s okay. I knew he wasn’t ready to jump so far. If he’s hurt I’m going to curse myself for being so stupid. He entered an area between two tents and his eyes opened wide as he saw a group of men practicing archery. They had targets placed against trees and were steadily landing arrow after arrow into them with ease.

  Oh my gosh! Archers! We never thought of archers. They can stand back and just pick off those kids at leisure. He shook his head as he thought, I have to start even earlier than I expected.

  He watched as one of the men was about to let loose his arrow and concentrated on the shaft as it left the bow. His forehead burst with sweat as he urged the shaft away from its target. It entered the tree trunk inches to the left of the intended target as the other man laughed and ribbed him. Quickly the man selected another arrow and Merlin worked hard to change its course making it miss the tree entirely. The group exploded in laughter.

  “Friend, John,” said another man stepping up and drawing back his bow. “Let me loose an arrow an’ teach ya how it be done.” He let his arrow go only to see it miss the tree by a larger margin. The others were almost rolling with laughter as the same man tried again only to get the same result.

  “Tis trickery,” he said looking at his arrows. “Terrence,” he said pointing to another man. “Place a shaft in yon target.”

  Terrence licked his fingers and ran them along the arrow’s feather as he placed his feet apart. He drew back his bow and let fly an arrow. Not only did it miss the tree, but had such a definite curve to the left that it left them no doubt that, had it flown further, it would have came back and struck the shooter.

  They just stood and stared at one another as Merlin said “Tis nothin’ but demons making thine shafts go astray, friends.”

  They looked at him with suspicious eyes. “What dost thou say of demons, old man?”

  “This I know,” answered Merlin. ‘Neath these grounds be buried a race of giants. Giants with eyes what glow with fire and be able ta fly in the night’s sky and bring down the clouds from the heavens ta blind ya.”

  Terrence stepped forward. “An’ why, old man, have we not seen these giants?”

  “An’ why have the giants not played with our arrows an’ make them miss the targets before?” asked another man.

  Merlin answered, “Ye have been sittin’ here for too long a time an’ keepin’ them awake. Ya have disturbed them too long an’ now they be comin’ ta move ya.”

  The men looked around.

  “Pray, where be they, friend?”

  “The sunlight not be their time ta be seen. Tis nighttime when they fly about an’ grab all who wouldst disturb their sacred burial grounds. I say begone for ya will be joinin’ them in Hades afore long.”

  He watched as more than one started to pack up their belongings.

  “Where be yee goin’?” asked one of the men.

  “I be goin’ ta me home. I need not Sir Albert’s coin ta spend in Hades.”

  Merlin joined in. “I be goin’ too, my friends, as I be the cook an’ have seen ghosts and demons comin’ out o’ the ground meself late last night whilst burying me trash.”

  Now all were starting to pack as Merlin went on. “Speak not of mine leavin’ ta any o’ Sir Albert’s knights cause he wouldst make me stay.”

  Terrence answered for them all. “Worry not, friend cook, fer I wouldst say nothin’ ta his men an’ be gone meself afore yon sun doth set.”

  Merlin watched as the archers spread the word to other archers a
nd soon all were slyly packing and slipping out of camp.

  Whew! That was tough. I really need to study up on that move in the book. He looked around. Now, I must find young James.

  James entered the large campsite from the other end and immediately headed towards a small pond. Forsooth, I be thirsty an’ each time I be tryin’ ta appear in me spot I be more thirsty. He scooped up some water to his mouth and sipped the cool drink. As he was about to get another handful a voice asked, “Doth thee want ta use me cup, boy?”

  He looked up and saw a dark haired girl his age offering him the use of her tin cup.

  “Thank thee,” he dipped the cup into the water and satisfied his thirst before turning to her. I thank thee again, friend.”

  She nodded and her black hair flopped around her pretty face. “I be Nadine. Be yee with a knight?”

  “I be James, an’ no, I be alone.”

  “Alone in camp? Where dost thou eat an’ sleep, pray tell?”

  James shook his head. “Just this moment I have arrived an’ have no place ta eat nor sleep.”

  “Then, James, ya need ta follow me so I can feed yee lest ya waste away.”

  He followed her towards the camp. “Nadine, wouldst yer folks be there ta ask me questions?”

  She shook her head. “I be alone, James as me folks died.”

  “I be sorry fer that.”

  “Why?” she said as she stopped to look at him. “Never hath I known them. I cook fer Sir Gates an’ he feeds me whats left.”

  “What he leaves?”

  “Yes! He needs ta be strong fer a battle at all times.”

  James looked at her thin arms and said, “Where I come from food is plenty an’ all eat what they want.”

  Her eyes opened wide. “Thou art livin’ in a house?”

  “When I wish ta. Fer now I be apprenticed to a great man an’ he takes much good care o’ me.” He reached into the pouch tied around his waist and retrieved a half loaf of brown bread and offered it to her. “Thou hast clenched mine thirst, please share bread with me.”

  Nadine looked at the fresh bread and tried to make up her mind as James tore off a handful and thrust it in her hand.

  “I ought not,” she said looking at it.

  “Tis too much fer me alone,” said James taking a piece for himself and taking a bite.

  She did the same and her eyes closed as she savored the fresh, soft bread. “Many thanks, friend James.” She put the rest in her apron pocket. “Come with me an’ we’ll see about a place fer ya ta sleep.”

  Five minutes later they were sitting with a group of about twenty-five boys and girls of various ages. It was mid-day mealtime and all shared what little they had after feeding their respective knights.

  “There be big battle comin’ in but three days, James,” said Seth, a tall thin boy with long blond hair. We be fightin’ the new King and Queen.”

  “Why?”

  They looked at him with puzzled faces. “Why?” asked Seth, “because me knight, tells me so.”

  “On that alone dost thou go ta battle?”

  Nadine answered in a whisper, “Hush! Should my knight hear yee he’ll box yer ears, James.”

  “Doth he box thine ears?”

  She looked away and answered sheepishly, “When he thinks me wrong or shouldst I spill some o’ his Mead.”

  “But,” answered a shocked James. “That be wrong! I wouldst see that an’ make sir knight bewildered.”

  “What wouldst thee do, friend James, kick sir knight in his shin?” asked another boy with a laugh.

  James was furious at them accepting the treatment they got. “I wouldst bewilder him with my wizardry.”

  Seth looked and laughed. “With thy wizardry? Pray, do wizardry fer us.”

  James looked up at the sky and remembered what Merlin told him the people in the camp would see the next night. He looked around before speaking. “Tomorrow night there shall arise from these hallowed grounds, ghosts of giants what lay there sleepin’. The skies will be filled with demons, ghosts an’ others what will bring the clouds down among us. The sky wouldst be filled with flying dragons whose eyes will glow as they seek all who would seek to do battle with our great King and Queen o’ England.”

  The group sat quietly and looked with open mouths until Seth said in a low voice, “That not be wizardry, friend James. That be talk ta scare folks.”

  James looked him in the eyes and said, “If I do wizardry now, wouldst thou believe what I tell yee about the demons and ghosts, friend Seth?”

  Seth looked at the others and all nodded ‘yes’ as he answered, “Y-y-yes, friend James. Shouldst thou do wizardry now, we wouldst believe thee about demons and ghosts.”

  James sat cross-legged as did the others but he also crossed his arms. “Then watch close, friends but say nothin’ of it as it be our secret.” He closed his eyes and suddenly a puff of smoke appeared where he sat and quickly disappeared in the light breeze . . . as did James.

  The group was shocked and just sat looking at the spot he disappeared from.

  “Friends,” called James and all looked to see him settled on the limb of the tree they sat beneath. He climbed down and they parted to let him go back to his place.

  Seth was the first to speak. “Friend, James. Truly thou art a great wizard!”

  Nadine moved closer to her new friend and touched his shoulder as though to see if he really were there. “Friend, James. Pray tell, wouldst there be ghosts and demons this evening?”

  “No, they be here tomorrow evenin’,” answered James. “But should ya make a promise ta me they wouldst hurt thee not.”

  “I wouldst make thy promise, James. What be that?”

  “First, dost thou really want a battle?”

  “That not be our decision ta make,” said a boy who sat next to Seth.

  “If it be thy decision ta make, wouldst thou want ta fight the Queen and King o’ England, friends?”

  The group looked around at each other and shook their heads, no.”

  “If thee all do but two things, ye shall be saved.”

  “What be they?” asked Nadine with a pleading tone in her voice.

  “Tell all thy page and serf friends of the comin’ demons and ghosts. Tell them ta not be afraid but act afraid an scare knights and soldiers away with talk o’ the ghosts an’ demons.”

  “That be all?” asked Seth.

  James shook his head. “No. Whenst the battle be started an’ thy knights need help placing the saddle on his horse, tighten it not. Keep loose the strap so he might fall should his horse gallop.”

  Seth nodded, “That be all we need ta do?”

  “Yes. By tomorrow night will all thy page and serf friends know of this deed ta be done to their horses’ saddle straps?”

  They all stood and Seth came forward and placed his hand on James’s shoulder. “Yes, Wizard James. They word will be heard by all page and serfs in camp by this night. Rest assured, friend James.”

  Nadine stepped forward. “Friend, James. When our knights fall, wouldst thou allow the demons and ghosts ta take them away?”

  “No, but worry not, they shall never hurt thee again.” He looked at them all. “After the sun rises yee all shall follow me to Camelot Castle an’ live with us as free folk.”

  Nadine hugged him. “Friend, James. Wouldst thou be there also, or be thou disappearin’ all the time?”

  Shocking himself with his newfound boldness he took her hand, “Friend, Nadine, I be there ta see ya all the time.” He stood and said, “I must leave for a bit, my friends. Tell all so they may join us.” He crossed his arms and placed his hands on his elbows as he closed his eyes and a puff of smoke enveloped him. When it dissipated he was gone.

  Arthur and the, ‘Gang from Camelot’ as he started to call the entire group, stopped for their mid-day meal. They all followed the instructions passed down from him: No fires, so that Sir Albert’s men won’t spot them from afar and no leaving camp except for the scouts out i
n front.

  Arthur and Guinevere were eating cold chicken as Sir Boche walked over. “Sires. By evening-meal we shouldst be five miles away from Sir Albert’s camp.”

  “Good. Wouldst thou remind all that tomorrow there be no fires, no tents pitched, no practicing nor leaving of camp. It be a day of rest only.’

  “And,” added Guinevere. “No singing.”

  “Aye. Dost thou intend ta attack from this direction, m’lord?”

  Arthur shook his head. “No. Although it be the shortest route, methinks we should attack from the west as the wind blows from that direction an’ our kite flyers would want their kites ta fly over the enemy.”

  The knight bowed and walked back to the gang as the original eleven guys who had come from Keansburg walked over and squatted down in the shade of the large tree.

  Guinevere and Arthur smiled at their friends. “Hey dudes,” said Arthur, “big day ahead for us, huh?”

  Bruno flicked some grass off his pants leg. “Hey, Arthur, Jennie, we been thinking, why don’t we suit up in our armor and join the attack?”

  Arthur shook his head. “Bruno, you know that we’re not real knights and we could get hurt playing with those swords. Especially when Fat Albert’s guys will be swinging for real.”

  Gerry Haad shrugged his shoulders and added, “But think about it. If Camelot gets beat, we’re all in deep doo-doo. So why not let us help out?”

  Guinevere looked at them then at Arthur. “What if the guys rode on the right side of the attack, Arthur? At least when they’re dressed in their armor it’ll look like we have eleven more knights than we really do.”

  Arthur scratched his chin. “I guess Fat Albert’s guys would have to divert some of their forces to face them.” He looked around the group. “Guys, I hope you realize that I just don’t want to see any of you hurt. I mean, we are the original Keansburg Gang and we got to stick together. If we lose this battle, I want all of us to be able to leave together . . . and in one piece.”

  Percy nodded. “Arthur, we do understand. But we also have girlfriends now and we need to protect them too.”