Secrets

by Miranda Bailey

  “There are things you don’t know, Alayna…” He started but I cut him off.

  “Oh, please, spare me the ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ routine, Daniel. Do you really think I’m that stupid? Well, I’m not, so please, just go.”

  “That’s not what I was going to say at all, Alayna. I know it hurts to come home alone, to sleep without me beside you, but I can fix this, I can make it right, if you just give me time.”

  “Time is something I don’t have to spare anymore, Daniel. Please, it’s time for you to go now.” I stared at him blankly from the doorway. “This, us? It can never happen again. I’m serious, I’m beyond done.”

  Daniel’s entire body seemed to go slack in an instant. I didn’t want to shatter his soul, but I had to make this stop.

  “Alright, Alayna, if that’s what you want. Can I ask for one thing, though?” He didn’t even look at me, he just stared at the floor. “Don’t quit? We need you there, we need your skills, your outlook, everybody likes you, I know that from watching all of you interact. We need you, Alayna. If it’s a matter of money…”

  He knew that was a mistake the second it left his mouth.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

  I knew he didn’t, and felt my own anger deflate.

  “Daniel, give me a couple of days, okay? Two days off, and I’ll give you an answer, one way or the other. I need to think, to get this all straight in my head, and I can’t do that if I’m there, right next to you all day. Two days, that’s all I ask.” I waited for his answer, my breath held.

  “I promise you, Alayna, I’ll keep it strictly professional. We’ll see how it goes, and if it doesn’t work, I’ll help you in whatever way I can to find a new position somewhere else.” He moved away from the doorway and looked out into the night. He looked as though he had more to say but didn’t bother.

  “I’ll be by in a couple of days, Daniel.” I said and pushed the door closed as he left my apartment. It might be the last time I ever closed the door on him and I was resolved that it would be the last time as my lover.

  I took the two days off I’d requested and tried to make a decision. I spent two days on my own, either shifted as a wolf in the swamps, in failed attempts to run myself into an answer, or in my apartment, where I stared at the walls. The answer did not come to me, so I emailed the company that had made me of the offer and said I’d need more time. That left my options open and if they wanted me bad enough they’d give me that time.

  I went back into the office with a grim attitude.

  I knew Daniel and I were adults, and we could work this out like adults, but that didn’t mean I liked the whole thing. I might be able to pull off the performance of a lifetime and pretend I didn’t want him back in my bed, that I didn’t miss every aspect of him, but that didn’t mean it was true.

  Daniel didn’t come out of his office and I missed the way he’d always been there in the morning, with a smile, to greet me. That hurt my feelings, but he gave me exactly what I’d asked for.

  An hour later my greeting came in the form of an email.

  “Thank you for staying. Have a nice day.”

  The impersonal words bit me hard. I have to admit, he was a man of his word, but that didn’t make it sting less.

  12

  Three weeks after I ended the affair with Daniel I was thinking that I had seriously, well and truly, fucked up.

  I glared from the fan of my hair as Daniel laughed with one of my female coworkers and I wanted to stab her in the eye with a Sharpie. That was terrible of me, but I couldn’t help it. He looked so happy, and I was about as miserable as a person could be.

  It was Rebecca and even though I knew she and Etienne were a thing, that she wasn’t a threat, at all, I still felt jealous of how easily she laughed with Daniel. Even worse, how easily he laughed with her.

  It was that infectious laugh of his, a laugh that had always drawn my attention and made me want to know what made such a beautiful man laugh like that, that had me on the ‘I’m a moron’ train.

  I missed him.

  I’d ended our relationship because I didn’t want to end up alone, on my own, night after night. Stupidly, I’d made that happen. Oh, I know, I could move on, fill my bed with men and women that would leave me the next day, or stick around and try to make me happy, but I didn’t want them. I wanted Daniel. He was the one vice I could not control, though I’d succeeded up until now. Until he stood there in his doorway laughing with Rebecca.

  I wanted to growl, and it wasn’t just my wolf, I was so frustrated I could scream.

  It wasn’t just the sex, I missed though. I missed him, the way he made me laugh, the conversations we’d have, the way he brought me into the light and banished the shadows. Sex was a part of the intimate relationship we had built, and yeah, I missed the sex too, but it wasn’t the entirety of our relationship. The sex was great, it was, damn, how I miss the sex. Have I mentioned how truly epic the sex was?

  I can sit here and tell myself it wasn’t all about the sex, forget how many times I’d been in the shower over the last few weeks, how many times I’d had to stop on the way home for batteries, but it was fabulous sex. The best of my life. That wasn’t all I missed about him, though, it really wasn’t. Daniel made me feel whole, and I missed that more than anything.

  I miss him, the man, not just his penis. I felt my lips quirk as I turned back to my computer to work, penis. Why was that word so funny? It amused me though.

  A thought came to mind, one that had bugged for days now. Had I thrown all of that away for something stupid, a hissy fit because he wouldn’t come home with me that Sunday? Was I that petty? No, I’d had good reason, I reminded myself, a really big one too. Could I live with that?

  I tapped my fingers lightly on the keyboard. Rebecca and Daniel’s conversation carried on, when my thoughts strayed into brand new territory.

  Should I try to get him back?

  I pursed my lips and twisted them as I thought, an old habit but one I’d never broken. I loved Daniel, unlike anything I’d ever known before. I loved him so much that I was the sad cow that couldn’t quit her job, like anyone with half a brain would have. If I did that, I wouldn’t see him ever again, I knew that, and right now, the glimpses of him at work were enough.

  The quiet meetings at the end of the work day had stopped, he trusted my judgement, but I knew he still kept an eye on my work. I’d recently helped a client that suspected his fiancée only wanted him for his money. He was right, she had an entirely different name, a husband, and a child, in another state. He’d been heartbroken, but grateful. I was good at my job, and he knew it.

  With that thought came the next one. I was a horrible person. I was selfish, and maybe even evil. How else could I explain the fact that I could not stop wanting Daniel? He had a wife, one I’d never met, okay, one I’d never actually seen in the office or anywhere else, but she existed. Somewhere.

  I’d often wondered if she really existed, actually. None of my colleagues had ever seen her, and he had never spoke about her at all. Maybe she wasn’t real? But, I knew she had to be, even if she didn’t care about his work.

  She was just this thing that was there, something you knew was there, like a lamp post, and it might have a use, but you didn’t pay attention to it, or acknowledge it. It just…existed.

  Maybe that’s why he, oh, who am I kidding? Daniel loved me, I knew that without a doubt! He wouldn’t play around with anyone, even if his wife literally was a lamp post, unless he cared about the person too much, enough to run roughshod over his own morals.

  Which is another reason why I knew Rebecca wasn’t a threat. I might be a once in a lifetime glitch for Daniel. There was no other woman he wanted to fuck on his desk, in my bed, the couch in the breakroom, the shower, in a cabin at the beach. Anywhere. Daniel had loyalty, despite his fall with me, and I have to admit, my wolf probably helped break him down.

  We shifters have a magnetism that
makes it hard for humans to resist, that’s not conceit, it’s a known fact in my world. Add to that he loved my mind, and it was obvious he’d fall for me. I was different, and so, he’d fallen from his paragon’s pedestal.

  I could get him back, if I wanted to. I think.

  I ran ideas around in my head, but dismissed them as either too obvious, cheap, or just plain bad. Direct, simple and direct, that’s what would work best.

  I walked by and stopped when Rebecca cast a greeting my way.

  “Hi, there. How are you?” I asked brightly, with a nod towards Daniel. He turned around, went into his office, and shut the door.

  Damn, make it obvious to everybody that you don’t want to talk to me, why don’t you?

  Rebecca didn’t notice though and told me about her plans with Etienne for the weekend. A trip down to bayou country for a festival. I let her ramble, in the hopes he’d come back out, but he didn’t. As soon as she took a breath I butted into her flow of words.

  “That’s really great, Rebecca, but I need to get back to work, honey. You and that man of yours have fun this weekend!” I gave her a wink and walked away.

  That stung, that really stung, I thought as I headed for a printer to pretend to pick something up. He’d totally blanked me!

  Maybe I should go to a bar after work and find someone to keep me company. I didn’t want to, I didn’t want a stranger to touch me in all of the places Daniel had. I didn’t want a stranger to make me feel like he had. It was kind of gross, actually, to think of anybody else with their mouth on me.

  I watched his office door, until well after everyone else had gone home, but it never opened. I wasn’t sure I was brave enough to say anything to him, but he never gave me the opportunity anyway.

  I decided to just go find something to eat and go home. Dejected, I cast one last glance behind me before I let the door close. If I’d have stayed another moment longer I’d have seen Daniel come out of his office at last, his gaze on my desk. I was already gone, though and any words he might have spoken died before he got the chance.

  13

  The next day was hard, really hard. If I wasn’t a woman, I wouldn’t have been able to leave the house, it was so hard, hint, hint.

  I’d had dreams about Daniel all night, and when I went to drive to work, all I could think about was that time he’d teased me in the car. His hand had slid my skirt up until he could slide his hand beneath my panties. I’d had to stop at a long-abandoned store and pull behind it so he could finish me off.

  “You’re so wet, I bet your seat is damp.” He’d said into my ear as his tongue darted out to lick at lobe. “I can smell how hot you are, Alayna. Hurry up and come for me, baby, so we can get home where I can taste you, properly.”

  “I’d rather you did it here, Daniel. Right here, right now.” My gaze had been a challenge as I opened the door and stepped out of the car. I leaned back against the door as he got out on the other side. I pulled my skirt up and slid my panties down as he came around

  “Come here, Alayna, to me.” His hand was on the hood of the car and I knew what he’d proposed.

  “Alright.” I turned around and he pushed down on my neck to bend me over the hood of my own car.

  “You are such a tease, Alayna.” His voice had been controlled, in command, and it made me pulse with anticipation. How far was he going to take this? Was he really going to fuck me in this parking lot?

  His right hand held me down against the heat of the hood while his other hand pulled up my skirt. He pushed it onto my back, just before I felt a sting as the other hand came down on my ass, only the once, only enough to make that side burn as the other side grew jealous at the lack of attention.

  “You’re a very bad girl, Alayna.” He’d said to me, and the memory of it was enough to have me eyeballing the lady’s bathroom. Was it empty right now? Could I get in there and relieve this ache before anyone noticed I was gone?

  I darted away from my desk as the memory continued to plague me. I shut the door, locked it, and slid my hand down into my pants with a sigh. I’d leaned back against the door, and now, I let the memory take me back, to that night when he’d rocked the world yet again.

  He’d teased me after that one, easy slap, a slap he knew would make me moan, and it had. It was something we’d discovered together, just how much I liked it when he spanked me. It wasn’t an everyday thing, just on certain occasions, and only when I was really hot.

  His fingers dove into my wet heat, just before he pulled them away. His hand had come down on my center again, only this time he caught the tender flush of my labia with the gentle blow. That made me squirm. Then his palm came down again, directly on my pussy and that’s when my control slipped away.

  “Daniel, baby, don’t tease me. It’s too much, don’t make me wait.” I begged him for relief.

  Just the memory of it all wrung a small sound of need out of my throat. My fingers danced in my panties.

  I slid my fingers further down and found that I was soaking wet. Just the memory of him was enough to make me a mess.

  He’d answered my plea with his cock, when he rammed it home without any warning. I loved it when he did that and my ass tilted up even now, as my body answered his demands. He was normally a gentle lover, but sometimes, he could make demands, demands that pushed us both to the edge.

  “You need it don’t you Alayna? Say it, say you need my cock, that you need me.”

  “I need all of you, Daniel, but especially your cock, baby. I crave it.” I’d wanted him too much for pride, and I knew it as he fucked me there in the parking lot, where anyone might have caught us.

  “Your pussy is so hot right now, Alayna, I can barely keep my cock in you. You love this don’t you, knowing that anybody could catch us? That anybody could pull in beside of us and see you begging for more.”

  The only answer he needed was the squeeze of my walls around him, the way they tensed around him. The words were filthy, but I loved it, I loved how wild they were, how they made me feel.

  “What would you do, baby? Would you let them watch? Or invite them over to play with you in your wet little playground? Would you let a stranger put his cock in there, baby? It might not be as big as mine, but I bet you’d come all over it the same fucking way.”

  From anybody else, the words would have me off the hood and punching him, but this was Daniel, and I knew what he was doing. Getting me off. He’d learned I had a wild streak, an untamed need for more, always more, but only with him. That didn’t mean his words didn’t conjure up the image of another man, though, his twin maybe, that would step out of his car to join us.

  I couldn’t stop the moan that dripped from me then.

  “You would let them fuck this precious little pussy of yours, wouldn’t you? But…” He paused, as if he wasn’t sure about his next words “What if it was a woman that moved up behind you to suck the juices right out of you, Alayna? What if she wanted to get her tongue deep inside of you?”

  I was going to explode, it was right there, just out of reach, that moment when it all just went…boom.

  “Would you let me fuck you, fuck you good and dirty, until I filled you with my come, after she got you off?”

  Oh he knew just how to mesmerize me, and he was, I wanted whatever he wanted to give me, but I could give it back too.

  “I’d let her lick every bit of you out of me, Daniel, and when she was done, I’d let her suck you off while I watched.” I had finally found my voice, and I used it to pay him back.

  “Fuck!” His fingers had gone tight on my hips, just as his first shot had gone off. I’d followed right along behind him, my pussy on fire for him as it exploded in waves around him.

  I bit my lip now, to hide the strangled noise I made as the memory played out. My fingers danced on my clit, just right, just like Daniel had done so many times, until my body convulsed, and I had to clench my teeth so I wouldn’t let out the sounds I wanted to make. My eyes closed as pleasure engulfed me. I hadn
’t held back there, in that parking lot, he’d heard every moan and sigh as I’d come all over him, with total abandon.

  I waited until I’d caught my breath, washed my hands, fixed my hair and clothes, and turned to open the door.

  Daniel was there, casually leaning against the wall, his eyes burning with need, but his lips were holding back a smirk.

  “Are you alright, you look flushed?” He asked, and I froze. He knew what I was doing, I don’t know how, but he did.

  “Yes, why?” I asked, and felt my cheeks burn even deeper red. How had he known?

  “Because, like I said, your cheeks are flushed, and I’ve only ever seen you like that after you come.” He came up to me, almost pinning me to the bathroom door. We were alone in the hallway and I stared up at him. “Or do you have a fever, Alayna? Do you need me to drive you home?”

  I swallowed, on the verge of begging him to take me home right now, but then he moved away.

  “By the way,” he leaned in, his lips close to mine. “I heard every second of it as you came.” His eyes drilled into mine, our lips separated only by a breath, before he moved away and left me panting against the door.

  That teasing bastard!

  14

  He called me into his office three days later.

  Everyone else was gone, it was Friday, and nobody was coming in. I’d waited impatiently for this, but I’d decided to give him time, to make a decision of his own. Carry on or truly end it?

  I walked back to his office on steady feet. I was a professional, I could face the music.

  I stood in the doorway, uncertain of whether to go in or not.

  “You wanted me, Daniel?” I said it with an even tone, but I had asked far more than the words relayed.

  He looked away, rather than at me. “I need to know something, Alayna. Why have you been to the bathroom so much lately? Are you ill? Pregnant?”