Falling for the Au Pair

by Mia Petrova

  It had days though, that I couldn’t avoid her even if I wanted to. After work, I often found her at the living room watching TV with Rachel, or reading to her. This day in particular I found them both on the couch, with Rachel’s sleepy head on Audrey’s lap while she ran her long fingers through my daughter’s hair as she held and read a very thick book.

  The moment her eye found me above the book cover, she smiled.

  “Had a nice day, Mister Abram?”

  Her sweet voice penetrating my head was enough to make me be with her for the next hundred years of my life. “Lovely. Thank you.”

  Holding my briefcase, I locked the door behind me and went for the bedroom where I changed for a pair of comfortable clothes. Then I went to the kitchen and had a bite to eat. Trying not to think about Audrey was hard, mainly because she walked in to have a drink of water. While I was there, eating my dinner, her curves took me hostage.

  Her jeans hugged her legs perfectly, especially her hips. Her black top revealed a pair of breasts that couldn’t belong to a girl, but to a young woman. They could fill my entire hands, I thought with a sigh. Holy Hell, she was going to be the death of me.

  Clearing my throat, to avoid any more naughty thoughts, I decided to take a different approach. “How’s Rachel doing?”

  Then, her complete attention was directed at me. Maybe it was a bad idea starting a conversation, because I enjoyed having her watching me the way that she was.

  “She’s an amazing girl,” she said, sitting right in front of me while I ate. “We attached to each other pretty fast, and…” she stopped talking for a few seconds and gave a look around, as if noticing we were totally alone. I saw her frown and look down. I would give anything to have known her thoughts right there. “Well, her grades are higher than the usual and her teachers told me she’s been making friends and are liking her changes.” At the end, she was smiling, as if she couldn’t help herself of how proud she was.

  “The moment I saw your profile, I felt it in my guts you were the right fit with us,” I said, revealing a smile. Maybe the first genuine smile for a very long time.

  Audrey stayed silent for a moment, gazing at me. I didn’t mind her gaze, but it was her surprised expression that made me curious about what she was thinking.

  “You picked my profile? I-I thought it was Gloria.” For some reason her voice showed how anxious she suddenly was.

  “She handed me a full basket of papers. Of them all, I chose you, yes.” Fully committed to our conversation now, I stopped eating and relaxed my back on the chair, and gazed at her while she looked puzzled. “I saw your full history with children. And your recommendations were the best I’ve read.”

  “But when I arrived you didn’t know who I was. In my profile, there’s everything about me, even my picture.”

  She was right, of course. But after a while reading all those papers, especially when you’re tired as hell, I began to read just the part that truly mattered – the full histories, the recommendations, and all the professional bits.

  “I skip it, to be honest. In my head, I thought you were going to be a sixty-year-old woman.”

  And just like that, she started laughing. Her smile illuminating her entire face, making her more stunning than she already was. God, her laugh. That noise sent electrical sparks all over the tiny endings of my body. She made me feel alive again.

  “The year limit is thirty years old,” she said while trying to contain her laugh.

  “I didn’t even know how Gloria found this program. I didn’t know anything about it.”

  No longer laughing, Audrey still smiled. “A sixty-year-old Au Pair, though. Wow, that would have been a great picture.”

  As easy as rain, a laugh escaped from my throat. It was odd at first, since I couldn’t even remember how it even felt. But it was good how we were both sitting there, laughing with her as if best friends.

  When we cooled off a few seconds later, I risked a bold question. “Since is out there that I didn’t read you complete profile, how old are you?”

  “I’ll be twenty-seven in four months,” she replied, looking timid all of a sudden, and blushing a little.

  I frowned. “Really? I thought you were younger.” I didn’t want to say that, but then it was too late. When she only shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal at all, I relaxed. Then, I felt as though a huge weight was lifted from my chest. I thought she was in the early twenties, but being in her late ones only made her more and entirely more attractive to me. “Married? Kids?”

  When she nodded, happily, I thought I was going to die. But then, as if noticing my distress, she hurried herself to explain. “No, I’m not married. I don’t have kids of my own, but I got kids from the schools I used to teach.” She took a deep breath as her eyes disconnected with mine for a brief moment. “It’s weird how children under eight always become my best friends. Maybe it’s because of their innocence and how they see the world as this amazing, gratifying, endless possibilities. Nothing is impossible for them. They dream in infinities and only see the good in everything. They don’t judge you from who you are or what you chose to be in life.”

  Those last words struck me, but more importantly, she crashed into me like hot lava. In that moment, when she didn’t even gaze at my direction, her face was strikingly gorgeous. It was as though she had just bared her soul to me. And what I saw was extraordinary and dazzling. She was unique in so many ways I couldn’t even explain it.

  Audrey blinked, as if she was back from the place she was in. “Sorry,” she said and smiled. “Sometimes I just say things that-”

  “I adore everything you say. For me, you could talk for ages and I wouldn’t even mind.” There, something else I was not permitted to say and somehow I did. The smile she gave, though, was worth every word of it. Clearing my throat, I said, “What about you? Are you adjusting well with us?”

  “There’s no place I’d rather be,” she replied without even thinking about it. It was right there in the tip of her tongue.

  God, gazing at her, right there, I never wanted someone so much in my entire existence.

  The forth week was the hardest. I was stressed out because of too much work and the case that was attached to me even when I was asleep.

  Then, it came a day that everything just fell apart.

  The pressure on my back as lead detective in a murder case is something that not all men are up for it. I was arriving home early when I spotted the father of my murder victim waiting for me in my front lawn. I knew the girls were on the park, so I felt relieved.

  “Hey, Thomas,” the man murmured, looking anxious and out of control.

  Getting out of the car, I said, “You know you can’t be here, Matt.”

  “It’s taking too long!” Matt screamed, the anxiety making him unstable. “He killed my lad. That bastard killed my lad!” He pointed away, as if the murder was right there where they could reach. In that instant, I realized he held a gun. “Why didn’t you arrest him yet?”

  “I’m doing what I can,” I tried saying with a calm voice, but then I heard Rachel’s laughter and Audrey’s singing. They were coming and soon they would be reaching the house.

  There wasn’t anything I could do in such a short period of time. I thought about jumping to Matt, to take his gun away, but it could as easily make the gun fire in the struggle. A few seconds later, I saw the two of them; hand in hand, singing some cute, adorable lullaby. They never looked more innocent.

  “Look, daddy’s here,” I heard Audrey say with a smile, not realizing the danger.

  When Rachel made a move to run to me, I quickly raised my arm and told her to stop. Maybe it was how hard my expression marked my face, because Audrey was quick to pick up Rachel. I saw when she noticed the man in front of me had a gun. Her eyes went bigger at the same time her hold on Rachel grew tighter.

  “If you’re not going after him, I’m killing him myself!” Matt yelled, waving his gun in every direction he could, even to Rachel and
Audrey’s direction.

  “Hey, hey, I’m going there now myself. Let’s go there together. How’s that?” I said, taking a few steps closer to Matt.

  “Thomas.” I didn’t like Audrey’s scared voice.

  “Just go inside, honey. And wait for me,” I said while entering their line of vision when Audrey ran inside the house, to safety.

  It was in the car, when I was taking Matt to the precinct, that I realized I had called Audrey honey. It felt intimate and real. I liked it.

  I loved it, actually.

  When I got home a few hours later, exhausted in a way I’ve never been before, Audrey welcomed me. I didn’t even had time to lock the door behind me when a strong pair of arms were around my neck. It was our first touch, and it was overwhelming. I stood there, unmoving, tired as hell as Audrey hugged me. For a few seconds I closed my eyes. Her body against mine was too good to pull away.

  And so I didn’t.

  Her smell of lilies assaulted my nose and I instantly felt calm.

  Her hands moved to the back of neck as her forehead rested on my temple. “Are you okay?” she whispered. That voice installing itself inside my chest like it was made to be there.

  “I said once you shouldn’t worry about me,” I murmured back, my eyes finding Rachel sleeping in the couch.

  I felt Audrey nodding against my right cheek, her warmth taking over me and overloading my senses. I didn’t even move. My arms were dead next to my body, unable to hold her back because I was too afraid that the moment I did let go, it wouldn’t have a way to turn back.

  Audrey’s lips touched my chin, sending chills all over my body and making an erection that would take forever to come back from.

  “I’m so glad you’re okay,” she said, her breath invading mouth and my nose.

  I couldn’t look at her, it was too much. “I need to take a shower. Take Rachel to bed,” I didn’t want to sound so hard, but maybe I was. I disentangled myself from her and went straight to the bathroom, where not even a cold shower would solve my problem.

  Chapter Three

  He had called me honey while a man with a gun was standing right in front of him. Even though the situation was horrible, and the waiting for him to come home was even worse, was it wrong to be happy with something so small and trivial?

  I’ve never been more happy when I saw him enter the front door, in which was why I couldn’t control my emotions, not even my body. I was so glad he was okay, safe and sound, and in one piece that it was too much for me. I threw my arms around him, rested my worried face on his temple and kissed him in such an intimate way. He didn’t return any of my gestures, didn’t even held me, and right after, he went away. I wasn’t going to lie…it hurt. I shouldn’t even have done that, and still I had wanted something in return.

  I was ready to cry, that’s how embarrassed and stupid I felt. But one look at Rachel made me swallow all that inside. I picked her up and went to the hallway. I passed the bathroom, where I could hear the water running and stopped for a second. Thomas was in there, naked. The water was probably cascading down his hard muscles behind that door. And even though he didn’t feel the same way about me, I wanted to go in there and be with him.

  How crazy was I?

  Resting Rachel’s sleepy tiny body to her bed made me calm and at peace. I kissed her on the forehead and went straight to my bedroom, where a long night would take place.

  *****

  After a long and cold shower, I went to take care of some things around the house. I didn’t want to go to bed, I needed to keep moving. After half an hour, I was in Rachel’s room, watching her sleep as a little angel she truly was. And she was sleeping there, safe and sound, because of Audrey. Audrey who had turned around when the gun was raised at their direction. She protected Rachel, as she was protecting her every day. Giving and filling her with life again.

  Without knowing how, my steps lead me to her room.

  There she was. Sleeping in the darkness while her ginger hair glowed with the little light the moon provided. I walked and sat on the bed, watching her as a need too strong filled every muscle in my body. I wanted to be strong, to move away. I wanted to have the strength to turn her away from me forever. But…

  She was light and joy.

  A diamond so bright that outshined even the sun.

  She was life itself.

  *****

  Feeling a weight on the right side of my bed, I woke up to find Thomas. I couldn’t see his face, only blackness. I knew it was him because I knew the shape of his body.

  “Mister Abram, is Rachel okay?” I asked, sleepy, while scrubbing my eyes.

  I heard him take a very deep breath. “Yeah. Sure. Rachel’s okay,” he whispered, almost inaudibly.

  I found that strange – his voice, the way he had entered my room, how he was sitting there without moving a single muscle. I couldn’t see his face, but I could feel his stare on me. And then there was the way his deep breathing filled the silence of my room, making my heart speed faster.

  “I shouldn’t have come here,” he said, with a fake laugh. He turned his face and I saw his profile. God, he was just perfect and had all the right lines. “Rachel’s okay. I just wanted to make sure you were okay and I found you sleeping. I apologize. It won’t happen again.”

  He stood and took a step toward the door. Without knowing what came over me, I left the bed and found his hand, in which was cold. There was no reason for him to be that cold, he was in the shower the last time I saw him.

  A moaned escaped my throat, one that didn’t pass unnoticed.

  Thomas stopped, lowered his head to where my hand still touched his own and then my eyes finally met his. It was dark, but there was the light’s moon creping through the window, passing through the curtains. And his eyes, God, his eyes looked haunted. Like he was in pain but didn’t want to say anything. As if he didn’t want to let anyone know the true depths of his soul. I knew him enough to know he was a strong man. A man who would take the world’s pain inside himself before it could hurt anyone else.

  “What about you, Mister Abram? Are you okay? You’re so cold,” I whispered, looking up because of how taller he was.

  “You’ve been living in my home for four weeks now, Audrey. Please call me by my name,” he murmured back with that deep voice. And there was the accent. Jesus Christ, the accent. Only his voice, with a few words, made things to me. I could feel my entire body screaming for release. For his touch. His kisses. Everything burned.

  Without realizing, my thumb had started to make circles on his rough hand. “Sure, Thomas,” I said with a little smile when I found my breath.

  My heart pounded in my chest while I continued to touch his hand, sweat soon mingling because of how different our temperatures were. But the greatest assault wasn’t of how I was touching him in such an intimate way, it was how he was gazing at me. I’ve never seen him like that. As if he was trying to control a beast inside himself. His gaze went to my eyes, to my lips and my collarbone, as though he didn’t know where to look first or if he was trying to figure out what to do or where to touch. We stood there, in the middle of my room, in the complete darkness, gazing at each other for I don’t know how long. It could have been years and still it would’ve not been enough.

  “Stop that,” he said after an eternity of gazing, wanting, needing.

  His nose almost touching mine, I made myself say, “Stop what?”

  “You know well what.”

  Finally realizing I was still making circles on his hand, I lowered my head to ours hands and stopped the movement. In that moment I thought about why he just didn’t move away and why he asked for me to stop it. He could easily just turned away.

  Hearing his rapid breathing directly in my ear sent chills throughout my entire lustful body. “What if I don’t want to stop?” I asked, lifting my head and being inches away from his lips.

  Hearing my words, Thomas closed his eyes, turned his head from me and took a deep breath. “Please
, don’t.”

  “Don’t what?” In an involuntary movement, my hands went to his chest, resting on a wall of pure muscle. “God, why are you so cold?” I asked again, not letting him answer my first question.

  “I-I was outside. I took the thrash away,” he murmured, still not looking at me. A few seconds passed without any of us say anything. I only stood there gazing at his neck with this intense feeling of kissing that glorious and inviting skin while he still looked away with his shallow breathing. I loved the way his chest moved against me. With a slow movement, I placed my palm right on his heart, where hard thumps made the hairs on my body stand up. “Is that what you do?” The sound came strong, startling me.

  “Do what?”

  Finally turning his face to me, inches from my lips, he said, “Seduce the father of the children you take care of.”

  It was like a kick to the stomach, a knife on the back or a slap in the face – just pick one. Ever so slowly, I slid my hands from him. Without taking eye contact, I tried my best to not let it show how he had affected me. I left my face blank.

  “This is my first time as an Au Pair,” I whispered. “I surely told you…” and then my voice broke. “…that, Mister Abram.”

  Silence.

  One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi.

  “I apology-”

  “I’ve just never-” we said at the same time. I swallowed and when he didn’t make a move to say anything, I went for it. “I’ve never felt something like this before. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” I pretty much said it to his chest. It was difficult to say something like that to his face where seconds ago he had practically verbally assaulted me.

  “Never felt what before?”