Complicated

by Kristen Ashley

So Andy being jokey and playful and excited about donuts and enthusiastic about Hix’s house and downright thrilled at how cool it was Shaw was going to be a marine (and so on) was semi-saving the day.

  No one had forgotten the drama and everyone was on edge because Hix had called Hope to come get Mamie, and we were all waiting for her to show, but at least Andy got to be Andy. He might have sustained damage to his brain that forever challenged his abilities to live what was considered a normal life, but he’d never displayed any alteration in his functionality at being able to read a room and react to that, in this instance, being himself—loving and sweet.

  So it was his eyes I caught first when the doorbell rang.

  Shaw was cuddling his sister in the loveseat. Hix and I were in the corner of a couch. Andy was in the armchair. And when the bell rang, any smooth and sweet in the room vanished and Andy bit his lip then stretched out the lower one before his shoulders slunk up to his ears.

  I gave him a careful smile as I felt Hix’s arm around me give me a squeeze before he set me aside and pushed out of the couch.

  I turned to look at Shaw and Mamie, who had been lounged together, but now Mamie was on her behind with her knees pulled all the way up to her chest, her arms around her calves, her chin to her knees and eyes to the door and Shaw was standing, facing the door.

  “It’s gonna be okay, guys,” I tried to reassure them, but Shaw’s lip just curled and Mamie only glanced at me before looking back toward the door so I figured it didn’t work all that great.

  Right.

  For me and Andy, it was time to clear the donuts away and set about making French onion dip and whatever else we could do in order to stay in the kitchen and give the Drake family privacy.

  I started to open my mouth Andy’s way and fold out of the couch when I heard Hix mutter, “Hope, Jep.”

  But I froze when Shaw hissed, “Unbe-freaking-leivable.”

  I looked to Shaw then over my shoulder at the door where Hope was walking in, face a mask of fury as her eyes lighted on me and that fury didn’t change when they took in Andy. It only minutely changed when her attention swung to Mamie.

  Hope’s father was walking in behind her.

  He seemed to be feeling ill at ease, but I didn’t know the man and I didn’t get to take time to analyze his demeanor because Hope spoke.

  “I love you. I love you more than you will ever know, until you have a child of your own. But Mamie, you scared me to death this morning and that is not okay.”

  “I can’t believe you,” Shaw clipped and didn’t make anyone wait to find out what it was, precisely, that he couldn’t believe. He shared it. “You brought Gramps? You’re, like, forty-one years old and you got your butt in a sling and you bring your dad?”

  “Shaw,” Hix muttered warningly.

  I shoved to the edge of the couch and said softly, “Andy and me will just—”

  “Yeah, why don’t you just,” Hope spat and I froze again, looking over my shoulder at her hate-filled face aimed at me.

  “Hope,” her father murmured irritably.

  Before I could snap myself out of it and get a move on, Mamie stopped me by speaking.

  Or, more accurately, with what she said when she did.

  “You’re mean,” she whispered then spoke louder. “You’re just mean. Like, you’re a grown-up mean girl. Like, so mean, they could make a movie out of you and everyone would hate you, that’s how mean you are.”

  I decided not to look at Hope’s reaction to that because I felt the sting of those words snapping in the air, it hurt something awful and it wasn’t even directed at me.

  I also decided not to speak again. I just pushed out of the couch and reached a hand out to Andy who was already getting up. He took my hand and we started to move toward the kitchen but stopped when Mamie spoke again.

  “Greta, don’t go.”

  Shit.

  I turned to her. “Sweetie, I think it’s best Andy and I hang in the kitchen while—”

  “I want you to know, in front of her,” she pointed to her mother, “that I like you. I like you with Daddy. You make him happy. And things have got better for him since you’ve been around. And if he got this house because it’s close to you, then good. Because it’s closer to Corinne and me too, when we’re with Mom. And it’s a pretty house. And it’s the kind of house Daddy and Shaw should live in.”

  “Thank you, Mamie,” I said softly. “I like you too, honey. And you’re right about this house, though you should know, he didn’t get it because it was close to me. He got it because it was right for his family. Now Andy and I should—”

  “And I wanna live here, even if you live here too,” Mamie declared. “Like Mom says you’re gonna be moving in, because you make things happy.”

  I sucked in a huge breath and looked to Hix.

  “Greta isn’t moving in, baby,” Hix said gently.

  “Yet,” Shaw put in.

  I bit my lip, squeezed Andy’s hand and he started tugging it, shuffling us to the kitchen.

  “There are things you don’t understand, Mamie,” Hope shared.

  “Yeah?” Mamie asked. “Well tell them to me.”

  “You’re too young,” Hope replied.

  “I’m not too young to know that Shaw’s right. I get it that Daddy hasn’t been with Greta very long and he’s got us so he can’t move her in, like, right away. But I see how they are together and Daddy makes Greta happy too. So she might not be moving in now but she will and that’s okay by me, and it doesn’t matter what you think or all you have to say about it to Miss Julie, it has nothing to do with you because you threw him away.”

  “Baby . . .” Hix started, and Andy gave my hand a harder tug pulling me out of the room and into the kitchen.

  He rolled the pocket doors closed behind us then crowded me back so we were at the opposite side of the kitchen.

  We both stopped by the sink and turned to stare at the doors.

  It was Andy who broke our silence.

  “Jeez, Ta-Ta, I’d rather deal with Mom than that lady out there.”

  I looked to him to see his gaze still on the doors and stifled my giggle that came because my brother was funny but also might have been because I was slightly hysterical.

  When I controlled my inappropriate mirth, I asked, “You wanna make onion dip?”

  He looked to me and his mind wasn’t on dip. “You okay?”

  I nodded.

  He stared at me.

  Then he said, “Okay, Ta-Ta. Let’s make dip.”

  We made dip. Then we grabbed chips. Then I found a pad of paper and a pen and I started to make a grocery list for Hix and his kids because, in unpacking the kitchen, I’d noted that Hix did not have many of the basics of cooking. I did this with Andy bent over the island with me, helping me. We figured out how to program the coffeepot. And then we just hung together uncomfortably, through that and all we’d done before, our eyes straying to the doors.

  They finally opened and I was surprised to see not Hix or Shaw coming through, but instead, Hope’s father.

  He shut them behind him but did it facing us and saying, “Just gotta give that family some time.”

  I pressed my lips together and nodded, unpressing my lips to say, “Of course.”

  “You’re mean to my sister, I won’t like it,” Andy declared, and I looked to him to see his chest puffed out and he was edging my way.

  “I wouldn’t dream of bein’ mean to your sister, son,” Hope’s dad replied, moving to the opposite side of the island from where we were.

  “Okay,” Andy muttered and relaxed.

  “Are they . . . how are they doing? Are they okay?” I asked.

  But before I got my last word out, Shaw could be heard shouting, “God, Mom! You’re unbelievable!”

  “Not too good,” Hope’s father muttered.

  I felt for him. He looked sad. So sad, he looked vulnerable and defeated, like his years were decades more than he’d actually lived.

&n
bsp; There was nothing I could do about that except get even more pissed Hope was all Hope was.

  “Andy, this is Mr. Schroeder. Mr. Schroeder, this is my brother, Andy,” I introduced.

  “Good to meet you, Andy. And please,” his eyes moved from Andy to me, “both of you, call me Jep.”

  “You want onion dip?” Andy asked, reaching out to shove the bowl and bag of chips across the island toward Jep.

  “Not feelin’ hungry, son, but thanks,” Jep murmured, but did it with his eyes trained on the dip and they didn’t move.

  I looked to Andy.

  He looked to me.

  The pocket doors opened and Hix strolled through.

  “Jep, Hope’s goin’. Mamie’s stayin’ with me. She’s with me tomorrow anyway so no reason with the state of things for her to go back now. I’ll have time to get some things straight with her and she’ll go back to Hope after next week.”

  I examined Hix’s face and saw he didn’t look furious, but he didn’t look any less angry and frustrated than he had been all morning.

  “Right, son,” Jep replied, turning. “I’ll just get on with gettin’ her home.” He stopped next to Hix, lifted a hand and rested it on Hix’s shoulder. “We’ll just . . .” he patted Hix’s shoulder and removed his hand, “get past this. All of us. Eventually.” He turned to Andy and me. “Wish it was better circumstances. Maybe next time it will be.”

  “Yeah, Jep,” I said. “Take care.”

  He lifted his chin, Andy mumbled a farewell and Jep took off.

  Hix walked farther in. “We gotta change Junk Sunday to Going-to-Dansboro-to-Pick-Up-Beds Sunday. Mamie needs somewhere to sleep and she isn’t sleeping her first night in this house on the couch. So I might need your Cherokee to get it all in. The place is in Dansboro. You up for that, babe?”

  I nodded. “Absolutely.”

  “I’m good at carrying things,” Andy proclaimed.

  “That’d be great, bud, since Shaw and me’ll need your help,” Hix replied.

  I turned to my brother. “Hix is under the mistaken impression that my broken nose means I can’t lift things.”

  “Doesn’t seem mistaken to me,” Andy returned.

  I rolled my eyes only to roll them back and see Andy grinning.

  “Gotta call the store then we’ll move out,” Hix muttered and my attention went back to him.

  He moved out before I could say anything and Andy moved out with him.

  I moved to find some plastic wrap to cover the dip so I could put it in the fridge and join them.

  It wasn’t until we were all going through the (also awesome) mudroom at the back of the house that led to the garage, where Hix had parked both the Bronco and my Cherokee, that I could grab Hix’s hand and waylay him.

  Andy, and Hix’s subdued kids, kept moving.

  Hix stopped and looked down at me.

  “You okay?” I asked softly.

  “I’m gonna sit down with Hope next week and hear her out. It’s what she wants and the woman goes all out until she gets what she wants. It shits me I gotta give her that, but if doin’ that might bring some peace to my family, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna freakin’ hate it, but I’m gonna do it. So right now, I’m pissed and feel like I’m trapped in a corner, but if all I gotta do is listen to her shit to get outta that corner and buy some peace for my kids, I hope like hell I’ll be better after it’s over.”

  I nodded and squeezed his hand. “I’m sorry, baby.”

  “I’ll get it done quick as I can and then, hope like fuck, this can be put behind all of us.”

  I nodded again.

  “I’m gonna do that and Mamie’s staying with us but I don’t want her to get the impression she can pull crap like she pulled this morning and get her way. This situation is extreme but I gotta have faith Hope will get her shit together and be the mother her kids need so they can stop lickin’ their wounds or tearin’ ’em open wider and start healing. If not . . .”

  He let that lie and I shifted closer. “How about we cross that bridge if we come to it?”

  “Good plan,” he muttered.

  “We should go,” I said.

  “Yeah,” he replied and gave my hand a tug.

  And then we moved out.

  The bunkbeds were set up and they were great. A double on the bottom set perpendicular to the single on the top, made of wood painted white, a ladder with a little wardrobe to the side and a cute shelf off the top bunk that could serve as a nightstand.

  The girls had picked a pretty green and white comforter with flowers and leaves for the double bottom, a matching, gorgeous matelassé quilt for the top, shams to match the comforter, white sheets and green toss pillows, with the addition of a nice strike of blue with green trim for another toss pillow to make it interesting.

  Mamie shared with me this vision was Corinne’s and she had an eye.

  We picked up the bed and mattresses from the store, but we could also fit in one of the desks (which was more like a vanity since it had a mirror) and a dresser so we put those in too and the guys set them all up. The rest of the furniture would be waiting for Corinne tomorrow.

  While the guys were setting up, I offered Mamie a fifty dollar online gift card and we sat on our butts in the hall, going through Shaw’s laptop and ordering a lamp and a cute picture to go in the room. I told her Corinne would have the same, Mamie could tell her she had it, and she could help pick out stuff and email it to me and I’d order it.

  But now, we were both on our knees on the floor in front of her dresser, finishing up putting her stuff away from the only boxes that hadn’t been unpacked, and although she’d gotten excited to buy her lamp and picture, she was quiet again.

  I didn’t know what to do. The times when Andy was around that age and he could listen and retain (maybe, he had been a teen) what I said were long ago.

  That said, even then I didn’t know what to do. I just went with my gut.

  So right then, I had to go with my gut.

  “She was frantic, your mom, when you took off,” I said gently as I handed her a folded leotard.

  Mamie ducked her head and shoved the leotard in a drawer.

  “Mamie, I’m not saying that to make you feel bad,” I told her. “Life stuff happens and sometimes it makes us feel so much, we don’t think before we react. We just gotta do whatever we have to do because we hope it’ll make us feel better. And then we learn and hopefully the next time we feel too much, we’ll have it in us to take a second and think. I’m just saying this because your mom is in a bad place right now, but you need to know that she loves you very much.”

  She turned to me and declared, “See. Right there.”

  When she said nothing else, I replied, “I’m not sure I see, sweetie.”

  She gave it to me immediately. “You’re bein’ nice. About her. She’s not nice about you.”

  “Well, I don’t know your mom and I can’t say why she does the things she does. All you need to know is, I speak truth. No matter all that’s happening, she loves you.”

  “If she loved me she’d see it hurts me to watch her hurtin’ Daddy and she’d stop doing it,” she retorted.

  She had a point.

  So I just folded another leotard.

  Her next came timid.

  “Will you talk him into lettin’ me live here with him and Shaw?”

  I looked to her. “No.”

  Her face fell then it got hard.

  I lifted a hand to the back of her head and gave her ponytail a little tug before I leaned close to her. “I want you to have what you want and I want you to be happy. And you don’t know it now but you need your mom and your mom needs you.”

  “She doesn’t need me. She’s got Miss Julie to talk nasty to and help her stay angry.”

  Another point.

  “Things are gonna be happening with you—” I started.

  But she cut me off. “Yeah. I know. Boys and maxi pads and blah, blah, blah. Dad’s lived with girls his whole life,
I mean, he had a mom then he had my mom. When he went to the store, he bought her tampons like he’d buy a bag of potato chips and he didn’t catch fire or anything.”

  I couldn’t stop my chuckling. Her lips quirked and she took the leotard from me and put it in the drawer.

  Her mood shifted back as she muttered through quivering lips, “I wanna live with him.”

  “And there’ll be a day a long time from now when you’ll look back and you’ll understand a whole lot more what your mom is going through and you’ll wish you had your share of time with her.”

  Mamie looked at me and I kept going.

  “I promise you that, Mamie. I’ll tell you straight, because I think you deserve it and I’m not sure you’re getting a lot of that with what’s going on around you because you’re the baby and they want you to stay the baby even though you aren’t a baby anymore, but I agree with you. Your mom is acting out because she’s upset and scared and hurting, and maybe she isn’t acting the right way. But just today, you took off and scared both your mom and dad like crazy. So if you think about all the things you were feeling that made you behave that way, maybe you’ll understand a little about all the things your mom is feeling that are making her behave in ways that aren’t right.”

  Her mouth set, she jerked up one shoulder and she reached past me to get another leotard.

  I just grabbed my own and started folding it.

  Mamie changed the subject.

  “I like Andy.”

  “He likes you.”

  “If . . . when . . . you know, say you and Dad get married, am I not gonna be the baby anymore?”

  I was confused.

  “Why wouldn’t you be?”

  “Because you and Dad will have babies.”

  My hands stilled but my mind didn’t.

  I’d told him I didn’t want to have a family and how that affected me and Keith. And Hix had already made a family.

  But he hadn’t said then if he’d want more.

  We were both no longer young. We were also both not old.

  Damn.

  “Greta?”

  I pulled it together and looked to Hix’s girl.

  “Do you understand that what your dad and I have is very young?” I asked.

  She nodded.