“You’re clean, right?” I ask.
He nods. “I asked them to check me up thoroughly in the hospital. Totally spotless.”
I grin. “Good. Me too.”
My head drifts closer to his shaft and I start to kiss it. Each peck makes him shiver with delight. My tongue comes out and swivels across the length. Jack lets his head rest against the wall and lets out an exasperated sigh. He’s giving up. Good.
I wrap my lips around the head, and his eyes jerk open. Right as I let him slip inside, he watches me. His eyes hungry, aching for more. I try to go as slow as possible, but my excitement is getting the better of me. I’m not far away from frenzy. He tastes good, especially after this shower, and his hotness is mind-blowing. I want him, more and more. I can’t stop.
He does it for me.
His fingers dig into my skin as he pulls me by my shoulders. “Please,” he says.
I leave little licks on his cock, and it makes him hiss. But still, he keeps nudging me closer. He leans in and rests his head on my forehead. His lips find a way to mine, and I can feel the desperation seep from him.
In between the kissing, he takes quick breaths and forms a slur of words. “I want you.”
“Yes,” I mutter. “I want you, too. Let me do this.”
Jack pulls me closer and upwards. “No, I want to feel you. I want to be in you. Please, let me be inside you.”
He drags me up to my feet and tugs me closer. I know what he means, what he wants. He needs to be with me, to feel my body, my heart, to be connected with me. Not just in a physical way. Just giving head could never provide that. Having him inside me could.
So I lift his cock and slowly dip down. As his tip pushes inside me, I gasp, and he lets out a moan. His muscles are hard and constrained, probably because it’s hard for him to hold back. To stop himself from completely ravaging me. I want him to do it, though.
I lower myself farther and feel the width of his cock inside me, filling me perfectly. The sizeable length still catches me off guard, because I’m used to so much less than this. It’s quite arousing.
When I settle down on his lap, he gazes into my eyes and licks his lips. Being so close to him, so joined, makes me feel whole, but so unprotected at the same time. To me, this is the ultimate form of trust. To be in this position, so bare, both fragile, means that you give each all you are. That you show your weakness and your desires. Your nooks and dimples. The scars on your body. Each and every flaw exhibited. Your face the way it contorts as you come undone. The most precious things are hidden in the deepest crooks of your heart and mind, and they get spilled during this awe inducing intense connection.
And I want to give him my all.
With his hands on my butt, I let his slick cock slide in and out of me. He uses his lips to nip my breasts as I undulate on top of him. He treats them with care, and licks them feverishly as I moan in delight.
Jack does so many things to me. He makes me feel safe, wanted. Makes me think I’m sexy. With him I feel beautiful, and my insecurities vanish. With him I feel loved.
I twirl my fingers through his long brown hair and lick my lips. His fingers dig into my skin, and my head drops back to enjoy this rhythmic rocking we’re doing. My breasts go up and down, and when one of them grazes his lips I’m dying inside.
His cock is pulsing inside me, and I love the way he feels. As if I’m finally complete.
Jack lifts his head and settles his lips on mine. His hot mouth is making me feel delirious, and when he groans inside my mouth I explode.
The convulsions between my thighs set him off, too, and he releases inside me. His warmth fills me up with delicious cream as he pushes me down on his cock once more. I love it how we both just let it go. How I could see the desperation, the need, the desire inside his dark eyes as he came inside me.
Pursing his lips, exhausted breaths come from his nose, and his eyes are closed. He buries his head in my chest and wraps his arms around me, securing me. I’m so close to him, I can feel his heartbeat against my chest, pounding feverishly as if he’s just run a marathon and I’m the finish line.
His fingers slip smoothly over my skin, every touch sending shivers through my body. One of them rests on the nape of my neck and the other on my spine. He’s holding me close, so tenderly, so full of love, and it makes me want to smother him with kisses and hugs.
He sighs. “Fuck … I’m—”
“Don’t say you’re sorry,” I interrupt him. “Don’t ever say you’re sorry. Ever.”
He exhales slowly and looks up at me. Those dark brown eyes of his still mesmerize me and make me fall apart.
“But I’m a wreck.”
“So am I, but this is not a pity fuck, and I don’t want to hear you say it. I wanted this, too. It’s not just you who has needs. I want you, too.”
One eyebrow plucks upward. “You want me?”
The way he says it makes me blush. It’s as if he’s asking me to give in. To tell him that I want this to be more. That I want to be his. Not just in bed, but everywhere.
I get off his lap, but he grabs my wrist and stands up, too. He closes in on me, and now we’re both under the shower again, hot water pouring down on our heads.
“Tell me,” he says. “I wanna hear it.”
“Yes, I want you,” I say, swallowing away my pride. “But I want all of you, and I know that’s not possible right now, but I’m okay with that. For now. But don’t you say sorry. There is nothing to be sorry about. Our sex is nothing to be sorry about.”
Jack lets go of my wrist. “Oh, I don’t regret this. None of this.” He inches closer and leaves a small peck on the left corner of my lip, so soft, it almost tickles. “Nor this.” His kiss drags to the center of my lips and he leaves another quick peck. “I only regret not being able to give you more.”
I gasp at his words and his sweet kisses that are setting me ablaze again.
“I want you, Amy. I want to be with you, but I want to take it slow, too. I want to know this is right, and not feel ashamed when I do this, when I make love to you. To know that it’s okay to move on and love someone else. To love you.” He gazes into my eyes with a fiery passion. “I don’t want you to have to deal with a fucked up guy like me, but I don’t want you to leave either.”
“I don’t care about all that. I want it to be you, Jack. I don’t want anyone else anymore,” I whisper, and my breath is caught in my throat.
Water drops drip down his long hair and make him look so goddamn sexy. He inhales close to my mouth, as if he’s trying to suck out the words. Every inch of my love.
“Please tell me you won’t leave,” he lisps against my mouth. “Even if I’m such a fucking mess. I need you …”
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pull him closer, setting my mouth on his. With a kiss I tell him that I’m not going anywhere. My career is on hold, but I don’t mind. Jack has given me so much more than I could wish for, and I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to lose him. Besides, it’s not like there is anything else out there for me. Jack’s the only thing I got going for me now, and I don’t intend to let him slip away.
Chapter 5
Jack
I hand her one of my white tees and watch her put it on. It’s way too big for her, but the oversized cotton looks good on her. Somehow the idea of having her wear my things makes me want to grab her, throw her onto my bed, and fuck her all night long.
Shit, things are getting serious now.
Every waking thought I spend thinking about her pretty face and her nice curves. Putting my lips on her mouth and lick her entire body. Hmm … and those nice big titties.
Yep, I’m definitely fucked now.
I can’t believe she has this effect on me. She makes me tremble with need, and I don’t like it one bit. Well, I do like how she riles me up, but still, it’s not something I’m proud of.
Can I really do this?
Can I really move on and love her?
I want to. I want to
so badly, it’s making me chew on the inside of my cheek, and I never do that. Ever.
Fuck, that was good. As my thoughts drift off to her and what she did to me under the shower, makes my lips curl into a vicious smile. She’s really skilled with her mouth and tongue. Hmm … And the way her tight pussy clenched around my cock still gets me stiff just from thinking about it.
And it’s true; I don’t regret a goddamn thing. I am not sorry for having sex with her. I’m just sorry for not being able to forget about Rose. I’m not sure I want to, actually. But maybe I don’t have to. Maybe I can just love both of them. And make love with the one that is here. Amy … hmmm, I’d love to fuck her some more. I’m definitely planning on doing that.
I just hope she accepts me for the way I am, for all the misery that’s me. And that she’ll be a part of my life without making it more difficult than it already is.
Who am I kidding? Of course she’s going to make it tough.
Snorting, I put on my sweatpants.
I know I said I’d stop drinking, but I’m not sure if I can hold up that promise. Sure, I can replace the alcohol with sex, that might be a way to kill the pain, but I doubt that’s healthy. And seriously, I do not want to build a relationship based on that.
Amy gets into the bed and invites me in with her. I can’t help but smirk at her coy smile, and crawl in with her. Wrapping my arms around her, she buries her head in my chest and nuzzles me. It feels comforting to me, too, in a strange way. As if I have to protect her, because she’s all I have. Of course, I have Madeline, but that’s not the same. This is a possessive kind of guarding, as if I want to make her stay here and not let her leave. That she’s mine and mine alone to keep.
Her fingers trail across my bruises, and I try not to wince. I don’t want to show her that it hurts, because I don’t want her to feel bad about it. I know she feels guilty because of what happens. She thinks it’s her fault, but I was the one who ran away from her. I needed some time alone to think, and it ended up with me driving off a cliff. Granted, it wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, it still happened. I can’t erase the past. I can’t make her forget what she saw.
God, it must’ve been horrible to find me like that. I know it must be. I’ve been through the same thing myself.
“I’m so glad I got to you in time,” she says, and she wraps her arms around me, squeezing me to death.
I nod. “Me too.”
“So … you really didn’t do it on purpose?” she asks, her eyes big and watery.
Oh, shit. No, don’t go crying on me now. “No, it was an accident. I told you, a deer crashed into my car.”
“Kind of cruel that it ended up being the exact same spot as when your wife …” she swallows those last words away, but I know what she means.
“Tell me about it.”
“Do you remember what happened?” she asks. “I mean, when I saved you, you don’t remember being pulled up?”
“Nope, nothing. Like I said, my mind went blank right after the truck hit the water. I must’ve hit my head, but I’m glad I did. I don’t want to remember something that awful.”
My muscles are all tensed up just from talking about it. I don’t like it one bit.
She sniffs and pushes her fingers into my skin, holding onto me, as if she’s afraid of losing me again.
It’s quiet for some time. I’m guessing she noticed I don’t like talking about the accident. Or my wife, for that matter. Remembering is easy. Forgetting, that’s hard. I don’t want to be reminded of what I’ve done or what I’ve lost. To be reminded of those eyes as I saw her drown in the water before me. There is no way to change the past and I intend to stop living for it, starting right now.
There’s someone knocking on the door, and we both jolt up. It’s Ben.
“Kinda late, Jack. Think I’ll head home now. I’ll leave her here with you, if that’s okay.” He puts down Madeline.
“Thank you, Ben. I really appreciate all your help.”
“Don’t mention it. Anything for this little princess over here,” he says, and he pinches her cheeks, making her giggle.
“Cya,” he says, and he turns around.
“Bye Uncle Benny!” Maddy says.
“Cya, kiddo.” Ben ruffles her hair with his big hand.
“Thanks. I owe you one!” I say as Ben walks down the stairs.
“Many,” Ben yells before we hear the door close behind him.
Madeline runs to my bed and clambers onto it like a cat jumping onto a pillow.
“I want to sleep in your bed, daddy.”
She scrambles closer, pushes us aside, and plops down in between us. She nestles her way under the blanket and pulls it up to her nose. Amy and I briefly glance at each other, and I can’t help but grin.
She looks at me, raises a finger, then looks at Amy, raises another finger, and then looks at herself and raises another. “Now we’re with three!” she says, smiling widely because she counted right.
“Yes! Good job, Maddy,” Amy says, and she pokes Madeline.
Amy lifts the blanket and lies down. I lie down, too, and put my arm around Maddy, which she grabs like a protective barrier between her and the world.
“Only daddy and I sleep here together,” Madeline says.
I roll my eyes. What’s she up to now?
“And mommy, when she was still here.”
Just hearing the word ‘mommy’ come from her mouth makes my stomach turn.
I close my eyes, trying to get her to see that everyone wants to sleep so she’ll stop talking. Amy has hers closed, too, so I guess she’s tired as well.
“Will you be my new mommy?” Madeline suddenly says.
My heart stops beating for a second. I gaze at Amy, whose eyes jerk open. Her face contorts.
“What? No, uhh…” I stammer. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. I can’t explain to a three year old how complicated relationships are.
Amy makes an effort to smile at Maddy. “Maybe, but that’s grown up talk, Maddy.” She pats Maddy’s head, and then turns around with her back toward us, blocking us out. I’d love to do the same with questions like these, but I’m the father, so I have no choice.
“But you’re here and we’re all in bed. Why can’t you be my mommy?” she says. Her little voice and the words she speaks tear that gash in my heart wide open.
“Shhh,” I say to her, and I cuddle up closer to her, so she might take the hint. “Time to sleep now, Maddy.”
“I want her to be my mommy,” she mutters.
“Not now. We’re all tired. You too,” I say, when I see her yawn. “Go to sleep. We’ll talk about it later.”
Of course, later probably means never. I have no idea how to handle this situation. But just thinking about having Amy as a mommy to Madeline is freaking me out. The thought of having her replace my wife is not something I want to imagine. I can’t. It’s not possible.
***
Finally had a good night’s rest. I don’t know why, but I’m guessing it’s because Amy was with me. She has this calming effect on me. The only one who can help me get to sleep. I don’t want to think of what that actually means.
We’re working our asses off, feeding the animals, cleaning the pens, and making sure to check them all up. I’m glad I finally feel like my old self again after almost drowning, because work’s piled up. Ben’s been doing all the chores on his own, and I have no idea how he managed to do it. The barn also needs to be fixed, since I found a leak. Luckily, I have Amy to help me by holding the ladder while I go up.
Madeline’s doing her part too, swiping the floors clean, and finding lost tools. I love how she wants to help out, even though she has no idea what she’s doing. It’s kind of endearing, though I have the same feelings when I watch Amy try to brush the horses. It makes me chuckle just thinking about all the hassle she makes of it.
When I’m done with the roof and walk down the ladder again, Amy’s frowning, and she’s looking down. It’s almost as if a cloud h
as just formed above her head. I know there’s something bothering her. She hasn’t really spoken much at all since yesterday, and I’m thinking there’s something on her mind she doesn’t want to talk about. Or at least not yet. I hope it’s not something to do with me. I hate it when that happens, because it’s never good.
“Something wrong?” I say, wiping the sweat from my forehead.
She just sighs and shrugs. Right, this must be one of those things chicks do a lot. Not talk, but speak in cryptic movements that are so fucking confusing. As if they want us to read their minds or something.
I put my hand on her shoulder and it seems to pull her out of her daydream, because she suddenly looks up at me, startled, as if she’s surprised that I’m touching her. “C’mon, tell me. I know you’re not telling something, and you can’t fool me into thinking you’re all right. So spill it.”
She folds her arms and leans sideways against the barn. “I don’t know … it’s just that I still haven’t talked to Nicole. I’ve been so busy with what happened to you, and … well, you know.”
I had hoped we could avoid talking about my accident, but I guess she still thinks about it. Must be bothering her a lot.
“I told her I would think about our band together,” she says.
“And?”
“I still haven’t decided. That’s the problem.” She bites her lip. “I just … miss it.” The pause between her sentences and words make me think she’s leaving a whole lot out. What doesn’t she want me to hear?
I lick my lip as I mull about the situation. I have no idea what to do with this information. It’s as if she wants my input, but she doesn’t want it at the same time. Maybe I’m just a sounding board and she needs to vent something, but I’m sure there’s more to it than that. She’s just not telling.
Rubbing her forehead, she says, “Look, your sister offered me to come play at the bar some time. Do you think I could do that tonight? I really want to make some music again. You know, play for the crowd.”
Blissful volume 3 (New Adult Romance) Page 4
