Fear Factors

by Peter Sacco

  Love and affection in the Howard marriage began to wane, at least on Sue’s part and lust began to burn, once again on Sue’s part. Unfortunately, the lust was not directed toward her husband Jeffrey. Rather, Morro had become her modern day Romeo. He rekindled the woman in her, something her husband had no longer any notion of achieving. He seemed wrapped up with some new project, which was an extension of his work with interpretation. This newest venture, as he described it briefly to her, involved translating animal communicative sounds into the English dialect. Sue just about pissed herself in laughter when Jeffrey told her about it. She thought he had definitely gone mad. His caboose was lost in some tunnel, please send help! Jeffrey was not so patient with her sarcastic remarks and made some colossal comments of his own that perhaps widened the marital gap even further.

  He apologized for feeling neglectful and took her on a weekend getaway to the Bahamas, but she could only think about Morro the whole time there. As a matter of fact, the calls she claimed to make to her mother, twelve in all, were all to him. She even went as far as sending her faithful and fearless husband to the nearest convenience store for ice-cream following a boring round of pity sex. Her husband bored the hell out of her!

  Luckily it didn’t take him long to cum, about the same amount of time it took him to piss, take a few shakes and tuck it away for safe keeping. The real sex began after he headed on his ice-cream expedition and she heard Morro’s voice on the phone. It was great! This time, the sex lasted the half hour it took to get the ice-cream. A far cry from the time it took to take a piss. She remembered Morro playfully calling her a cold-hearted bitch over the phone. It should have really irritated her, sent her into a fit of rage, but it didn’t. Quite the contrary, it really turned her on because she liked hearing the truth when it came from someone who was so used to telling lies. It was a double-edged sword piercing with pleasure, but hiding the pain. Morro was playfully sarcastic. He was a cold-hearted, money hungry bastard. He gave great face like a bear let loose in a jar of honey, and to her, foreplay was always the best part. He was her boy-toy.

  After the trip to the Bahamas, Jeffrey seemed to be the old Jeff she had married. He was very affectionate again, very much resembling the guy who had always placed her on the highest pedestal. Unfortunately, she despised him even more for trying to be so sweet. He wasn’t supposed to be treating her this good. She already had a man who made her feel great.

  Actually he made her feel better than great. It didn’t take Morro and her very long to go at it on his desk after hours one night. And then she had to go home to her husband. She dreaded the thought. Howard had set up shop in the basement so he could be around more. This sucked! She felt her hate toward him grow. Perhaps it was the guilt of leading him on that made her feel this way? Morro told her he doubted it because cold-hearted bitches feel no guilt or remorse. She chuckled and agreed.

  She wanted to leave Jeffrey, and was almost convinced to do so until Morro reminded her of the Howard nest egg. If she ran off with him, they would never see a cent. She noticed how it was ‘they’ now, instead of ‘her’. This didn’t surprise her in the least. She knew he loved money, and like a peacock wooing it’s mate, his colors were quickly showing. The two of them tried to figure out the best possible way to get the loot. They went through the usual list of ideas, and once they were exhausted, they turned to the x-rated list. She thought she would have trouble going along with the plan, but she didn’t. She really had fallen for Morro. Sure, she had loved Jeffrey, and his money, but had never been in love with him. As time passed in her marriage she arrived at the conclusion it was really nothing more than convenience. He had always wanted a wife, a soul mate. And she had always wanted someone to take care of the important things in life while she freelanced about.

  Jeffrey would be removed from the picture. As a matter of fact, he would be cast from the canvas. She and Morro would be co-Picassos to her future. The future looked like it would be a rich one. It appeared as if they were going to act on the last item on the wish list as soon as possible. Howard’s money was burning a hole in both of their pockets. He was worth about sixty million and she had not contributed to any of the pot. By her less than thrifty spending habits, she was using her money up faster than toilet paper. When her money was used up, she would use what he had. She perceived the situation as her money being hers and his money being theirs. Ironically, Howard saw it the same way because he loved her and he wanted to make her happy.

  Howard was very much alone in the world genetically. His mother had passed on a few years earlier. Sue was all he had. He wanted to have children, but Sue kept putting it off. She used many excuses, but the one that kept recurring was he was not ready and responsible enough to be a father. Perhaps this was one of the reasons he decided to move his work into the basement of the house, as if to assure her he would be more dedicated. She was more focused on how to claim the big prize. She had been made the sole beneficiary of his will. And the only way to claim the big prize was her loving and trusting sap of a hubby would have to suffer an untimely death, by accident of course. Damn sap! He really was a typical absent-minded professor. He could understand just about anything to do with science, but he was too stupid to realize his wife was screwing around and planning on exterminating him.

  There was one other thing which had bothered Sue about his will; a clause which allocated a million dollars toward taking care of Webster, Jeffrey’s nine year old Yellow lab. This nearly sent her into orbit. It was both the money and the principle. She couldn’t stand the damn mutt. She couldn’t stand it when she met Howard and she couldn’t stand it while living under the same roof with him. Of course, she never let Jeffrey know her true feelings toward Webster. She would kick the mutt whenever she had the opportunity. She would sometimes leave the gate to the yard open, hoping that the dog would run away or get hit by a car. She had actually thought about poisoning the dog, perhaps over-feeding it one too many chocolates, but Howard was so close to the dog he would probably have an autopsy performed and it would be traced back to her. Like most pet owners, Howard had grown deeply attached to the dog and considered him family. At times, Sue wondered if he had to choose between the dog and her, would he choose the damn mutt? Hadn’t he stated jokingly on occasion never to forget that Webster was here before her? Damn dog! She hated it so much. And she knew the feeling was mutual. Webster would always avoid her. She would sometimes think to herself the dog was scheming in ways to get even with her. What a silly notion!

  Her three year wedding anniversary had just passed a week ago. Thank the Lord it was over and done with. She always hated birthdays, and she was beginning to despise anniversaries even more. They did their regular wining and dining later coming back to the bedroom so he could tinkle and shake his pecker for the full minute and a half. That was the best part of the anniversary, as it didn’t have to last so bloody long. It was the sex he had to beg out of her on occasion. This was one of those occasions. She had her list of excuses, but this was one of those times when you have to take one for the team. She believed Howard was beginning to wonder about the excuses she was giving him for her frigidity. Perhaps he might become capable of adapting his scientific brain to the social world and put two and two together.

  Howard was taking a trip out of town for a couple of days to meet up with some other scientists to discuss his latest invention, some new gadget to study animals. More power to him, she thought. A stupid idea that was going nowhere in a hurry. Even several of his own supporters were beginning to question him and some had even bailed out. The project was costing millions of dollars and Sue was certain the nest egg was quickly disintegrating. Morro had her convinced if they did not act soon, they would get less and less.

  Howard was the type who was not a quitter and would see the project through until the end, no matter the cost. One could never accuse her doctor of being a quitter. He was a persistent scientific detective, who made her sick. H
e had told her the purpose of this trip was to discuss some cutting edge technology with the other scientists, but she hadn’t really cared until he mentioned he would have to sink a more sizable chunk into the project. This perked her ears in a hurry. Once he set out for his expedition, her partner in crime was at the house in a finger’s snap. Morro had a sense of urgency in his voice. The time was near. They had to act soon.

  They discussed ways of getting rid of Howard for nearly an hour. The process was just not happening. It was so difficult to find a way to do it without any suspicion being traced back to her. Howard was in great health and was not an individual to take many reckless chances.

  Morro paced to the kitchen and almost tripped over Webster, who was lying next to his feeding dish. The dog paid no attention to them and appeared to go on sleeping. Morro wanted to kick the damn mutt for being on the floor and making him trip and look foolish, but he didn’t. Sue referred to the mutt as a worthless sack of shit who would not be around much longer anyhow if she had her way.

  Noticing Morro’s tension, Sue seductively crept toward him and began nibbling on his ear. His pre-occupation with the plan instantly left his mind and the libido below his waist began taking charge. The soft limp less bulge in his crotch began to tingle. The tingling slowly evolved to an elongated itch. His six inches grew to a hardened, throbbing hammer, which pounded up against his lower abdomen as she stroked him. His passions flared and he felt like he definitely was going to explode. He swept Sue off her feet and carried her out of the kitchen toward the bedroom as he had on many occasion. He stopped in the doorway for a second and looked back at Webster who had now risen to his feet. Quickly, his attention returned to the rod in his pants, which was pressed against her thigh. The sex had been animal-like as always. It was their typical ride’m till they drop marathon. Both had a lot of stored up passion and frustration to rid of themselves. They were like two starved animals led to a bottomless feeding trough. Sue sauntered out of the bed as Morro watched her shining silhouette disappear into the bathroom.

  He could hear the waters in the bathtub begin to flow. He lay there for a moment, smiled and sighed. He heard the water stop and the soft splash of her body in the water. The light from the bathroom shone at the far side of the bedroom. He noticed a tiny portable television atop of the dresser. He walked over to it and picked it up. The long electrical cord dropped to the ground and the prongs landed on top of his foot giving him a small painful sensation. After a moment of examination, he crept into the bathroom and plugged it in to the nearest wall receptacle. Sue, still not cognizant of him being in the bathroom, nearly jumped out of the tub when he cranked up the volume on the television.

  “You shit!” She screamed.

  Morro stared at her and then burst out laughing. She drilled a soaked sponge and it hit him square in the old beak. He continued to laugh at her and this seemed to annoy her even more. Sue resumed her bathing and pretended to ignore his presence.

  “I’m sorry, baby, just having some fun.”

  Morro changed the channels and stopped at a music station. He picked up the television and started to shake his bootie to the beat. Sue observed his bouncing around and shook her head. Noticing this, Morro turned up the volume on the television and danced his way toward her. Sue noticed this and jumped out of the tub.

  “Get the hell away from me with that!” she exclaimed.

  Morro stared at her dumfounded.

  “You heard me, “ she said grabbing for a towel.

  “What’s the problem with you, sister?”

  “I don’t feel like being boiled in the tub.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Knowing you, you’ll probably trip on something and land in the tub and fry both of us.”

  Morro looked as though his feelings were hurt.

  “Jeffrey has the strangest habit of bathing at seven-thirty every evening and bringing that damn thing in here with him. It’s his newest hobby. Says he can bathe and watch jeopardy at the same time. He puts the damn thing right on the side of the tub. He says he can’t see it without his glasses. I tell him that he’s going to fry himself, but he always says he has everything under control. Anyone who brings anything electrical near a bathtub should be shot and pissed on. You’ll never see me doing something stupid like that.”

  Morro ogled at her inquisitively.

  “What?” asked Sue.

  “We’re trying to find a way to get rid of him and you are worried about his health?”

  “No. I don’t want him making a mess in my bathroom.”

  Morro shook his head and sighed. A strange look came over his face.

  “That’s it!”

  “What?” asked Sue.

  “We’ll cook him. I mean you’ll cook him.”

  “Say what?”

  “He’ll accidentally get zapped in his own bathtub. The perfect murder. Looks just like an accident and no one can prove otherwise. Do you know how many people die a year accidentally this way? I’m sure some are done accidentally on purpose, but no one knows. This is the perfect brain storm we’ve been looking for.”

  Sue stared at him and shook her head.

  “I don’t know. It’s kind of messy. He dying in my bathtub and all.”

  Morro put down the television and stroked her arm. He began kissing her neck. “We’ll put in another tub. Better still we’ll move the hell away from here. Shit, you’ve got enough money to buy as many bathtub companies as you want.”

  She pulled away from him for a moment and looked into the vanity mirror. A small smile shattered the look of indecision on her face.

  “It’s perfect. The perfect murder,” she mumbled.

  Morro smiled at her.

  “We’ll do it Friday,” she mumbled.

  “Yes, I’ll stop by with some work and he’ll be taking his seven-thirty bath. If you don’t want to, I’ll do it. I’ll go into the bathroom and fry him. I’ll be you’re witness. You come downstairs screaming and tell me to call 911. We were sitting in the kitchen and the power suddenly went out. You called up to your husband but there was no answer. You got worried and went to see why he did not answer. You knocked and he didn’t answer. And when you went into the bathroom you saw him lying in the tub motionless, fried to a crisp. The paramedics come, confirm your story, case closed. And we get the big prize. The big prize!”

  Sue looked at him and started to giggle. “Yes, the big prize.”

  A loud thud startled the two of them.

  “Is that him?” gasped Morro.

  Sue opened the door and peered down the hall. She noticed Webster walking away from the bathroom door and shook her head. “It’s his damn dog. Too bad we couldn’t do both of them,” she moaned.

  ***

  It was late Thursday afternoon when Howard finally made it home. He burst open the front door and started yelling for Sue, but she was not around. His actions reflected those of someone who had learned they had just won the lottery. Howard took in an enormous breath of air and then released it.

  “It’s great to be alive!” he exclaimed.

  Webster, who had been upstairs heard the beloved voice of his master and came charging down to meet him. Howard was so happy to see him, he tackled him with a bear hug. “How’s my boy? How’s my little boy? I’ve got the greatest news, pal. The greatest news. I’m going to make you talk.”

  Webster started barking at him.

  “That’s not what I mean, Web. You’re really going to be able to tell me what you want.”

  Webster stared at him and his tail twirled with the velocity of a chopper propeller.

  “Come along my friend, we have work to do. Mom is going to be so proud of us. Just wait until she hears the wonderful news.”

  In the basement, Howard finished setting up the apparatus while Webste
r watched excitedly. “Well, my friend, this should do. It has taken me ten years to make this thing work and I’m finally going to get to hear what’s on your mind.”

  Howard smiled at Webster as he gently wired him up to the device. “I know I’ve done some terrible things in the past like forgetting to feed you, or kicking you out of the bed.” Howard gazed into Webster’s eyes. “Do you think that we can let bygones be bygones?”

  Webster looked at him and wagged his tail excitedly. Howard walked over to the panel opposite to where he was seated and pushed a few buttons. He walked back to the computer monitor and sat down. He typed in a few keys, and gave the thumbs up sign to Webster.

  “Well my friend, it’s time for you to clear your throat. So what do you have to say for yourself?”

  Webster began to bark and incoherent words began flashing on the screen. Howard stared at the screen and began laughing. The word “BEITCH” appeared redundant across the screen. Howard looked at Webster who stopped barking.

  “Beetch? Do you want to go to the beach?”

  Webster began barking again, this time the spelling of the word changed to “BEITCH”. After staring at the screen and back at Webster for a few moments, Howard figured out what Webster was trying to say.

  “ Bitch! You mean bitch! I know what you want my friend. I thought when we neutered you we got rid of those urges.”

  Webster started barking again. Howard read the screen and started to laugh. It read, “TANKS FIR COOTING OV ME NUTES.” Howard started to shake his head in amusement, as Webster started barking. The screen once again filled with canine interpretive dialogue, this time Howard did not laugh. In fact, a look of horror froze his face. The screen read: “BUD, DA LASS TING ON ME MIND IS SCROOWING DA BIETCH. DA OWNLEE WONE ROWN ERE BOTE DO BE SCROOWD ES U BY YOOR BIETCH AND TAIN’T TAWKING LUV. DEY GOIN DU KIEL U! ER AND DA GREASEY WOP. FREIDY NITE IN BAWTH. DEY GOIN DU FRY U WIT UR TELEE AS U WATCH DAT SHOW WIT DA QUETION. DA DU OF DEM WAN U MONY. DEY WANN DA BIEG... PRIZE!”