A Place of Refuge

by Janet Lee Barton

  “They don’t get sick easily, do they?” Luke asked Colleen.

  “Not that I know of, but they’ve never been on rides like this.”

  “Well, we’ll try some of the tamer ones and see how they do. If they make it through those, maybe we’ll go on the Switchback Railway and then the Serpentine Railway roller coasters. I haven’t been on any of these in a while.”

  After the first few tamer rides, Colleen said they’d be fine and for the next few hours they rode roller coasters, carousels and anything else that struck the boys’ fancy. By noontime everyone was starved and they all picnicked on hot dogs and lemonade.

  Afterward everyone separated into groups to go their own way with an agreement to meet back up by four o’clock. The Heatons wanted to see the Sea Lion Park that had opened the year before.

  Some of the others hadn’t had their fill of rides and took off in search of more.

  “I think we’ll just walk around for a bit,” Colleen said once they’d finished eating. “I’m not sure it’d be a good idea to go on a ride so soon after eating. But you two go on. We’ll catch up with you later or see you at four.”

  Luke looked at Kathleen and grinned. “Want to ride something else, or do you want to stroll for a bit, too?”

  “I think I’ll opt for strolling. That last ride had my stomach taking a dive.” She pointed across the way. “What’s that long building out there?”

  “That’s the Brighton Beach Hotel. There’s a boardwalk right on the water and benches to sit on. Would you like to see it?”

  “I’d love to.” She turned to her sister. “Colleen? Do you and the boys want to go?”

  “We’ll walk with you as far as the first bench, then I think the boys and I will just enjoy watching the people and the water while you two take your stroll.”

  They made their way to the boardwalk and true to her word, Colleen settled herself and her boys on the first empty bench they came to. “Now you two go along and enjoy your walk.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure, Kathleen.” Brody leaned against his mother and yawned. “I think the boys might enjoy a bit of a nap with the sound of the water and the light breeze. I might nod off myself.”

  “All right, then. We’ll be back this way soon.”

  Luke offered his arm and Kathleen slipped her hand through, resting it on his sleeve as they sauntered down the walk.

  It’d been late into the night before she’d fallen asleep the night before—she couldn’t get her mind off what Luke had told her about his fiancée. How heartbreaking that must have been for him. That he shared it with her, when he hadn’t told anyone else, meant a great deal to Kathleen. In the past it was only her worries and problems they’d shared. Now that she’d seen a glimpse of his, she felt they were on more even footing than ever before.

  “Kathleen,” Luke said, breaking into her thoughts as he led her over to the railing overlooking the water, “I wanted to thank you again for listening to me last night. I didn’t realize how much better I would feel just telling someone about Beth.”

  “You don’t need to thank me, Luke. You’ve been there for me on numerous occasions. And I was glad to listen. I’m so very sorry you had to go through that kind of heartbreak.”

  He broke his gaze from hers and looked out to sea. “It’s gotten easier over the years, but I still needed to talk about it. I slept better than I have in years last night.”

  “I’m glad. You know you can talk to me anytime.”

  She didn’t tell him that she’d had a hard time going to sleep. Or that along with hurting for him, she had another ache inside of her—one she couldn’t name, but it felt a little like jealousy.

  She had no right to be jealous, especially of someone who’d passed away. So why should she feel so disturbed that Luke had been in love before? Could it be that her growing feelings for him were more than friendship? Was it possible Luke was the one man she could ever trust with her heart? And what was she going to do about it?

  Chapter Sixteen

  Luke had enjoyed the weekend immensely—spending time with Kathleen and her family, having time with her alone and sitting by her in church on Sunday. They’d shared a hymnal and he’d loved the sound of her alto mixed with his baritone.

  He could spend hours singing with her. After church, she spent most of the day with her sister and as daylight waned, he debated going to escort her home. However, she arrived just before dark and in time for dinner. But she seemed quieter than she had the past few days and he wondered if something had happened to upset her.

  As soon as dinner was over and she made to leave, he quickly pulled back her chair and spoke quietly, “Are you all right? Would you like to talk?”

  She bit her bottom lip and nodded to him.

  “Let’s go to Mrs. Heaton’s garden. No one else will be out there now.”

  “All right.”

  They waited until everyone had either entered the parlor or gone to their rooms and then headed out to the small garden Mrs. Heaton tended to so lovingly. There were a couple of small benches set in the garden and Luke led her to one that couldn’t be seen from the house. He waited for her to sit down and then sat down beside her, taking care to put some distance between them.

  “What’s happened to upset you, Kathleen?”

  “Nothing, really. It’s just that Colleen told me she’d asked Officer O’Malley to dinner and, well, I’m afraid he’s sweet on her and I’m not sure how she feels about him.”

  “Did you ask?”

  “Yes. And she got upset. Said she was a grown woman and I didn’t have to be looking out for her anymore. That it was time I—”

  “Time you what?”

  Kathleen let out a deep breath and shook her head. “I just don’t understand how she can trust another man after all Clancy put her through. And it seems much too soon for her to...”

  “Do you think she’s fallen in love with Officer O’Malley?”

  “I don’t know. She says she cares a lot for him and that she trusts him and...” Kathleen closed her eyes. “He seems a very good man, I’ll give him that. But she has only known him a short while and I don’t want her doing something rash like marrying him just because she’s lonely or wants someone to take care of her. She should only marry for love.”

  “I agree.”

  Kathleen let out a shaky breath. “But then she did that the first time and look where it got her.”

  She seemed so confused and upset, Luke wanted to ease her mind. “Kathleen, maybe Colleen’s love for Clancy died a long time ago—after he changed and put her through so much. Maybe she knows what it is she’s looking for this time—before she gives her heart away. And maybe, because of that love dying, she’s ready to love again.”

  “I hadn’t thought of it that way. I guess I was just thinking about how hard it is for me to trust after the way I saw her treated.”

  It was plain to Luke that Kathleen was finding it more difficult to trust men than her sister was. His heart constricted at the very thought that she might never get past it.

  “I’m sorry, Luke. I want her to be happy, to find true love if that’s what she wants. I just don’t want her to rush into another marriage.”

  “I understand. The best thing you can do is pray for the Lord to guide her. For Him to keep her from doing anything rash but also for her to know if the time and the person are right.”

  “That’s true. And I will.”

  “Did she say anything about marriage? Or if Officer O’Malley has asked her to marry him?”

  “No. Not really. I suppose I could be jumping to conclusions.”

  “You might be. And Kathleen, remember that Officer O’Malley was there that night. He was at the hospital and knows what shape she was in. He’s the one who might hav
e shot Clancy. I don’t think he’s going to rush her into anything.”

  “I hope not. And I hope he’s not...just trying to get past the guilt he might feel over Clancy’s death.”

  “You and your sister are beautiful women, Kathleen. It’s highly unlikely that Officer O’Malley is keeping Colleen company because of guilt. Besides, whichever officer shot Clancy, he saved Colleen’s life. There’s no need for him to feel guilty over it.”

  Luke had leaned closer as he talked and he could almost feel Kathleen’s shoulders relax as she sighed. “That’s true. Thank you for reminding me, Luke.”

  “You’re welcome. It was my turn after the other night.”

  “Oh, Luke, after all the encouragement you’ve given me, all the times you’ve been there for me, you have a lot of catching up to do.”

  He chuckled. “As long as I don’t have to do it all at once.”

  “No, you don’t. Thanks for listening again and for your thoughts. You gave me a lot to think about and I think I owe it to my sister to let her make the decisions that are important to her. I have been overprotective of her and sometimes I forget that Clancy is no longer here to hurt her.”

  “Or you.” Luke regretted his words the moment they left his lips.

  Just as he opened his mouth to say he was sorry, he heard Kathleen whisper, “Or me.”

  Her fingers covered her mouth and she looked up at him. He could see her eyes shimmer with unshed tears in the moonlight. But she swallowed hard and blinked them back. Luke wished he could cry for her.

  He reached out his hand to touch her cheek and she stilled but didn’t flinch. He could see the wariness in her eyes, and something else that pulled him nearer. His fingers grazed her cheek. “You are the strongest woman I’ve ever met, Kate. Clancy is gone. He’ll never hurt you again.”

  “Never again.” She closed her eyes and nodded. She reached up and covered his hand with hers. “Thank you, Luke.”

  “You’re welcome.” He turned his hand over and captured hers. His glance lowered to her lips and back to her eyes. He’d never wanted to kiss anyone more, and it was all he could do to keep from pulling her into his arms. But the wariness lingered in her eyes and he leaned his forehead against hers. If-onlys whirled through his mind. If only she could trust again. If only he could, too.

  He glanced at her lips once more and cleared his throat. “We’d better go in before—”

  “Someone wonders where we are?”

  No. Before he threw caution to the wind, pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

  * * *

  Kathleen punched her pillow one more time. She’d tossed and turned for hours, it seemed, thinking about Luke and their time in the garden.

  She didn’t know what to do. The more time she spent with Luke the more time she wanted to be with him. He’d become her confidant and if she wasn’t mistaken, she’d become his. One minute she thought she should distance herself from Luke in order to keep her feelings for him from deepening. The next she told herself that she couldn’t desert him just as he’d begun to confide in her.

  If she made him feel she didn’t want to listen to him, what might that do to him? After all Luke had done for her, all the times he’d been there for her, there was no way she could not be there for him.

  Still, she had to find a way to guard her heart, to keep from letting her growing feelings show. If there were one man in the world she could trust, it would be Luke. But he’d lost the love of his life and she didn’t want to come in second to the memories of another woman. If she ever gave her heart to a man, she wanted to be first in his life, after the Lord. Always.

  Besides, he’d given no indication that they were any more than friends. Except, there was a look in his eyes tonight that made her wonder what it would be like to be kissed by him.

  “Arrgh!” She turned her pillow over and punched it once again. She needed to get to sleep. Tomorrow promised to be a busy day and she wanted to be fresh. She had to quit thinking of Luke. Still, she wondered, had he wanted to kiss her as much as she’d wanted him to? For one short moment she’d thought he would. And then he’d said they should go in.

  It was for the best. She knew it was. She closed her eyes and prayed. Dear Lord, please help me to quit thinking of Luke in a romantic way, please help me to quit longing for the impossible. Or please show me if it is possible for me to trust my heart to—

  The only man she could imagine trusting her heart to was Luke. And she didn’t even know if he wanted it. Tears sprung to her eyes.

  I don’t know what to do, Lord. Please help me to know Your will for my life and guide me to do it. In Jesus’s name, Amen.

  Only then was she able to drift off to sleep.

  * * *

  “No!” Luke yanked himself out of the nightmare, breathing deep and hard. His brow damp with sweat, he flung off his covers and sat up on the side of the bed, trying to get his bearings. He was awake; it wasn’t real. None of it was real. He took one deep, cleansing breath after another until he quit shaking.

  He got up, crossed over to the small window that looked out at street level and rubbed the back of his neck. Dawn was breaking and he was more than ready for the night to end and day to begin. He’d tossed and turned all night, moving from one nightmare to another.

  First he’d relived Beth’s death as he still did from time to time. But somehow as he’d held her lifeless body and bent down to kiss her brow, the woman he’d been holding in his arms had turned into Kathleen.

  He’d barely roused himself out of that nightmare when he’d begun to dream of the day in the park when he’d first seen Kathleen being badgered by her brother-in-law and come to her aid.

  The ache in his heart as she left the park, wondering if she would be all right, was as real as it had been that day. Just as it was when the dream moved to him carrying her up the stairs when she’d arrived at Heaton House. He kept waking himself, thinking it wasn’t real. Kathleen was here now and she was safe. Only then did he fall into a deeper sleep.

  But the dreams of the past turned into his fear of the present. He watched Kathleen go in one tenement building after another, only he wasn’t with her. No one was with her.

  Luke went to the bathroom and splashed cold water in his face, fighting the memory of what happened next. But his breathing became shallow as the last nightmare came back to him full force.

  He was in the tenements looking for Kathleen when he heard a moan in an alleyway. He rushed in and his heart stopped as he saw a woman, with hair the color of Kathleen’s, lying there, motionless.

  He’d gathered her up in his arms. Somehow, the nightmare switched to the day Beth died, and then back to him holding Kathleen in the alleyway, trying to assess her injuries. But he felt something wet and warm at her side. She’d been shot and he’d prayed, Dear Lord, please don’t let me lose Kathleen, too. Her head lolled to the side and that was when he’d yanked himself out of the nightmare and jumped out of bed.

  He’d failed Beth. He couldn’t fail Kathleen.

  * * *

  When Kathleen joined the others at the breakfast table she noticed Luke looked as if he hadn’t slept any better than she had. Much as she’d like to think it was because he was thinking about her as much as she’d thought about him, she figured he’d probably stayed up too late writing. She’d been taking up way too much of his time. And she had to put a stop to it. It wasn’t fair to him.

  “You ready?” he asked as they finished breakfast and she laid her napkin on the table.

  “I am, but really, Luke, I don’t need you to go with me today. I’m just going to the Walshes’ and to see Reba. I know the way and I will be fine.”

  He slid her chair out from the table. “I’m going to see you there safely, Kathleen.”

  “Luke, I can’t keep taking up your time. You have y
our own work to do and I’m feeling bad that you’re staying up late to catch up.”

  “I told you, that’s when I write best. Come on, at least let me see you there safely and—” He sighed deeply. “I really wish they’d find a safer way for you to do your job.”

  “I’m safe, Luke. I went in and out of those tenements for years. I know my way around and I’ll be fine.”

  Mrs. Heaton walked into the dining room. “Excuse me, but you have a phone call, Luke. I think it’s your publisher.”

  Luke turned to Kathleen. “Wait for me. I’m sure this won’t take long.”

  When he had left the room, Mrs. Heaton sat down next to her. “I couldn’t help but overhear part of your conversation with Luke, Kathleen. You know he has a point and I’m going to take it up with the ladies. Perhaps we need to hire someone to go along with you, or find a way to get the word out and have the interested parties come to you.”

  “But you wanted someone who knows their way around the tenements and who can relate to those living there.”

  “Yes, and you fill that qualification perfectly. But we don’t want you in any kind of danger. Let me see what we can come up with. And in the meantime, please let Luke go with you when he can. If anything happened to you, I’d blame myself.”

  “Oh, Mrs. Heaton, you mustn’t take that burden on yourself.”

  “Please let Luke accompany you until we can come up with a plan, Kathleen.”

  After all the woman had done for her and all she’d been through, Kathleen couldn’t bring herself to refuse. “Yes, ma’am, I will.”

  “Will what?” Luke asked, coming back into the room.

  “Let you accompany me to the tenements.”

  Mrs. Heaton turned to him. “I’m going to talk to the board. We’re going to come up with a way to make sure Kathleen is safe going in and out of the tenements.”

  “I’ll see that she is.”

  “Yes, but you have your own work to do at times and you won’t always be able to accompany her. But I appreciate you taking care of it now, Luke.”