Vérité

by Rachel Blaufeld

  My feet slipped on the wet pavement in my flimsy shoes, but Tiberius held my hand tightly, convincing me that nothing bad would ever happen to me—ever. Water dripped in my face and trickled into my eyes, and I kept swiping my free hand over them, clearing the way for them to take in all that was Tiberius. Shirtless.

  His muscles moved with grace and ease as we fled toward shelter. Water sluiced down his back, and all I could think about was running my tongue down his traps and up and down his broad shoulders, licking each and every drop, and wishing he would get soaked all over again.

  Damn, I need to get control of my hormones, and fast.

  “Here!” he yelled again as he pulled me into the shelter at the bus stop. “Guess I don’t need a shower now.” He turned to me with a smirk, and I noticed he had a tiny dimple when he smiled. God, he was such a contradiction. A muscular wall of an athlete with a hard body and clearly an iron will, yet a soft heart and the grin of a little boy.

  “Thanks for the quick thinking and the shirt,” I said hesitantly, afraid my lust-filled thoughts would wiggle their way into my words.

  “Sure.” He closed his eyes and ran his long finger across his eyelids, swiping away raindrops. Then he stuck his finger against his eye and removed a contact. “Fuck.”

  “You okay?” I asked, wiping my wet hands on the even wetter back of my shorts.

  “Yeah, my contacts are killing me, but I got nowhere to put them.” He popped the minuscule lens back in his eye, blinking hard as he looked down at me.

  “I feel so short every time I’m with you,” I blurted.

  “Well, you are,” he said with another smirk, revealing more dimple.

  “Not really. Compared to most girls, I’m a giant. Well, except for my two new roommates who play basketball, but I hardly ever see them. They got their own thing going on with their team. They’re tight, I guess.” I went to sit on the bench, but thought better of it. My slick legs would only stick to the aluminum. “I’m kind of a loner too,” I added, trying to make amends for my hot-cold behavior earlier.

  “Really? I hadn’t noticed,” he joked again.

  Just then the bus pulled up and we hopped on, the driver giving Tiberius and his bare chest a dirty look.

  We stood for the ride, holding on to the oh-shit straps hanging from the ceiling as the rain slowed outside. At my stop, I started to say good-bye, but felt Ty’s hand on my lower back pushing me off the bus in front of him.

  “It’s wet and starting to get dark. I’m not gonna let you walk alone,” he whispered into my ear.

  We made it to the front of my building, his hand on my back the whole way. I wanted to keep walking so he didn’t have to take it away.

  “Wanna come up?” I asked, my heart pounding, my mouth its own boss, only taking demands from my racing heart. I stripped off his enormous T-shirt and handed it back quickly before I clutched it to my chest like a toddler holds on to her security blanket.

  The rain had stopped, and tension snaked around our damp bodies as I waited for a reply. Tiberius brushed his knuckles along my cheek and I leaned into them, branding myself with his strength. He didn’t bother putting his shirt back on, and I really needed him to cover up.

  “You remember, I said we all got demons?”

  I nodded, a huge lump of regret lodged in my vocal cords.

  “Well, you got yours and I got mine, and they’re . . . different. And yeah, I wanna be friends with you, Rex, but like I said, I kinda want more. I know you’re hesitating, and if I come upstairs and we make a mistake, then what? Then I don’t even got you as a friend anymore.” His light eyes stared into mine, the moonlight reflecting in their crystalline depths.

  “We’re adults, Tiberius. I don’t think we need commitments or anything like that,” I answered, zipping up my hard shell.

  If I could have a one-night stand or an affair with my teacher, of course I could sleep with a younger guy. So, what gives? I certainly wasn’t going to admit I wanted more, that I yearned for commitment or for someone to love me unconditionally. But I was charged up, thanks to the man in front of me, and for some odd reason I didn’t feel the need to apologize for feeling that way.

  “Well, I do.” His hand continued to stroke my cheek. “You wave your sins around, blaming having a past or some bullshit like that for not getting close. Well, I got no past like that. I got little experience because if it doesn’t mean anything, why bother?”

  I stared at him, waiting for him to change his mind as the floodlight in front of the building cast a warm glow around his body.

  “First we’ll have that dinner like I wanted earlier, then I’ll come up.” He gave me a small smile, then kissed me on my cheek and walked away without another word.

  Little experience? And he wants me?

  Since I’d lost my hiding spot at the Union and Tiberius knew where to find me, I’d gone back to eating in the dining hall with Ginny for the last week and a half. Of course, this meant listening to her constantly giggle over “Bryce this” and “Bryce that.” I had to keep from laughing out loud at what a lovesick puppy she’d become, but she was happy, so I swallowed any negative feelings and smiled at her.

  I had to give it to the guy. Bryce had moves, showing up at her practice with flowers and taking her for romantic Italian dinners in town. As for me, I was running at an excruciating pace, punishing myself with every footfall, and sneaking in and out of study hall with ten minutes to spare on both ends.

  I wasn’t sure if Tiberius was happy with the arrangement or just letting me have my way. We were back to not speaking, and rightfully so. Everything was weird now that he went and called attention to my whorish tendencies. Who the hell was he, some kind of altar boy? Apparently.

  The following Friday, while munching on a few carrots, I half heard Bryce approach our table. “You better eat something more than that, Tingly. You’re fading away to bones with all that running,” he taunted me.

  “Yeah, yeah, Bryce. You just worry about yourself and fitting into those tight spandex pants of yours,” I shot back, returning his sarcasm in earnest.

  He turned to Ginny, saying, “Hey, babe,” and leaned in to kiss the top of her head.

  Blech.

  “What’re you girls up to this weekend? Last weekend before classes, you should live it up a little. Or a lot.” He squeezed in next to Ginny on the bench. He was as wide as Tiberius was tall.

  “Nothing. Running.” That was me.

  Ginny sat quietly, waiting for an invite to whatever Bryce came over to hype up.

  Laying his enormous arms on the table, Bryce said, “Well, good thing, I got something for you to do. Big party over at the Commons Apartments. Saturday, top floor, ten p.m. until the next morning. Gonna be a rager, so come ready to get down.”

  Fireworks were practically going off in his green eyes at the prospect of a rager. God, he reminded me so much of the guys back home, all about booze and babes. And incredibly boring. But Ginny really liked him, so I had to be nice.

  “Not sure, but I’ll sleep on it,” I said, going back to my carrots and eyeing my pasta.

  “Come on, Ting, it’ll be fun. You can’t sit in the dorm all weekend, and you have meets starting soon,” Ginny pleaded, both with her words and her eyes.

  Looks like I’m going to be a wingman again.

  I simultaneously chastised myself for agreeing and consoled myself for having to go as I got dressed for the party on Saturday. I wasn’t wearing anything fancy. Jeans instead of shorts, a navy tank, hoop earrings, and my hair down. That was as dressed up as I got unless my mother had anything to do with it.

  I was slapping on a little makeup, just lip gloss and mascara, when my phone dinged with a text.

  UNKNOWN NUMBER: Hey, stranger! You going to the athletes’ bash tonight at Commons?

  ME: Who is this?

  I don’t know why I even replied. I should have just deleted the text and gone about my business, but curiosity killed the cat.

  UNKNOWN NUM
BER: Ty. You should be careful who your basketball roommates give your number to.

  What? I didn’t even think they knew my full name, let alone had my number.

  ME: Well, when I see them, I’ll let them know.

  TIBERIUS: So, you going?

  ME: Unfortunately.

  TIBERIUS: Me too. Apparently a requirement of the team. Unofficially, of course.

  ME: Well, I’m sure your crew will have fun. I’m going for a bit with my roommate and leaving early.

  TIBERIUS: Maybe you’ll need someone to walk you home?

  ME: Doubtful.

  He didn’t respond, but why should he? My schizophrenic emotional display over the last two weeks was enough to make anyone crazy. If he were smart, he’d leave me alone.

  I wish I could leave him alone.

  Unfortunately for me, Tiberius was standing right by the door when Ginny and I walked into the party, our eyes meeting the instant I crossed the threshold. Surveying the scene, I was secretly happy he was there. The room was thumping with the beat radiating from speakers at both ends of the apartment. I caught a peek of his teammate—the bald one, Jamel?—behind a makeshift DJ table, big cans on his ears, his head bouncing to the beat, and feet shuffling underneath the table. Rap was blaring, the place reeked of pot and beer, and I felt totally out of my element, even though I’d been at college for two years.

  Glancing around, I noticed the dozens of already inebriated willing-and-able girls slurring the lyrics to the song and dancing around the apartment. They belonged here, not me.

  I started to walk forward, a little hesitant to move since I wanted nothing more than to turn around and march right out of there. Two adorable little tennis girls hanging near Tiberius drew my attention. They were practically eye-fucking him and drooling over his biceps—literally, because that’s where they were eye level with his body. He was paying them no mind, chatting and laughing with one of the other guys from that awful morning. One who had thankfully remained quiet.

  Tiberius was clearly not in a hurry to approach me, and I didn’t blame him after my text. On the other hand, I was desperate to see him. His large frame and protective nature called to me, drawing me to him, but I resisted.

  Knowing I either needed some liquid courage or something to numb the jealous pang forming in my gut, I decided to grab a beer. As I headed toward the kitchen, one of the wide receivers went streaking through the hallway, his bits and pieces flapping in the air for everyone to see. I tried to step out of his way but my reflexes weren’t on top of their game, and just as I turned, Mr. Cock-and-Balls collided with me head-on. In all his naked glory, he went falling on top of me, toppling both of us onto the floor. We landed in a crumpled heap, my head in his crotch.

  “Oh shit!” he yelled over the music.

  Mortified, I pushed up and away from the dick in my face, propping all my weight onto one hand on the floor as I ran the other across my face, trying not to puke as I checked for errant pubic hairs. There was clapping and cheering and lots of “Oh my Gods” punctuated with shrill whistles being repeated all around us, all while the music still raged, vibrating the room with the bass beat.

  Mindful of how bad this looked, I held my hand over my face, expecting at any moment for someone to snap a picture. That would make my humiliation complete, and would transform this incident from a horrible memory to something that lived forever on the Internet.

  “You okay?” the naked idiot next to me asked just as I felt hands slip under my arms, lifting me away from the fiasco.

  Ginny was saying something like, “You okay, Ting? Ting?” but I couldn’t fully hear her because there was another voice swimming in my ear.

  “Christ, Rex, you okay? I’m gonna take you out of here,” came out all breathless from behind me as I was pushed from behind toward the exit.

  I wriggled against his grip a little, wanting to walk out on my own, but he wouldn’t let up on his hold around my shoulders.

  “I’m fine, Tiberius. Let go,” I huffed out.

  Ignoring me, he just kept walking and threw a peace sign up in the air for our audience as we left the apartment.

  “Please, let go. I’m embarrassed enough as it is,” I said through clenched teeth.

  “Tingly, wait!” Ginny called after me, running up and grabbing me from behind.

  “Please, Gin, let go,” I said as tears burned my eyes.

  She released me and I turned to face her, mentally ordering my eyes to stay dry.

  “I’m good.” I stood stock-still, worried that any movement might set off the emotions racking through my body.

  “Sure? Where are you going? And who’s this?” she demanded.

  “Hey, I’m Tiberius,” he answered for me. “Rex and I got study hour together.”

  “Rex?” she said, looking up at him with her freckled brow all scrunched up in confusion.

  “Yeah, Rex. This one is a real tough one, you know what I mean. A carnivore. Almost ate me alive a few times,” he joked, tilting his head toward me.

  As for me, I was as stiff as a statue, afraid to even move a muscle in my jaw.

  “Well, I don’t know you,” she told him sternly, then turned to me. “You okay with going with him, Ting?”

  Clearing my throat, I said, “Uh-huh. This is Tiberius, my freshman friend from study hour.” I don’t know why I added that—probably more for myself than anyone else—a healthy reminder of our boundaries. As if those ever stopped me in the past.

  “That’s me, her freshman friend. Come on, Rex.” He threw his arm around my shoulders again and guided me toward the elevator, the music becoming fainter with each step.

  Uncomfortable silence while waiting outside elevators was becoming a theme of ours. I wasn’t going to be the one to break it. I’d thrown myself at him a few nights before, and he’d walked away. He needed it to mean something, and I demanded it mean nothing, although I was starting to suspect that was a lie.

  “Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” he finally asked, breaking the ice.

  “Just mortified,” I answered honestly.

  “No one will even remember tomorrow.”

  The bell dinged. We moved into opposite sides of the car, and the doors slid shut. Tiberius reached out to press the button for the lobby, but instead pulled the stop.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, my thoughts wild.

  He stepped toward me until his body was flush against mine, my back now melded to the wall, and he kissed me. His lips landed on mine without any further notice. They were soft to the touch but rough in their pursuit. The kiss was bruising and punishing, heavy with weeks’ worth of longing. When you’re our age, fantasizing for weeks is like wanting something for years.

  “You sure you’re okay?” he said into my mouth.

  I nodded.

  “We should have gone to eat instead of this party. How many times are you going to make me ask? How many weeks do I gotta wait?”

  “I’ve never done that stuff before.”

  “What? Eat?”

  A giggle bubbled up in my throat, and his lips came back to mine.

  His hardness pressed against my abdomen, and I tried to rub myself up against him like a dog in heat. In response, he pulled his hips back a bit, denying me any further friction. He was sending a silent, but serious message that this was more than a quickie in the elevator.

  I opened my mouth to protest and he slipped his tongue inside, curling it with mine, and I realized he was right. When I slowed my hormones and actually let myself be in the moment with Tiberius, my body flooded with unfamiliar feelings. Not just want or desire, but something else. Affection of some sort, and I wanted to feel it deeper, not simply to get off, but to embrace what was happening between us.

  Desperately trying to get him back closer, I wriggled while my arms made a futile attempt to pull him close again. But he was too big, too determined to stay in control, and too headstrong. His hands gathered mine and stretched my arms above my head, securing me, then he pr
essed a gentle closed-mouth kiss to my lips. There was no tongue and no grinding, yet it was the most sensual kiss I’d ever experienced.

  His lips broke free from mine before he whispered, “This means something, T. I’m not having a quick fuck in an elevator.”

  I shook my head. Dazed, I glanced at the aluminum wall across from me, catching my reflection, and saw myself for who I truly was: a disheveled, desperate coed. I continued to shake my head, unsure if I wanted to knock some sense into my brain, rid myself of the nasty image I’d seen, or both.

  “Yeah, it does, babe,” he whispered, then ran his lips over my cheek and down my neck before his tongue traced a trail over my clavicle. “It does,” he repeated and dropped my arms. He released me and walked over toward the wall and pushed the stop button, the elevator jerking to move again.

  The second the elevator doors opened enough, I slipped through them and ran, picking up my pace as I barreled through the exit and out to the street. It didn’t matter that I was wearing sandals rather than running shoes, I went as fast as I could, ignoring the pieces of gravel that flew up, cutting my feet.

  “Tingly, don’t run,” Tiberius said as he caught up with me, easily keeping pace next to me. Even with my speed and endurance, I was no match for him.

  “Let me do what I want,” I tossed back at him.

  “No.”

  “Why?” It came out breathless, but I wasn’t winded.

  He swerved closer and caught me in his arms, stopping my forward motion. As if I weighed nothing, he lifted me and stood me on top of his feet so we were closer to eye level.

  “Because two people don’t kiss like that and it not mean shit,” he spat at me, keeping me in his grip.

  A little crowd of onlookers gathered to watch us—the jilted coed and her new beau. Annoyed at their interest, I realized they probably saw mostly our differences, both in race and perceived age, since Tiberius was a freshman and me a supposed junior.